I have horrible writer's block and this was written in spite of all that. So basically this chapter sucks. But I promise you if you can get through it I have a smashing one coming up for you. Just please get through this one first.


The Great Cohen

I had laid awake all night the words going round and round in my head, the picture of me and Seth taken down from my newly painted wall in one hand and the Cohen Christmas photo in the other. I looked between them as I rehearsed my speech for the next morning, the words going round and round in my head.

I spent ages dressing, trying to find the perfect outfit, wanting to everything to be perfect as I rehearsed my speech, the words going round and round in my head. I settled on my new orange Ramones T-shirt and black pair of skinny jeans, the words still going round and round in my head as I finally plucked up the courage to actually say them.

I walked into the kitchen and found everything as I expected it. Seth eating cereal at the counter complaining at his parents, as they stood besides the coffee pot trying to embarrass him.

"Morning," Kirsten smiled at me, "you want some coffee before school?"

"No I'm okay." I replied simply, digging my hands deep into my pocket. "I was wondering if I could talk to you – all of you." I looked round at them, and found my head shrunk into my shoulders as I stood there nervously. "You may want to sit down."

"Oh my god, she's breaking up with us." Seth laughed, having swivelled round on his stool to face me.

"What is it?" Sandy frowned at me, neither he nor Kirsten having moved from their position by the coffee.

"Well I was wondering, well I'd like to ask you a question, well its more like a favour really I guess…" I didn't realise I was pacing until I stopped. "I want, well I've been thinking… it might be soon, but in some respects its very late, by like nearly seventeen years…"

"Don't let her near the coffee." I heard Kirsten whisper to Sandy as I started up pacing again as I tried to find the point of my speech.

"It was Bendis that triggered all this," I was wringing my hands choosing to continue pacing rather than stand and pace them. Then I just suddenly stopped, stopped wringing my hands, stopped pacing, stopped stuttering and rambling and simply looked at all of them, their looks of confusion and finally spat it all out. "I want to change my name."

"I'll sort out the paper work." Sandy smiled at me walking over and patting me on the shoulder.

"I could think of nothing better." Kirsten whispered in my ear as pulled me into a hug. "Don't tell Seth but I've always wanted a daughter."

"Change your name to what?" Seth frowned at me, and then to his parents both of whom were leaving the kitchen. "Oh get it I'm just hear for comic relief." He called out to me as I went back out to find my school bag.


"What you going to change your name to?" Seth asked me for what seemed like the thousandth time since I had walked into the kitchen, given by this point we were walking through the school grounds I had grown tired of the subject. "Jenny? Bea? No, wait, Elizabeth – you should change your name to Elizabeth!"

"I'm not changing my name." I told him. "Well I am but, what the hell kind of name is Bea and can you really see me as a Jenny?" I frowned at him as we walked up the steps to our lockers.

"I could." Marissa smiled at me as she joined us en rout. "But you'd have to have brown hair and hang out in an Irish bar all the time."

"Okay," I said slowly, "moving on from that interlude. I finally got round to asking Kirsten and Sandy."

"Finally." She laughed as I opened up my locker, "I mean you've only been talking about it for like a week now."

"Well its Bendis isn't it." I shrugged. "I just can't seem to get him to stop."

"And changing your name is the way to do that?" She raised her eyebrow at me. "You told the others?"

"No, I'm not entirely sure on the best way to do it."

"Well how bout just say 'From now on call me Princess Inanna.'" Seth held out his right hand as if formally introducing himself. Marissa and I simply looked incredibly perplexed at him.

"You what?" we said, practically simultaneously.

"Sorry," he said somewhat sheepishly, "still going through potential new names as no ones told me what the hell is going on."

"Dude," I laughed at his stupidity, "I'm going to become a Cohen."

"Oh… Can you still become Princess Inanna though?"

"I feel we have missed a crucial part of this conversation?" Anna frowned at Marissa and I as she and Summer joined us just as I closed my locker, freeing up my hand to have a coffee pressed into it.

"Alex is-"

"Late for homeroom." I cut into Seth's sentence quickly, whilst Marissa kicked him in the shins. "Coming?" I asked Anna.

