I'm sorry, but since I'm in 8th grade and have Algebra 1, I've been having a lot of homework even though I barely started school on Monday. This is for you all who have been so supportive with long, amazing reviews and for Ale for being the bestest friend I could have! (She drew me some stuff on Twilight and gets me through P.E., thank you, Alejandra!)
Missing Piece of the Puzzle
Chapter 9: Telling the Truth
B.P.O.V.
The world seemed to be quiet for a couple of minutes, before vivid images came back to life; it was almost as if I were there. Was I there?
I felt as if I was standing behind a glass wall, looking at the situation that played before me.
It was me at the age five, crying, and Charlie looked younger, holding on to me for dear life. We were both crying, but I was the one who let out sorrowful cries as Charlie made sure I didn't go anywhere. We were in our living room and Renee had two suitcases and a hand on the handle to the front door.
She kept yelling at us, screaming how she didn't love us anymore. "You both are ruining my life! Both of you are useless! And you" She dabbed her finger angrily at the five year old version of my self. "You were one drunken mistake! You should've never happened, you should've never been born, and you should've never existed! I can't wait to finally get away from both of you! I hate you! I need you out of my life!" She finished her ranting speech as my wails of agony filled the room.
Charlie and my younger version looked as if a part of our hearts were ripped apart. Then, the whole screen changed, just as it always did.
"You are ruining my life! You're useless! You," Charlie pointed at my now seventeen-year-old version of my self as it was Edward who held on to me. I looked pained but relieved at the same time, but of course, pain conquered my expression. "You were a drunken mistake! You should've," The exact words my mother said to me were now being repeated.
Before, Charlie was the one holding on to me because he was the one that wanted me, but now I see Edward holding on to me as Charlie leaves my life. I could even feel a tear roll down my cheek as it rolled down the seventeen-year-old Bella I was watching.
Suddenly, the scene became a blur and everything on the other side of the glass wall was white. I placed my right hand on the glass, waiting for something to happen.
Then, Edward was the one holding the handle to my front door. "You're ruining my life! You're useless!" I was all alone now, on the floor sobbing as I begged him to come back. "I can't wait to finally get away from you! I hate you! I need you out of my life!" His beautiful, angry voice was echoing the same words my mother and father had said.
Edward slammed the door behind him as he walked out of my front door.
Walked out of my life.
Tears fell down my cheeks and I was alone, nobody wanted me anymore. Nobody wanted me, nobody needed me. Because as I've been told time and time again, I'm useless. Not worthy of anybody to love, not good enough to have friends, not alive enough to live.
I slammed the glass wall, yelling for Edward to come back. The girl who was me on the other side of the glass wall and me, my self, were crying our eyes out. "Edward! Edward, don't! Please, don't!" I kept wailing at the glass wall.
I started punching and banging the glass wall, hoping that if it'll break, I could run after him. Will this wall ever go down!?
After what seemed like two hours of pain and suffering of wanting Edward to come back, the glass started to crack. My breathing became more rigid as I got the glass breaking. A sharp piece of glass broke off and stabbed me under my left palm, sending another burning sensation through my entire left arm. "Arrg!" I chanted again and again as I kept trying to get the entire glass to shatter.
The glass finally seemed to be coming apart and the pain on my left arm started to increase. Bang after bang, punch after punch, tear after tear and scream after scream, the glass was breaking and cracking even more. The last final crack made it official; then, the whole glass wall broke off into a million tiny, razor sharp pieces and came flying at me.
My eyes shot open, but I quickly closed them according to the bright light in front of me. I could hear my hard breathing again, only this time it was because of my nightmare.
With all my strength, which wasn't much, I tried to cover my right hand over my eyes. "Ughhh," I groaned as I barely lifted my hand enough to go above my ear. I turned my head, slowly and carefully, to the right and tried covering my eyes with my left hand. But as I lifted my left hand, the pain from where the sharp piece of glass had cut under my left palm in my dream burned again. "Ohh," I winced at the pain.
