A/N: theonlykyla is not feeling well and I was not prepared so I promised that I would post this for her as well! The following A/N and E/N is from me, I don't think she would mind what I said, at times we seem to share a brain so she would probably say exactly what I said anyway! Enjoy :)

From the desk of bnjwl:Thanks to all of you that have read, reviewed or faved this thing, it means the world to us and know that just because we don't always get back to you to say thank you personally that we don't feel the gratitude in our hearts! Because I swear we do : ) Thanks to the team you all rock hard!

Now to address a few questions I have seen over and over again in my reviews...Bella is a brainwashed person, she is almost like a battered wife who has gone through years and years of mental abuse from Renee. So while it is easy for us to say why doesn't she just leave...it's not so easy for her to just do that! And Edward...sighs...well I think we say in the last chapter why he hasn't made more happen in their relationship. Add on to that they are both scared to death that they are the only one that feels the love, that it is a one sided thing. We know that is just crazy talk but they don't! So, be patient with them. We promise that they are not going through drama just for the sake of drama. It will all mean something later, we promise. And just so you know, last chapter, this chapter and the next chapter are my favorite ones we have ever written together.

I think this is the chapter you all have been looking for in so many ways, for so many reasons! Trust my Kyla and I have been right along with you, we have ranted, cried and cheered as well! More info down below for you all but for now, go and read!


Chapter 10B

Part of me wants to say I tried harder to look for Edward after EJ died, but it would be a lie. In the beginning I did, but then self doubt seeped in, and I was just too damned scared. I was scared he would look me in the eye and tell me I wasn't good enough for him, that I was never good enough and he just stuck around until he found something better. Until he found someone more famous than me, someone that was a better fit with his lifestyle.

Because I didn't fit him at all; he loved modern music, I only listened to classical. He liked to dance, I only knew ballet. He loved movies and pop culture, I was cut off from the world except what pertained to ballet dancing. We shared some interests, but even those were far apart, books ... I liked classic and love stories, he like sci-fi and fantasy; and art ... he was very modern in his choices, and well, I was … classic in mine. I knew nothing about his world, and he knew very little about mine. We clicked for so long, and I guess it was because we never judged either one for our likes and dislikes. We took each other for face value and let the rest of the stuff fall away.

The medication I continued to take made me fairly happy with my life, at least I wasn't miserable. It made it easier to cope with how things were, let me say that, it is a better description of it all. I let Renee run things, and I just showed up when and where she told me. She did a great job though; she took me to Paris, New York and even a few stops in Russia. I danced all of the ballets dancer dreams of. I had accomplished what I set out for but somehow it was never good enough for Renee. She always wanted one more, one more ballet, one more show, one more location, one more instructor to dance under. It was never enough. I just went along because what else did I have? Nothing.

It was almost four years to the day I lost EJ, when we found out Renee was sick. Well, not just sick, but dying. She had colon cancer. Within a week of her diagnosis, she was in the hospital. They did exploratory surgery to see if they could remove the tumor or not. Unfortunately, she waited too long. All they could do was close her up and make her comfortable. She lived for six months ... six hard, painful months. She could hardly eat and was miserable the whole time.

The one good thing about her illness was that she admitted she was finally ready to head home. Not just for a month or two, but really head home for good. The only problem was, by this time, Charlie was retired from the Police Force and now lived in Sausalito. Sausalito was a little fishing community in California; it figures Dad would retire there. The only place he spent more time than his fishing boat was his patrol car. He loved his job and took the safety of Forks' residents very seriously. Besides, what else did he have to do with his wife and only daughter off chasing their dream?

Since Charlie lived in a houseboat, we rented a house and moved Renee in to make her comfortable. I struggled with taking care of her at this time. The sick part of me rejoiced when she lost weight, even though I knew this was the opposite of what we wanted for her. I guess by this time, the brainwashing of all the years was so ingrained, it was hard not to want to be rail thin, even if it was for my mother who was no longer a dancer, who no longer had any reason to lose weight. In fact, she had every reason to pray to gain weight, to hold on to the precious thing that showed her body was doing well. Yet, I silently applauded her thin body each and every time I saw her without her clothes. I knew I needed therapy to deal with all the residual issues, but I would have time for that later. Later when Renee was gone and my last chance to bond with her was over. Then I would take care of my mental health, but for now, I would take care of her physical health.

The three of us talked and spent a lot of time getting to know one another again. Renee shared stories of her time when she danced and the knee injury that ended it all. We talked about love and life. I don't think we solved anything, but we certainly laid aside our differences. I guess it changes a person when you see another wither away before your eyes. You see their faults, but you see their love and devotion as well. I never acknowledged that part, how much love and devotion Renee had for me. It was admittedly sick and twisted, but it was love all the same.

