You know what I hate? When people copy me. At school, I wear a Jack Skellington belt, next week two other girls have the exact same one. I write my name on the board saying "Algebra rox!" the rest of the class signs under me. I say something (how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood) and everyone else tries to say it. I go looking for a new story on fanfic and there's like 20 about Bella cutting herself. WTF!? When I fist came up with this idea, it was because no one else had written about it and I thought it was original. I HATE THIS!

Grr, sorry about that. Here's the chapter!

Missing Piece of the Puzzle

"ISABELLA MARIE SWAN!!"

Chapter 16: So Many Promises…

B.P.O.V.

I jumped out of bed and ran to the door. If Coach Clapp could see me now, he'd ask me to be on the track and cross country team. Scared that something wrong happened, I darted down the stairs way faster than when I went up. I reached the bottom steps and halted to a stop when I saw Edward very pissed off.

He was breathing in and out with such force, I thought he might explode. "What's wrong?" I asked breathlessly.

"This," Edward held up the all too familiar bottle. Uh-oh. "This is what's wrong!"

"I…" What can I say? I'm at a loss for words. He found about one of the things I'm embarrassed about.

"Care to explain?" His voice thundered.

I flinched back a little. "Well?" He spat.

Speak, Bella, speak! "How do you know they're not birth control?" My low voice proved how ashamed I was. Stupid me! Why couldn't I have taken the stupid pills? It would've made everyone happy, even me, now.

Edward laughed bitterly without humor. "How stupid do you think I am? I know they aren't birth control. They're your anti-depressants! I know how they look like; I've been telling you and reminding you to take them for a week!"

"You can't just expect me to stop right away!" The voice came from nowhere. Like someone else was talking for me. Edward was shocked, so was I.

He seemed perplexed about my outburst for a while. "You haven't stopped?" His voice was low, threatening. The weight that was already placed on my shoulders brought me down.

I collapsed.

Sitting on the last step of the staircase, I covered my face with my hands. A curtain hiding the show of humility dancing on my face. What's wrong with me?

"Bella! Look at me!" Edward snapped.

I let my hands fell onto my lap as I gazed up at Edward, a blush covering my face. "I've given you so many things!" I flinched again. We've talked about this before and I didn't like it the first time. "Why? Why? I made a conclusion that you caused this," His eyes darted to my upper arms. "Because you didn't enjoy your life, you weren't happy, you weren't loved, and I thought I changed that! I thought I had given you the things you never had! But apparently I was wrong."

My eyes were filled with tears. "What do you want Bella?" Edward fell to his knees in front of me. Shock waved through me like radiation until it conquered my heart. My soul ached and I couldn't believe I was the one who's done this to him.

Edward placed his hands on my knees, his eyes pleading into my watery gaze. "What do you need? I'll give you anything to be happy but, just…stop. Stop cutting yourself; stop hurting yourself, stop wanting to end your life! It's not worth it. It's not fair!" He looked so agonized; sorrow filled my every vein to see him like this. Begging.

"Don't you see how this affects me?" Edward asked fiercely. "How it affects all of us! Alice, Emmett, Jasper, Rose, my mom. We all love you! How do you think we'll feel when you die? Even worse, knowing you actually wanted to die!" His emerald, shinning, eyes were encountered with hopelessness. Edward was crying, as was I.

His wonderful eyes and my muddy orbs were engulfed with tears. Why did he care? He isn't supposed to notice me! It's bad enough I hurt myself, but bringing other people who are kind down with me is horrible. I've been the one who wants to die when, all along, I've been the murderer. I can't die and watch them join the ride; seeing them die on the inside, if that's possible. Besides, the razor has been hurting every time I use it on myself. Edward's right, it's not fair. They shouldn't be suffering for something that's my doing.

"I…" Edward seemed to also have a loss for words as he crawled to join me on the step. He buried his face in his hands as I did earlier. Edward's hands slid down his face and he sighed heavily. "I…I don't think I can do this anymore."