What the- I thought it was a dream. Am I still asleep?
I tried to open my eyes to see where I was. I've never had this happen in my nightmares. My eye lids fluttered opened, and then squinted at the bright light above me once again. I got the courage to try to lift my right hand – since my left still felt as if the glass was there – and was successful enough to cover my eyes. After a little adjusting, I was able to put my hand back down and look at everything around me.
The bright light from earlier was the ceiling light. The last thing I remember before…uhh...fainting was that I was laying on my bed. But I don't remember having a ceiling light this bright in my room.
Confused and eye brows knitted together, I looked at the rest of the room. There was this annoying beeping sound to my left. I turned my head to the directing of the sound and found a blue machine with red lines going up and down and red numbers on it. Next to the weird machine, I found a tall pole with a bag that looked liked it was filled with water. There was a clear tube connected to the water bag. My eyes followed the tube and found the end was a needle stuck into my left arm. So that's where the pain was coming from.
I remember watching a show about hospitals, doctor and stuff like that and I think the pole with a water bag is called an IB. No, not IB…IT, IE…IV! That's it! It's called an IV. Why do I have one?
Even more confused, I turned to my right. Right there on a blue-greenish chair was Edward. He had a look on his face that I can't even describe. So many emotions were shown on his face: sorrow, pain, betrayal, hurt, agony, and….hope? His face was serious and his mouth was set in between a frown and hard line. Edward was looking straight at me, but didn't say a word. What's going on?
Trying to figure out what happening, I looked straight ahead. I was lying down on a bed – just a little more comfortable than the one in my room – so I couldn't see everything right. I had to blink a couple of time before I could fully understand what was in front of me.
I was covered in a thin blanket, inside I room I've never seen. The walls were all white and next to a door straight ahead was a sink, a counter and a TV. Outside the door – or what I could see through the tiny window – were a lot of people moving around. Especially men and women dressed in white lab coats. Were they...doctors?
IV, room with white walls, thin sheets, and I think the machine was something to check if your heart is still pumping, and doctors. I'm in a…a…hospital…? How-wha-when! Why?
I turned my head to the right, only to be met by Edward's glare again. "Whah?" I cleared my throat because my voice sounded horrible. "What happened? Where am I?"
His lips moved but his stare stayed the same. "I went to your house after I talked to you on the phone." Edward's voice held no hint of any emotion; it sounded bored and tired.
Damn, he wasn't supposed to see in those shorts! He could've seen my scars...oh! I was wearing a tank top; he could see the cuts up there too. Great, just great. I'm in BIG trouble.
Edward continued. "You wouldn't answer your phone after that and your house was locked. I found the key under the mat and used it to open the door." I really need to find a better hiding spot for the house key. "I remember you told me where your bedroom window was, so I went up the stairs to look for you. I found fresh vomit in your toilet and cuts all over your, skinny, fragile body." He stopped for a moment and some type of emotion was appearing in his voice and expression….anger?
His voice was harder and more strained; definitely anger. "I called my dad and they sent an ambulance for you. They gave you a test and found out you were very, very dehydrated. You had a fever and you were so weak, you've been in the hospital, asleep, for a day now." Wow, a whole day?
I blinked and let everything sink in. Edward's voice was rising higher and filled with anger. "Have you eaten in the last couple of days? Besides the cake?! Have you gotten any fluids in your body, because they sure a hell didn't find any!" Oh my…Edward has never used profanity in front of me and frankly, he looks pissed.
Edward got up from the uncomfortable chair and his face reddened with more anger. "Why Bella! Why did you cut yourself?! Since you were fourteen?! Fourteen!? Are you insane?! No wonder you suffered of blood lose! And not eating or drinking?! Come on, Bella! Seriously, did you even think about this? I can't believe you! You lied to me!" He shouted.
I didn't like this side of Edward. I remember the Edward who was proud of me when I told him about my life. When I met his friends. When I hit a Rosalie-Special. The Edward who trusted me to trust him. I miss the way his eyes shined with joy. I miss the way he would smile and tell me he was proud of me.
