Hello everyone! I didn't think I'd post this tonight. I had an air conditioner disaster. I absolutely hate being hot and sweaty, so a broken down air conditioner is by no means acceptable. But at least I've got a cool breeze right now while the roomie goes and buys a new one. When is it fall again? More specifically, Glee Season Two?

Also, side note, I'm totally following Mark Salling's twitter. Does he not realize that him missing his grandma sort of makes me want to hug him? And then the hugging leads to butt fondling. Sigh. Grandma lover and a lady killer. He should go all Pacey on Glee's ass. ;) Enjoy Chapter Six!

-Chapter Six-

***November 2003***

"Look, we have to play this carefully. Every single thing we do here, everywhere we go, we're being watched! You have to stay focused if we're going to get away without having to-BERRY-PANTS! FOCUS!"

Rachel's eyes were glazed over as she watched the wedding party enter. Slowly she turned her face to Noah's enraged one and she furrowed her brow curiously.

"Why are you so angry, already Noah? We've only been her for twenty minutes and you've managed to gorge yourself on tiny appetizers and I know you snuck a sip of my daddies' champagne. Plural. Two sips of champagne. There isn't any reason for you to be so cagey already."

"What's cagey?" Noah wondered as he began tying his napkin in tight knots.

Rachel sighed and looked back to the wedding party, and just like that Noah had completely lost her attention once again. He groaned at her very girl-like response to the lavish wedding they were attending. Suck-it-lots had managed to do it. She actually managed to get her Catholic boyfriend to walk down the aisle. She was in the process of getting her masters and he had just started teaching at Carmel this September. And despite all that, she still had gotten him down the aisle. Hurrah for her. Noah would bet six months allowance that she had tricked her luckless husband with a fake pregnancy.

"She looks so lovely," Rachel cooed, watching as Andrea Sokoloff-Leonardo laughed with her husband.

"She looks like she's still going to torture us this summer," Noah mumbled, covertly adding sugar packet after sugar packet into Rachel's water goblet. The servers began to deliver dinner salads and the adults were soon back at the table with their champagne flutes and mixed drinks in hand. Score. Maybe they'd all get drunk and he and Rachel would have to drive back. She'd have to do the peddles. Her short stature meant that she was close enough to the ground anyway. He was totally steering.

"Get that gleam out of your eyes, Noah. I'm the designated driver," Jerome Berry laughed as the boy's face fell. He looked to Mrs. Puckerman and wondered, "Alison, how do you keep up with him? Too much energy and need for destruction there. I could prescribe meds...

"Daddy!" Rachel squealed. "I really wish you would stop trying to medicate my perfectly normal friend."

Alison Puckerman grinned knowingly, taking a long draught off of her champagne before raising an eyebrow Jerome Berry's way. Micah chuckled to himself as they all tucked into dinner. The adults watched as Rachel and Noah expertly split up their dinners. Noah got Rachel's chicken, while he scraped his rice on her plate. He gleefully gave up his vegetables only to have Rachel give him half back. He was about to protest when she gave him one simple exasperated look, and he mumbled tiny frustrated words before he scooped up the vegetable medley in one spoon and quickly ate them to get it out of the way.

"HA! You are going to owe me fifty dollars in about fifteen years, Dr. Berry," Noah's mother crowed happily.

Jerome turned his exasperation to his partner, but Micah was too busy being fascinated by the children who were chatting animatedly (actually, Rachel was chatting and Noah was nodding every once in a while as he gorged himself on the double meat helping).

Noah looked up towards the adults at the table, always suspicious when he heard them being overly joyful. He only had to see his mother's prideful grin before he sighed and said,

"You know, Ma, how when you really really want me to clean my room? You know that it only makes me completely NOT want to clean it, right?"

"Aww, sweetie-pie, I'm not making you do this. This? Is fate!"

***November 2009***

"What sort of performance enhancing drugs do you think they took? I mean, I'll have to consult Wikipedia. I admit I have a very good base knowledge of very many things, but drugs aren't exactly one of them. Kurt wasn't very specific…"

"Calm down, Man-hands. We'll just go to the school nurse, and ask for whatever the boys got," Santana dismissed Rachel Berry's hyper-active worrying.

"But-"

"It's from the school nurse, Rachel, she wouldn't give us anything that would hurt us," Mercedes waved her fears off. "We'll be fine."

