Finally! Wow, I've waited so long for this chapter. And it's here! :) Thank you for the Get Well wishes for my mom, and let's welcome Russia and Chile and JAPAN (!) to our story. Just to catch you guys up: BXE have NOT kissed, they HAVEN'T told each other they loved one another, Carlisle HASN'T called Bella, Bella, only Isabella. Okay, well this is the chapter I waited for since before August to write, and wow, I hope I don't mess it up.

Missing Piece of the Puzzle

Chapter 27: Christmas Eve

Carlisle and I danced together, having fun and laughing when I accidently stepped on his toes once or twice. (I told Rose to not let me wear heels!) When we sat back down, Esme danced with Emmett and Jasper before going to her real son, Edward. We all watched them have a good time on the dance floor, when they suddenly bumped into someone else. Were we surprised to see Helga and her mom dancing! Helga tripped over her mom's dress, making her wig fall off again. After we all laughed, Carlisle and Esme included, we got back to think about it. Wasn't it a Mother Son dance? Why was Helga dancing with her mom…? We all shivered when Jasper pointed that out to us.

After that Edward took me up to my room and tucked me in. I said my 'Night, don't let the evil vampires bite', and he chuckled quietly.

That was two weeks ago, and now I'm getting ready for the day. It's Christmas Eve! Alice helped me get presents for everyone – I used what was rest of my gift card that I got for my birthday, and Alice is the smartest shopper, so I didn't use much – and I went with Rosalie to get Alice's present. Surprisingly, it was very easy to shop for everyone.

With the exception of Edward.

I couldn't get him something cheap and lame because I don't want him to think I don't care about him, but I don't want something too sentimental and expensive that make him thinks I care too much about him, or even love him. I thought I loved him, but come on, he's amazing and I'd hate to lose him or anything, but love? He's the first guy I've ever liked – besides Ricky Martinez in the first grade; I was a child! – and the first guy I've ever been with, so how should I know what love really is?

Anyway, after I curled my hair, brushed my teeth, put some lip gloss on, and put a thin layer of that scar vanishing cream over my upper arms, I examined myself in the mirror. My maroon dress surprisingly didn't put emphasis on my pale skin; it did, however, make me feel comfortable and confident. It was shorter than the one I wore for the Winter Ball, but long enough to cover from my knees and up. (Dress on profile.) I flew my head from side to side, playing with my newly cut bangs. The last ones I had were so long, I was able to put them in a ponytail, but now, they end right about my eyes.

I won't explain too much on dinner, since it was mostly Emmett making jokes and having all of us together. I don't really understand why I had to wear a dress. I mean, we were all going to change anyway to help put up the Christmas tree – a Cullen family tradition (Hales and McCartney's included). The entire house was already overflowing with Christmas decorations. I felt uncomfortable at first – I hadn't even been near the colors green and red since Sarah got a new pair of crazy socks…last year – but I'm starting to get used to it.

Once we all changed into our pajamas, we met in the extremely large living room. It's practically impossible to feel claustrophobic in here. I wore checkered green and red (obviously) checkered pajama pants with a t-shirt that said, Santa, I want Johnny Deep this year. Rose wore a shirt that said, 'Santa loves me', and Alice had a plain tank top. But my favorite shirt of all was Emmett's. Ha! It had written on it, Is it okay if I was so naughty, it was nice? Of course, Rosalie roller her eyes as soon as she saw it.

"Alright, kids!" Esme hollered joyfully, gleaming happily at us. "We have the tree up, but it's time to decorate it, then…presents!"

"Yes!" Emmett jammed his fist up in the air. Jasper, in return, slapped him across the head. "Oww!" Emmett rubbed the smacked spot. "If I expected spanking tonight, I never thought I'd be from you, Jasper."

Jasper rolled his eyes, looking exactly like his sister as she did it before. "It was your Christmas present for being an idiot."

"Yeah, that was gonna be my present, too. But you hit him way harder than I was planning to." Rose smiled and winked at Emmett.

"Oh, so you like watching other people spank me." Emmett nodded. "Kinky. I like it."

Rose sighed, leaning back against the couch. "My boyfriend," she said miserably.

"Okay, okay," Esme clapped her hands, gaining our attention back, "let's each get a box of ornaments from the floor and decorate the tree. It's going to be the best Christmas tree – ever!"