"What?" I breathed. My eyes frantically searched the room. Some how wishing there was a way to change the past and convince Edward to have a change in thought.

He looked at me with forgiveness. "Bells, we've been through this before. Me trusting you, you lying, me finding out in the worst possible way, then it all repeats over again." Edward threw up his hands, as sign of giving up. He shook his head. "Maybe we're going on about this the wrong way. Maybe moving in with me and getting close to all of us was a mistake; it's not like it's helped you at all. Not only is this affecting you anymore, but me – my family, my friends."

Edward stared at me with tired eyes. "I don't think we can make this thing work. It's not helping you and it sure isn't helping me." He drew in a breath and released it carefully. No…It can't. He isn't saying what I think he's saying. He can't be. Please…please no. "I like you Bella, but if you aren't going to help us – help yourself – I don't think we'll get through this." Edward's perfect eyes danced around in space. He is saying what I thought he was.

"No." I whispered. Edward's head snapped towards me.

"Pardon?"

"No!" I jumped up and clutched my own hands tight until I could feel my pulse on my palm. My eyes met Edward's questioning ones. "You can't! We can't! Edward, I need you to be able to stop – all of you! Can't you see the effect you guys have on me, too? I've been cleaner, nicer, doing better in my classes…I even to two anti-depressant pills!" All my life I've let people judge me, push me around, and make their own conclusions about me. Not any more!

Edward looked away and rested his elbows on his knees. "When?" He sounded doubtful.

"Right now!" I gestured my hands up the stairs. He shook his head and bit the edge of his lip. I bet he's thinking of a way to get me to move back in with Charlie or something. How dare he! "Edward! I swear. Check me." I held out my wrists, imitating getting handcuffed.

He sighed and stood up. Pushing my hands down, he looked me in the eye. "I can't just check you, Bells. How can I trust you?" His eyes wandered down my arms but stopped at the end of one of my hands. I followed his stare and found he was looking at my wrist, the same spot I cut myself last week. It seems like an idiotic thing at this point.

A scowled managed to appear on my face as I hid my arms behind my back. Edward seemed thoughtful, "Where?"

He didn't need to specify, I knew what he was talking about. He was wondering where else I had cut myself. I swallowed my pride – quite literally – and rubbed both of my hands on my stomach. Edward finally expressed an emotion on his face: Bewilderment.

"There?" He pointed a pale finger to my tummy. I nodded solemnly.

Edward shook his head again. "You never fail to surprise me. But can I ask you one thing?" He tore his gaze from my belly and looked at me. He didn't wait for me to respond. "Why there? I mean, couldn't you have chosen a…different spot?"

"I didn't want your dad to find out." I said slowly. Blood filled my veins and poured into my blushing cheeks.

"Ah, I see. Never the follower, eh?" Edward gave me a sad smirk. There was no hint of my smile on his lips. "Of course you wouldn't cut yourself in the most obvious spot." He looked down at his feet and seemed to be talking to himself more than to me. "You're far too smart for that."

"I don't want to die." I clarified. Edward reviewed my torn expression.

"What?"

Tears rolled down my cheeks, just like in those Lifetime movies. "I don't want to die." I rubbed the back of my hand over my runny nose as Edward examined me. "How could I?" I muffled a soft laugh, but nothing was funny at this point. My nightmare – the one thing that can shake me awake, fear the most, sweat like melted ice cream, cry like a baby and dread the most – was about to become reality.

"Having you care for me, live with you, even. Meeting Em, Jazz, Alice and Esme, being here - and just being happy for once! – is something I don't want to give up." I smiled through my hurricane of tears. "Please…I promise – I swear! – I'll stop just…don't give up on me. Please, don't give up." I clasped my hands together and entwined my fingers.

Edward seemed stunned. He shook his head, not being bale to speak. "Bella, I don't…know. Everything has been going downhill since we met. I haven't done anything to help you." He sighed and furrowed his eyebrows.

