The Facts of Life ( The Remix)

Chapter 4 episode 2,

" Jo, help me with my bags.'' Blair ordered like the mechanic was a regular servant.

" Gee I'd love to Blair but ya' didn't say the magic words.'' Jo said with feux sincerity grinning.

On the inside Blair was already steaming, not to mention Jo had on a tight white t-shirt that showed her muscular arms and shoulders off and it was making the rest Blair's blood over heat. " I'm a Wariner , Wariners don't say please. It's just a given to have someone help us with our luggage.''

" Actually I didn't mean that magic word.'' Jo grumbled distractedly she was busy wroking on a carborater.

" What is the magic word..? I'm just dying to know.'' Blair asked her tone dripping with sarcasm.

Jo stood up from the desk where she was working and sighed. '' Alls ya' had ta say was ' help me with my bags and I'll give ya' a tip'. " The brunette answered.

" A tip !'' Blair exclaimed incredulously. " How much are we talking about here ?''

" Oh, I don't want money.." Jo gleamed.

" Well then what else could you po-...''

" Time to myself in this room..without you hangin' ova' my shoulda' all the time. I'm startin' ta' feel like a NASA science project. And anotha' thing I want ya' to keep your stuff offa' my bed and outta my area. '' Jo commanded throwing a heap of the Aristocrats clothes off of her own bed. " And tha' next time I hafta' fall on a pair a these shoes I'm gonna glue'em togetha'. '' Jo hollered her voice becoming louder and her face becoming redder by the moment.

" Girls, girls what is the commotion about , Oh, I should've it was you two. I swear you and Blair fight like two scorned lovers. " Edna stated coming through the door without knocking to get to the bottom of the latest quarrel.

" I'm sorry Misses G, but Blair is suffocating me her clothes are always on my bed, her shoes are under it." Jo explained. " Would you please tell'er to stay outta my area with her face creams, and her perfumes, and condtioners. I swear sometimes I walk in here and think I'm in a drug store. Jo deadpanned. I look around for tha' checkout stand. "

" She's one to talk you know, " Blair stated moving closer to her angered roomate and pointed her thumb at the Bronx native. " It's not easy sleeping next to Mister Goodwrench." The Blonde added flatly.

" Okay, What started all of this in the first place?" The dietition enquired.

" I asked Jo if she would help me with my bags. Then she just lost it. " Blair explained.

" No you never asked me anything you just ordered me around like I'm ya' little servant boy. Well I'm not princess toad !" Jo exclaimed angrily.

" Alright ! Enough, if you two can't get along with each other and you can't respect one anothers privacy. Then I am herefore confiscating all of your property for a week. If at the end of that week you two can possibly bare the other ones company. Then you will get your things back. " Edna ordered going out into the storage closet and pulling out two empty cardboard boxes. She set down on the work table in front of the now speachless teens. " Here I expect all of your things except for toothbrushes and night clothes in this box anything else that you both need can be kept in the bathroom bag you each recieved when you first got here this year. Now I have a cookie eating monster to catch. I'll be back to retrieve the boxes before dinner shift. "

" I swear that woman gets enjoyment out torturing us." Blair commented.

" Well I'm sure she learned from the best." Jo added glaring at the wealthy blonde insinuatingly.

Jo started to pack up her motorcycle mags,model cars,etc.

Meanwhile Blair began packing up her entire line of cosmetics, beauty enhancers, shoes,dresses and any other things she couldn't go a day without. But now had to go a whole week without.

Now of course Edna was setting up mousetraps in the kitchen. Then in the cookie dough bowl she was putting a few special ingredients flour,water and mint flavoring to be exact or as it's reffered to on the streets mint Paste. " Fix whomever is eating the cookie dough be it man or mouse. " Edna chimed with a sure smirk.

Just then Natalie walked into the kitchen with a tray full dirty dishes. With all of her strength she heaved the heaping tray onto the counter by the large sink. Then collapsed on the still vacant half of the counter top. " That was too much manual labor for me Jo's supposed to be the heavy lifter around here where is she anyway ?"

" Jo and Blair are both packing their things, It's part of their punishment-"

" Misses Garrett !" Natalie ghasped in shock covering her mouth like she'd just heard good gossip. " What did they do to get kicked out ? Does this mean we'll all be expelled..? Don't just stand there Misses G give it to me straight I wanna know if I'm gonna be livin' on the streets ?"

" Well if you'd let me finish Natalie, their packing their things because they can't get along with the assigned space. So until they can learn to respect one anothers space and privacy I'm withholding. Jo's things from her and..."

Edna was cut off for a second time by the overzealous teen. " And beauty cream and clothes from Blair.. Natalie let out a sad sigh. You shoulda told me it was a sign of the apocalypse. You've just ended the world Misses Garrett. " She added serious sounding as she sat down in the chair by the kitchen phone. " I knew it I'm gonna die nevering having been kissed by a boy. "

" Oh, Natalie.." Edna shook her hands and head in amusement. " I'm sure Blair can learn to live without Oil of Olay for a week. Just like Jo can go without those motorbike magazines she reads. And you'll live to kiss a boy I bet several of them. Now do you feel better. "

" I was feeling better until you said their punishment was a whole week. A week to a sixteen year old girl without makeup and shopping. It's like a year at sea with no human contact. They're gonna kill everybody you wait and see Misses G. " Nat gauranteed.