"Mom, exactly how much eggnog did you have?" Edward asked, getting a punch from me. He just kept smiling up at his mother.

Esme raised an eyebrow, and with her hands on her hips, asked, "What's it to you?"

"Ha!" Edward threw his head back, getting up to give his mom a big hug and kiss.

"Alright, Edward, get workin'." She shook his head at him as Carlisle came up behind her and gave her a kiss on the head. My heart ached because for the first time in two months, I remembered Charlie. That's how I remember him kissing Renee…the day before she left us. We seemed so happy, why did she leave?

Before I started to feel the tingling sensation in my eyes, I got up and picked a random box of decorations off the floor. Joining everyone else on the couches, opening my box, I saw I got the tinsel that went around the tree. One was silver with crystal snowflakes, another was a golden rope, and there were many more. I looked to my left and saw Jasper had gotten little bells to put on the tree branches. Next to him, Emmett opened a huge box of crystal clear, round ornaments. His eyes filled with mischief.

Jasper quickly, and carefully, took away the box from Emmett, and gave him the bells. "Em, maybe we should switch. You remember what happened last year with the old ones? Let's not make a trip to the Emergency Room this year."

Emmett rolled his eyes. "You weren't even the one who went to the E.R."

Jasper looked frightened. "Yes, but poor Alice was the one who ended up with a bleeding bottom."

"Hey! You should always look at the toilet seat before you sit on it," Emmett protested.

"Who super glues glass ornaments to a toilet seat?" Jasper yelled.

I figured it was my time to turn away from this argument, to I continued taking out my side of the decorations.

"Tinsel, I always get it," Edward spoke right in my ear, his hot breath making me jump.

"Hey, hey!" Jasper covered the glass ornaments with his hands. "Be careful, Bella."

"Sorry!" I apologized, blushing. I smacked Edward's chest. "You see what you made me do?"

He laughed freely. "Sure, blame me."

I looked at his hands, they were empty. "Where are the decorations you're putting up?"

He pointed behind him, to the tree. There were suddenly pictures hanging from almost every end. Without think, I moved closer to the green, large plant. There were pictures of everyone – everyone! – as babies. Even Carlisle and Esme. "We just need one of yours." Edward whispered while I gazed up at each child on the tree.

"Sorry," I tried to hide the emotion in my voice, "Charlie burned all of my baby stuff a long time ago."

Edward stayed quiet, looking at each picture, too. After everyone else started piling up there own end of decorations, Edward said, "Maybe you should get the tinsel in first."

I nodded, still not looking at him. "Good idea."

As I walked away from him, and from everyone else trying to put something on the tree, I felt my breath get heavy. Memories from my child hood were just that – memories. I suddenly got goosebumps down my legs and up my arms. I felt scared, thinking about the future. I planned to go to community college, get a job to pay off the bills, and stay with the girls forever, but now…

I had high expectations from Edward, Esme, Alice, everyone. How did my future change so rapidly? My past stays the same – it obviously can never change – but I already had my future set. These people are changing it.

I suddenly snapped out of my extremely weird thoughts when I bumped into the couch. No longer feeling numb, and forgetting everything I had just thought, I decorated the tree. In the end, it was gorgeous! It had a glow to it when we turned off the lights and plugged in the tree lights. It was beautiful, mesmerizing, and stunning. We all surrounded it, enjoying our hard, and fun, work.

"There's only one thing missing," Esme said, bending down to pick up something covered with bubble wrap.

"Oh! Can I pop the bubbles?" Emmett asked.

"Emmett!" Alice hissed. "You're ruining the moment."

"You're ruining the moment," he mocked back, pitching his voice high. Rosalie elbowed him to shut up.

Esme walked to me, handing me a dazzling star within the wrap. "Would you care to do the honor?"

My jaw dropped. "M-me?"

Carlisle smiled. "Go on…Bella."

Almost everyone in the room gasped when he called me Bella, even me! With shaking hands, I reached for the star. "No!" I screamed at myself. "Ugh, I shouldn't. It's your house, your tree; besides, I'll probably just drop it."

Edward rubbed his hands up my arms. It itched where he touched my scars. "C'mon, Bells. I'll help you."

I turned around and look up at him. "Sure?"

He smiled crookedly. "Positive." I smiled back at him, and then I nodded at Esme.