I miss that Edward.
Tears burned in my eyes and I could see the redness in Edward's.
He's been crying.
Because of me.
My tears threatened to tip over and Edward's eyes also had fresh tears. "Why?" He asked in a quieter – but more agonized – tone. "Why didn't you tell me Bella?"
I just shook my head, not knowing what to say to him.
That's when he broke down.
Edward's knees gave out under him and he kneeled next to my hospital bed and began sobbing. "Why Bella!? I trusted you! Why couldn't you trust me? I could've helped! I would've given you food and water! I would've helped you with your problem! I'm here for you Bella!"
He started yelling through his reckless sobs, shaking. "I'm always here for you! Who has given you rides home?! Who let you have a place to stay when you needed one?! Who gave you friends!? Who trusted you?! Who's willing to buy you everything and anything you need and want?! Who do you think is going to pay the hospital bill?! Who do you think has stayed here with you in the hospital?! Who do you think is worried sick about you all the time?! Who wants you to go to college and be somebody?! Who only wants the best for you?! Tell me Bella! Tell me who!"
Salt water covered both of our faces. He was right. Edward's always right. Why had I been so stupid? I trusted him with my life, why didn't I let him help me? I knew I needed help, but I guess I was just getting so close to what I wanted…
Wait, should I tell him why I didn't tell him? Should I tell him why I haven't eaten? The girls didn't have any money for me - that was obvious. But should I tell him the reason behind why I was happy they didn't have any money for me?
My mouth opened and closed, but nothing came out. I sniffed and tried to wipe away the tears, but my arms were suddenly too weak.
Edward noticed my attempt and wiped away the tears for me carefully. He sniffed, but his hands stayed on either side of my face. He was so close; the heart machine thingy was beeping like crazy.
"Me," Edward answered himself. "Me, Bella. I'm the one who's always been there for you." He paused a short while to gaze into my eyes. He had such beautiful green orbs… "And I'll always be there."
"Why?" I croaked. Why hadn't he left me? Isn't he tired of me – of all this. I'm in a hospital because I haven't eaten, drunken, and because I've been cutting myself! Shouldn't he run away from me like my parents?
"Because," He answered. Edward sniffed again and continued. "Because I care for you Bella. I…I…I like you. More than I should."
As in like, like? Did he really feel that way about somebody like me? I doubt it. But here he is, in the hospital with me, telling me he does feel that way.
"I like you, too." My hoarse voice managed to say.
He smiled and leaned in closer. The heart radar was going off the chart. Beep after beep, it was annoying. But when someone like Edward tells you he likes you and is closing in on you, what else can your heart do?
His face was only millimeters away from mine. One slight movement and our lips could touch. Our noses were already touching, how much closer is he going to get? Edward kept moving, slow, toward my face; our eyes never tore away from each other.
I think I'm going to have my first kiss…
"What happened!? Is everything alright?! Why is the- oh!" A doctor stormed into the room and noticed the position Edward and I were in.
Edward quickly pulled away and stood up straight while my cheeks flushed with whatever amount of blood I had left.
"Umm…yes, well, the new results are back." The doctor said.
The doctor had blonde hair, sleeked back and his face was incredibly handsome. Whoa, how old is he? Hmm…he looks familiar. I've never been to Forks hospital, but he looks like someone that I know. And trust me, that's not a lot of people.
I frowned because I couldn't figure it out and the handsome doctor noticed. "Oh, I'm sorry. I haven't properly introduced myself to you. I'm Dr. Cullen…Edward's father."
You've got to be shitting me. Oops! I mean…kidding me. Aw, who cares! He's Edward's dad! He's my doctor! He knows I'm Edward's patient and that I've been cutting myself. And even worse, he caught us in the middle of my having my first kiss. Great first impression.
I blushed again.
"Nice to meet you." I said shyly.
