The Outsider

"Stop it." Seth told me as I picked up and checked my cell phone for like the thousandth time during lunch. "She hasn't text you." I sighed and put my cell face down on the table. "She's not going to text you either."

"But we-"

"Kissed. Yeah I know. The moonlight, the touch, the taste…" he sighed, leaning his head in his hand, "Yeah I know."

"Zach said that she looked like she was into me though."

"Zach this, Zach that." Seth rolled his eyes, "What is he your new best friend?"

"Shut up, don't be so," I waved my hand around, searching for the word, "I don't know, just don't be it."

He laughed at me, "Way to clear that up for me."

"I reckon you and Zach could be quite good friends you know."

"Yeah like that would ever happen. He's a water polo player, there's more chance of me getting into a fight with him over Summer in a comic book store."

"Finish off your lobster." I pointed at his plate.

"Or what?" he laughed at me.

"I will."

"No," he pulled his plate forward, "mine."

"Just as well," I pushed my empty plate towards the centre of the table, "I am literally stuffed after mine."

"The lobster failed in its main objective though," Seth said as he polished off his, "I was meant to be taking you out to lunch to take your mind off Marissa." He told me as he snatched up my phone before I could check it again.

"Wait," I shook my head trying to get it to focus on the conversation, "you're paying for lunch?"

"Threw in a couple of sailing lessons this week. Feeling a little bit flush." He explained as he signalled the waiter for the bill.

"Not you too." I sighed as he pulled out his wallet. "I can't keep doing this. Ever since your parents took me in, they've been like paying for everything. I can't keep taking their money."

"They're parents. They work for us." He told me as he counted out money.

"No. They're your parents. I'm just like a sponge that absorbs money."

"They're your guardians. It's the same principle." He looked up and saw my look of extreme doubt, "Okay. What are you going to do for cash then?"

A plate hit the ground and the entirety of the restaurant turned to the source of the noise. We found our selves staring at a guy, presumably the owner, yelling one of the waiters.

"Get out of here!" The owner pointed at the front door as the waiter threw his towel down on the floor.

"You can't fire me! I quit!" The guy yelled back before storming out.

I looked back at Seth and smiled, as the rest of the restaurant went back to their conversations, and pointed towards the owner.

"Fine." He said, "But you're going to hook me up with free lobster."


"This actually works out good for me." Seth told me as I got ready for work in the pool house the next day. "You starting the new job because now... I'm going to have time to do all the stuff that I haven't been able to do since you moved here. Like I'm going to get start my novel."

"Novel?" I asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Well not yet but now I have time to start one."

"Be back by six." I nodded at him, throwing on a hoodie.

"Yeah. I know." He looked at his watch. "It's nine now, which means I'm going to have nine hours of me time. You know what I'm saying? For me, Alex. I'm going to do stuff like learn Chinese. Study my Talmud. You know what I mean? Sink my teeth into it."

"You going to be okay?" I grabbed my bag and turned to him before I was out of the door. "I mean you're talking really fast."

"Yes, yes I am, but that's only because I'm excited about all the me time." He took a deep breath. "Before you moved here, all I did was hang out by myself anyway. So it's really a return to form." He told me as he followed me towards the house.

I spotted the Newpsies congregated in the kitchen and quickly went into the house via the dining room. Seth and I found Sandy hiding behind the doorframe, listening to the women talk in the next room.

"Uh Dad," Sandy turned to face us, "what are you doing, man?"

He gestured for Seth to keep quiet; "I'm waiting for them to disperse."

Seth just nodded at him headed into the kitchen, he'd barely got his toe across the threshold before Sandy grabbed the back of Seth's collar and pulled him into the dinning room.

"I left my briefcase in there. I - I need to get to work." Sandy said, going back to peering nervously round the edge of the door.

"Well. Isn't this the time you… I don't know… go get it?" I laughed at him softly.

"And talk to those women? I can't."

"He didn't steal." We heard Kirsten say. "It wasn't like - She's our friend."

"I can't believe you're defending them. Jimmy Cooper is a thief and a felon." One of the women responded.

"Those women are obsessed." Seth mumbled beside me.

"Are you kidding?" Sandy turned to look at him. "A scandal this big in a town this small? I mean, they'll be dining out on this for months!"

"What are their kids going to do? I mean, with their father in prison?" A woman told the kitchen gathering.

"You think he's going to jail?" A new voice joined the discussion.