She gave me the star, and Edward guided me over to the tree. He put each hand n my waist, and lifted me up to the top of the tree. At first I was blinded by so many lights, but I adjusted. Carefully, gently, tenderly, and any other word that expresses how carefully I was, I placed the star on top of the tree.

The girls smiled, clapping their hands, and soon even the boys joined. I felt Edward smile as he set me down, and I gave a quick, free laugh.

"Who wants cookies?" Esme asked, eying Emmett with a big grin on her face.

"I do!" Emmett, Jasper, Rose, and Alice yells, racing each other to the kitchen like little kids.

Esme and Carlisle walked over to me. Edward must be a mind reader, because he backed away from me, leaving me alone with his parents. "Bella," Esme began, "I'm so glad you could join us. It wouldn't have been Christmas without you."

Speechless, I searched for words, but before I could say anything, Carlisle beat me to it. "You know, Bella, we all love you. I do, too. I just took me a little longer because, well, I don't know if Edward's told you about everyone's past or not, but it hasn't been easy for any of us. I was so used to the other kids dealing with their problems their own way – no where close to abusing their selves – and when you tried to commit suicide…it brought back memories of my brother. I thought you were like him. But I was wrong, and I'm sorry it took me so long to see that." He smiled warmly.

"I…wow, thank you." I fumbled on my words, heat racing up to my face. "I-I, really, there was no need for explanation, I totally understand – one hundred percent – and I really appreciate you taking care of me, putting up with me, and treating me like your own. I've never had that before, well, I did but I forgot how it feels like, but not anymore. Wow, you guys are great. Some seriously amazing people. I hope one day I can pay all of you back, every cent! And not just that, I swear I'll always keep in contact when you're in your nursing homes. I'll always be there to visit. I don't even mind the smell of old people; they're so sweet and nice. Except there's always a grandma with rollers in her hair who yells at kids, but I'm sure she's nice when you get to know her. And there are also those old men you yell at you to get off their lawn, but I know you'll never be like that Carlisle, and even if you do act like that, I'll make you a pathway to get to your house. But not stones – no, you could fall. And we have to get someone to take care of Esme. I promise I'll pay you guys make somehow, and in the end-"

"Bella! Bella!" Carlisle hollered, his hands telling me to calm down. "Please, Sweety, you're getting ahead of yourself."

"And what's this about us getting old?" Esme asked. "We're not that old, Bella."

"I'm sorry! It's just when I don't know what to say I ramble a lot, which is weird because usually when you don't know what to say you don't say anything and this awkward feeling feels the room, and it's just really weird – believe me. Sorry, I'm doing it again, aren't I?"

They laughed, each of them hugging me. "Bella," Esme said, "you think far too much for your own good."

"Heh, yeah…" I blushed again.

They both smiled at me, giving me a kiss, and walked into the kitchen hand in hand. I stared at them, so happy together…

"So-"

"Ah!" I shrieked.

"Sorry! Geez, calm down." Edward ran his hand up and down my back.

I placed a hand over my chest. "You keep doing that to me!" I turned around, seeing an evil smirk on his face. "Are you okay?" He didn't say anything, but pointed up to the ceiling. I looked up. "A flower?"

Edward groaned, "This is going to be harder than I thought."

I scrunched up my eyebrows. "Why is there a flower tied to the ceiling?"

Edward sighed, leaning back against the wall behind him. "It's not a flower, Bella, its a mistletoe."

"Oh!" I gasped, and then I thought about it. "Oh."

Edward smiled down at me, and I closed my eyes. Okay, I'm not going into detail here, but it was everything a first kiss should be. My heart pounded against his, I felt his breath on my lips, I tasted his scent, I fell for him. Really, really hard. I know I'm in love with Edward.

And it scares me.

When we broke about, he smiled sweetly at me, hugging me close to him. I should be happy. I should be excited. I should be feeling blessed to have this amazing guy with me.

I should.

But I don't feel it.

My chest tightened. My mind and heart raced, but not from the kiss. Something felt terribly wrong, and I couldn't bare it any longer. I suddenly became nauseous, and the smell from left over cookies was making me sick. Trembling, I held on to my stomach when I felt a gentle hand on my shoulder.

"Are you alright, love?" Edward asked; worry dripping from his sweet voice.

My stomach flipped at the word 'love', and I felt myself gagging. This isn't right…

Everyone kept pilling into the living room, making each of the four walls come in closer to me, trapping me.

