I am not going to make Bella a sex addict with Edward so he can catch her cutting herself in the shower. (?)I am not going to make Bella stop in a second. She's been cutting herself for YEARS; she can't just stop cold turkey. I am not building up Bella cutting her so she can just stop or have Edward catch her. Profanity is a must in this story. I'm not a big fan for it in stories, but that's the way Bella's been brought up. It doesn't matter how much you guys tell me (sorry, I'm not sound bitchy) but I am not going to have Edward walk in on her cutting herself. As I've said many, many times before, I have everything up here. taps her head

Quote from friends used in this chapter:

I have a headache in my head – Alejandra.

Wow, shakes her head anyway, there was only ONE person who wanted to know (and realized) Edward was going to ask Bella something but got caught off my Alice's call. Hmm…I wonder what he was going to ask. :)

Missing Piece of the Puzzle

Chapter 15: Rethink

B.P.O.V.

A week later:

I woke up breathing hard and sweat beating out of every pore in my body. My chest heaved up and down under the covers as I try to convince myself my dreams weren't reality – my nightmares weren't reality.

I sat up and laid my forehead on my palm, putting my elbow on my knee. I swallowed the cry of sadness back down my throat and looked to my right. Next to the pictures Emmett and Rosalie got me for my birthday that were on my nightstand – they had new frames made for the pictures since the glass shattered. You can guess what I used the glass for. – was the alarm clock. Five forty-five in the morning. I sighed and pulled the warm, yet heavy covers, off of me. I jumped off the big bed and my feet met the ground with a thud.

As I slowly walked to the bathroom, my sleep threatening to come back, I thought of my recent week here with Edward. I went back to school on Friday and right now it's Wednesday morning. Nothing much changed during my absence. I was caught up on work, actually, I think I'm ahead, and the girls were out the same days. Sarah said they camped out near La Push reservation to meet up some guy for drugs. I didn't want to know the rest. Other than having a new kid in town, Omar, nothing has changed in school. I still see Edward seventh period, though.

He talks to me and asks me more questions then often. I don't mind, I answer them as I daydream about other stuff. My anti-depressant pills have being easier to not take. Here at Edward's suite, nobody accuses me of hiding them. Instead of flushing the white and tasteless pills down the toilet, I keep them in a special bottle. When the small container is filled up, I'm going to use it to prove to myself I do have control. Stupid little pills don't make me who I am and wont change my life. I can't believe people believe in that crap.

Other than that, I have no complaints. I still go see Dr. Cullen every other day, just to make sure I'm not "harming myself". They know there are blades in razor's right? I actually cut up my leg and lied that I fell while shaving. Edward and Doctor Cullen seemed a little uncomfortable about it, so they took my word for it without questions asked.

I've also been spending much more time with everyone, not counting Carlisle Cullen. He hates me for no good reason. So what? I'm in a gang, I cut myself, I've been in the hospital for trying to committing suicide and I'm living with his son, who's three years older than me. Don't you hate it when people judge you? Well, I guess Dr. Cullen has a slight reason to not like me, but hey, Esme loves me. As a matter of fact, everyone – no particular doctor included – loves me. It's…different.

Sure, I knew them previously, and they've been more than amazing, but living with Edward has really made me know them. Love them. It's something I've never felt before. It's terrifying, beautiful, scary, amazing, and heart-pounding yet the best feeling in the world all together. Emmett and Edward were already close with me; I've seen both of them almost every day lately. But now, being here and getting to really know everybody, it feels right.

I covered my mouth over the yawn that invaded my mouth. I looked over myself in the bathroom mirror. The dark circles under my eyes were gone, my lips were red again and I was filling out my clothes. I'm doing such a good job, Jasper even stopped making fun of me - he used to say I disappear when I turn sideways. A sigh of content exited my lips, soon being replaced by a small smile. I defiantly can't back to bed now, so I decided I would sit on a fluffy stool next to the towel rack. I untied the green bandana Edward had given me a couple of days ago and examined it. I always wear it when I go to sleep, like taking a part of Edward with me, even though he already gave me his room.