"Sure…" she said slowly still frowning between me and Marissa before taking back the coffee she'd just handed me, "I am withholding coffee until Summer and I get put back in the loop."

"But the coffee is our morning routine. You and Summer go get coffee, you get an extra one for me and I piss of Marissa by calling you 'my girl'. I am nothing without my routine." I looked at Marissa who had her arms folded.

"Its true. She is." She nodded, her arms still folded as she looked between Anna and I: Anna's hand on my chest pushing me away, my hands trying to reach the coffee.

"Anna and I have decided that we're withholding friend privileges until we become part of the fold again. No more spontaneous trips to L.A leaving us here stuck with Luke and Oliver. No more secret conversations about princesses." Summer looked directly at Seth. "I know I did wrong but…" she smiled weakly at him, "I'm, I'm gay."

Marissa unfolded her arms, Anna and I stopped fighting over the coffee and Seth simply walked away. Summer despondently rearranged her purse before taking Marissa's arm and walking to registration.

"Huh." I said without realising it as Anna put the coffee in my hand and led me to homeroom. "You know about that?"

"Well yeah, but I didn't know she was going to tell Seth." She shrugged as walked to the back of the class to our seats. She stopped suddenly, causing me to walk into the back of her. "Oh yeah and I meant to mention…" she waved her arm and I realised why she'd stopped so suddenly.

"You're in my seat." I told Oliver. "You're in my homeroom. You're also still in my life. You have one second to vacate all three."

"Alex let me explain." He sat there calmly as if he'd done nothing wrong.

"I can't talk to him." I told Anna. "You do it." I sighed as I walked out of the classroom.


I sat at the lunch table we always reserved just for us, hiding from Oliver whilst wondering who was actually going to turn up for lunch today. I hadn't seen Seth since Summer more or less ripped out his heart. Marissa had been sending me text messages telling me that Summer wasn't going to hang out with us until Seth forgave her. And well Anna, she had just been trying to keep me away from Oliver all morning.

"He's in all my classes." I told Marissa as she slumped down in the seat besides me.

"She's contemplating doing a Cady Heron and eating her lunch in the stalls. Anna's in there with her right now."

"I wish people would stop referencing Mean Girls in front of me and he is in all of my classes. I'm surprised he hasn't had a sex change to take gym with me too." I looked over at her and saw her face. "You're going to the 'I told you so' dance aren't you."

"I'm singing the lyrics silently in my head…" she nodded.

"So Summer and Anna and Seth?"

"I heard my name." Seth smiled weakly at us as he walked over, his hands deep in his pockets. "You know I have no friends?" Marissa and I simply looked at him. "Well I'm avoiding Summer and Anna and you," he pointed angrily, "have also replaced me with Anna, meaning I have no friends."

"Quit being emo and sit down." I told him, rearranging myself on my seat so that I could kick out the one opposite me at the table. "Now I have come up with a cunning plan."

"Is it for getting Summer back?"

"Hit him round the back of the head for me please." I sighed at Marissa, she dutifully complied.

"She's gay now." She told him.

"So…" I clapped, trying to get the attention back onto me, "I thought how about a dinner party. Us lot, Summer, Anna, Luke-"

"Luke?" Seth frowned at me.

"Well he's Marissa's friend, plus," I shrugged, "I kinda like having a guy friend."

"So today I have lost not only the place of your best friend but your guy friend too?" Seth instantly complained at me.

"Dude! You're my brother, my cool brother that doesn't get me into jail or stealing cars." I smiled at him. "I can demote Anna though if you just want to be my best friend…" I watched him as he folded his arms and sulked in his chair, a clear sign that I had won him over. "So," I turned to Marissa, "I was thinking formal wear, fancy china – a Newport party in the spirit of things."

"Oh my god," Marissa smiled at me, with a slight shake of her head, "what happened to the hoddie wearing, fire starting, ex con?"

"You two." I smiled at her.

"Hey guys," I looked away from Marissa and found Oliver standing over us with a tray, "mind if I join you all… it seems making friends as a transfer student isn't the easiest thing in the world."

"No its not." I agreed, grabbing my bag from the floor and standing up and leaving him standing there with his tray.