Edna's eyes bulged as the realization of what she'd done hit her. Her stomach sank and she took a deep breath in and stood. " Oh, my what have I done. I've doomed us all. "

CUT SCENE.

Next morning

5:00 A.M.

Bedroom of Edna's four delinquents : )

All was peaceful and serene until Blair woke up for what was usually the beginning of her beauty routine. When she reached the bathroom and realized she had nothing to do but shower,brush her teeth and wash her face. This was also the time Jo gave extra attention to her bike but her tools had gone to Edna's bedroom. So all Jo could do was shower and brush same as her jail mate.

A sudden clanging noise from downstairs startled the girls. Jo grabbed a baseball bat out of the closet and tip-toed down the stairs and into the kitchen with Blair peeking over her broad shoulders the whole time. Like a mouse peering out his hole in the wall.

" Jo, I'm scared what if someones breaking in and trying to steal things that rich people have. "

" Then be quiet and act poor.''

" I don't know how...Jo ?"

'" What ! Jo whispered loudly.

" Teach me ?'' Blair said pleadingly.

" Blair blow it out ya' pie hole will ya' or I'm leavin' you ta' the princess nabbers. '' Jo looked annoydley at the rich girl.

Heading down the last few steps together. Jo felt like a caveman with a baseball bat in her hand and a frail woman peeking over her shoulder. Boy have I gotta write to Hanna Babara about this. They reached the landing Blair pulling tighter on Jo's pajama collar. Jo extended her left arm out towards the wall and flipped the switch to the lights.

Blair jumped when she saw someone covered in a white coating and pushed Jo forward " Take her she's poor !"

" Mmmm....mmmm. mmhhmm. " The paste covered individual stammered.

" Blair it's Nat. " Jo deadpanned with an eyeroll.

" I don't care which one your hoodlum friends it is. I'm too pretty to be held captive in a warehouse while hunky boys tie me up and serve my every whi--- Blair stopped hiding in a corner and ran in front of Jo this time. Take me now I wanna be kidnapped I'm totally rich !" The aristocrat anounced with ten karat smile.

Jo gave a grossed out look at her roomate. " No you idiot it's Natalie I think she's sleep walkin' . "

" Sleep walking what do we do ? I'm prepared for ugly, dry skin , pimples and bad hair days. I don't know anything about sleep walking." The blonde looked puzzled sure she'd heard of it but never actually seen it.

" Lemme guess Warners don't sleep walk they just get more wealthy in their dreams right ? " Jo added shaking her head. To which the heiress just glared. " We can't wake her up I read in health class that if we wake up a sleep walker we could cause'em ta have amnesia. "

" But Jo we have to get that blob of paste off of her or she'll suffocate. " Blair added with concern for her friend.

" True maybe we can getter in tha' shower and get that stuff offa her. "

" Good idea..wait did I just say that to you ? I must be losing my mind. " Blair shook her head baffled at her words.

" Ya' gonna be dead meat if ya' shut up and help me walk night of the livin' dead here to the bathroom. " Jo snarked.

" Yes sir right away. "

About a half an hour later they finally got the sleepwalking journalist to be. Up the flight of stairs and into the bathroom shower. The two girls got soap and wash cloths and began prying the paste off of their friend.

Natalie woke up in the middle of this and scared the hell out of both girls.

" What are you tryin' to do kill me ! " The sleepwalking girl exclaimed wild and wide eyed.

That was enough to wake up the rest of the house. Including Edna who had been having wonderful dream that she was dancing with Fred Astair.

" WHAT IS GOING ON IN HERE ...! " Edna exclaimed loudly anouncing her prescence amongst the four girls.

" Misses Garett they've snapped instead of trying to kill each other they've joined forces and they litterally tried to drown me in the shower. Oh that'll make a great headline for the school paper. ' Wealthy Warner , Poor Polniaczek join forces in Campus killing spree !' I 've gotta get a pen I'm getting the exclusive. " Before Jo or Blair could explain. Natalie collapsed at their feet. Asleep Jo caught her head before it hit the floor.

" See Mrs. G. We were trying to get that paste stuff off of Natalie's face. We went downstairs thinking there was a burglar. But it wasn't it was Nat she's the midnight cookie monster. We had ta' get the paste off her or else she woulda' suffocated. "

" Yeah misses Garrett Natalie was sleepwalking. " Blair added to Jo's explanation.

" Oh, dear I see well then shows over lets get Natalie to bed. People only sleepwalk when they're under extreme amounts of stress. Edna explained to the girls while straightening Natalies covers over her pajama clad snoring form. I guess Natalie was under too much stress with the school paper. They've been trying to find a headline for their teen violence awareness week. She must've figured one out thats why she fell right back asleep. When you two startled her awake. Well I've got a kitchen to clean. "

" Hold, up misses G. I'll help ya' I'm awake now anyway." Jo followed.

" Me too, I mean I'm not sure what all cleaning entails but I'm willing to learn. If mister goodwrench here'll help me learn that is. " Blair joined.

Nudging Jo in the arm. " Ow yeah alright I'll help, geez woman do ya' hafta do that to me everytime you want me to agree with ya' ? "

" Yep. "

" I guess I'll go with you guys I'm awake now after that scream. " Tootie said tiredly following the bunch.

Cut scene End chapter.