Chapter 13B

A/N: (from the desk of Bnjwl) Okay by now you all know our team and how much we love them! Guess what...we still do! We love you all as much as well. We can't say thank you enough for all of you that reads, reviews and follow us around. We really appreciate it so much. I can't describe the feeling of seeing one of our readers for this story on another story we write. Indescribable!

Unfortunately we have some bad news...we won't be posting next week. I have some family things to take care of and won't be here so I wanted to take the pressure off of Kyla (from Kyla – No pressure, I am swamped under, too;( )

and decided to be the bad guy here to make the decision that we won't post! I hope you all forgive us, we will be back on May 28th with a new chapter for you all!

Till then snack on this lil bit of info from our dear Bella...

Bits and pieces of life floated around my mind. I heard things, things Carlisle and Edward said. I saw bits of our life before and how it could be now. I hoped and prayed this was not too much for Edward. I didn't want to set him back in his life. He had worked so hard to get to this point; sober and happy. The last thing I needed to do was push him back over the edge.

I wanted to hold it all in somehow or another, but I just couldn't. It was like a room filled with water, once the door was opened, even if it was just a crack, you couldn't stop the water from rushing out. It was beyond my control. I had opened the door, so I just had to deal with the aftermath.

Part of me screamed that this is why I never allowed my emotions out before. Some people could prance them out and deal with them like a show pony and be fine afterwards. I was not in that group; I was sure of that. Besides, Renee never gave me a chance to do that anyway. Her attitude about it was that it was in the past and why worry about it now? I see the point in that, but then again, you just end up sweeping everything under the rug 'til you end up like me, screaming your brains out in the psycho ward in a local hospital.

I needed Edward; I needed to feel him, to see his face and know he was okay. To know I didn't push him over the edge again.

For some reason, the lyrics to Dream On by Aerosmith hit me, probably because it was always one of Edward's favorite songs. I must have heard it a million times over the years.

Every time I look in the mirror, all these lines on my face getting clearer, the past is gone.

It went by like dusk to dawn, isn't that the way? Everybody's got their dues in life to pay.

Well, I know nobody knows where it comes and where it goes.

I know it's everybody's sin, you got to love to know how to win.

Is that what we'd done? Had we lost so that now we knew how to win? I prayed the answer to that is yes as tears streamed down my face in small rivers. I prayed we had not lost it all, because I knew for certain, the next loss would be the one to break me for good.

I concentrated on humming the song to focus on Edward and what we could possibly have so I didn't focus on what we would never get back.

Half my life's in book's written pages, live and learn from fools and from sages.

You know it's true, all the things you do, come back to you.

I realized all the times I let Renee win because it was easier to not fight with her, was only setting me up for failure. I could see that now. I could see how I hurt Edward by letting her control me. It was clear now! Was that enough? Was it?

The chorus was next, but I couldn't force myself to sing that part. I just couldn't say the last line, because the last thing I wanted the Lord to do was take him away from me. I couldn't live without him. I just couldn't!

So I repeated the first two verses and sang the 'dream on' part. Because that was what I was doing at this point in time, I was dreaming. I was begging, I was pleading, I was bargaining. I was giving up things so Edward could take his place in my life permanently.

Therapy … done.

Talking about things between us … done.

Even the throwing up, I'd give that up for him. To make myself better for him, anything he needed.

I knew the doctor's would say those were the wrong reasons, but to me that was stupid. To me those were the exact right reasons. I needed to be healthy for him, healthy to keep him on track for us. Because without him, I was nothing. My life had shown that already. He was everything to me, everything good in me, that was all him.

I heard the door open and turned to see Edward and Carlisle walk in. They both looked worse for wear, but not because of a fight, they looked mentally strung out. My tears began with force again. I felt them rush down the sides of my face. I reached to wipe them away, embarrassed by them, but I couldn't move my arms. I began to panic and yank on the restraints holding me down. Edward rushed to my side.

"Shh, baby, it's okay. It's for your own safety." His large hand smoothed down the side of my face and wiped away the tears for me. "Come on, settle down for me, please. I hate to see you like this. Please, baby?" His voice sounded broken and tired. I couldn't help but whimper at the sound.

I opened my mouth to speak but I couldn't. I felt a deep burn in my throat, and I only croaked. Edward rushed to stop me. "It's okay, you were doing a lot of screaming. Don't speak, your throat is too sore, it'll hurt you more. I'm here." He sat down beside me, and I tried to grab both of his hands. My eyes frantically searched the room, I was hoping Riley was not here. I didn't want him to see this part, to see me like this. I didn't want to hurt him.