"Bella, are you okay? Do you need to throw up?" Panic encountered Edward's voice. He kept a hand on my lower back, keeping me steady, and another on my forehead. My trembling became worse as I reminded myself about earlier thoughts.

"Dad!" I flinched as Edward yelled in my ear. "Come see Bella, she seems sick."

Silence rose and laughter ended to a halt. Carlis- eh, I mean, Dr. Cullen stepped forward. He replaced Edward's hand on my forehead, and everybody else formed a circle around me.

I couldn't take it. I needed room. They're too close.

Too close.

That's it – they're too close, and it's not supposed to be this way. Not only physically, but in too many other ways, as well. I'm not supposed to be attached to any of them, and vice versa. This isn't right. I don't really love them, do I? I just love the benefits that come to being with them. Yes, that's it. I can't live this lie any longer. I don't even love Edward, and their love for me is too much to handle. I'm not used to this. I can't – I won't! – have this go on any longer. Edward has called me love, but has he told me he loves me? No. It's too weird – too wrong! – having other people you're not even related to love you. This has to end…

"Yeah, and her cheeks are red," Jasper added.

Emmett shook his head. "Her cheeks are always red. " I managed to glare at him even with the thought process I'm assembling right now.

"I'm just tired," I lied.

Dr. Cullen nodded. "We all are. I think it's time for bed! We'll all see each other tomorrow anyway, right?" Everyone nodded, except me. There was no use in lying any longer. "Now, no goodnights, it's off to bed with all of you." He smiled at us, and Alice rolled her eyes playfully at him while Rose giggled. How is that even funny? Now I'm getting annoyed…

I heard a chorus of 'Goodnight!'s anyway. With my head filled with confusion, they passed by me, made their way up stairs and onto their rooms.

"And you're sure you're okay?" Edward asked, his green eyes piercing.

My voice was frozen, as was my – for some reason – aching throat and head, so I nodded. He stared at me for a long time before he licked his lips and began to speak his mind. But Esme interrupted.

"Edward, don't hold Bella up. It's late. She isn't feeling well and needs her rest. Help her up the stairs," she spoke softly to her son, and then turned to me, placing her loving hands on each of my cheeks. "Goodnight, Dear, and may you have sweet dreams. I'm so glad you're getting to spend Christmas with us. She smiled kindly, kissing my cheek with a pool of water forming at the bottom of her deep brown eyes. Esme said goodnight to Edward too and went up to bed.

With Edward helping me up the stairs, I took deep breaths. I need to calm down. I just had a medium or low level of an anxiety attack…I think. Jessica, one of the girls from the gang, had them all the time.

Once I reached my room, I sat on the end of the bed with my elbows on my knees. Edward stayed under the door, arms crossed. He was quiet, but his careful eyes said it all. He knew me all too well. Damn psychologists.

"Bella," he said my name with a weird undertone to his voice. I only paid attention to my hands, not being able to look at him, for I might break. No, I can't look at him right now, especially for what I might do.

"Bella," he said once more, louder and sweeter, joining me on his old bed. "Bella, what's wrong? Everything was fine earlier at dinner and during the day. Was it that I brought up your baby picture? Or because you're worried, since it's your first Christmas with us and all, that you won't like any of the presents you get tomorrow?" I rolled my eyes. It's just like Edward to think something to simple slash meaningless as that caused a problem. Of course, he rushed to my aid. "I swear, we can go to the mall next week, and you can pick out anything you want-" I raised my hand in protest "-no limit. I promise you that, lo-"

"Edward!" I screamed, not wanting to hear him use the 'love' word – it would hurt too much. Swallowing the icy cold lump in my throat and taking a deep breath, I said, "It's fine, really, it's not the gifts.

His eyebrows met with confusion. "Then what's the problem?"

My mouth opened but no words escaped. "I don't know," I answered. "I just…I'm tied. That's all." He looked at me with doubt. "I swear." I raised my hand in the air, my thumb against the inside of my palm.

Edward gave a quick laugh. There was a long silence after. "Okay, so I guess I'll be sleeping in my own room tonight, seeing as you're oh so tired, but if you need anything, I'm a couple doors down…literally." He smiled at his joke.

I nodded, looking behind me at the pictures on my nightstand Rosalie and Emmett gave me of Edward and me.

