MP CH 15A
A/N: Thank you all for sticking with us. We're trying hard to get these chapters written. And, we're almost there. SO, as a treat, you'll get 2 chapters tonight
THANK YOU to our magnificent beta, A Jasper For Me. She's the most amazing beta; quick and to the point. LOVE YOU!
And, our team: mamadog93 and Ttharman are amazing as well
Enjoy!
EPOV
Here we go.
After all the talking, crying and worrying, we were here. I was going to meet my son. I was with Bella, and we were going to see our baby.
Granted, she already knew him and he was not a baby any longer, but this was pretty huge for me.
It felt like I'd seen a million pictures, but in reality I hadn't met him in person, talked to him, held him, felt the feel of him in my presence.
Would he like me?
Would he hate me?
I knew I hadn't done a lot of things to be proud of in my life, but if anything good ever came out of the fucked up shit I'd ever done, it was him.
Riley.
Me and Bella … our baby.
Our son.
And it hurt like hell, still, to know he wouldn't call me 'dad', but I understood it a little better. We still had a few things to work through in therapy so we both could come to terms with what to do about this whole fucked up mess.
I wish I could kick Renee in the nuts. But I couldn't, and I had to work through it, yet every day it was such a source of anger for me.
"You ready to do this, baby?" I heard Bella's concerned voice beside me, and it pulled me back into this moment and out of my memories.
"I am," I said as I released a long, slow breath and opened the car door.
We walked hand in hand up to the porch of my aunt and uncle's house. I'd been here a million times, however this time felt like nothing I'd ever experienced.
I straightened my shirt one more time as Bella laughed lowly and smiled at me.
"Relax, Knight, you look perfect," she said with a wave of lust flashing across her eyes.
"Baby." I might have whined just as the front door opened. My aunt Esme smiled at us before she welcomed us into the house.
We all hugged and greeted each other before she ushered us into the living room.
"Bella!" Riley screamed and ran straight for her and jumped into her arms as she laughed and hugged him right back.
My heart swelled as I fought to keep my tears at bay.
Once they finished hugging, she set him down and turned toward me, "Riley, this is my boyfriend, Edward."
He looked me up and down, then suddenly a look of recognition appeared on his face before he turned to look quizzically at Esme and Carlisle.
Esme smiled, "Yes Riley, this is my nephew, Edward, the same one in all those crazy pictures at Aunt Liz's house."
She played it off as that simple.
Technically, that would make him my cousin, but I simply don't think I could have handled being introduced to him that way on our first visit.
He's a smart kid; this is a fucked up situation, and there was no need to convolute it any more than necessary.
"Hi Riley, it's nice to finally meet you," I said and crouched down to eye level with him. His eyes bore into mine like he was searching my soul for something, almost as if he infinitely knew I was more than just a new friend or family member.
I felt Bella's hand on my shoulder as I smiled at Riley. I had never put so much effort into one action before now as I tried with all of my might to hold back the tears that threatened to fall. I finally broke my gaze from my precious son and looked up at the love of my life.
"You look so different without all that stuff on your face and hair." The little boy finally said, and everyone in the room laughed.
I shook my head and looked back at him, "Yeah, I guess I kind of do, huh?"
After that, conversations began about my music, my career, how I knew Bella … then it was just natural. We had dinner and talked and laughed.
Before I knew it, it was time for Riley to go to bed. When he asked for Bella and I to tuck him in, I stared at Bella with fear in my eyes as she smiled and told him we'd be right there.
She pulled me into the bathroom and shut the door where her hands came up to my face as she cradled my cheeks. "Edward, I know it's been an emotional night, but he's just a child that has two new friends. Don't read more into it, just relish it all, okay?"
Her eyes flipped back and forth between mine as I felt a tear slip down my cheek, "He's so perfect." I heard my voice in a barely there whisper.
"He is," she said as her own eyes filled with tears.
"But he's not ours anymore, is he?" I asked as more tears began to fall.
She shook her head, and we cried together for a minute.
"Come on, he's waiting. We can talk more about this once we get home, okay?" she asked as she turned to the mirror and began to wipe the tears from her cheeks.
I slid my hands around her and held them over her belly as our eyes met in the mirror.
The pain that ached in my chest was almost more than I could bear.
Pain for not being there when Bella found out she was carrying our baby.
Pain for not being there when she heard his heartbeat for the first time.
Pain for not being there when she felt him kick for the first time.
Pain for not being there when she thought he had died.
All the times I had selfishly filled my veins with the drugs and booze and woke up feeling sorry for myself while Bella was living in her own hell.
I knew it would take a lifetime to erase the pain I had unknowingly inflicted upon my Princess, but I vowed in that moment neither of us would ever feel that kind of pain from the other ever again.
We washed our faces and opened the door only to be met with the somber faces of my aunt and uncle as they showed us the way to Riley's room.
I knocked lightly on his door as he smiled and told us to come in and read him a story. Bella and I sat on the edge of his bed as he asked me to read his favorite bedtime story.
