Running. Leaping. Sprinting. Panting, sobbing, a stitch developing in my side, furiously wiping away my tears. Briars rip at my skin and shirt, drawing blood, stinging intensely but I shove the pain down, overcome with a different kind of pain. I burst through the tears, racing across the field at the edge of the cliffs. I hit the breaks before I go flying over the cliff edge of the Vale. I pause, peering over the edge of the cliff, staring at the icy waves below, smashing into the rocks. Rain chills me to the bone and wind whips around me, pulling at my clothes and hair, stinging my skin. I glance up at the moon, close my eyes, tilt my head back, hold out my arms and take a step towards the end. Almost...almost...
"Stop!" The cry rips through the air, piercing the thick silence. I whirl round, my eyes snapping open. Dervish and Juni stood twenty foot away, their hands outstretched towards me and faces contorted with pain. Dervish was visibly upset whereas Juni was wearing her most enigmatic counsellor face but I could tell a thousand different things were running through her head. Dervish took a step closer, fear flitting across his face, murmuring quietly, "Why Grubbs? Come away from the edge and tell me, I...we... can help you. Just tell us, please don't do this!" He calls.
"You can't help me! I'm beyond saving! Everything ends eventually! Just go away! Go home!" I yell, more tears coming from my eyes than I ever thought imaginable, "You say you can help me but you can't! And I don't want you to see this cos' you won't understand! I'm dead anyways! I don't want to hurt anyone! I was always dead from the start, I wasn't going to live past my teens, you must of known that because even I had doubts. First Gret then Bill-E, they both became werewolves, I'm the middle child, I always was doomed the minute Bill-E changed! And I know this will be hard but it'll be easy!" I sob, edging closer to the edge. Dervish comes closer, slowly, Juni right behind him. His eyes dart up to the sky and mine follow. The moon is almost full, and getting higher in the sky.
"We can save you, we only have your best interests at heart." Juni whispers.
"I don't need saving! It's too late!" I snarl then double over in excruciating pain. I grab my head tightly in both hands, my fingers curling inwards and scream. Fire shooting through my body, burning my veins, drying out my muscles. All I see is darkness, in and out moments, flashes of lights then black. Warm arms scoop me up and wind rushes past me like someone running. The pain is overwhelming, it's like another body is forcing it's way out of mine. I scream, clawing at my face and head, tugging at my clothes, sweating heavily. It drips from my face, out my hair. Bright lights, supple leather under me. I feel the warm arms place me down, must be on the couch. I roll onto my side, dry retch, cough, retch again then jolt about. My body jerks around like I'm being electrocuted. My breathing is cut off. I can't breathe! My neck arches, the muscles lock in place, my fingers claw at my throat, my body shaking and juddering. My ears are ringing so loud, my brain feels likes it's being bashed off walls and I can't breathe.
"Grubbs! Juni help him! He can't breathe! Help him! Juni!" I hear Dervish's sobs, feel warm hands on my forehead, working away at something, someone muttering soft soothing words. Going blue. I won't be able to stand this much longer. Finally my throat unconstricts, air rushes into my lungs, I gulp it down grateful. The inner battle goes on.
A long time, I can't tell how long I've been fighting, days, hours, minutes... Heck it could even be seconds, I can't tell the difference. I want to end the pain and suffering, to give in to the werewolf but I can't, the magic won't let me. It fights, it beats the wolf back, struggling within me. Screams, retching, pain, burning, suffering, pain. I feel the claws scratching my insides, pulling at my skin, biting and chewing. Screaming, I roll onto my side and retch. The scream becomes a blood-drenched gurgle as the red liquid whooshes up my throat and onto the floor with a splat. Soft utterings from Dervish and Juni, both talking frantically, encouraging me.
Not long after I've puked up blood the wolf retreats, back into it's lair. I lose consciousness.
I wake with the sun on my face, blinding me. I raise a hand over my eyes, recoiling slightly. I look at my surroundings, blinking sleep from my eyes. I'm in the TV room. Dervish' face is buried in the couch, his body wracked with sobs. He looks like a man that's lost everything. He hasn't. I'm not important. If I died, he'd grieve, he'd move on with the help of Juni and Bill-E. Juni is crying quietly, comforting Dervish, rubbing his back, her lips pressed to his shoulder. They both have their backs to me. I silently push myself up with my elbows and watch them for a few minutes.
"Who died?" I croak, my voice is so dry, the words meaning to come out powerful and firm but a croak. Their heads snap round in my direction, I wouldn't be surprised if one of them cricked their neck doing so. Then Dervish is upon me, hugging me tightly, sobbing into my shoulder. I tolerate the hug but make no move to comfort my sobbing uncle. He shouldn't of came after me, that's not what I wanted. I wanted it to be over by now. I gently prise Dervish off me, and stretch, my joints cracking.
"I'm alive." I deadpan, watching Dervish and Juni. She's glaring at me. Let her glare, she doesn't know anything about me. Dervish drags his wrists across his eyes, wiping away the remaining tears, takes a deep breath and looks at me evenly, "Why?" Is all he says. But in that simple statement, I know what he means. Why won't I talk to him? Why do I want to kill myself? Why? I take a deep breath, roll my neck, stand up and walk to the doorway. I pause, turn to them.
"I know. I know you called the Lambs, and you know that's um...not fine but whatever," I shrug and leave the room, feeling more alone than ever.