"At least I have more friends than Oliver." Seth mused as we all walked into the Common Room.


"Kids," Kirsten leant out of the window and called out to Seth and I in the pool, "come on out, the caterers will be her soon."

"I can't believe Sandy and Kirsten are paying caterers for this. This is meant to be a low key, dinner with friends and Mr C deal." I told Seth as I swam to the edge of the pool and hoped out.

"Low key in formal wear?" his eyebrows were raised as he mirrored my actions and grabbed a towel from one of the chairs. "You wanted a Newport party; besides it was that or Mom cooking." He smiled at me.

"Has our oven even been used since Thanksgiving?"

"I make it my daily mission to guarantee that is it not."

"That's a lot of words for 'No'." I smiled at him, throwing my towel over his head. I watched as he pulled it off and simply stood there with a goofy grin on his face. "Yes this is me in a bikini," I sighed, "you've seen it before."

"Its not that." He continued to smile at me. "I just think I've come out better than Marissa, Anna or Luke. I get you as a sister."

"You're such a pouf." I smiled at him as I went into the pool house to shower and change.


When I stepped back out into the garden it had been transformed. Fairly lights hung from anywhere they could be and in the centre of the grass a long table had been laid for nine people. It was simple and elegant. It was the Newport party I had wanted.

With my speech tucked in to the left cup of my bra I walked into the main house and found Kirsten talking to one of the caterers about wine and Anna, Summer and sat on the sofa consumed by an awkward silence. The girls looked beautiful, both dressed like they had on cotillion except for a touch of colour.

"Hey guys." I smiled at them.

"Sarah Jessica Parker called," Anna smiled at me as she looked my outfit up and down, "she wants her dress back. Summer unfolded her arms and pointed to my Converse. "Better make that Lily Allen."

"Why are we here and why am I wearing what can only be described as a prom dress to sit in your living room?" Summer asked me, her arms once more folded across her chest. "This better be a 'Welcome back to the fold' party or I'm not staying."

"Seth has agreed to say nothing about lesbians and don a tux for this evening-"

"Thanks for that man." Seth smiled sarcastically at me.

"You two are staying." I pointed at the girls, before running out to answer the door. I opened it and found Luke nervously and incredibly awkwardly talking about sports with Mr C.

"Hey kiddo." He smiled at me, patting me on the arm before going into the house to find Sandy and Kirsten.

"I'm so glad you opened the door – talking to my ex's dad is not fun."

"Where's Marissa?" I asked Luke, not really caring what he had to say and stepping past him to look down the drive.

"Mr Cooper said she was coming with Summer. Will you tell me why I'm in a tu-"

"Summer's already here." I told him, running back through the house to find Mr C.

"You know the last time I wore a tux I got punched." He sighed as Kirsten poured him a glass of wine in the kitchen.

"Me too." Sandy nodded at him.

"That wasn't a tux, that was a dinner jacket." Kirsten smiled at him. "What's up Alex? You ready to tell them why they're all dressed for Prom?"

"Marissa's not here." I told her though looking at Mr C as I did.

"She's coming with Summer."

"She's not." I told him. "Summer's in the living room."

"I'll call the house, she's probably just got held up." He smiled at me pulling out his cell phone. I shrugged and walked past him to pick up the land line and dialled Marissa's cell phone number as I waited for Jimmy to tell me if she was at home. "No answer."

"It went straight to voice mail." I told him dropping the phone back in its charger.

"Well lets just sit down and get started, she knows whats going on anyway." Kirsten told me, going to get the other four so we could sit down for dinner.

I ran out to my room and grabbed my cell, I found it just as I had left it – on my bed, not a text, not a missed call, simply lying there. I tried her cell once more but like before it went straight to voice mail. I cut the call and went to join the others at the table, setting my phone besides my knife and fork.

"So Chino, you going to tell us whats going on?" Luke smiled at me.

"I'd rather wait for Marissa." I told Kirsten quietly.

"Well lets just eat." She nodded, gesturing for me to sit down at the head of the table and for the caterers to start.

Before a single starter had been sat down on the table though a cell phone went off. Everybody automatically checked theirs but only Luke got up nervously and answered his phone.