"But I-"

"You do want to, to w-w-win, don't you?" Tina asked incredulously, amazed that the one person in the room that probably would die if she didn't win, was actually having second thoughts. And third thoughts.

"I'm only attempting to-"

"We probably shouldn't go to the school nurse. She's tried to suffocate me with cotton balls before. I'm glad the stair gnome tried to kill her."

All of the ladies could only stare at Brittany's statement for a few silent seconds. Rachel huffed in exasperation before storming out of the classroom.

"Rupaul! Remember, Mercedes decided on yellow dresses for the costumes!" Quinn yelled after her.

Of course Rachel could remember the outfit! She scoffed at the head Cheerio's attempt at being helpful. As if she, Rachel Berry, who had choreographed and visualized the entire number would forget that Mercedes' oh so helpful suggestion had been yellow dresses. Her quick footsteps echoed throughout the empty hallways of the school. She arrived at her destination quickly and stared at the locker room door for the briefest of seconds before squaring her shoulders and marching in with her nose stuck in the air.

"CHICK!" Matt Rutherford squealed before diving behind a large waste basket full of towels.

"Awesome, locker room score!" Mike turned around, his eyes still abnormally buggy with the energy that the performance and the Vitamin D had given. His face turned beet red as Rachel Berry stared up at him with annoyance and anger. He secured the towel around his waist needlessly and whispered, "Shit."

"Please Mike, I realize that we're in your incredibly manly domain right now, but if you could refrain from poisoning my ears with the ridiculously horrid language, I would greatly appreciate it."

"Huh?" Mike wondered helpfully.

"Stop swearing!" Matt ordered from behind the safety of his bin of dirty towels. "And throw me my underwear."

"Ugh," Rachel shivered in disgust. She leveled her very best glare on a fidgety and embarrassed Mike and demanded, "Where is he?"

"Shower?" Mike gulped. He watched for a split second as she turned on her heel and walked towards the shower room. "Uhm…he's naked!"

Rachel didn't hear him as she stomped towards the only occupied shower stall. She cleared her throat as she approached, but Noah didn't react. She was soon standing in front of his door-less stall.

"PUCKERMAN! FOCUS!"

Puck jumped at least two feet straight up, landing down on his feet and nearly slipping to an early death in the shower stall. He froze, not daring to turn around completely, slowly turning his slightly frightened eyes towards the harsh, entirely familiar shout from behind him.

"What the FUCK, Berry?"

"Please, it's nothing I haven't seen before," Rachel rolled her eyes, although her gaze stayed firmly above his neck.

Mike and Matt exploded with laughter from the next room and Puck shouted out, "I'm going to kill you assholes! You couldn't keep her in the locker room?"

"What did you take?" Rachel demanded.

"You accusing me of wrongdoing?" Puck demanded, determined as all hell to keep his front side facing away from Berry's gaze. Sure she had seen all the pictures his Ma had taken of his tiny naked self. But things were different now. He wasn't two years old anymore for one thing. And she would absolutely murder him for the nipple ring.

"Kurt squealed. The girls want in. I just need to be absolutely certain that it isn't dangerous in any way. If the chance that any one on our team could be hurt even by the smallest, most infinitesimal amount, I will blow the loudest, largest whistle you have ever heard."

"Jesus H. Fucking Christ, Berry-pants!" Noah could feel the water in the shower getting hot. Like ridiculously hot. He tried to attempt a glare the locker room's way, he knew Chang and Rutherford were flushing the five toilets and urinals outside of the shower room in hopes that the water would get scalding enough for him to turn around and scar Rachel for fucking life. "Like I would let my boys hurt themselves. It was Vitamin D, as in decongestant. It wired them. It also helped that we each downed a can of Nos and then three cans of Red Bull. And then a Mountain Dew Slushie."

"It won't hurt us, even a little?" Rachel demanded.

"I wouldn't let them do it if it would, still I don't think you need it," Puck said quietly. He winced as he felt the water pressure give again, knowing that his boys had flushed another round of toilets. "You have to get out of here, because I need to turn around, my skin is fucking melting off."

Rachel's eyes went downcast all of a sudden, landing on Puck's naked rear end.

"Oh."

Her whisper seemed to echo. Puck could feel himself blushing.