"I hear ten to twenty." The first woman told her.

"Is that true? Is he going to jail?" I asked Sandy.

"Jimmy Cooper stole a lot of money from a lot of powerful people." He shrugged.

"What's Marissa going to do without her dad?" Seth asked him but Sandy didn't look like he had the answer to his son's question.

I patted him on the shoulder and walked out the front door, I pulled out my phone from my bag and scrolled through the tracks Seth had put on it for me, once I found one I stuck in the headphones and walked to work.


As I walked along the pier I spotted Marissa sitting in the trunk of her car. I instinctively turned up the volume of my music and dug my hands deep into my pockets. As I walked past her she grabbed my arm, indicating for me to stop. I turned towards her and she jumped out of the trunk.

She started talking to me, but all I could hear was:

IBecause I can't help wonder why you ask me


To all the unheard wisdom in the schoolyard
You think you're the right ones
You think you're the charmed ones, I'm sure
How can you go on with such conviction?

And who do you think you are?

Why do you question me?

Because we can't not
Because we can't not
Because we can't help laugh at underestimations

Because we can't not
Because we can't not

Because we can't afford to be misled one more time/I

When her mouth closed for the final time, I removed my hands from my pockets and pulled my headphones out of my ears.

"Yeah, I didn't hear a word of that." I told her.

"Then why the hell did you let me keep talking?" she asked her brows furrowed, her hands on her hips. I just shrugged.

She turned to climb back into her car, I grabbed her arm, just as she had mine, and pulled her into an ally behind me. I pushed her against the damp wall and pressed my lips against hers.

"I didn't want to hear you telling me how 'we should just be friends.'" I told her once I pulled back. "That kiss the other night told me you want so much more than that."

"Kisses can be deceptive." She said simply, folding her arms in front of her.

"Then why did you kiss me back just now?" I asked her. She looked away. "I'm going to ask you out, when you're ready to deal with the fact that you might just like me like I like you: say yes." I told her, before walking out the alley and into the restaurant.


At the Crab Shack I was given a locker and an apron. I shoved my bag in the small metal space and tied the white apron loosely around my waist before walking out into the main restaurant.

"Uh," I tapped one of the other waitresses on arm when she didn't look up from the magazine she was reading, "I was told to shadow Donnie?" She simply pointed across the restaurant to a gruff looking guy with dark hair clearing tables. "Thanks." I told her before walking over to him. "Hey." He looked up from the dirty plates, looked me up and down and smiled. "I was told that you'd show me what to do."

"Oh I'll show you alright." He said, putting down his blue plastic bowl and sliding over to me.

"No." I told him simply.

"No?" he frowned.

"No." I repeated.

"You'll change your mind," he smiled before going back to clearing the table.

"I doubt that. So," I sighed, "you and the showing me of the ropes?"

"Oh yeah," he nodded, before walking out to the kitchen and coming back with another blue plastic bowl and handing it to me.

"I'm going to give you the run down." He told me, walking over to a table he'd yet to clear. He grabbed a paper place setting and a napkin.

"This is garbage." He crumpled them quickly in his hands. "It belongs in the garbage." He demonstrated by throwing his ball of trash in the nearest garbage can.

"This," he held up plates with leftover food on them, "belongs over here." He put the plates in his plastic bowl. "And, uh," he rubbed his hands together, "now for the advance class."

He smiled and gently slapped my stomach with the back of his hand, indicating for me to follow him across the restaurant. He stopped in front of a lone diner, placed his hands simply behind his back and leaned over the table towards her.

"Hello, Mrs Palmer." He smiled down at her, charm dripping from him like sweat, "How are you today? Would you like another glass of Merlot?"

The woman merely smiled and nodded at him, before Donnie walked away whispering 'Drunk.' in my ear as he picked up a bill from the bar.

"Been working here long?"

"Oh, man, too long. Everybody that comes in here is a freak show. They like to have thirty-dollar entrées on plastic plates. Sixty-dollar bottles of wine in plastic cups. And their service - with a big smile." He rung up the bill he'd picked up, "Welcome to Newport, where things only appear to be casual."

He turned at the sound of the door opening, I followed his gaze and found myself watching Marissa and Summer walk in.

"Of course, living here does have its upsides." He smiled at me.