Dr. Cullen gave me a warm smile. "I'm sorry if I interrupted anything." He looked at Edward. "I heard your monitor go off and I got worried." Dr. Cullen looked back at me and smiled.
"I have your new test results." He declared as he took out some charts from a manila folder.
"New?" I asked and looked up at Edward.
Edward grabbed hold of my hand. So comforting… "We ran some tests on you when you first got here." He suddenly frowned. "They weren't so good. Since you were unconscious, they used a tube to get fluids in your body and I donated some blood."
My eyes widened and my stomach turned with disgust. "T-tubes? And bl-blood?" Eww! That's nasty. But did Edward say he donated the blood? For me?
Dr. Cullen nodded. "You're very lucky Edward was the same blood type and called the ambulance in time. We almost lost you." He smiled sadly as he turned his attention to the charts again.
I looked up at Edward to see if I had really almost died. His face was sad, tired, and…I don't even know what else he had gone through. I quickly looked away, scared to see him suffering because of me.
"We ran some more tests on you this afternoon," The doctor said, never taking his eyes off the papers in front of him. "You're definitely doing much better - better than I thought. It's only been a day and you're already showing improvements in your system." He clipped the papers to the end of the bed and smiled back at me and Edward.
"Now," He walked to the side of my bed, next to Edward. "Let's see those scars."
"What!" I shouted the same time I had thought it.
He was checking my cuts?! Why? Oh, God, how embarrassing! Can this day get any worse?
"Bella," Edward squeezed my hand and gave me a stern look as Dr. Cullen looked back between me and Edward.
I sighed. "Okay."
Dr. Cullen removed the sheets and pulled up my hospital robe. I was starting to ask myself how I got into the robe, but then realized Edward would also been looking there.
My face got hot as the robe was fully pulled over my waist, revealing my many, many deep scars. Thank God I bought new underwear the other night.
I felt the doctor removing something from my thighs, though. Edward saw I wanted to see what it was and helped me sit up. It was some sort of gauze warped around my thighs.
Once it was fully unwrapped, Dr. Cullen spoke. "Your new scars are doing better with the cream I used on them yesterday." I felt him turn my legs, my feet ended up sticking out. Damn, he was checking the scars on my inner thighs, too. "Your previous scars are fine, but no matter what I do, they will always be there. Unfortunately, you skin is too sensitive there and can't fully recover the cuts. You'll have those scars for the rest of your life." Dr. Cullen gave me an apologetic smile as he put some more cream on my newer cuts.
I hissed lightly at the slight pain and he stopped immediately. "A little sensitive?" He asked.
I nodded my head slowly and he frowned as he wrapped my legs up again.
Doctor Cullen pulled down on my gown. "Okay Isabella,"
"Bella." Edward and I corrected at the same time.
"Okay, Bella," He seemed a little uncomfortable knowing that Edward knew so much about me. "Let me check your cuts and wound on your shoulders."
"Wound?" Edward and I asked at the same time in the same uneasy voice.
The doctor nodded slowly. "I believe some of your old scars got opened all together just as the tissue was repairing itself. That caused them to open all together, creating a rather small wound."
I tried to pull all that in my head as he checked my shoulders and upper arms. Once and again he would "Mmm-hmm" to himself or say "Uh-huh". He pulled down on my sleeves and smiled at me. "You're recovering at a very high speed, Miss Swan. Luckily, those cuts up there," He gestured to my arms with his pen as he wrote on some papers. "Are going to heal completely very soon and your skin isn't as fragile, so your scars will be barely noticeable in a couple of months."
I looked back at Edward, he seemed to be thinking really hard then forced a strain smile. It wasn't my smile, though. It was one to cover up so that I wouldn't see what he was really thinking or feeling. Maybe I don't want to know what's on his mind. Does he even like me anymore after this? I hope so. God, I hope so.
Dr. Cullen put the pen in his pockets and patted my leg. "Your late night dinner should be here in a while. We have been having a hard time keeping up with your schedule since you've slept most of the time here. But since you're awake, there is no need for the tubes and your stomach should be accepting the food with the medicine I'm giving you."