-What in the hell? Why was he blushing? God dammit. He was going to stuff Mike and Matt into lockers…the black chick's locker. And then let her get hopped up on Vitamin D. Then let her have them. Little bastards.

"I-I gotta go." Rachel stammered, rushing from the room.

Puck waited until he heard the front locker room door slam before venturing towards the towels, drying himself and dressing as quickly as possible. He was out the door and had caught his supposed best friends outside at their cars.

"SHIT!" Matt shrieked again and the two boys scattered in opposite directions, eager to escape the wrath of one very annoyed Noah Puckerman.

***November 2003***

"Why hello! I was hoping that you could answer a few questions for me regarding the sparkling grape cider…"

Noah smirked as he edged his way towards the counter as Rachel continued to do as he had asked her to do. Annoy the bartender to death with as many questions as she possibly could. He promised her a cookie cutter in return…a flower one now that she was all wedding crazed. She had promised to accomplish her task, never even asking why he had asked her to do it. There's a true friend.

"But you see, my vocal chords are very important to me, and I'd like to know if there are any acidic ingredients that are main components…"

Noah reached his hands around the counter and grabbed two filled champagne flutes, securing them tightly in his fists. He tucked his hands under his suit jacket and very stealthily made his way towards the corner he had told Rachel to meet him at once she had managed to question the life out of the bartender. He waited patiently as he saw the bartender going red in the face as Rachel asked yet another question.

"PUCKERBUTT!"

Noah's eyes went wide and he looked up at a clearly wasted Suck-it-lots. She grinned down at him before leaning down and placing a sloppy kiss on his forehead.

"OY! THAT WAS DISGUSTING!" Noah bellowed.

"You are adorable. You remind me of my boyfri-fianc-HUSBAND!" Sokoloff-Leonardo giggled. She ruffled his hair and said, "You know, we went to summer camp together when we were thirteen. It wasn't Jewish. It was just regular summer camp. With cabins, and canoes and campfires…all sorts of c-words."

Noah rolled his eyes and tried to look inconspicuous as he hid the champagne from his summer camp counselor. He saw as Rachel had finally caused the bartender to order her away with a bottle of sparkling grape cider. She saw the bride cornering Noah and ran to meet them. She placed the bottle down before launching herself at Andrea Sokoloff, squealing,

"You're SO beautiful, Miss Sokoloff…I mean…Mrs. Sokoloff-Leonardo!"

"I'm going to call you Suck-it-lots for the rest of all time," Noah contended.

"Sure thing Puckerbutt,"Sokoloff airily waved him off. She grinned down at Rachel and asked quietly, "Did you bring it?"

"My dad's are going to go and get it very soon," Rachel promised with a grin.

"Get what?" Noah wondered cautiously.

"Oh, Puckerbutt, you adorable little rebel!" Sokoloff cooed, attacking his cheeks with sloppy kisses. "Promise to invite me to your wedding!"

"ACK! GET HER OFF ME! GET HER OFF ME!" Noah screeched.

"You sound like a howler monkey. I love it," Sokoloff laughed, releasing him and kissing Rachel's cheeks too. "See you two lovebirds later!"

"Woman!" Noah crowed after her.

Rachel rolled her eyes and looked a Noah's jacket suspiciously. His hands were curled under his jacket suspiciously and she wondered.

"What have you got there?"

Noah immediately forget his rage at Sokoloff and managed a small grin Rachel's way. He handed her one of the champagne flutes and said, "The best sparkling cider in the world."

"Noah…" Rachel said doubtfully.

"Live a little, Berry. It's like a rite of passage or something," Noah assured her. "Besides, if I drink this? I might dance later."

Rachel looked at the champagne flute with sudden fascination and sipped at it. She laughed when the bubbles tickled her nose. She grinned and said, "This is really very good."

***November 2009***

"Psst. Psst…"

Puck rolled his eyes, the low hissing didn't seem to bust through Berry's stony façade. She was sitting one table away from him the cafeteria, and he was desperate to talk to her.

"I know you can hear me."

Rachel rolled her eyes and absent-mindedly sipped at her extra-large turbo-boost coffee. She refused to drink Red Bull. It tasted and looked like urine. And the acidic content in the mountain dew slushie would waste her voice for a week at least. Coffee was the only thing she had consumed all day. That and chocolate covered espresso beans. She was bound and determined to level the playing field. Suddenly she felt a foreign object plonk against her head and looked down in her lap, realizing that Noah Puckerman had just thrown a ketchup packet at her.