He can't be serious! "Edward," I took his face between my hands. "You've helped me in so many ways I thought impossible. You gave me a home; you paid for my hospital bill…you took me to the hospital! My cutting has torn down to a minimum and you know what I figured out today? I've been cutting myself lately, not because I need to, but because I want to!" I let go of his soft face and waited to see his reaction.

Edward rolled his eyes. Not something I was expecting. "Gee, thanks, that really makes me feel like I've helped you." He spoke with sarcasm.

I screeched and stopped my foot, forming fists with my hand. "You're the most stubborn man on the face of the universe!" I just want to, ugh! Slap his pretty face until he realized how much he's offered me! "Before, I gashed myself because I needed to. If I didn't, I would go crazy; at least it felt like it. Have you ever been addicted to drugs?"

"You're kidding me, right?" Edward asked in a monotone voice.

I blushed again and frowned. "Right, sorry. Well, scraping myself and feeling the pain was like another type of heroine. A rush through my body, an electric current through my bleeding veins, heaven sent right down to me! It was beyond amazing." I felt a goofy smile on my lips as I remembered those times.

Surveying Edward's sneer, I noticed I was still smiling. The edges of my mouth dropped and started working on my next movement. "But today, when I ran the razor over my stomach, I felt…pain. It was horrible, filled with agony, stinging, heat, fire, and overall helplessness. Like that other part – the other half of me that needed and wanted and felt passionately about cutting – suddenly dissolved or subsided or something. My point is, I don't want to cut myself anymore. I don't want to feel that type of pain, I don't want it, and I don't need it. Please, you have to help me stop. I'm so close." More tears skimmed down my skin.

Edward seemed hopeful for a second before it shattered like my heart. "Bells, how can I trust you anymore?" His voice was hoarse, tired.

"If I can regain your trust, it would mean the world to me. Edward, please believe in me. Don't give up on me, that's the last thing I need right now." I pleaded.

"Bella, I do believe in you, I'll never give up. Hell, that's the last thing I want to do right now! The reason I want you to go see the psychologist, a classified one, is because I believe in you." He caressed my cheek and used his thumb to clear my face from tears. "I can't believe I'm saying this, but…I trust you."

I smiled and hugged Edward. "Thank you! You'll never regret this, I swear! And I promise-" My joyful announcement was interrupted by Edward gently pushing me away. "What?" I ordered sadly.

"But Bella, this is the last chance I'm giving you. And I mean it. There are going to be conditions from now on and there will be more rules." He looked me straight in the eye.

"Anything." I murmured. Anything to stay here and stop what I started years ago.

"We're going to have to tell them." Alice, Rose, Jasper, Esme, Dr. Cullen and, my teddy bear, Emmett. My bottom lip quivered as I remembered how I affected him the last time. Edward continued, "You're going to see my dad every other day, but this time he's going to examine you everywhere. Just to make sure you've really stopped. I'm going to get my dad to check your cuts on your stomach and this is just the start of it."

Edward and I spent the next half hour talking about the new rules and regulations. I am now a proud teenager with a curfew, and you know what, I'm happy. I'm glad Edward cares so much to give me punishments. And I know, he does it for the best.

I walked up the stairs, letting my hand glide on the railing. Edward was coming up behind me, both of us agreed we were tired and needed a nap. This is my second one today, but then again, my life just changed a couple of seconds ago. I made a commitment and, for once, I'm going to stick to it.

Edward hugged me, but I caught his arm before he walked off. "Can you help me sleep?"

He gave me a tired smile. Not like the ones earlier, this time it was because he was physically and mentally tired. Not emotionally. "Sure."

We laid on my bed, Edwards arm draped over my waist, and my head tucked into his warm chest. As I fell into a lovely sleep – with no nightmares, I might add! – I knew I loved Edward more than life itself. Yes, more than my life because everyone means something, and he is worth living for.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

I yawned and sat up. Stretching my arms outward, I peeked at the time. It was about eight at night. I got up and yawned again, sleep still dawning over me. Where was Edward? The last thing I remembered was his angelic voice singing to me.