Marissa stopped when she saw me watching her, we seemed to simply stand locked in each other's gaze before she went and sat with Summer. They didn't stay long, however as, as soon as Luke walked in with Holly and a couple of other friends Marissa pushed her chair back and walked out the main door, making sure to knock into Holly's shoulder as she did. I watched as Summer did something similar, shouting something about betrayal first though, before she followed Marissa out onto the pier.

"I hate that kid, man." Donnie whispered in my ear.

"I know," I said, turning back to him, "he's been getting with Holly for ages now, I'm amazed it took him this long to come out about it." Donnie just looked at me with a raised eyebrow. "I mean 'I know.' End of sentence."

"Whatever," Donnie shook his head, looking at me curiously. "He walks in here like he owns the place. Let me tell you something, that Abercrombie and Fitch water polo playing bitch wouldn't last two minutes in Corona."

"You're from Corona?" He just nodded. "Chino, born and raised." I smiled back at him.

"Chino? That's a long way from home. That place's no joke, man."

"Don't I know it." I sighed at him, before picking up my plastic bowl and heading towards a vacated table.

"Yo!" Donnie called after me, coming over to help me clear the table. "So these Newport kids must make you sick too then?"

"Nah," I shrugged, "some of them are cool. Well, the ones that don't go all Confederate Flag on my arse anyway."

"You want to put that into some sort of language I speak?" He laughed.

"Not really." I picked up my plastic bowl and carried it out into the kitchen.

"There's some real people around here, you know." Donnie said following me out, "After work, I'll show you what I'm talking about."

"Maybe." I shrugged at him, placing down the bowl.

"Maybe?"

"Yeah, 'maybe.'" I repeated.

"God you're hard work," he sighed leaning against the counter whilst I unpacked my plastic bowl. "What you got something better to do round here?"

"I'm hoping to."

"You're not dating one of these A&F models are you?"

"What's it to you?" I asked him.

"Nothing," he folded his arms, "just figured you to have better taste."

"Like in you?" I scoffed.

"Hey, I'm cream of the crop." He pointed at nothing in particular.

"Write your number down on one of the napkins and I'll text you if I have in fact, nothing better to do."


At the end of my shift, I went to my locker and pulled out my phone. No texts. I shoved it into my pocket and threw my apron into the space where my back was. I slammed the door, the noise filling the cramped back room of the restaurant.

"So," I sighed, my head against the locker door, "this party of yours, it got alcohol?"

"Yup," Donnie nodded as he pulled a fresh shirt over his head.

"Can I come?"

"Knew I'd wear you down." He laughed, slapping me on the back as he passed me. "Come on."


I woke up the next morning with a killer headache. I rubbed the sleep from my eyes and cursed myself for being too lazy and drunk to pull down my blinds the night before. I checked my watch and found that half the morning had already gone. I rolled over and picked up my cell from my bedside table. Still no texts. I dropped it back down and proceeded to get up.

I threw on the nearest set of clothes I could find and walked into the kitchen towards the coffee pot.

"Hey, where you keep the asprin?" I asked Seth who was reading comics at the counter.

"Mom and Dad's room, bathroom cabinet."

"Cheers." I told him as I took my headache and coffee cup off in the direction Seth had sent me.

"Mom and Dad were going spare last night, by the way." Seth told me upon my return to the kitchen.

"Why?" I asked, grabbing the box of cereal.

"What time you come home?"

"Bout two, three maybe."

"That's why." Seth said not looking up from his comic. "How was last night anyway?"

"Alright," I shrugged, chucking some dry cereal into my mouth, "All I remember was that there was alcohol and Donnie hitting on me, like all the time, consequently there was a lot more alcohol."

"Why didn't you just tell him you were gay?"

"You can't tell a guy you're a lesbian."

"You told me." He looked up from his comic.

"You don't count."

"I don't know whether that's good or not."

"Well," I waved a handful of cereal at him; "Donnie's a guy-guy, meaning that if I tell him I'm gay, he doesn't hear 'lesbian' he hears 'challenge'." He frowned at me. "When I told you I was gay and you just took it as that, I tell Donnie I'm gay and he'll want to convert me insistent on the fact that I haven't met the right guy yet…" I waved my hand around.

"So not good." Seth nodded, closing his comic and walking away.


As I walked to work, I saw Marissa sat in the back of her car just as she had been the day before. When she spotted me she jumped out and motioned for me to remove my earphones.

"What you listening to today?" She asked me.

