A/n: Sorry this is a day late but with the fail of ffnet we didn't want anyone to miss the update;)

Now, a lot of you are going to need to just sit down, big girl trousers on, buckle your seatbelt and keep the box of tissue handy, especially for this and Thursday's update!

Next week will be an "off" week for updates as I will be travelling to GA to meet, squeeze and fangirl my cohort, Bnjwl! I'm so excited that I can't contain myself;) And, she and I will be working out the ending on this bad boy, so thrilled that we get to do it in person!

And, don't forget that there will be 2 outtakes from Metal Pointe donated to the Fandom4Children compilation! I'm writing an EPOV outtake from his interview that Renee threw in Bella's face…and Bnjwl has a special treat for you all …I read it today, it's awesome and really will show you some behind the scenes, so to speak, from the Swan family. So, go donate as little as $5 for a peek at these 2 outtakes.

Fandom4Children (dot) blogspot (dot) com

This chapter is a little shorter than most but it's packed full of a lot of something from our dear little Rockerward….*sighs*

Enjoy!

EPOV ch7a

I've run out of patience.

Bella said she'd call in two hours...and that was three days ago.

I've called and called the number that she called from but it goes to an empty voicemail box. I've called Charlie. I've tried Renee's hotel room.

Nothing. No one knows anything about where Bella is or why she isn't answering her phone.

Fuck.

"Garret!" I yelled from my cramped bunk on the bus.

"What the fuck do you want?" He yelled back at me from the front of the bus.

"Get your ass over here." I demanded, because I was angry, sober and jonesing for another hit.

He stomped towards me and pulled back my privacy curtain, "What the fuck do you want, asshole?" His voice annoyed me, him being in my personal space pissed me off but it was necessary at the moment.

"I need more." I said and handed him a thousand dollars cash.

"Fuck, dude. You're gonna have to slow the fuck down, man. We're on the road, it ain't that easy to get a steady supply this way. And, if that fucker James finds out that I share it with you he'll have my ass on a platter." Garrett said as he took the cash and narrowed his eyes at me.

"Money can buy me anything I want, right?" I snapped at him. He growled at me.

The rest of the band had issues with the fact that I made more money than they did because I owned the rights to the songs and lyrics that we performed. My dad was a crude motherfucker when it came time to draw up a contract for me, that was for sure.

Garrett came back a few minutes later with a little fucking sack that was filled with enough tar to get me through the week, at least.

"Fuck yes, that's what I'm talking about." I wheezed as he handed me a stash along with a few needles.

"Just put this shit up and take care of it this time. And, if you get so fucked up you can't perform tonight I will hold you down so Jasper can beat the shit out of you this time." He said as he poked my shoulder.

I brushed his hand off me and closed the curtain in his face.

Fuck them!

Fuck all of them!

But mostly fuck Bella...she made me think that she needed me, that she wanted me back in her life again. Now, she's disappeared again. I shouldn't be motherfucking surprised.

My phone rang in my pocket as I pulled it out I noticed it was my mother, again.

I didn't want to deal with her but I had to know if she had any news of Bella. "Hey, mom." I said reluctantly as I answered the call.

"Edward, you sound awful. What's wrong?" Elizabeth's voice was a little panicked so I knew that I had to squash that shit, or her and dad would show up at my next show like they had a few months back. I certainly did not need them to see me in my current state. Nor did I want to hear about the disappointment of the new ink I had down my right arm.

I had gotten a sword on my upper right shoulder that had two blacks ribbons twirled around it that came down around my elbow and across my wrist to where I turned it over and the inside of my wrist ended with ballet shoes dangling from the ribbon. The guys had teased me fucking mercilessly about the 'sissy' ballet shoes...I didn't give a fuck. They reminded me of my Princess...and my sword that still protected her, when it could.

"I'm fine, mom. Have you heard any news on Bella?" I asked and tried not to sound needy or desperate.

She sighed and spoke with a heavy voice, "No, Edward. We haven't." She seemed reluctant to tell me something. I held my breath and waited for her to continue. "You should know that Charlie has their house up for sale because of his impending retirement. He doesn't want to be here alone anymore."

"Buy it." I blurted, without thinking. "There's no way that I can let someone else live in Bella's house. Just buy it and I'll live in it. I'll keep it for when she finally decides to come home. Please mom, just have dad take care of it." I rambled on like a scared child and I guess in a way that was exactly what I was…scared.

