Chapter 6B

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BPOV

I rushed home and prepared for the tantrum that I knew my mother would pitch over this. I could hear her now, you threw away all of your hard work and time for a baby. A baby?

She would never understand, she never loved me the way I already loved my baby. She couldn't, something inside of Renee was physically broken and she would never love like I do. Not in a healthy way anyway.

Her reaction was exactly as I expected it to be. She yelled, she screamed, she threatened and she threw me out. I had to stay in a hotel for three days. But I used the three days to my advantage. I called around to the people that I knew would know where Edward was. I talked to several people and they all gave me vague answers about him. It made me scared. Was I the 'has been girlfriend'? Had he moved on? I prayed that my mother was wrong and that he was not with someone else.

I left several messages at his parent's house but they never returned my calls. This only furthered my belief that he had moved on.

Renee called me one night at the hotel and asked me to come and meet with her and Mademoiselle. So I packed my things and went back to the apartment that we had lived in while we were here in Paris. The meeting was very sterile; no one spoke about things as if we actually talked about a person, about me. It was as if I was an inanimate object and that made it all okay to speak so clinically and matter of fact.

Mademoiselle relayed her disappointment. She told me how I had been destined for stardom, for Prima status and nothing less. She went on and on about my improvement over the last few months and even my ability to keep my weight down. Her final words chilled me to the bones, "The only hope in hell you have is to get rid of the baby, right now, before it's too late. Prima's don't have children; it changes their bodies to the point where they are no longer able to dance. Do it now, Bella!"

I stuck to my guns and told them both in no uncertain terms that I would keep the baby, I refused to budge. I even threatened to move back to Forks to live with Edward's parents until I could find something else to do. Renee caved, she knew it would work. Hell, she was best friends with Elizabeth for quite a few years before she became the Ice Queen and cut off everyone in Forks. She knew how caring and compassionate Elizabeth and Ed were. She knew there was no way they would turn me away. In essence she knew that if she pushed this issue, she would lose me. So, she let it go.

When the abortion option didn't work, their tactics turned. They spent the next few months pleading with me, and trying to talk me into adoption. It made sense that became the priority to them, because I was now too far along for an abortion. Renee hated me, she hated the baby and she hated Edward Masen most of all.

In her mind, he got what she wanted, me. She wanted me to submit completely to her, to do whatever she advised without question. And she never got it; the more I spent time with her the more I saw that she never would. Everything I had to give had already been given to Edward and our baby.

I knew without a doubt that my mother loved me, it was as sick twisted kind of love I would never understand, but she loved me. She had a funny way to show it, but…she loved me. She had her dreams ruined through no fault of her own, so she planned to live out her fantasies through me. This made her focus on the ballet, no matter what the cost. And somewhere along the way she stopped worrying whether or not I wanted the ballet as much as she did anymore. She tried to tell herself that it was me she looked out for, that she protected my future but she was wrong. At some point in time it stopped being about me and became about her. I knew that her intentions were good, but her execution was just too much. So much so that I knew at the end of this pregnancy that I would walk away from it all, ballet, her and the demands of my life.

Most importantly, I hoped to be able to go to Edward, and finally have that last wall between us gone. I could offer myself and our baby without any fear, hesitation or reservations.

Since I couldn't dance, Renee negotiated me a contract with the ballet troupe to help train the younger dancers and help with the costumes. I took the jobs until I could find Edward and get the hell out of Paris. Paris held nothing for me, I wanted to be back in Forks with Edward. I know that was the last thing on Renee's mind, she wanted to keep me here and around the ballet. I guess she thought that if she kept me here that I would suddenly see that ballet was my life, and I would want to give up what I had now to return to it. Well, that would never happen.

I loved both jobs very much, much to Renee's chagrin. I think she wanted me to hate the jobs and therefore begin to hate the baby that forced me to take on these menial jobs.

But I just couldn't do it.

I couldn't hate him at all.

I loved him.

At least I thought the baby was a boy, I felt like it was. People say the mother's know. Well if you ask me, I knew.

I would lie in bed at night and plan my escape, how I would pack everything up, call Edward and rush home for him to see his child. How excited he would be about the fact that we could finally be together. I prayed for some miracle that I could get in touch with him before I had the baby, so he could be there with me when it was time. I didn't want to break down and call his parents again, but if I didn't find him soon, I would. I just needed to find him.

I scurried off while Renee was out and bought some furniture from a local shop for the baby. I wanted some physical reminder that this was not a dream. I needed proof that the love that existed between Edward and I made this child. I didn't go overboard, just a simple dark wood crib with a matching changing table and a swing. That's all I purchased.

The delivery driver had just arrived at the store from a local delivery so he loaded it up and agreed to drive me and the furniture back to the apartment. I paid him extra to come up and set it up for me. He gladly agreed. By the time Renee returned home I had my bedroom suite set up for me and the baby. She was livid. Her attitude worsened each day after that, it was like the presence of the furniture reminded her in ways that she could not forget or ignore. Before the furniture showed up, she could pretend. She could not talk about it or look at my ever growing stomach, so it didn't exist. Now…she couldn't ignore it any longer. So her mood worsened day by day. She left me alone less and less the further along the pregnancy got. It was almost like she waited for my stomach to burst open and a green alien head to shoot out as it spewed bile all over both of us. She waited for something to happen so she could say 'I told you so', in some form or fashion. We now had something in common, as I hated her more and more with each day that passed as well.

I tried a number of ways to get in touch with Edward but never found him. Each time I think I got close I would find out that he had moved on to another city or hotel. I couldn't say for sure that he was avoiding me but it certainly felt like it. I loved his baby and wished for him to be with us each and every night. My heart ached for him and tried it's best to convince me that he loved me, and not used me like Renee claimed he did.