"Arctic Monkeys," I smiled at her, "'I Bet You Look Good On The Dance Floor'"

She took one of the earphones and placed it in her ear, "Cool." She asserted, passing it back to me.

"Glad you approve."

"Look," she said after a moment's silence, "I'm not gay."

"Okay." I shrugged.

"I know I kissed you that other night, but hey," she raised her hands defensively, "my dad had just got knocked down in the middle of my cotillion. I think that entitles me to a little steam blowing."

"Sure," I shrugged again, "just next time you feel like blowing off steam, don't do it with me." I told her before putting my headphones back in and leaving her to walk the last few steps to work.


My shift, which was thankfully half the length of my first one, went by without any sign of excitement. Donnie was too hung over to hit on me, in fact he was too hung over to do much and I found myself, despite being new, picking up his slack.

The only interesting part of my shift was when Seth walked in towards the end of it, holding up two tickets to something with a broad smile stretched across his face.

"Hey you," I smiled back at him. "Glad to see you are out of the funk you were in this morning."

"Indeed I am and that has a little something to do with a thing I like to call the Imax Experience." I took the tickets from his hand and frowned at them. "This town sucks, best I could do."

"As much as I would have liked to have seen a shark movie with you, and I hope my sarcasm was evident in that sentence," I handed the tickets back to him, "I'm thinking about hanging out in my room and doing some serious moping."

"Marissa still not talking to you?" he asked me as he sat down at the bar.

"Oh no," I sighed, "she's talking to me, just enough to tell me that the thing at the cotillion was her dealing with her father." He just frowned at me. "She was blowing off steam," I threw my towel down on the counter, "whatever that means."

"Even more reason to just forget about her, find yourself a real lesbian in Newport." He smiled at me, "And what's the best way of doing that? With a good old fashioned shark movie!" He waved the tickets in front of me again.

"I don't think so, I'd rather just mope." I told him before turning round and poking my head in the kitchen: "Hey Donnie, I'm going to head out in a minute."

"All right, man." He said, as he walked out dividing money up, "I'm going to head out of here too. Can't believe we, uh, survived this shift." he handed me a share of the tips. "I'm so hung over, man. What're you going to do now?"

"Going home." I told him simply, before picking up my towel again and leaving him and Seth at the counter to finish cleaning up.


When my shift was officially over I met Seth outside on the peer, where he was sat on his skateboard staring out at the ocean.

"Hey man, sorry bout the shark movie. You still going to go?"

"No, I'm going with Donnie to this party at Long Beach. I offered him your ticket but then he said something about 'crazy honeys' and well I was sold." He smiled at me, "I'm just out here waiting for him, in fact."

"Cool." I smiled at him, repositioning my bag on my shoulder. "Just don't take the Range Rover." I told him before walking slowly home.


I was sat on my bed listening to Ani DiFranco's 'Untouchable Face' on repeat, my hands under my head, my eyes staring up at the ceiling finding different images in the shadows the setting sun caused.

Some time after the sun had eventually set there was a tentative knock at my door, I rolled over and faced the opposite wall.

"Kirsten I'm fine, I promise," I told her, "I'm just really not hungry tonight."

"Uh…" I rolled over to face the door and quickly stood up when I found out who'd knocked. "Hey." She said quietly.

"Hey." I nodded back at her.

"I'm sorry about earlier." Marissa told me, tucking a stray piece of hair behind her ear.

"Don't be," I stuck my hands in my pockets, "I mean," I shrugged, "you were just being honest."

"Yeah." She sighed walking further into my room towards me, I took a step back and folded my arms. She looked my new stance up and down before shaking her head, "I don't know why I'm here."

"Me neither." I told her before watching her walk out the door just as silently as she'd come in.


The next morning I was sat on the steps smoking a cigarette before work whilst I listened to Seth explain to Sandy why the Range Rover now had 'Rich Boy' written across the bonnet as well as why the windows were now lacking glass. I tuned him out and simply focused on the straight line of smoke coming out of my mouth.

"Thought you were going to quit smoking?" Sandy asked me, once he'd finished with Seth. I looked up at him and met his gaze before shrugging. "You okay?"

"Will be." I told him before standing up and throwing the butt down the drive way. "Got to get to work." I picked up my bag and my bike and rode off.


I spent the day folding napkins which meant that it was a perfect opportunity for me to just sit in the back room with my headphones in and continue my moping. Which after Marissa's visit had increased ten fold. I'd changed my playlist from Ani on repeat to general angry men with guitars screaming into microphones about the badness that is women.