Carlisle stepped forward and took my other hand. "Bella, you will be here for about 24 hours then you can check yourself out. I have spoken with the doctors here and they wanted to adjust your medications. Can you tell me who you normally see so they can consult with your doctor before they do that?" He looked so sad, his clear blue eyes held a level of emotion I had never seen there before. I felt responsible for that as well.

"I see Dr. Zafrina Rutledge. Her number is in my purse if that is still around here somewhere. She has an on-call number and her service can reach her anytime with that number." I mumbled. I knew they had given me something. I felt the sluggishness in my limbs and my brain seemed foggy.

He nodded and moved away. I grabbed his hand before he was able to distance himself from my bed. "Thanks, Carlisle. I'm so sorry." I emphasized each word and hoped he saw the truth in them.

"I know, Bella. I know you are, but to be honest, I worried this would happen all along. It's not healthy to keep years of things locked up, they have to come out sometime. Now that they are out, you just have to deal with them one at a time so you can get better for all of us." His smile calmed my nerves and his warm, gentle hand smoothed across the skin of my cheek. I leaned into his touch and returned his smile as best I could. "Esme is worried to death. I'll go call Dr. Rutledge and Esme to let her know what is going on as well. You take care, Bella. We'll see you soon." He squeezed my hand and let it go. I watched him walk away.

I felt my head grow heavy and my eyes drooped closed after Carlisle walked out. I remembered hearing the doctor talk about medications as I faded into darkness. I saw glimpses of my life. Somehow or another I knew they were things that had not happened yet but would. It was almost like I could peel back the layers of the universe and step into the future to see things.

I danced with Edward at our wedding.

I saw Riley as he ran around the yard.

I smiled and pushed my dad's shoulder as we sat on his houseboat and talked.

I saw big and small things. I saw things that brought a smile to my face and others that made me sad. I realized for the first time that I needed to deal with things. I needed to talk to about things. Sometimes it would be his fault and sometimes it would be mine, and sometimes it would be no one's fault. But I wouldn't have any happiness until I let go of all of this trapped in my mind and freed myself. I owed it to all of us. We had all suffered and deserved to be happy.

My dreams drifted back to Edward and I, all the things we had done together. I recalled all our happy times. I whimpered for him. "Knight," and I swore I heard him as he called back to me. But yet when I looked around, I didn't see him. I only saw the darkness that surrounded me, the deep unforgiving blackness. It was so dark, the 'you couldn't see your hand in front of your face' kind of black. Part of me wanted to lie down and give up. It would have been so easy. It would have felt so good to not be pressured any longer. But I couldn't, I had to do this! I owed this to Edward and Riley. Edward fought for me; he took a long painful road, but he still fought. And so now I had to fight for him as well. I had to show him he was worthy of my time and effort.

When my eyes drifted open on their own, I felt rested. I felt light and free. I also felt the warmth of Edward's large hand as it engulfed my own. I sat and watched him sleep. I saw the age and worry as it rested right around his eyes. I also saw the clean, shaggy hair that fell over his forehead. I knew he didn't like it that way, he never did. It bothered him when it fell into his face, but I loved it. It made him look young again, young and carefree. I wanted to take back all the hardship and drugs that had held him down. I wanted to shed all of his problems and walk away into the sun hand in hand.

We couldn't have that right now, but we would in the future. I would make sure of it.

I kissed his swollen, sore knuckles. I shuddered as I remembered his argument with Carlisle. As sad as I was about where I currently lay, I was ever thankful it stopped the fight between the two of them. I never wanted that for them. Edward's eyes drifted open and glanced around the room first. He looked lost and disoriented until his eyes met mine. Then he smiled and his beauty struck me full in the chest again.

I said the only words that came to mind, "You're here."

He sighed and smoothed my hair down. I tried to apologize, but he stopped me. I felt his arms wrap around me and the electricity that engulfed me was all encompassing. He encouraged me to sleep, and I did exactly that. It was just too hard not to when he held me so close to him, when I was able to breathe in his scent as well. It all mixed together in a way that made it the most heady cocktail I had ever had, I could tell you that much.

When I opened my eyes again, Edward was still in bed with me. This time though, he was semi reclined, and I was curled around him, holding him close to me at his waist. I also noticed my room was full. Carlisle, Esme, Edward Sr. and Elizabeth, my dad, as well as Emmett and Rosalie. They all look relieved as I tried to sit up. My dad rushed forward to attempt to help.