My lips automatically twisted as I looked at the green accessory in my hand. There isn't anything special about. Why did Edward even give it to me? He just said it reminds him that I still have hope and trying my best. I wonder if I wore a yellow bracelet he'll think I'm outgoing and funny. Humph, I shrugged and tied the bandanna back on. I got up and stretched, another yawn taking my breath away. I rubbed my eyes and scraped my feet against the floor as I made my way back to bed. As I turned off the lights in the bathroom, I tried to see what time it was. The red numbers were blurry but as I got closer, it became more pronounced. Five fifty. I guess I couple sleep a little while longer.

I got in the mattress that felt like heaven and closed my eyes. I thought back on all the times I spent with Rose and Alice. They've been such good friends. That's what I needed, friends. Don't get me wrong, I love Emmett, Jasper and Edward more then my life itself. Wait, my life doesn't value anything. So, Emmett, Jasper and Edward mean more to me than…my blade itself.

A smile rolled out of my lips as I remembered the talks and fun Alice and I had the other day. She took me to one of her photo shoots and introduced me to a model I've never heard of. Besides the gorgeous model denting my already broken ego, Alice was spectacular! They way she gave orders and picked out clothes. The instant she knows from purple to violet. Some other intern got a baby blue dress for the model and Alice screamed she needed periwinkle. Yikes, she's worse than Emmett when I told him I lost my history paper last week.

Rosalie was a bit more distant in the beginning. She didn't seemed upset about me moving in with Edward, but she didn't' seem thrilled or okay with it either. That's all changed now. Rosalie showed me her and Alice's dorm when Alice was on a date with Jazz on Saturday. She needed to do laundry and since I'm the expert at it, I helped. For some reason, doing laundry helps me, relaxes me. I love watching through the round window how all the colors and sizes of clothing mix together and become one big pile. No matter the differences, clothes are still clothes; they'll always have similarities and belong together. Plus, it's a cool way to kill time when you're bored. As you can see, before Edward and I met, I had no life.

Well, Rose accidentally poured too much soap in and we had a messy foam-filled room. At first we couldn't turn it off, so we tried getting the white, foamy soap to disappear. We brought water in the room and everything, but apparently it only made it worse. Once Rose and I were soaking wet, covered in spongy soap and smelled like 'sheer spring', we realized all we had to do was unplug the washing machine. Talk about a blonde moment for us…no pun intended, Rose. I laughed in the darkness at the memories. Rosalie and I have been inseparable ever since.

I got some-what the same reaction from Esme and Jasper. Edward told me Jasper has this thing for not agreeing with personal relationships between a student and teacher. Em says it's because Jasper's helping out with a case about a young girl going out with a teacher, only to be raped and dead the next day. Poor girl, that's horrible. My tired mood saddened as I thought what that guy might've done to the innocent girl. I shook my head and tried to think back on Esme.

She was the one who recommended me moving in with Edward, so I figured she'd be alright with it. And she was, but something tells me she knows something I don't. When Edward and I told her, she was…smirking? Edward and Alice both say it's a mother's intuition, but I say otherwise. Esme's up to something. Usually I would expect that type of behavior from Alice, but Esme's starting to get a sly smile on her perfect lips every time she comes and visits. Which is often. Don't get me wrong, I love Esme! She's the perfect mom, truly lovable. I feel I can talk to her and I have, but I don't want to get into that right now.

I looked at the time. It seemed like a more reasonable time to get up. Thinking about this perfect family takes up time. I sighed and, once again, got up. I quickly made the bed and turned on the lap, it illuminated the room with a warm glow. I love this place. I locked the bathroom door behind me and turned on the lights. My towels and clothes for today were already set up; Alice taught me how to prepare for the future or something like that. I turned twisted the metal handle in the shower and warm water soon sprinkled down. I striped and put my hand under the water before fully entering the shower, making sure it's not too cold or too hot. It was just right and I stood under the jets.

After I washed my hair and body, I grabbed my razor. I took it in my hand and carefully ran it around my waist, making blood go down in various lines of my stomach. It felt…different. I started cutting on my stomach (weird, but the only other place Dr. Hate-Me and Edward wouldn't figure out.) a couple of days ago. Most of the cuts have healed and formed permanent scars while others and still open and hurt when I wore tight shirts – Alice bought them, not me! I grabbed the soap and ran the white bar over my blood filled body. I was soon clean and began to rinse off the soap bar. Luckily, the blazing red liquid was out of sight. I turned off the shower with no feeling at all, I was too tired and my stomach was hurting.