If only I wasn't too late, I thought to myself, It wouldn't be so painful, but I just had to let it go this far, didn't I? Figures. I deserve the pain, anyway. But them…?

"Bella," Edward got my attention, "are you positive you're okay?"

I bit my lip as I nodded; now holding on to the locket Edward gave me. He smiled, watching me, and gave me a kiss as he got up. "Goodnight, don't let the evil vampires bite," he spoke into my hair.

"You, too," I answered, rolling my eyes at the stupid reply. Edward gave me one last hug before walking away.

As he reached the door, I called for him: "Edward,"

He quickly tuned around. "Yes?"

I looked him over, feeling my heart ache, but still tried to memorize his perfection. I wanted to cry at that moment, but through the years I learned to hold back tears – of course, lately, I've been 'sharing my feelings' too much so it was harder than I remembered.

"Nevermind," I whispered, now staring at the wall next to him. Edward nodded and made his way to his room.

I didn't move. As time went on – half an hour, at the least – I stayed still, hearing everyone go to bed and sleep. After I gained slight feeling in my legs, I got up. It was tough, though, because my body felt as if it weighed a ton. I gulped audibly as I turned on the lights to Edward's old bathroom, and I starred at myself in the mirror. I could see why everyone was so worried about me – I looked horrible!

My eyes were filled of distress (probably from my forming plan), my skin was incredibly pale white (which it hasn't been in months), and I was shaking like crazy. I didn't know, or feel, I was until I saw the image of myself in the mirror move rapidly. When I moved to sit on the toilet seat, I caught sight of something in the mirror. I immediately got up again and took a closer look in the mirror.

My locket.

I took it in my hands and turned it upside down, letting my read the saying on it correctly. Te quiero. What the hell does that mean? With the wheels in my head kept turning like the tires on a racecar, I dashed out of the room and turned to the right. I ran in Dr. Cullen's office slash library, and in the ink-black dark, I scanned through his many book cases for a certain dictionary.

After searching for nearly ten minutes, I found it. I grabbed the thick book and threw it down on the huge wooden desk with anxious power, causing it to flip open in reaction. Flipping through the pages of the Spanish Dictionary and Translator, I found the saying I was looking for.

"'Te quiero'," I read out loud to myself quietly, "and, 'Te amo', are similar ways in the Spanish language to express things such as, 'I adore you', or-" I gulped, my heartbeat increasing, as if it weren't pounding fast enough. "-or…" I croaked, "or…'I love you'." My hand automatically touched the locket. Edward loved me. As did Emmett and Alice. And Jasper and Dr. Cullen. And Esme and Rosalie. Oh, God. I placed my hand on my stomach. I felt like I was going to faint again. This isn't right!

No, I let them in way too easy – Rosalie, Alice and them. Why? It's so wrong! What happened to my walls? My personal protection so I wouldn't get hurt ever again – hurt the way I am right now, torn between my beliefs. My beliefs of keeping everyone who could get close and leave me out at the end. I can't even believe I was talking about being around when Carlisle and Esme get older! Love is so stupid. It can never hold people together. Humans are naturally selfish, and we can never change that. Ever.

"Damn it!" I cried, slapping my hand on the pages of the open book. I huffed angrily – frustrated, upset, sad, and mad. I ran back to Edward's old room.

Trying not to think too much, I pulled my hair in a ponytail, going in the walk-in closet and taking out my old ballet bag. I got the oldest, simplest, and least expensive clothes and underwear and stuffed them in my bag. I ran back into the bathroom and got my necessities. After that, I got a small pillow and blanket from a closet in the hall. I was about to zip up my bag, but then I decided to get the two pictures of Edward and I and stuffed them in the bag, earning a loud clash! A few shreds of tiny glass entered my palms. I sucked in a sharp breath of air, feeling the old memories of pain run through my heated veins, but I soon moved on. I had to. Tears stinging my eyes, because of the pieces of glass, I snatched the golden locket off my neck – breaking the chain, in the process – and, with drops of blood splattered on the bed sheets, I placed it on the nightstand.

Thinking of one thing and one thing only – The Cave! – I ran down the three flights of stairs in a rush, never tripping. Without thinking about anything else but The Cave, without looking back, I ran out the front door and into the cold night.

Alone.

At last.

End of Chapter

Okay, I love the long reviews I've been getting! Thought?