"She'll call." Sandy smiled at me, having watched me watch my cell for activity. "She wouldn't miss this."

"Not that anyone knows what 'this' is. Some of us are still very much out of the loop." Summer frowned down the table at me.

"Well I guess-" I started, but before I could even begin to stutter out an explanation, Luke was tapping me on the shoulder and pulling me out of my chair. "What is it?"

"Its Marissa." He told me quickly.

"Why'd she call you?" I frowned at him.

"That doesn't matter," he brushed me off, "Oliver's at hers and he's got a gun."

"Start the car." I told him before going over to Sandy and Mr C. "Marissa's in trouble." I told them simply before following Luke out to the truck.


Luke broke more speed limits than I had ever seen him door before as we drove across town to Mr C's, Sandy on the phone to the police the entire car ride. As soon as Luke had made an attempt at parking we were out of the car and following Mr C as he fumbled with his keys and the lock.

What I saw then, can never be unseen.

Marissa sat crying on the sofa, shaking and alone in a ball gown as Oliver paced in front of her waving a weapon I hadn't seen since Chino.

"Put the gun down, kid." Sandy told him, gingerly stepping into Mr C's front room.

"Alex!" Marissa cried out to me, too scared to move from the sofa, tears steaming down her face.

"Oliver you don't want to do this." I told him, stepping into the room in Sandy's wake.

"I'm sorry." He cried back at me, matching Marissa tear for tear.

"Oliver put the gun down." Sandy repeated.

"Why are you doing this? Why Marissa?" I asked him softly, praying to any god that would listen that the police would arrive soon.

"For you." He cried out to me. "All this," he waved the gun round the room before stopping to point it at Marissa, "is for you. To get you back. We belong together Alex. We're the same you and me. Abandoned by our parents, in a new town, alone, different…" I swallowed hard as I tried to repress the tears I could feel forming.

I looked round the room, Sandy still inching into the room, Mr C holding Luke back and my eyes rested on Marissa crying on the sofa.

"Just put the gun down Oliver," I told him as a police pushed past me, "and you can get a second change too." I whispered as he was dragged away.


The room was quiet. Luke had gone back to tell the others what had happened. Sandy had gone to the police station with Oliver and Mr C had finally left me alone with Marissa as he called Julie. The room was quiet. Finally.

"I'm sorry." My head was bowed, my eyes staring down at my hands, too ashamed to look at her.

"My mom was right." She laughed gently, I turned and saw her shaking her head and wiping away tears with the back of her hand. "Who'd have thought it?" She turned to me and I saw her smile darkly at me from behind her veil of tears.

"I'm sorry." I repeated.

"You're nothing but trouble." She told me, leaving me on the sofa in my dress and walking slowly upstairs.

The room was quiet. She left me sitting where she had been, crying as she had been realising why she called Luke instead of me. The room was quiet though my thoughts were deafening. The words going round and round in my head, the paper in my left cup of my pocket redundant as I thought about what I would have said.

F. Scott Fitzgerald once wrote 'In my younger and more vulnerable years my father gave me some advice that I've been turning round in my head ever since,' well my father on one of the rare occasions I visited him in jail told me to never get arrested. In reflection that's the worst advice I've ever been given.
In Chino I made my friends my family, lacking a real one to call my own. Having been arrested, where many lose it all I gained the world. I gained a father, a mother and a brother. I gained some of the best friends I've ever had. Met people that I otherwise wouldn't have, and I would have been a lesser person for that. Furthermore I have a girlfriend I wouldn't change for the world.

This is my home now. This is where I belong. This is my family. And this is why I'm changing my name to Alexandra Cohen.

I had spent so much time and effort showing people how I had changed since coming to Newport, I'd failed to realise that I hadn't changed at all. I still shut people out of my life, leaving them no room to explain, to come back in. I had left people in Chino, I had pushed away my mom, my brother, forced away Marissa when she didn't tell me what I wanted to hear and closes myself off to Oliver when he needed me most.


Yeah so this chapter blew, but as you can tell the next chapter will be an return to angst for Alex and so consequently will not suck. Thanks for reading. Circus.