A hand waving in front of my face triggered me to pull out my headphones and look up to find the owner of the hand.

"Hey," I nodded at Seth, "how's your hangover?"

"Not so bad now." He shrugged pulling a chair over so he could join me by the napkins. "So what you fancy doing tonight?"

"I'm thinking music and a good book." Seth raised his eyebrow at me. "What?"

"Dude, you're meant to be this hard core chick from Chino…" I opened my mouth to cut in but he held up his hand. "Sitting in your room reading on a Friday night does not make for a hard core chick from Chino."

"Just 'cause I'm from Chino doesn't mean I'm hard core." I scooped up the pile of napkins and pushed my chair back. "What you got in mind then?"

"Local house party, which is great 'cause it means I don't have to take the Range Rover."

"Cool." I nodded, "whose?"

"Holly's." He told me following me out into the restaurant.

"Fuck no." I dumped the napkins down by the cutlery and headed straight back into the back room.

"Uh, why not?"

"Because Marissa will be there. We won't talk. Will be totally awkward." I told him as I slammed my locker door shut threw on my hoody.

"Okay you just said 'totally' you have been in Orange County too long." Seth smiled at me. "And anyway you're forgetting the fact that Marissa has been shunned like a poor Amish girl using a hairdryer; she won't be there. Now you have no excuse not to party."

"I will go for ninety minutes."

"That's my girl!" he smiled at me pushing me out of work.


"Seth why are we here?" I asked him as we both sat on the sofa in the corner of the room watching a load of kids that hated us having a good time.

"To party?" he tried.

"You should have gone to one of Donnie's parties then." I sighed sipping from my drink.

"Nah, that didn't really work out so well; what with the Range Rover getting trashed and him and I having nothing in common except for you and given your absence last night we didn't even have that!"

I looked at him, "You're in babble mode."

"I'm bored, what do you expect?"

"Lets go home and be losers there." I put my empty cup down on the table in front of us, stood up and headed to the door.

"You're not leaving already are you?" I heard Luke ask from behind me.

"Yup," I nodded, still facing the door, "why sit on a sofa here when I can sit on a sofa at home."

"What I don't know is why you even bothered coming here." He said, walking around me so he was between me and the exit.

"I've been asking myself that all night, but hey," I shrugged, "what can I say, I liked the atmosphere."

"You trying to gayify more girls?" He smirked at his friends before turning his attention back to me. "'cause look around, you're the only dyke here."

"One," I sighed at him, "'gayify' not a word. And two," I grabbed a can from the nearby countertop and threw it at his head, "I really hate being called a dyke." I told him as he held his head. "Will you let me pass now?"

I was surprised I managed to finish that sentence before his fist collided with my face. His punch knocked me down to the ground, I spat the blood out before attempting to stand up again.

"Go team you; you hit me. Can I go home now please?" I asked, my hand still rubbing my jaw.

"Come on, bitch." He shoved me back against the wall, "Fight back." He smiled at me.

My fists were clenched so tightly my hands were numb, however, I knew that there was no way I could even hit Luke without at least one of his friends hitting me twice as hard back.

"No." I said quietly.

"What was that?" Luke laughed loudly, making sure that those that hadn't already focused their attention upon us were now.

"I said no. Just let me go home. Please." I added so that only he could hear.

"Luke let her go." Holly said, walking over and entwining her arm with his. "She's not bothering anyone."

"Fine." He stepped back so that I could pass. "Just know that you and your faggot friend aren't welcome here." He told me and Seth as we walked to the door.

Once we'd crossed the thresh hold, back onto the street, we heard the party kick off again.

"Well that was humiliating." I told Seth as I lit up a cigarette.

"Yeah, I know. I've been his class since kindergarten and I'm just 'your faggot friend'?"

"Yeah," I nodded at him, "that was the worst part of it." I agreed as I tried to hail a cab. "Remind me again never to listen to you."

"Hey, least I never invited Donnie," Seth shrugged, "he would have probably pulled a gun on them or something."

"Most likely." I nodded. "Though it would be cool to see Luke get shot."

"So now what?" Seth asked me, as I threw my cigarette aside and stepped into a cab.

"We go home and construct a way for me to get over Marissa."

"I preferred it when we were talking about Luke getting shot." He sighed as he got in beside me.


R&R, thank you. Circus.