She rose quickly and stalked towards his bench, tossing the ketchup packet with more strength than Puck thought she had, making his forehead sting slightly at the place of impact. She stormed out of the cafeteria and Puck took two long seconds before casually getting up and following her out.

"WHAT?" she spit out as soon as he exited the cafeteria.

"I don't think you need to do it," Puck said quickly, getting straight to the point. Knowing that she would ninja-kick his balls if he wasted her time.

"I don't want to cheat. I just want to make things fair. Obviously you boys think you need to dope yourselves insanely before a competition, and although I could have easily beaten you all single-handedly in a fair fight…there is no way I can carry the dead weight of my team, and come up with something to beat your idiotic grins, high energy singing and Mike Chang's popping and locking! For goodness' sake, Noah! He looked like he was a boy on strings! So please excuse me if I feel the need to seek out a little help of my own."

"I didn't take any."

All of Rachel's caffeinated fury blew out of her sails instantly. She looked at him in cautious disbelief and demanded, "You didn't? But-"

"Berry-pants, you've been secretly training me like -the gayest samurai of all time," Puck reminded her. "You don't think I can do a ridiculously happy show face without the help of pills? Besides, I don't want my junk to shrink."

"Decongestants wouldn't-" Rachel began, but Puck quickly cut her off.

"Listen to me. Don't take it. You're hyper enough. You're good enough without it. I know its not like, crystal meth or acid or whatever, but I read the warning label. It totally speeds up your heart rate. Add that to the five barrels of coffee you've obviously had today...And your dad…Jerome, he'd kill me," Puck said softly.

"I can't believe you're the same boy who got me drunk when we were eleven," Rachel said softly.

"Believe it. And you were fucking awesome drunk."

Rachel nodded and was about to walk away before he grabbed her arm quickly and whispered, "Hey…don't uh-"

"I would never tell anyone of your concern for me, Noah. You know that."

Puck couldn't help the painful jab somewhere inside of his heart. He left go of her arm and managed a smirk, "I was going to say, don't tell your dads about the gay samurai comment. I need my red Gatorade in the summer."

***November 2003***

"Daddy…daddy…daddy….DADDIES!"

Micah and Jerome Puckerman's eyes widened simultaneously at the shouting of their daughter. She rarely shouted so obnoxiously in a public setting, but she was currently doing the electric slide with Noah at her side, the two children were rosy-cheeked and seemed to be having the times of their lives. Noah especially, because he still had not noticed that Alison Puckerman was snapping pictures so fast that she could probably use the photos as frames in a very fluid stop motion short film.

"It's time, its time its time its time its time!" Rachel squealed as the dance ended.

Jerome chuckled and left the table as Rachel and Noah continued to dance, this time to a Britney Spears song. Alison Puckerman handed Micah the camera as she reached for her video camera.

"Tango!" Rachel shouted her order at Noah.

He complied, only because he didn't want her to have a drunken tantrum. Besides, there was no one besides Suck-it-lots, his ma, and Rachel's dads that knew him there. No need to worry about his reputation. They swung around the dance floor, Rachel gracefully, and Noah at least technically proficient. Rachel had made him learn all the basic dancing during his week at her house.

"DIP!" Rachel ordered.

"Hell no! You'll barf on me!" Noah disputed.

"DIP NOW" Rachel demanded.

Noah did so slowly and couldn't help but laugh. Each sip of champagne had like, deleted words from Rachel's vocabulary. It was awesome.

The music died down and the DJ started to talk. Noah didn't notice because he and Rachel were too busy dancing in their spots still. He felt a sudden push and looked up at Jerome Berry curiously, who was holding his guitar.

"Thanks Daddy!" Rachel cooed, taking the guitar from her father and handing it carefully to Noah. "It's time, it's time, it's time!"

Noah allowed himself to be drug to the front table, to the little stage where the DJ was set up. He sighed as Rachel took the microphone from the DJ and beamed at the whole room. This was going to be embarrassing.