Taking my time down the steps, I heard voices. Edward was one of them, followed by a low one: Emmett. I rushed down the stairs and planted my feet on the last step, over hearing what was going on. Edward and Em were in the kitchen, coffee in each of their hands, but their backs were to me and the only light was from above the oven, giving the large space a dark night glow.

"And then she said she wanted to stop. She promised she would." Edward said to my teddy bear.

"But-but," Emmett was having a hard time to speak. He sucked air through his nose, but it sounded as if it were clogged. He was crying. I squeezed my eyes shut. Why did I always do this to him? To Edward? Damn it! "I thought she was-s already stopping. You know, with the p-pills and everything." He sounded broken. A tattered teddy bear.

Edward sighed and I saw him pat Emmett on the back. "I know, man, me too. Don't worry, we had a long talk, I know she's telling the truth." He spoke with such certainty, I couldn't hold back.

I marched right up to the table, Edward saw me first. I clutched Emmett from behind crying into his big shoulder. "I'm sorry, don't be mad." I whispered.

Em turned around and I was sitting on his lap, like a baby. I buried my head into his collar as he soothed me by rubbing my back and digging his head in my hair. This isn't right. I'm supposed to help him.

I looked up and into his hazel eyes. They were red around the rim and full of sorrow. "I'm so, so sorry, Em. I promise I'll do better. I know I can do this, I can stop! Please, I just need your help. Don't be mad, please, I just need you." I whimpered.

Emmett gave me a watery grin. "How can I not forgive? I need you more than you need me, drug addict. Wish you could see that." He spoke softly.

"Yeah, but you know what?" I offered as I wiped away a running tear off his face.

"Yes, Bertha?" Emmett smirked.

I laughed a little and heard Edward's quite chuckle behind me. Count on Emmett to brighten the mood. "The reason I want to live life is because of Edward and Alice and Rose and Jasper and Esme and you."

Em beamed and hugged me close. I smiled into his toned chest and knew that he was the closet thing I had to a big brother. Emmett was actually quite comfortable; I didn't want to pull away. Em seemed to feel the same as he took in a deep breath and released it slowly. I could swear I felt him smile into my hair.

Edward cleared his throat audibly and Emmett gave a light chuckled as he moved away from our comfortable pose. I was still sitting on his large lap, facing Edward and smiling as I cleared my face of tears, when Emmett spoke, "We were having a moment." That caused us all to laugh. Edward and Emmett's were low and rough while mine was different than how I remembered. No longer shackles or rough chains, more…feminine?

Em tickled my sides and I squealed as I squirmed through his grip. "It's late, and they'll be closing the wing to my dorms soon. I gotta go." He smiled – with dimples! – and kissed my head. I got off his lap like the little girl I've been feeling and stood in front of him. I hugged his large torso. "Good night, Bells."

After he and Edward patted each other on the back, Edward came back to join me on his detailed table. "The rest came by when you were still asleep. I figured you would prefer if I told them instead of yourself."

I nodded slowly, letting everything that occurred today in. "Who do you mean by 'them'?"

Edward moved around in his seat. "My mom and Alice stopped by with Dad. Then Rosalie came with Jasper and as they left, Emmett came in. I guess they all had a feeling we needed to talk." He shrugged nonchalantly.

"Oh," was my genius remark.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

"So then I was chopping the tomato for Charlie when I accidently cut my finger." I went on explaining to Edward how I started cutting myself in his office the next day at school.

Edward made a discussed face but hid it well. "For some reason, it felt nice. I was in a really sour mood that day, so feeling relieve with physical pain helped, more or less."

He nodded and typed some quick notes on his Dell laptop. "Thanks for finally letting me in the know of this whole deal, really appreciate it." Edward gave me a sincere smiled, not too long until if formed into the lopsided grin I love so much, my smile.