I stepped out felt the wind blown out of me. I reached for the edge of the sink counter and grabbed on tight. I took three deep breaths and my eyes widened as I experienced this for the first time. I wrapped the towel around me, and just as I was bending down to reach for my clothes, I felt a tug in my stomach again. I clutched on to my waist, wrapping my arms around me, and fell to my knees. My eyes were shut tight as I tried to ease my breathing. I don't know what's happening. Another sting went through my waist. What's going on? What's happening?

After I caught my breath, I forced myself to stand up. That was weird and…I'm scared. I felt a warm tear go down my cheek when I bent down to snatch my clothes. I felt relieved when I didn't feel pain this time. I sighed for the tenth time in one morning and got dressed. Whatever happened to me right now, I hope it doesn't happen again.

I did my hair, got dressed, cleaned my room a little bit and grabbed my bag as I exited my room. Did I mention how much these people make an influence on me?

I reached the bottom of the stairs without tripping and set my bag at the bottom of the staircase. Edward was in the kitchen – leaning against the table, reading some book that he was assigned, looking like an Adonis without even trying – and drinking coffee from that place where Edward and Alice told Rose about me. Starbucks, was it? The big room with expensive appliances smells like toast and pancakes. I mentioned Edward can cook, right? No? Well, he can, thankfully.

"Mmm….smells good." I smile and reach for the plate next to Edward's position.

He puts down the thick book and noticed me. He gave me a smile that lifted half way, my smile. "Thanks, I heard you up earlier and I figured you be down here soon. Everything okay?"

Edward trooped to the toaster and popped in more bread. "Yeah, I just…" Had a nightmare you and everyone else I've ever gotten close to leave me miserably alone. "Didn't really have a good night's sleep. You know how it is, not being able to go back to sleep once you wake up." I shrugged and picked up coffee Edward got for me. I took a sip and heard the bread pop up.

"I hate when that happens." Edward nodded and he spread the butter on my toast. He smeared grape jelly on top of it a while after. "I told you, whenever you need help sleeping, go to my room and I'll sing you your lullaby. That's what it's for." He gave me two pieces of toast on a plate and I hugged him good morning.

I set my plate and warn coffee in my usual spot on the table, smiling at Edward. "It's fine, besides, it was time to get up anyway."

He grinned and sat down next to me. "Right, ready for school?"

I spoke around my food. "I guess. I just wish the girls would stop threatening me that they'll go to my house to stay the night. And I don't want to tell them I have a place here with you." I swallowed. "Not that I don't like it here and I'm embarrassed! I just don't want them to rat out on me."

Edward sat up straight in his wooden chair. "Threatening you? Bella, this is serious. You need to talk to the principal."

I rolled my eyes. It's only been a couple of years – two to be exact – since he's been in high school. Has he already forgotten how it works? "Edward, this is a usual day in my life. It'll blow over in a few." I shrugged and took another bite.

"But it isn't right." Edward sighed. He pinched the bridge of his nose. "Look," Edward checked the clock on the stove. I looked too, but the numbers were blurry. I soon got a headache. Right after my head started pounding, my stomach twisted and I lost my breath. Was it hot in here? "Let's get to school, we'll talk seventh period." Edward picked up my plate, threw the rest in the garbage, and placed the plate in the dishwasher. Sweat beaded out of my forehead. The room was spinning.

I could hear Edward grabbing his car keys and getting his phone. I carefully got up and felt dizzy. My palm automatically slapped itself over my forehead and I clutched the table with dear life. "Bella!" Edward supported me. "Are you okay?" His voice was at my ear. Arg, too close. Too loud.

I nodded fiercely. Gah, bad idea. He let me go, but kept his arms close, incase I fall. "You sure?"

"Yes I'm…I'm sure." He looked at me suspiciously and I tried to straighten up and give him my best smile. "Really, just a rush, I'm fine."

He nodded, though he seemed unsure, and went to get his laptop. The room was upright again and the pain decreased. "Don't forget to take your pill." He warned.

I walked up to first floor bathroom and opened the medicine cabinet that was the mirror. I grabbed two anti-d's and put them in the bottle that was in my pocket. I quickly screwed the bottle close and made sure Edward didn't see me. I stepped out of the bathroom, finding a patient Edward waiting by the door with my bag. "Ready?"