I guess that is what started the whole ballet thing in the first place, her wanting me to have the fun and experiences she had. I can see how slowly it changed for her and became a beast of another burden. I didn't hate her so much anymore. I simply saw her for what she was, a woman who had flaws but tried the best she could.

I remember the day she wanted to talk about that box. She was sick, had just had a chemo treatment which meant she would spend the day throwing up. But today of all days, she wanted to talk. She pulled me into her bed with her and held my hands. I didn't remember her doing this since I was a child, so it sort of frightened me she did it now.

"Bella, there is a safe deposit box at the Forks Bank and Trust. It is mine. I have some jewelry there as well as some papers. When I die, go and get that stuff. I kept most of it for you. I have a will, and the lawyer has all of my insurance and legal papers, so don't worry about that. He will take care of things. Just get the stuff in the deposit box when you are ready. I'm sorry I wasn't better to you or let you live your life the way you wanted." Tears began to run down her face. I shushed her, now was not the time for regrets.

"Mom, you did the best you could, and I did the best I could. We all make mistakes, it's water under the bridge now. I love you." I kissed her forehead and realized she was clammy and almost green looking. I ran for a wash cloth, but by the time I made it back to her room, she had already begun to throw up. I cleaned her up and made her go to sleep so she would feel better. That was the last time she brought up the safe deposit box or its contents.

I loved her and held her hand when she died. I would miss her terribly now that she was gone, because for so much of my life it was her and me. No friends, no boyfriends, just her and I as we traveled to the different shows. She was the majority of my life and now I was sort of stuck as to what to do with myself.

Charlie and I buried my mother and moved out of our rental house. I sat stoically through the ceremony honoring Renee's life. I greeted and talked with all the people she considered so important. The only oddity of it all that struck me was the fact none of these people were really friends. They were acquaintances she made in the ballet world. To be honest, most of them were probably glad she was dead and gone.

After all the guests were gone and it was just Charlie and I, we sat and just looked at each other. We both seemed oddly detached, for different reasons. He because he had spent a life on the police force and saw so many things that another death for him must have been no big deal. Aside from the fact he is a man and deals with things differently, but me … I just didn't know how to feel. I was never given free reign over my emotions. I was always made to feel one way or another by Renee. So to now expect me to feel on my own without her guidance was crazy. I just didn't know how.

Charlie called in a good friend of his, a grief counselor, Charlotte Petersen, from the Forks Police Department, to help me deal with everything. She was used to helping people get over sudden and shocking news, usually life altering news others deliver. We talked several times, well, she talked and I listened.

"Bella, in a way, what you feel is almost like a battered wife. I know Renee never hit you physicially, but her emotional abuse was all the same. You have learned to compartmentalize all the tragedy in your life and never deal with it. You just lock it away and move on." I turned to look at Charlie. I knew it had to be hard for him to hear these things about his wife. He seemed fine, so I turned back to Charlotte. "One day all of this emotion you lock up will come out, and it won't be pretty. In fact, you might even need some professional help dealing with it. Please know the longer you hold it in, the harder it will be when it breaks free." She patted my hand, and her voice was so soft I almost wanted to open up to her. To tell her how I felt but at the same time I didn't. There was only one person I felt safe enough with to unlock those doors and admit my true feelings. He wasn't with me, and until he was, I would hold it all in. I needed him ... just him.

Charlotte left, but I saw her slip Charlie her cell phone number in case I ever needed anything. I would stick to my normal therapist and normal medication. I had him fooled into thinking I had dealt with all of this, and the meds took the edge off, so I was set. I would just continue to visit him and take my regular dose until I saw Edward again.

Everything went back to normal when all the guests and visitors finally left town. I stayed for a few weeks in Charlie's houseboat, but I knew that wasn't where I wanted to stay. I needed to get out, and Charlie encouraged me to do exactly that. We went to the lawyer's office and settled the estate. Charlie turned it all over to me. He had the money he made from selling the house in Forks because someone had paid more than his asking price. He also has his retirement, so he was set. I had mom's insurance settlement and the money she invested for me while I danced. I never made a fortune, but Renee was smart and hired the right guy to handle the money so it was invested wisely. I was set for life if I wanted to never work again, or I could go to school ... I could do whatever the hell I wanted.

I packed my things, bought a car and stopped by the bank to clean out her safe deposit box.

I slowly made my way into the bank and presented my key and identification to access the vault. I was shown the correct box and left alone. I don't know why, but I felt like this final step made it … final? I had no idea how to describe what I felt or thought. I just felt like I was finally an adult, like I was the one in charge. No one had a say on my life anymore. I decided.

I opened the box and pulled it out. When I flipped the lid open, I didn't even look inside. I simply stuffed every paper and jewelry box into a large envelope, sealed the envelope shut, put the box back in place and left the bank.