"Hello, I'm Rachel Berry, and this is my berry best friend, Noah Puckerbutt," Rachel giggled, looking back at the sudden excited cheer from Sokoloff, who was even more smashed than she had been before. Her husband should probably be wondering about that whole baby thing right about now. "We love Miss Sokoloff…she's our camp counselor and the best counselor in the whole world. So we're going to sing a song now."

Noah rolled his eyes. This was why she had insisted they needed to practice at least five sappy songs the past month. He would eventually have to learn that there was always a reason behind every single thing that Rachel Berry did.

"You've got to sing Noah," Rachel whispered, as the DJ positioned a microphone in front of Noah's face. "Unforgettable."

Noah managed a small smile and wondered if there would ever be anything that he wouldn't do for her. Even after that absolutely horrible conversation they had shared in the girl's bathroom at school…even after they had effectively pretended they didn't even know each other at school…she could still get him to do the stupidest stuff.

##" Unforgettable, that's what you are
Unforgettable though near or far
Like a song of love that clings to me
How the thought of you does things to me
Never before has someone been more
"###

It had to be the cookies. She was somehow drugging him so that she could do crazy mind control.

He sang a soft harmony as Rachel worked the room full of Jewish and Catholic wedding guests. He heard Suck-it-lots sobbing drunkenly behind them at the main table as they continued to sing

##"Unforgettable in every way
And forever more, that's how you'll stay
That's why, darling, it's incredible
That someone so unforgettable
Thinks that I am unforgettable too
"##

Sokoloff's husband was yanked from his seat as his new wife demanded a dance. They moved slowly and stiffly from behind the head table, him cooing words in her ear that made her giggle and blush. Huh...maybe there was no baby lie. Maybe he just liked her. Weird.

##"Unforgettable in every way
And forever more, that's how you'll stay
That's why, darling, it's incredible
That someone so unforgettable
Thinks that I am unforgettable too
"##

The crowd clapped and Rachel and Noah took their bows. She looked to him and asked, "Encore?"

Noah rolled his eyes and was about to say no, when Rachel plowed ahead anyway, going straight into another song.

Dammit. They weren't even getting paid for this.

***November 2009***

"Sup, Berry."

Puck walked out of the locker room and wasn't surprised to see five feet of yellow dress covered hyperactivity standing in front of the door. He looked at her warily, carefully evaluating her eyes.

"I didn't," Rachel said quickly, throwing a couple of pills at their feet. "Couldn't. You didn't cheat. So I couldn't."

"Awesome," Puck nodded slightly, looking around him. "Want to see something hilarious?"

"Okay," Rachel shrugged, following him down the hall. She fidgeted slightly and confessed, "I did do espresso shots like…all day, so I had caffeine on my side at least."

"I drank eight red bulls," Puck shrugged, stopping at the base of the stairs. They hid in the corner, with an excellent view of the hallway.

Rachel nodded and directed her gaze in the direction Puck was staring. They stayed quiet and unmoving for a long time, and Rachel couldn't help but wonder what they were doing.

"The performance was fucking sick by the way. You were…like stupid good," Puck mumbled.

"Thank you," Rachel breathed. She furrowed her brow as she saw Mercedes walking down the hall. She felt her breath hitch and the need to run over took her. She was about to rush up the steps, out of view, when Puck grabbed her hand. "Noah!"

Puck gestured towards Mercedes, who was accessing her locker. "Just wait…"

The young diva's shriek filled the hall…hell it echoed and reverberated throughout the school as two wriggling bodies fell from her locker.

"WHAT IN THE HELL DO YOU TWO FOOLS THINK YOU'RE DOING? I'm all HOPPED up on Vitamin D and you jump outta my locker? Why the hell are you duct-taped together? ANSWER ME!"

Matt and Mike squirmed on the floor, looking up at the young lady in fear and trepidation. Mercedes reached down and yanked the duct tape off of their mouths. Matt was the first to speak.

"Cadillac, please don't hurt me…"

Puck couldn't help but laugh, and even Rachel failed at suppressing her giggle as Mercedes began beating Matt mercilessly as he flailed against Mike.

"For the last-time, Rutherford! It's MERCEDES!"

That's really the first time I tried to voice some of the other Glee kids. Can you guess who is my favorite besides Mike and Matt? I'll give you a hint. Starts with a B, ends with an rittany. Stair gnome. Heh.

Next up? Throwdown!