Chapter 47

Everything is blurry, my vision is clouded with tears. I'm sure that in mid-day downtown Tokyo is filled with clacking heels, honking cars and drilling from construction but all I hear ringing in my ears is his voice…

"Leave? I come back after your exiling me, shamelessly crawl back, tell you how much I need you, how much I cannot live without you, how I don't know how to live without you! I cry, I beg and I cling on to you and all you can say is I'm done? Did you even ever love me!"

"Did you even ever love me?" I spat bitterly. I cannot breathe, all the anger…rage and hatred. I caused all his pain; his undeserved pain. I cannot breathe.

I was cruel, he was hurt, this has to be over right? There can be no more us ever… My phone is ringing.

"Hello mother," I hear myself say.

The conversation drags on as she blabbers on and on about what the Domyouji's are doing for the wedding and how we need to one-up them. Frankly, I couldn't care less what the wedding was like the most important thing is the person waiting for me at the end of the aisle. My forever.

Soujiro is a good forever I keep telling myself. He knows me well as do I him, he loves me more than I do him, our backgrounds compliment each other, he will make a good father and most of all it makes everyone happy that we are getting married. I remember back when I used to hear of arranged marriages of my seniors I told myself I would never allow such a thing to happen to me. That even when time did I would chose love over duty; I look at the reflection of the 23 year old in the mirror and I apologize to the naïve 16 year old in my memory.

The tears have stopped; I think I have run low on them… My heart and head are numb; this whole year has been about putting those fiery feelings out and taming them into dormancy. I put in the last dagger in Rui's heart, but I have no time to think about him. No, I refuse to think about him.

"Tsukushi Makino! Are you listening to a word I am saying?" I hear my mother shriek over the other end of the line.

"Every word mother… Our wedding will be very different from the Domyouji-Okahawara one considering the Nishikado's have a deep traditional root to their name. It will have to be a traditional Japanese ceremony so even if we don't up them we won't be compared to them," I say to reassure her.

"Is that what your mother-in-law said? When are you two settling on the date? Can't you be more responsible for these things?" says my mother and I zone out again as she prattles on about the wedding.

I will have to get Soujiro to finalize the date, this is for the better. The sooner the better. I hang up the call on the note that I have to be at my kimono fitting for the nights dinner.

That night…

I see Soujiro standing facing the garden in his montsuki kimono with the lanterns creating a dramatic silhouette of his frame. I creep up to him and hold him from the back, leaning on his warm sculpted back.

"Hey…" I say placing a peck on his nape.

He spins around and in a blink I am in his arms looking at his deep brown eyes. He moves closer and I slink my hands to cup his neck, he smells like cotton and tea. Then he kisses me as the scent whirrs round us, I lose myself to his skill. The kiss starts out soft and become more searching, more passionate as he clutches me closer until we have to come up for air.

As we pull apart but with me still in his arms he says, "Hey..."

This is my forever. My best friend, my fiancée and husband.

"Jirou…" I softly whisper in his ear

"Mmm?" he mumbles as we embrace.

"Will you marry me?" I say in true sincerity.

He pulls us apart, looks at me bewildered and tries to decide on a response and finally decides on, "When."

We laugh, he picks me up and spins me round the room. This is our little piece of happiness. I am satisfied with this…I have to be.

Then I see a flash of Rui's face in my mind, till today it shocks me when I see flashes of our memories in the ones Jirou and I are creating. I remember the grey and cool day we sat in the library of his house our backs facing each other; he reading his book and me mine. He falls asleep as usual and I gently shift him to lie on my lap and lean down to kiss him as his eyes flash open. He asks me what I was going to do, I replied that he knew what was coming; but wondered if I did. And within a blink I was over his shoulders being swung around and around till he was breathless. I remember staring into his brownish amber eyes, tracing their outline and him closing the distance between our faces. I hear his "you complete me" like it was a second ago.

I snap back to reality, Soujiro elated seemed to not have noticed my dazing. The housekeeper comes in to inform us that the guests have passed the main gate and we will need to go and greet them in the main family room.

Soujiro takes my hand in his, stares at me with his twinkling eyes an says, "Let's go." There is a bounce in his every step, I clasp his hands tighter and tell myself that because of his "lean on me's" and "let's go's" I will be alright. Rui and I will just have to wait for our next life cycle.

I silently say goodbye to the memory of that cloudy day and replace it with Jirou's twinkling eyes.

Authors Note: Hi everyone… thanks so much for all your encouragement through the years and staying with me through dry spells and through the changes in my writing style thanks to all your feedback. I'm very tempted to leave this story here with this as the ending…. But in respect to all your support I've decided to let you all decide what I do with the story from here on out. So the options are as follows…

The end.

Continue (tell me till what extent)

The end for now and do a part two under a new title.

Any other suggestions?

Again. Thank you so much for all your support. Do let me know by the 5th of August 2010 via the reviews channel and I will respect the majority. Cheers.