I drove and drove. I had no idea where I wanted to go or where I would end up. I made spur of the moment decisions and loved every second. I stopped in a hotel in Vegas. I ordered room service and took a quick shower. When I was in my pajamas with food in my lap, I opened the envelope and poured it across the bed.

I opened each box and looked at the treasure it held. I read the detailed description my Grandmother had hand written for us to tell when and how she received each item. And when I was finished with all of the jewelry, I moved on to the paperwork.

Several documents I recognized as paperwork involving investments she had made in my name, as well as several made in her name. Basically it was more money to track down when I got to a stopping point in my quest to find myself. But the final piece of paper in the stack made no sense to me.

It contained my name, her's and my father's, and several other names … Carlisle and Esme Cullen, who resided in Chicago, Illinois. Esme was Edward's mother's sister. I had met them both before several times during holidays when they came to visit. Esme wasn't able to have children, so I always remember how sweet and loving she was to us, how she loved to be around the kids as much as possible. She looked a lot like Edward in many ways, even more so than his mother.

I was stunned at the names on the paper and had no idea what all of this meant to me. Until I saw the date, a date I recognized, a date that changed my life. A date I will never forget, it was the day I lost EJ. I threw the paper across the room and began to pace. There was no way this was happening, no way this meant anything close to what I thought it might. It couldn't be. It just couldn't. I mean she was my mother, she wouldn't do something like that to her child. She wouldn't deprive me of the one thing in life that would have made me smile unconditionally. Would she?

I grabbed the papers and stuffed them away again along with the boxes. I left the food untouched outside my door and went immediately to bed, and I slept, hoping it would take away the doubt and fear that now lived in my heart. It didn't. I only ended up dreaming all night, scary dreams where children and people ran from me screaming how I never loved them and never wanted them. My mother and Edward stood off to the side watching and laughing about the fact no one wanted me now. No one in my dream cared that I didn't know or realize what happened, that it was all done behind my back. It didn't change a thing, they all still hated me.

I woke up in a sweat and ran for the toilet. I threw up the small amount of bile left in my stomach, as it had long since been emptied by me. I felt safe and normal here, perched over the edge of the white porcelain toilet. The cold surface gave me my strength back, and I felt in control again. I gagged and heaved a few more times just to maintain my control and when I realized my stomach was as empty as it could get, I stood and walked away.

I rinsed my face and hands, brushed my teeth and went back to the bedroom. Now I was ready to read the entire page, now I was ready to know.

I pulled it out and started at the top. By the time I reached the bottom, I realized Renee had signed for an emergency C- section for EJ, then signed away my rights as a parent by showing her power of attorney, basically giving up EJ to Carlisle and Esme Cullen to adopt. Then she signed for them to take me into surgery to stop the bleeding and lied to me when I woke up.

My son was still alive and being cared for.

She also had a disclosure Carlisle and Esme signed stating they would never reveal his real identity. They could only claim him as their adopted son and that they had no idea who and where he came from.

I sunk to the floor and cried. I cried at the betrayal of my mother, and the fact my child had been rocked to sleep by someone else he called mommy all these years. He was almost five years old, and I had no idea how he looked. I just cried.

At some point in time I must have fallen asleep, because I woke up holding the papers and slumped against the edge of the bed. I called Charlie, and after a frantic explanation, he relayed he had no idea. He was told the same story I was, that EJ died, and she turned his body over to the hospital.

I packed my stuff and made my way to the car and left Vegas. I was headed for Chicago. I had to see Carlisle and Esme. I had to know how my child was doing and get more details.

I couldn't rest until I had at least seen him. That was all I asked at this point in time, was to just get a glimpse of him. I drove like a madwoman and arrived on their doorstep unannounced.

It was the middle of the afternoon so I thought EJ might still be at school, turns out I was right. Carlisle answered the door and simply held it open and motioned me inside. He knew why I was there. I followed him through the house until we were standing in front of a bewildered Esme in her craft room.

"Carlisle, what is going on?" Her eyes soft and concerned, yet trusting all at the same time.

"Es, she knows." Was his response, and her eyes changed, they became fearful.

I asked the only question I could think of, "Why?"

Esme walked over to the seat opposite of me and sat down, then Carlisle took a seat as well. Reluctantly, I also sat. "It's simple, I wanted a child. My whole life began to revolve around the fact I couldn't have one. All the modern tests and procedures didn't help me at all. I was unable to carry a child, not conceive one. I got pregnant several times, but they all ended in miscarriages. My uterus is not strong enough. So when I saw my chance, I took it." She held my gaze the entire time she spoke, and I saw she wasn't at all ashamed of what she did. I didn't blame her for trying to get a child, I was just furious she took my child.