Renee took great pleasure each morning when she got up to leave the breakfast table and she was able to toss articles and pictures of Edward down. He was a new star on the rise so he was photographed everywhere he went, often with women. Lots of different women. Those tabloids also told the life of drugs that he had. Renee loved that fact. She would sit and stare at me then all of the sudden she would say, "You're going to raise a baby with a drug addict, Bella? Do you know anything about that lifestyle? How to handle Edward? What if he's violent?" She tried to scare me but it didn't work.

Besides, none of the pictures really looked like the caption made it sound but Renee certainly tried to tell me that he had moved on. Therefore so should I.

My dad tried to take a neutral position but it was hard. He was angry that I ended up in this position and wanted Edward's head on a platter for being the cause. I just wanted Edward.

I snuck out to buy some more baby stuff while Renee ran errands. I felt like a prisoner of war away from his captors for the first time. I rushed from store to store and bought whatever the hell I wanted. Anything, blue, small and adorable, I bought it. I struggled with names and prayed like hell that I would get in touch with Edward before the baby was born; I had less than two months left. That wasn't much time.

After I hit all the stores in the one section of shopping, I decided to head back to the apartment with my purchases because I was exhausted. I gathered all of the bags and placed them in one hand and pressed the button to allow me to cross the street. The night air had turned cold so I gathered my coat around me and relished the warmth it gave. Everything seemed more alive, more vivid, just somehow…more.

When I look back now, maybe it was just a trick that my mind played because it knew how that day ended.

I just remembered feeling more right then. I knew that today was the day; I was destined to find him today!

I pulled out my phone and tried one more time to reach the number for him that his friend gave me so long ago. I'm not sure why I held out hope that it would work this time, it hadn't the other nine million times I tried it. On the second ring I was prepared for Edward's thick, booze roughened voice to tell me to 'leave a fucking message and I'll get back to you when I can' but instead I got his smooth sexy and most importantly, live voice. "Yeah, I told you I would send the fucking pictures whenever I get them from Jasper, okay?" I held the phone away from my face and checked to make sure that I had dialed the right number. This was not the Edward that I knew. This Edward was surly and mean, and he sounded bitter, jaded and just plain tired.

I wanted to cry at the irony of it all.

"Did you fucking hear me? You just gonna ignore me now? I ain't got time for this shit, I need another fucking hit so stop fucking…." I ended his tirade with single gasp. "…Bella?"

"Oh, Edward." I burst into tears and wanted to hold him, to make it all better. I didn't care what Renee said, he was not over me, he was not fine. He was a mess, a miserable, mad mess.

"Oh, God, baby, how are you? I've missed you so much, please tell me that you are alright?" He begged and it was honestly worse to hear that then the miserable man that I heard when he first picked up the call. "I tried to find you, I swear I did. Are you okay?" I could see the dark swirls that would make his eyes a deeper shade of green right now. He would pull my face close to his and tilt our foreheads together. His nose would nuzzle mine. He had done it so many times as he tried to seek comfort with me, I could actually feel him as he touched my skin right now. I tingled all over.

"Oh, Edward." I sniffled and tried to stop the tears that flowed down my face, I would blame it all on the hormones but I knew it was not all their fault. "I need you, Knight, it's time to rescue me. Please?" I begged and it sounded whiney and so desperate but I didn't care.

"Rescue you? Why on earth are you telling me this now? After you've pushed me away time and time again and then that fucking letter…I'm supposed to just forget all of that and come save you? His voice sounded so off, so different, so angry. I was suddenly scared, I didn't know if this was the best idea or not. My heart was crushed that he felt differently than I did. I started to cry. Then I realized what he said about the letter. I was stunned.

"You got my letters?" I asked. I was so afraid that Renee got rid of my letters and that Edward would never see them. It surprised me that he ever got them.

He responded to me and he sounded so angry, when I played his words back in my head I realized why he would be.

"What are you talking about, Edward?" I stuttered, he had to be confused about something. His response should have surprised me but it didn't. I could only say one thing, the one word that explained it all. "Renee!"

It must have changed his mind because he asked me.

"Where are you, Princess?" I could hear his plan as it evolved in his head. I knew he would drop whatever he was involved with and come to me right now. I needed a plan, I needed to find a way to get away from Renee and buy us some time, what I had to tell him was not a drop the bomb and dash type of conversation. We needed some space to talk and hash things out.

"Uhhm, well can I call you back in about two hours, let me figure out how to get away from Renee and then we can meet somewhere, okay?" My mind raced with all the possibilities of how and where this could take place. I just needed a little time.

"Okay, as long as you're sure you're okay?" He sounded distrustful, not of me, of course, but of Renee. He had never trusted her.

"I promise I'm fine, I'll call you back in two hours and then I'll know all the details. I promise."

"Okay, Princess, two hours." I started to cry again and I had to get off of the phone before he heard me. He would never believe that I was really fine if I cried. And I didn't want to spill a secret this large over the phone. I had to get to him. So I hung up and raced back to the apartment. All my things were there and I needed at least a small bag and my passport to get to Edward. So I had no choice but to stop there first. Renee still had about two hours before she was finished and home so that gave me plenty of time.

A/n: Well...another cliffie of sorts...sorry BUT, I promise you'll find out more on Monday!

Thank you all so much for your support and love for this fic. RL has snapped me in a zillion different directions and I sincerely apologize for EPIC FAILURE on my review replies. Please forgive me. But, know that I read and dearly cheris them all!

See ya soon, Kyla