All this thinking about my past has made me feel nauseous. Over the past few years I've avoided thinking of my past. There's many things that I left hanging in the open, many people whom I never said goodbye too. I don't want to think of the past, but right now all I can think of is the journey that I've had so far. My time as a witch, has not been the easiest, first Cal and Selene, finding out about Da and Killian, realizing that my whole life had been a lie.

The hardest thing for me though is that I fell deeply in love, so deeply, that I gave my heart and soul to Hunter, only to have it returned to me crushed. I've tried to forget Hunter, and I think I've persuaded Killian that I have, but I still feel empty. I'm not going to say that I haven't had fun bar-hopping in the last few years, but I can never commit to a proper relationship ever again. I know that as Ciaran and Maeve's daughter I could never have a real relationship with my Muirn Beatha Dan, I'm too much like Da, and I too would make the same choice he did. Hunter did not understand this, thought that I had been spelled, that I had completely gone mad, I tried to explain to him why I wanted to form a relationship with Ciaran, but he couldn't understand. Out of everyone he should understand why I wanted to form a connection with my biological father, he spent most of his life without his parents and this tore him apart. He could not believe the truth about Ciaran, and he told me that there's no way that the Council could even achieve something as large as Da's secret.

It's true the Council didn't achieve anything, if it wasn't Da they'd be scrambling around like chickens without their heads. I remember when we did the Brach together almost six years ago, I thought he had tricked me, made me believe that he wasn't who I thought he was. Yet after a long day of talking and me finally having the gumption to put a holding spell on him, I led the Brach and saw the truth. Ciaran was not the leader of Amyranth, he was not evil, and I was not destined for darkness.

Ciaran's dark secret all along was that he has been deeply undercover in Amyranth for almost 30 years now. When the International Council of Witches was formed in London, there were 13 original members, one of them was Da. In the late 1970's there were lots of problems being caused by a coven in northern scotland: Liathach, and one of Da's first assignments were to go become an undercover member of this coven. Once inside Liathach, the thirst for power and vengeance was very clear in most of the members. They wanted to be traditional woodbanes, and from then on he knew that they would target anyone and everything including his hometown, Ballynigel. Da became very well liked by the coven members, and soon was so deep inside this coven that he became the inherited leader of Amyranth. Once Amyranth was formed, there was no way out for him, and he knew he had to sacrifice everything in his life to ensure that Amyranth does not bring the death and devastation that they wished to bring on the magickal world. He married Grania even though he knew that there was nothing in this marriage other than ensuring his position in Amyranth. The council's plan worked well. Ciaran was leading Amyranth, told the council when Amyranth was planning on calling a dark wave on a coven, they disbanded the dark wave and relocated the covens. The plan worked brilliantly for years. The only dark wave that Da couldn't stop was Belwicket's. Amyranth did not tell him that they had conjured a dark wave against Belwicket till after they had finished the spell. They all knew that he from Ballynigel and may have had second thoughts about this spell, it was of the few times that he almost blew his cover.

There were choices that he made, that could've changed my life, probably for the better. Yet I can not blaim him for not revealing his true identity, he has saved thousands of lives, with one great price that of my mother's, his family and friends. Had he revealed his identity to Amyranth, he would most likely be dead, and neither Killian nor I would have ever existed. I don't know if we would have been better off, without being involved in this mess. I can't blame Da, nor Maeve yet there wasn't much in sight for us, especially I as the Sgiurs Dan, have no choice but to "join" Amyranth, or to be killed by Amyranth.

I don't want to let the latter happen. I don't want to break my promise to Killian, and I truly believe that if something were to happen to me, Da could not keep his cover, he even gets edgy when I tell him that the only solution to save both of us is that I should join Amyranth, he could use the help, and wouldn't have to risk anything more. I can't see another solution, yet I thought I had more time to think of a plan to get away, to get Killian and myself far away from Amyranth, I didn't think they would go after me so soon. I have no time, to get away. I either have to join Amyranth or make sure I get killed before they get to Killian.


So This is my brand new story, I haven't written much, in almost a year now. I moved continents and started college, so I've been a bit pre-occupied. I'm sorry that sometimes I may not be making any sense, I would really appreciate some reviews, and reccomendations. (Don't Be Too Mean) and as usual of course I don't own any of the Sweep characters.

-Rege