Carlisle began to speak then. "Bella, your mother contacted us and told us your situation. She explained it was an accidental pregnancy, and you didn't want it." When I began to protest, he put his hand up. "We know differently now, but then we didn't. She explained about the accident and that the baby was born perfectly healthy, but the adoption needed to take place right away. We flew to New York and stayed for two days. Her lawyer drew up the paperwork, and we left with our son." I gasped. My baby was a boy as I suspected. Carlisle continued. "We named him Joseph Riley Cullen after my father and call him Riley." I tried to hold my tears at bay. "I won't lie to you, Bella, and tell you we didn't have our suspicions all along, because we did. The fact your signature wasn't on the documents was the first one, but her lawyer assured us it was because you were in surgery and unable to sign for yourself. Since you were still eighteen, it was perfectly legal for her to have a power of attorney over you and sign for you under the situation. We also suspected something when she threatened us with a lawsuit and forced us to sign the papers that said we would never reveal where we got him. I mean I know all adoption records are sealed, but this seemed overboard. Eventually, we knew when his hair came in and his eyes turned colors. We knew, but by then, it was too late to say anything. We asked around and no one knew your whereabouts, much less Edward. And he became so angry each time we brought you up, so we stopped asking. We never heard from you, so we assumed what your mother said was true. You didn't want him to stand in the way of your career. So we raised and loved our son." His eyes held the conflict they must have felt; it was evident in both his and Esme's eyes. I saw they took advantage of a situation to help themselves. After all of this time, I had to say I was at least glad EJ was with someone that loved, cared and gave him the best of everything.

"So, where do we go from here?" I asked, unsure what they were offering and what I wanted.

"Well, that depends on you. Riley has lived his life for the last five years thinking we were his mother and father, so it will be hard on him to confess all of this now." I nodded my head. I didn't want him hurt in any way. "So, what if we allow you to see him as a friend of the family and get to know him that way. When he is older and a little bit more able to deal with this kind of news, then we will all sit down together and share it with him." I was happy with what Carlisle and Esme offered, but there was one more piece of the puzzle I needed to know.

"Do you know who his father is?" I asked.

"Yes, Bella, that was the part that was simple to figure out. His hair and eyes gave it away. To most people though, it just looks like he favors Esme more than me." I gasped again. It was more than I could hope for, a son that looked like Edward. My eyes filled with tears, and Esme move around to embrace me.

"Can I see him?" I asked.

"He's gone on an overnight trip with Carlisle's sister Irina and her two kids. He won't be back until Sunday afternoon." Esme offered. "I have some pictures until then."

She brought out six photo albums, and we looked through each one. She shared stories, and I saw his smile, his first steps, his first bath, his loose tooth, everything. I could not deny this woman loved her son, my son, our son.

She showed me his room, and we talked for a few more hours. I asked one finally question before I left. "Does Edward know?"

Carlisle spoke up as tears came to Esme's eyes. "No, Bella, he doesn't. He has seen Riley a few times but just a few. He only talks about how much he looks like Esme. They think they are cousins, but that is it. We didn't feel like it was our place to tell him and disrupt both of their lives. I guess now that is in your hands to tell him about the pregnancy first, then we can tell him about Riley." I nodded. "But, Bella, there are some things you need to know about Edward." I sat back down on the chair. "He's different than you knew him. His life has taken a downward spiral, and he needs help finding his way out. That was another reason we didn't tell him. We were worried it would cause more harm than good." Carlisle left that ambiguous statement to hang in the air. I was so confused.

"Why would it cause more harm, I mean isn't a son a good enough reason to turn your life around?" I asked.

"Well, Bella, Edward is a rock star. And rock stars party a lot with women and drugs are involved in a lifestyle we didn't want Riley around. And if we told Edward Riley was his son, he would want to be around him, a lot. So until Edward could get himself clean and sober, we didn't want him around." I couldn't control the sob that fell from my lips. Carlisle and Esme both were always very close to Edward. He was almost like a son to them as well, so to hear them say they didn't want him around was heartbreaking, and it gave me a good idea as to how far down he had sunk.

"Do you know where he is now?" I asked. They both shook their heads at me.

"I'm not sure anyone does at the moment. He lost touch with Ed and Liz about a year ago. We just pray he is alright."

I couldn't hear anymore right now, I had to process all I had heard so far today, so I thanked them and promised to be in touch.

Then I left and found a hotel room.


E/N:Again this is all me, theonlykyla will be back at her regularly scheduled time next week...

So is that how you imagined it happening? Are you surprised that Bella still has a form of love for her mom? And more importantly...who is counting down the days till next Monday to see what Edward is up to now? Leave us some love by pressing that little button down there for us, pretty please?

Don't forget that we have two outtakes that we have donated to Fandom 4 Children. One of which is the letter that Renee left for Bella, mentioned here in this chapter. Go and donate a few dollars and get tons and tons of good fics to read! You won't be sorry, I never have been :)

Till next time...