From the desk of Bnjwl:

A/N: Can I please tell all of you how happy your reviews make me when I read them, when I see how invested you all are getting in this story. It makes me giddy to know that you love our Edward and Bella that much. Believe me when I say thank you from the bottom of our hearts. We really do appreciate it!

Thanks to our team~ttharman, mamadog93, lvtwilight09 and our newest member, our beta extraordinare...A Jasper For Me.

A few of you have asked how much longer will the angst continue and we don't want to ruin the surprise...but trust us when we say they will end up back together. You just have to be patient to get there :)

theonlykyla and I both have written an outtake for Fandom 4 Children , kyla wrote out the interview that Renee threw in Bella's face in chapter 6 and I wrote a letter from Renee to Bella. Surely you want to read both of those, and the good news is for as little as a $5 donation you can. Please consider giving to this wonderful cause, we can all give a little and make it add up to a lot!

Now...on with the show!

Chapter 8B

I threw my clothes on and fixed my hair into a tight bun at the base of my neck. I threw all the items into my bag and made sure I had my lucky toe shoes. Call it superstition or whatever you want, but these shoes gave me better luck than all of my others did. They were the most worn out, and probably in all honesty, were a little too small. I just couldn't get rid of them. I wore them each time I had to audition or anytime I needed the extra luck. These were the shoes Edward tied up for me each time before he sat down and played his piano so I could dance.

One time Renee ran late, we had about forty minutes alone together. He tied my shoes up, helped me stand, and then kissed me. His face was so soft and caring as I held it close to mine.

I will never forget the way his hands travelled over my feet and legs as he tied up my shoes. I was way too young to realize how erotic it was then, I'm probably still a little too young to know even now. Then his hands held mine when he stood me up, his fingers ghosted along my waist as he leaned in to kiss me. I'll never forget the grip he held on me as I pushed my tongue into his mouth, the way his hand settled right above my backside while we moved together. It was too low to be accidental, but too high to scare or embarrass me. It felt like heaven.

We broke away when we heard a car, and I rushed to the bar against the mirror on the far side of the room. Edward rummaged around in the piano bench for music. I have no idea why, because he knew the song I needed by heart. Stall tactic I guess. Either way, by the time Renee breezed into the room, I was half way through the song and felt so good about it. Edward played and acted like nothing was amiss. I danced for him and his graceful fingers playing the piano for me. Renee praised both of us, and even offered to give Edward a ride home. How kind of her, since he lived right next door to us? When he declined, I almost cried.

When we were done, I sat on the bench to take my shoes off. Renee stepped outside to talk on her phone, so that left Edward and I alone again. He came over, but I moved as soon as he arrived.

"Princess, what gives?" He asked as he sat in my spot on the bench.

"I gotta go, Renee is waiting for me." I threw on my coat, and pulled my bag back up on my arm. Things had gone to completely awkward between us, and I wanted to cry.

"Hey." He stood and moved towards me, his eyes glanced at the glass door to the studio as he did. "Come here." His soft voice lured me in, and I complied. "Don't do that. You know why I said no, right? I don't want her judging me or you and calling us out. You know that is exactly what she'll do. I'll be pissed and you'll be crying by the time we get home. I won't let her do that to you, okay?" His eyes were so soft and open, I felt like I could look right through him and into his soul. "I'll miss you." His hand found my hip again and immediately slid to his spot right above my ass. I wanted to push his hand lower, but I was too scared to try it. Besides what good would it have done? Especially since Renee stood right outside the door, she would catch us for sure and never let me see him again.

Before I could process the thought, my legs propelled me up and against Edward. This new height brought my mouth close enough I could kiss him again. And I did. He moaned when I leaned against his chest and his hand pulled me closer. It's crazy, but I know his hands dropped a fraction of a millimeter lower on my ass. I rose up a little bit higher. I could feel my skin tingle where he had touched me, and while it was enough, it wasn't.

Edward pulled away from the kiss and placed a quick peck on my lips. "Hey, Princess, we've got time." I blushed and turned away from him. I had no idea if he knew I wanted him to rush and touch me, or if he meant something else. I just nodded; I certainly did not have the courage to ask him. He let go and turned to leave. I watched as he pulled on his green Army jacket. I watched the way his ass moved as he shuffled his boots toward the door, turned, winked and waved goodbye to me as he left. I stood and watched it all, so long that Renee stuck her head in the door to prod me along.

"What is taking so long? It's cold as hell out here, come on." She half snarled at me.

I wanted to tell her Hell was not supposed to be cold, but I let it all go. I was still too wrapped up in my Edward bubble to actually care what she said or did. I just wanted to get home and get up to my room so I could relive every single move we had done that afternoon.

I snapped back to the present day, and finished shoving my things into my bag for the day. I knew the innocence and trust between Edward and I had changed over our time apart, but I hoped it had not disappeared completely.

Today was horrible. My mind wasn't focused and I was insanely distracted. I made so many mistakes during my audition, that I didn't get Prima. I ended up with a minor part in the production with very limited stage and dance time.

My need for Edward was to the point where I couldn't focus without him. I couldn't take it any longer. Being without him and his reassurances that we would both be fine through the day to day shit we dealt with was too much to handle alone. I ached for his soothing touch and gentle words.

It didn't help that today was my birthday and no one, not a single person acknowledged it. Today was just like any other day, to them anyway.

I didn't ask for much. I was a very low maintenance person and basically took care of myself, but every so often, I wanted to feel special, loved, and important. Your birthday was one of those days you expected for that to happen ... not my birthday though. Renee never said a word about it. All she did was bitch about my part in the new production, and she griped about the money she wasted on me and the years of ballet. You name it, and she chose to bitch about it today. I felt stupid, used, and unloved.