"Hey, Bells, you scared the shit out of me, you know that?" He asked with his lips pressed against my forehead. I simply nodded because I knew any words would push me over the edge and I would cry. I didn't want that in front of everyone, so I just nodded.

When my dad stepped away, Elizabeth came over and stopped beside the bed. She appeared scared to approach, so I waved her over. Edward snickered at us, but she stepped forward. I ignored the sounds and waited to feel her pressed against me, because I knew what was coming. I knew she would hug me, she would love me and make a fuss over me. Like a mother should … like my mother should have done but just never did. I teared up again as she gently pulled me into her. Elizabeth treated me like I was fragile china and I would break with the least little touch.

"My girl is finally home. I have missed you so, so, so much." She has tears in her eyes as well. In fact, the whole room sported them. No one was embarrassed or wiped them away so neither did I. "We have missed you like you can't imagine. I'm so glad you're home." She kissed my head, and I felt her pause just like Edward does. It made me chuckle, but neither of them acknowledged it at all. I think they were too caught up in what happened to each of us while I was gone. Their eyes showed regret, but they also showed optimism as well. I focused on the latter.

When Elizabeth stepped back from me, the rest of the room acted as if we had all seen each other yesterday. Talking commenced and introductions were made. Edward, his dad, Carlisle and my dad all discussed music and contracts with Emmett. Esme, Elizabeth and Rosalie talked about all kinds of different things. I sat and soaked up the love. I realized this was what a family was, it was the people that ran when you were in the hospital, not the ones fate gave you.

Several hours later, after everyone had gone home and Edward and I lay in bed, I brought up the subject I knew we were going to have to broach eventually. It might as well be now while I had good medications to help me deal with the answers if I didn't like them.

"Edward, what are we going to do about Riley?" I whispered.

His hand paused in my hair. The strands were twisted in his fingers, they had drifted about halfway through when he paused. I heard the deep breath and the louder exhale that followed it.

"I don't know yet. I think all of us - you, me, my mom and dad, your dad, Carlisle and Esme- need to sit down and discuss what we need to do about it. Because to be honest Bella, I don't know what to do." I heard another deep breath and felt his chest respond with movement as well. Neither of us had bothered to look at the other, I think we both knew it would be too hard to speak if we did. "I still want to rush over there and snatch our child out of their house. I want him with us to make up for all the time we missed and watch every single thing that happens to him from now on … but is that the best thing?" He didn't answer and offered no movement to indicate what his exact thoughts were, so I simply shrugged.

Because to be honest, I had spent so many hours on that same thought, and I couldn't decide what would be best. For two simple reasons ... Edward and myself. We were both broken and damaged people, and we were not in a position to raise a child. As much as I wanted him with me to watch his every single action just as much as Edward did, I still felt like he was better off with Carlisle and Esme. They were stable, happy, well-adjusted and in a position where they could focus on him and him alone. We were not. We both had addictions to deal with. We both had emotional issues to wade through before we could be anywhere near whole enough to take a child and be responsible for him. So, once again, I was torn.

"I want him, Bella. Motherfucker, I want him more than anything in the world. To hold him and just be near him. He is us, parts of you and me combined to make a perfect little thing. So that alone makes me want to be selfish and never let him go." Edward hopped up off of the bed and began to pace around as he spoke. "But we can't fuck this up. Other than you, he means more to me than anything or anyone in this world. And that says a lot since I have yet to lay eyes on him. But we have got to do this right." He stopped his movements and searched my eyes for confirmation that I felt the same. He wouldn't find a fight in me, I agreed whole heartedly. I just nodded. "So, then how do we become a part of his life, yet still allow him to live in their house?"

"I don't know," I whispered. I felt tired and strung out. I could tell the difference in the medications they had me on now. It made me so sleepy, and I could hardly hold my eyes open as we talked.

Edward came back to my side and perched on the bed beside me. "Sleep now, baby, we have time to figure it all out. We have the rest of our lives, I swear it!" He kissed the top of my head, and I curled up against his side as I drifted off to sleep.

A/n: So, yeah….they definitely have some things to work out. But, they are together….and hopefully we can see some um re-connecting with them soon;)

Thank you truly for all the support and feedback that you all give us…seriously!

Have a great weekend.

See ya soon.

Kyla