"Edward." She hesitated. "I'll see what I can do." But I knew that I'd won that one. She wouldn't fight me on something that involved Bella. No matter how much she thought that I needed to let go of my hopes and dreams where my Princess was concerned.

I couldn't do it. I wouldn't do it.

I refused to give up all hope that one day Bella would be mine.

She and I against the world, to live our life the way that we saw fit.

Together.

I ended the call with my mom and wrapped the rope around my arm before I got the dope ready for the syringe.

Once that needle hit my vein, I felt transported back in time.

I lay there, closed my eyes and remembered every second of that night in the pool room. The feel of her lips against mine. The way her soft, bare skin felt under my fingers as I memorized every dip and crease. The warmth her body gave off as I slid inside of her for the first time.

I could almost feel the arch of her back as her chest pushed up into mine and the pinch of her heels against my ass when she needed more from me.

Fuck...that was ecstasy...heaven...euphoria at its best. I chased that feeling every day since we had been together. I fell back on the tar and hoped that each time the needle sliced through my skin that I would feel that exact feeling.

Three hits later, I was completely fucked up.

Uncaring.

Numb.

Lost.

I heard people as they yelled all around me...but I was underwater, under clouds...in a Bella induced fog of unresolved lust and expired memories.

"Fuck, Garrett, how much of that shit did you give him?" Jasper yelled.

"Damn, is that vomit?" Eric whined.

"James is gonna kick your ass after he finds him like this...you're gonna fuck this up for all of us! Why do you keep giving him that shit, man?" Jasper yelled and hit Garrett.

"He's a grown ass man, he had the cash and if he wanted to get fucked up, who am I to stop him?" Garrett angrily yelled back at Jasper.

I just wished they'd shut the hell up.

They would ruin my buzz...

I just wanted to watch my Princess dance...while I played for her.

Three Months Later

I don't know what day it is.

I don't even know what month it is actually.

But, it didn't matter anymore.

Nothing really mattered anymore.

I missed Bella with every fiber in my being. But I hadn't heard from her in almost seven months. And, it had been over almost two years since I'd seen her at the graduation party.

Life sucked.

The band was always on my ass about my performances. James was always on my ass about my appearance and the lack of hygiene that I'd developed.

My parents were always begging me to come home, get clean and move on with my life.

All I wanted to do was crawl into a hole, shoot up and remember the fading memories of when life meant something, when my dreams meant something….when Bella was someone in my life.

Charlie had finished moving out of the house the week before, so I knew that Bella's house just sat there, empty, waiting on me to return to it.

However, I couldn't seem to even care right now. All I cared about was that I needed to score another hit and quick. My stash was pretty low and I had just enough to get me through the next few hours, at least.

"Jasper!" I bellowed and grabbed a bottle of water off the table from the hotel kitchen area.

He came walking out of the bedroom wrapped only in a sheet, "What the fuck do you want?" He snapped at me and then took in my appearance.

"I need to go score. Can you go with me?" I asked with hesitance because I knew that he hated going with me. But, after the past couple of fights that I'd had with Garrett he refused to supply me anymore.

"Fuck Edward. We just went out two days ago you've already gone through all of it?" His exasperated sigh told me everything I needed to know. He wasn't going to take me.

"Not all of it….at least not yet," I said with a pain of shame to my voice.

He crossed the room and stood in front of me, "Edward, maybe it's time to think about getting some help. You just…" he ran a hand through his hair and looked up at me like the old friend that he was as we grew up.

"You're not happy anymore. You don't have that special thing about you anymore. Hell, you haven't written any music in almost a year." His eyes held mine as I felt the anger build up inside of me.

"Fuck you, Jasper. I don't need help." I said with my fists clenched by my side.

"Why don't you go home, take a month off. We're done with all our road shows for a few weeks anyways. Hell, I'm ready to go home and see my family, too. We can go together." He said quietly as he lit a smoke and moved to sit in a bar stool across the island from where I stood.

I shook my head, "I can't go back there, Jazz…you know why." I said through gritted teeth.

He stared me down for a few minutes, "I think that's exactly the reason why you need to go back, Edward. I think you need to put some of your demons to rest."

I thought about what he said. While I didn't think I could handle being surrounded by all those memories again, maybe it would do my soul good to go home and sleep in my own bed for a while.

An: Don't forget EPOV won't return until Tuesday, April3...but I'll see you this Thursday for BPOV:)

(sighs) our boy just keeps getting worse and worse...but, continue to have faith...PLEASE:)

Kyla