I grabbed the book and held back a small laugh as I instantly noticed the cover was worn and well-read. It was my copy of my very own favorite bedtime story.
There's a monster at the end of this book, how many times had I forced my parents to read these same barely bound pages to me. Of course, my dad always did crazy voices and exaggerated the words, so I knew I had to do the same.
"Aunt Liz gave me that book. She told me it was your favorite, too," Riley said as he crawled over to sit next to me.
"Would you read it to me?" He asked as I looked down at him and brought my other hand up to rub across the pain in my chest.
I nodded and brought the book up between us to start the story as I felt Bella against my back, her chin rested on my shoulder.
I read through the pages as Riley snuggled up against me and listened intently to my words, even laughing a few times at the corny voices I made or reactions I gave to what I read.
It felt like life was supposed to feel.
Full.
Complete.
Whole.
But then the story was over, and it was time to tuck him and say goodnight.
I had to leave him here.
In his home.
With his parents.
That weren't Bella and I.
I fought to be strong as I leaned over and kissed his forehead.
"Goodnight, Riley, sleep tight and don't let the bed bugs bite," I said with a chuckle.
He smiled and snuggled into his pillow.
"I won't." Almost as an afterthought, he called back to me, "Edward, can you and Bella come and play with me tomorrow? I have a really cool play set in the backyard." His eyes lit up as he waited for my response.
"I'd love to. See ya tomorrow, buddy," I said just before Bella kissed his forehead too.
We stood in the doorway and watched him for a few minutes before we turned and went back down the stairs. Carlisle and Esme waited at the bottom and led us into the living room.
We all stood instead of taking a seat.
"Edward," Esme began before Bella cut her off.
"Esme, Carlisle, thank you for tonight with Riley, but I really think I need to get Edward home. I'll call you tomorrow and talk about maybe coming over, okay?" Bella's hand wrapped around mine and kept me centered when all I really wanted to do was collapse into a sobbing mess or explode into rage over this whole situation.
I don't remember after we left their house.
I don't remember the drive back to our apartment.
I don't remember Bella as she led me to our bedroom and stripped me of my clothes.
She crawled into the bed, and we wrapped around each other and cried as our tears mingled and flowed.
"Tell me, Bella. Tell me all about him, please." My voice was just above a whisper as she met my eyes and slowly nodded her head and pulled me even closer.
Bella told me how she found out she was pregnant, how excited she was and then retold me the story about everything that led up to the point where she thought he'd died.
I'd heard this story a few times before, but I needed to relive it once again.
"I don't think we should take him away from Carlisle and Esme," Bella's voice shook as she spoke.
My head knew she was right, but my heart warred against her words.
"Bella," I said and pushed away from her. "I don't know if I'm ready to even think about that yet." I spoke as I sat up and swung my feet over the side of the bed.
"Edward, we have to; we have to figure this out. Together." Her words were soft and full of the heaviness that surrounded us.
I knew we did need to talk.
But there was so much pain. So much I still longed for.
Riley was my flesh and blood. How could I just so easily decide his fate as if we were discussing where to go for dinner?
Of course, I knew it wasn't that simple, but really talking it over and hashing it out wouldn't change the fact it felt that easy.
"Bella, I want him; he's our son. But to rip him from the only world he's ever known … I'm not sure I can do either of those things without hurting him," I said as I felt her arms circle around my waist as her chin rested on my shoulder.
I knew she was crying by the wetness on my skin.
I ran a hand through my hair and grabbed a cigarette.
I let the smoke rise and fall within me before I spoke again.
"He's a piece of each of us, that is for sure, but will he hate us for destroying his life?" I asked and felt her lips kiss on my neck.
"Will he hate us for not fighting to get him back? Or will he despise us for doing it?" I asked and felt the strongest urge to get high. I had fought through the longing before, but this time it was like nothing I'd ever felt; the urge to slice a needle through my vein and feel the rush of a hit as it swirled through my bloodstream.
"Edward, he won't hate us. When he gets old enough, we'll explain it all to him, maybe not all of the details, but enough that he'll know someone else made the choices we have to live with today." Her voice was soft and rough but firm.
"What do you want, Bella?" I whispered as I turned to her and pulled her into my lap.
She smiled as a few stray tears fell down her cheeks.
"I want all of us to be happy." It was that simple to her. She'd lived with the weight a mother carries when she loses a child, and now that she found him again, all she wanted was for the three of us to be happy.
"We don't have to decide anything tonight," I said and let my lips begin to explore her skin. I needed to feel her all around me, consuming me, connected to me, inside of me.
"No, we don't," she said in a breathless reply.
We made love endlessly that night, well into the early morning light.
We clung to one another with a desperate need to fill the hole we both felt within our souls.
The loss of our child.
The loss of the perfect little life.
But we were here together now, in love, connected and ready to move into the future.
Now, we just had to figure out what that meant.
A/n: Just a tidbit, the scene in the bathroom at Carlisle and Esme's….it made me and Bnjwl tear up.
I hope you enjoyed it…buckle up for another one;)
See ya soon.
Kyla
