It was a lazy sort of day. Not that any day was anything but to Shikamaru, but today was a particularly lazy sort of day. So he crept away from sparring with Temari (crazy rhinoceros lady…) and to a quiet hill to watch clouds. He knew Temari would follow him sooner or later. She usually did, and when she did he would either have to flee, or would be dragged back, amid her angry accusations of his laziness and raging demands that he shape up and become a Jounin immediately if not sooner. He had a horrifying feeling she was trying to make a husband out of him.
He knew she was either too pretty or too ugly to make a wife out of… but he was too afraid to decide which it was. The point was, he didn't have to think about it just now… he could relax and watch the clouds… yes the clouds. Funny how the clouds looked like a beige dough roll with a red point…. Shikamaru sat up quickly as he realized Akamaru was attempting to urinate on him.
At least he HOPED it was an attempt to urinate. The dog panted at him amicably and Shikamaru turned over onto his hands and knees to stand up, and felt something heavy hop onto his back and… Shikamaru twitched, for a moment startled into stillness. Something was poking him in the rump repeatedly, and he sweated a bit realizing what it was. He growled and started yelling, which was quiet a feat for him, considering his usual distaste for expending energy.
"Get off Akamaru!" he yelled, which the dog responded by attempting to do just that. Shikamaru tried to crawl but was yanked back by paws the size of his cat. He considered his options. He wasn't in much danger of the dog actually managing anything, after all Shikamaru's pants were intact and so this was just a mildly inconvenient, but wholly humiliating situation. At least no one was around to see it. He tried standing up but the dog was damn heavy. He considered rolling over, but that seemed destined to make a bad situation worse.
Salvation finally came when he heard footsteps. He at first was loathe to call attention to this, but who knew how long this would take? He yelled, and was only slightly relieved when Ino walked up. She stopped for a moment to stare, then started quietly giggling.
"I always took you for a cat person…" She said, covering her mouth for a quick laugh. Shikamaru's face darkened and he glared.
"Oh what a wit you have…" He said. "Get me out of this!" Ino, still giggling helplessly walked behind Akamaru and swatted his butt.
"Shoo pup. Go away!" She said. The dog continued to happily hump away and ignored the girl entirely. Ino attempted to shove the dog, which it paid no mind to.
"Oh great, all those years of dieting have left you unable to handle on e dog?!" Shikamaru said irritably. Ino sighed.
"I better get help…" She said, and Shikamaru turned pale.
"Don't you dare! No one is gonna see me like this." He said quickly, but Ino had already run off. Shikamaru found himself with more energy than he ever cared to have again and started struggling valiantly not to be found getting dry humped by a dog. Akamaru seemed to take this as enthusiasm and let out a rapturous howl. Shikamaru started praying that the ground open up and swallow him… and fast. He tried again to crawl, scrabbling at the dirt franticly, but it was too late as he heard footsteps again. Akamaru's serenade continued unbothered.
The sound of laughter clued Shikamaru in that he had been found again, and embarrassingly he looked up to see Konohamaru and his team standing there. Not only were they no help, but now his humiliation had four witnesses instead of one. The children stood, in shock and awe of the scene before them, and Ino came running up….
Trailing most of Konoha. He turned red and tried to become invisible, but it failed miserably. Ino cheerfully waved. "SHIKAMARU! I brought someone to make the dog stop HUMPING you!" She yelled, and the poor lazy boy wondered what he had done to deserve this.
As Kiba, through a fit of maniacal laughter, moved forward to call off his cheerful dog, Shikamaru heard something that made his blood run cold.
Somewhere in the back of the group a voice called out, "Oh let Akamaru finish…. He looks so happy."
Shikamaru suddenly decided to become a Jounin, and to do it quickly…. Even if only so He. Could. Kill. Temari.