"Mmm-hmm." I didn't trust my voice as I caught up to Edward.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

I stomped my way to the main office. Today has to be the worst day in history of worst days. Yeah, my headache, it came back as soon as I separated from Edward's side. None of the teachers let me see the nurse – not that she would do much anyways – because they all told me the same thing: "What? You didn't have enough time to get better on your week off?" Grr, I hate them.

I entered Edward's office and slammed the door shut. I swear I heard myself growl as I threw myself on his couch. "What up with my drug addict?" Emmett. My teddy bear, I'm in the need of a hug.

"Em," I whimpered and felt someone big carry me on their lap on the couch.

He ran his hands threw my now soft hair and cooed. "What's wrong?"

"Bella, you look pale." Edward's angelic voice came closer. I couldn't see, my eyes were closed. "Are you sick? Where does it hurt?"

"I have a headache." I sounded like a baby. I haven't felt like this since I first started cutting myself.

"A headache, where?" Emmett sounded worried.

I opened my eyes and looked up at his baby face looking down at me. I felt Edward staring at him too. Please tell me he's joking. "I have a headache…in my head?" I said.

Emmett nodded and made an 'o' shape with his lips. I slowly looked back at Edward. He shook his head and mumbled something that sounded like, "Can't believe he was valedictorian."

"Well," Edward snapped out of his trance. "I can't give you aspirin in school but," He pulled something out from his drawer. "Here you go." Edward handed me two pills and I took them gladly. They slipped perfectly down my aching throat. I think I'm coming down with something.

I tried to sit up, but the bottle filled with my untaken anti-depressant pills slipped out of my pocket. It rolled onto the floor and reached Edward's feet. He bent down to grab it and my heart radar reached a new high. "What's this?" He looked at the unlabeled bottle.

I sprinted up and snatched the bottle from his smooth grip. "It's for…Jazmin. She didn't want her parents finding out about these and asked me to keep them hidden for her." I talked to fast; I slipped over some of my words.

"What are they?" Asked Emmett and came up behind me. Shit! They surrounded me.

"Birth control?" My voice broke.

Both Edward and Emmet took two long steps away form me and Jazmin's 'birth control pills'. They both mumbled, "Yeah, okay." And the room felt uncomfortable.

"Yeaaaaah." I snuggled the white bottle into my back pack and smiled innocently at Edward and Emmett. This is going to be an awkward session.

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I walked home after seventh period, ditching biology. Being best friends with a student teacher is pretty awesome. Besides, Emmett already taught me about atoms the day before I went back to Forks High. Who cares? Teacher's have taught us about it since I was in seventh grade. The protons are positive, electrons are negative, neutrons have a neutral charge and the nucleus is the center of the entire element. Blah, blah, blah.

After a long talk, more like fight, with Edward, I finally convinced him to let me walk back home. Home, it's a different meaning and place I would've thought a couple weeks ago. Edward suggested he take my back pack home for me so that I didn't have to carry so much.

As soon as I slid the extra card Edward had given me for the room, I all but crawled up the stairs. Why did he have to have such a big suite? Curse rich people. I plopped down on my bed and-

Wow! I got up and stretched. I felt good! I checked the time – the numbers that light up were much easier to read. I've only been asleep for two hours? That's it? Man, those aspirins are magic.

I walked into the bathroom and reached for the razor in the shower. The only thing was, when I ran the razor over my belly, I flinched. "Ow!" I dropped the razor and covered my mouth with both of my hands. Never have I ever made a noise of pain in years. It hurt, hurt badly. Holding onto my new gash, I reached for the medicine cabinet.

There were the things I never though I'd take. I took an anti-depressant pill, two actually, and it slid down my throat with a cup of water easily.

Nothing. I expected to feel better or have a change of thought, but nothing happened. I shrugged and walked into my room.

Right when I laid on my fluffy bed, I heard the door downstairs slam shut. I jumped out of my skin and before my stomach caught up with my body on the ground, I heard the menacing cry of Edward's voice.

"ISABELLA MARIE SWAN!!"

Sorry for not updating yesterday! The chapter wasn't ready and I apologize for the chapter being short. Review! :)