Chapter 38

I wake up and I feel the terrible dull ache in my spine from sleeping crouched over the whole night through, I stretch and let out a mild yawn. Then I see her. She's still sound asleep, I glance at my watch, it is 10 a.m.; everyone should be awake by now.

I stare at her willing myself not to think about when and how the world will come barging in on us, with reality tailing behind them. I reach out for her hand and kiss the small of her wrist.

"I really love you," I say.

She fidgets and comes around revealing those prying eyes staring at me still holding her wrists. She struggles to sit up, and I help her as she dejectedly leans on me for support.

"Will you eat something?" I ask.

She shakes her head in response. I use my free arm to hold her even closer to me, revealing her bony structure to my nerves. She says, "Lets just stay like this for awhile," and we sit there in silence for that while.

She speaks so softly it seems to be a bare whisper, "This is all we can give each other. This is as far as we deviate for our duty right Rui?"

I feel myself nod.

She continues, "I really love you too." As she snuggles into my arms I kiss her hair and hold her even tighter.

With a deep sigh she pushes me away and tells me to leave. I look at her double-checking if the certainty in her voice reflected physically; it does and I begin to tremble. She cups my jaw with her soft palm, leans forward and kisses me at the side of my lips, Shifts back and looks away.

I stand up and before I leave kiss her temple. "You know what a kiss on the forehead means right? It means I understand and I forgive. I understand why you left me all those years ago and I will forgive you for leaving me again today. Hearing you say you love me will have to do for this lifetime."

I turn and leave, reaching for the knob I hear her heave I close my eyes and block my ears and turn the knob. I close the door behind me looking out to the crashing waves. Despite which sound don't drown out her gasping and heaving as she cries behind that door.

I wipe my own tears and walk away.