I felt my eye brows tie together in confusion. When did I get the medicine if I've been knocked out all this time?
The doctor laughed at my expression and pointed to the IV. "What do you think the IV is for? It delivers medicine to your blood stream and provides enough fluids." He gave an amused smile at Edward and walked over to the heart monitor.
Doctor Cullen pushed some button and numbers and turned it off. Well, I think it turned off since the beeping and humming sound was cut off. Then, Dr. Cullen unstrapped a big, black, thing from my left upper arm – which I didn't even notice was there until this very moment.
"Since you're awake, it looks like we won't be needing this any longer." Dr. Cullen smiled at me and Edward as he strolled out of the room with the heart monitor.
"Look," Edward said suddenly. I turned my head up to gaze him. "Let's leave all the worries and lies for another day. Right now," He grabbed his soft hands in mine and looked deeply into my boring eyes. "All that matters now is that your safe, alive, and with me." Edward smiled and kissed the tip of my head.
He pulled the wooden chair next to my bed and held my hand again. "So what do you want to do while we're waiting for your late night dinner?" Edward asked as if everything that happened in the last couple of minutes never existed.
"Exactly how late is it?" I asked. He said I've been here for almost a day, I wonder what time it is.
Edward took out his Blackberry and checked the time. "It's almost…two thirty in the morning…"
Wow, when I stopped eating and drinking and starting cutting myself more, I had no idea I was going to get what I wanted so fast. But do I still want the same thing now that I have Edward…?
"What day?" I asked as I tried to push my last thought out of the way and out of my head. Edward said he wanted to wait for another day to talk about this stuff; I won't bring it up right now.
Should I…?
"Saturday night. Well," Edward looked at the time again. "More like Sunday morning."
I frowned. Edward's been here this long? He must be tired. Should I tell him or wait till later? Definitely later, he needs his sleep…right?
Ugh! It's now or never Bella. Don't be a coward, don't run away, and don't be like your so-called parents, afraid of the out come.
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. "Edward," He stopped searching through the channels on the TV and looked at me.
I opened my eyes. "Yes, Bella?" Edward saw me hesitating and gave me an encouraging smile.
Come on, Swan. It's now or never…. "The reason I haven't been able to eat is because the girls didn't have enough money for me and I didn't ask you because I didn't want to be any more of a burden for you-"
"Bella," He interrupted me with a frown. Edward turned his whole body around so that every inch of him was facing me. "You know I would do anything for you. I can honestly say I don't know why since I've only known you for two and a half weeks but it feels like it's been much longer. Bella, I really like you - and like I said - more than I should. And-"
I stopped him right there. Taking all this in at once is too much for me. I have something to tell him and I need to tell him now. Before I chicken out.
"Edward, please, listen to what I have to say." I begged.
He sighed but nodded unwillingly.
"As I was saying, I didn't have enough money for food and water because the gang didn't have enough money left over for me. And part of the reason I didn't come to you is because I don't want to bother you, but the other reason is, well, because…" I looked at him with uncertainty.
Edward rolled his hands in the air, telling me to go on.
"And I started cutting myself at a young age because I hate my life. I've never had real parents or a real childhood. I've always had to take care of myself and provide money on my own." Edward frowned and I knew it was because he didn't approve of the way I get money. He loathes the gang members.
I looked away because I was getting to the harder part. I focused my eyes on the pink cup on the counter. "So cutting has always been my way to resolve my problems. With physical pain, I can ignore the emotional pain." I took another deep breath as Edward tried to fit the pieces together. Like a puzzle, as he'd said before.
"Well, I thought if I didn't eat, didn't drink and kept cutting myself, I could get what I've always wanted."
"Which is?" Edward pressed when I didn't continue.
I gave up on stalling. I turned around and looked Edward directly in the eye. "I was trying to kill myself."
Tell me what your thoughts are so far! This is for you Ale, just having you as my friend is a wonderful birthday present. :)