How could I not smile back? The bell rang and I looked up at the white clock above the door. Was it time already?

I got up, as did Edward, and I grabbed my bag. "See ya after school." I grabbed the handle on the door.

"My Volvo at four o'clock sharp." He popped on the letter 'p'.

I smiled, rolled my eyes good naturally, and walked out his door. Finally making my way to the cafeteria, I noticed a flyer as I pulled open the door.

Halloween Dance

October 31

8:00 – 12:00

Tickets: 6 Dollars

Come…If you dare!

Of course there were drawing of ghosts, pumpkins, witches, etc. on there. A Halloween dance on Halloween…duh. As if they actually need to put the date, when else will there be a Halloween dance? Thanksgiving?

I was about to get my lunch, when I realized I didn't have any money. I got out of line and looked for one of them. No luck found. I made my way to the back doors of the cafeteria and walked out into the mid-October weather. Sure enough, a couple of girls were smoking.

"Jazmin, I need a couple of bucks for lunch." I said and tried to sound tough. In all honesty, I haven't been with them in the longest time and now….well, they scared me.

She blew out rings of smoke and looked up at me. She was sitting on the concrete floor but got up as the last poof of smoke faded. Leaning her back and one foot against the brick wall, her cat-like voice sneered, "And why should I give you anything? It's not like you even hang with us anymore." Jazmin rolled her eyes and brought the cigarette to her mouth.

"Well I'm still in the gang. You know what you would've done if I wasn't." She breathed in her drug and released it slowly. Savoring the moment, I suppose.

"Yeah, I know. Do you think I'm stupid or something?" Yeah, pretty much. "You had enough money to make something outta that ugly face and tangled hair of yours. You should have enough for some food, too." She looked away and flicked off the end of her smoke.

I rolled my eyes in annoyance and stomped over to Karina in the baseball field. Once I passed the gate and walked onto the mushy grass, I saw her. She was laying face down on one of the benches in one of the dugouts, inhaling some sort of white substance that was formed in a line through her nose. More drugs. "Karina." I called as I stuffed my freezing hands into the new jacket Alice picked out for me.

She looked up unwillingly. "What?" She barked.

"C-can I have some money? I need it for lunch." I stammered.

"Here," She reached her long finger-nailed hands under the wooden bench and threw something at me. I caught it just in time. It was a clear Ziplock bag that had a yellow happy face sticker on it and the rest of the white stuff she was inhaling. "Take some of that, way better than food. But don't finish it off!"

I dropped off the bag next to her and walked out of the dug out. As I was heading back to the cafeteria to ask Edward for some lunch money, I tripped on a rock. "Oof!" My face met the wet, scratchy grass.

"Are you okay?" A familiar voice questioned. I gazed up and saw Sarah looking down on me.

I spit out all the grass in my mouth. "Just dandy."

"Let me help," She pulled out her hand. I took it willingly and she hoisted me up on my feet.

"Thanks." I smiled and looked down. Turns out the huge rock that tripped me was only a teeny-tiny pebble. Great, first gravity hates me and now Mother Nature is against me too.

"Listen, I heard you needed money and," She pulled out a roll of dollar bills and handed them to me. You could say she was anorexic and wasn't fond of eating. But give her some beer and cocaine, she's all ready.

I don't judge her though. She's the nicest person here and really helps me. "Thanks!" I gave her a hug and walked back up to the cafeteria.

Halfway there, she hollered, "But Bella! Don't be stray, I need you, too!" Sarah smiled.

I returned it and called back, "Hah! Don't worry. I'll be hanging out with you guys soon, promise!" Little did I know that was so going to happen.

Okay, longer than the last chapter. I didn't edit it simply because I don't have enough time. But as soon as I post it, I'll check for mistake. Vote on my poll!

Review please and let me in on your thoughts!

Love, Mayface!