I yelled back for the first time. I told her she could take her money and go, I didn't need her. I yelled at her for the fact she was never satisfied, how I was never enough. She slapped me and stopped the car. I grabbed my bag and got out. Thankfully my wallet was in my bag, otherwise I would have been stuck.

She drove off, and all I could feel was relief. I was actually thankful she had put me out. I could show her now that I didn't need her. I hailed a cab, and threw myself inside the first one that stopped.

"I need a hotel, not too fancy, but not too rundown either." I said when my eyes met the cabbie's through the rearview mirror. He simply nodded his head, and drove off.

When we arrived, I paid him and got out. He took me to a place that was exactly what I asked for, middle of the road. I pulled out my driver's license and credit card as I approached the desk.

"May I help you ma'am?" The young lady asked.

"Yes, I need a room, please." I stated it like it was a common occurrence for me, like nothing in my life had gone wrong that day, much less a whole lot of things that went wrong.

"Single or double occupancy?" My mind began to whirl as the desk clerk asked the simple question. I could be a double occupancy; I just needed to call Edward. I needed him here with me, so my answer was simple.

"Double, my fiancé will be here later. He had to work so he caught a later flight." I spoke with confidence and smiled at her. She smiled back in return. I loved that she bought my lie, that she thought I looked like a person with a fiancé that would fly into New York to see them, to spend a few hours just to make them feel better.

"I have you booked in room 287. Would you like that to be billed to your credit card?" I pushed my credit card and ID toward her, she checked them both. Then she took a quick glance at me to confirm my picture matched on my driver's license. Her next words shocked me.

"Oh my, it's your birthday! Happy birthday, Ms. Swan."

Odd how such a simple statement could send me into tears. Seeing as it was almost seven at night and no one but this stranger had wished me a happy birthday. I nodded and signed for the room. I quickly made off as fast as I could to hide my tears. I needed to get alone and call Edward.

I tried his cell phone, his phone in the apartment he shared with several of his band members, and finally a number for a guy in his band that Edward told me to keep in case of an emergency. The last number was answered.

"Lo?" His voice was rough and gravelly, like I woke him up. I tried to calculate the time difference, but my pain and beginnings of a headache made it hard to think.

"I'm … uh, looking for Edward. Is he around?" Before I could even finish my sentence, the voice on the other end began to curse and scream.

"No that fucker ain't around, you know why? He got too fucked up, proceeded to pass out, and convulse on us. You know what a trip killer that is to see him flopping like a motherfucking fish around the room? The girls all left, and I had to call an ambulance for his ass. So ... no sweet cheeks, he ain't around. He won't be around 'cause he's in rehab while I sit here and smoke up all my money, 'cause I ain't out making any more money, all because he's not here!" The last few words were shouted at me like it was my fault Edward was not there. I wanted to yell at him for taking his anger out on me, but I couldn't do it. I needed him to tell me where Edward was so I could at least call him.

"Well, do you know where he is in rehab? It's important that I get in touch with him." I let my sentence stop there. I hoped it would be enough to push him to give up the location.

"They have his ass in Holmby Hills. Fuck, you know, I've been there." He stated this like I would identify with his comment, or at the least care. "You know you can get shit easier there than on the streets. That place is a joke." His voice trailed off, and I heard him ask a 'pretty little lady' not to 'bite his dick while it was in her mouth', so I thought it might be my place to end the call.

"Thanks." I mumbled and hung up.

After a few tries on Google and through information, I was connected to the nurse's station. They gave me the phone number to the patient pay phones in that wing. She wouldn't tell me if he was a patient there, but said if I called there was a good possibility he would be able to come to the phone. I dialed the number and waited. A girl answered and when I asked for him, she snorted and yelled out his name. I waited.

All the fear, hurt, rejection, pain, anxiety, and frustration from all the years came out. I began to cry, sob even. I knew I needed to hold it together so I could talk with Edward, but it was hard. I was so close and yet still so far from him.

His voice filled the line. "Hello?" I could only cry harder. "Bella, baby, is that you?" I just cried harder. I needed him so damn badly. I needed to be held by him, loved by him. His voice rose as he asked me again. "Princess, can you talk? Are you alright?" I knew I had to talk to him before he panicked too much.

"Edward?" That simple word was all it took. I spilled everything, my birthday, how much I missed him, and then I begged him to come to New York with me. I told him how I was alone and needed him. He explained about rehab, that he had thirteen days left, and I thought back to his friend's comment about how easy it was to get drugs in there.

I knew that he was not in the best place possible, and while I want to think that I asked him to come to protect him, I didn't. I asked him to come for me. It was a selfish act, but I needed him and him alone.

He hesitated. He sounded so sincere in his pleas for me to wait for him to get out. I explained that I would be gone, that I had to leave town in four days. There was no way around it. I had to go, and come Hell or high water, Renee Swan would make sure I went, no matter how mad we were at each other. So this was my chance, right now or never.

I heard the moment his voice changed, and I knew he would come to me. He asked for my address and phone number, he promised he would be there before the night was over. I believed him.

I moved off the bed and took a shower, then threw on the t-shirt I wore the first night we made love. For whatever reason I had managed to keep it all of these years, it never failed to bring me comfort. After I put it on, I crawled into bed to wait for Edward. I prayed he would be here soon so he could stop the aching inside of me.

A/N: Well, there ya have it...things are heading towards their "reunion"...hang on my lovelies...relief is coming...

See ya Monday;)

HAPPY EASTER!

Kyla