Hey! Early update! Yay!
Thank you for all the Reviews, Favorites, Follows! I love you so much I could just kiss you!
But I won't because we haven't even had our first date yet ;)
Enjoy!
I'm going to burn in Hell.
I mean, this is unforgivable. Really –
What would Mom say if she knew? What would Prim say? Madge would be proud of me for being so clever. Prim would probably forgive me – pat me on the back and say she understands my actions.
It makes me feel worse.
Haymitch told me to keep them away from Katniss...so they have to go. I can't change the plan.
But you're a murderer.
I'm leading them to their death – they just don't know it.
Cato keeps his eyes on me. I can feel it. He doesn't trust me in the slightest. Rightfully so. He's smarter than I gave him credit for. The others probably wouldn't trust me if they were in a healthy state of mind. Glimmer is so far gone. It eats at me. She's barely walking; Marvel is the only thing keeping her going.
"I don't want to shoot!" she screams at me. "I don't want to play in the Games!"
She still thinks I'm her dad. I've come to learn her and her father did not have a much desired relationship. Glimmer has deeper, darker secrets than she's lead anyone to believe. Yet, Marvel seems to know it all. He cares so much for her; it crushes my heart in a whole new way. What would I have done had this been Katniss hallucinating about her mom?
I'd be doing the same exact thing.
The day is short today. The Gamemakers turn off the lights and we set up camp under an incredibly wide oak tree.
"I'll keep watch," I offer.
The others seem fine with this, except Cato, who eyes me warily. He's tired though and eventually caves into sleep. His body curls protectively towards Clove – though never touching. She turns away from him coolly. It's a subtle, unconscious act of rejection that even I can pick out. For the most part, I'm pretty sure she's oblivious to his affections for her. Clove doesn't appear to be the type of girl who would notice, though. She seems hardened, especially when compared to the other girls like Katniss or Glimmer. But who knows – maybe she's a sweet girl underneath her tough exterior.
But she does throw knives incredibly well – so, again, who knows. I can empathize with him - knowing it's never easy loving an oblivious girl. Especially in these circumstances.
I wonder if he'll ever tell her how he feels...
Glimmer and Marvel take comfort against the far side of the oak. Her head finds Marvel's shoulder and she melts into him, looking peaceful for the first time tonight. He lightly plants a kiss to her chapped lips before finding sleep as well.
Wow...so they really were a thing.
The monster named guilt is becoming a very close friend of mine at the moment. Being an avid believer in love, how can I knowingly destroy the bond they have?
Too many thoughts tonight. What I would give to not have to think right now. I wish I could just turn it off – forget who I am and where I'm from. I want to forget my beliefs...even if only for a little while.
I rest my head against the oak behind me. It isn't nearly as hard as I thought to stay awake. I'm not tired at all which in a way, is disappointing. I wish I was tired enough to numb my brain so I didn't have to cope with racing thoughts. I need to focus on something mundane for a little while...like...the weather!
The night is peaceful. Normal. No storms of freezing gusts of winds. There's a light breeze every now and then that cools the slightly humid air – it's beautiful. I mean, it's Capitol manufactured weather – so of course it's perfect, but it's still nice.
Moments pass before I hear Glimmer murmuring in her sleep. She's talking about shoes for some reason and it makes me smile to myself – even though the reason she's so articulate in her sleep is fatal. She mumbles something about "pink" before rolling onto her stomach away from Marvel. Her flopping arm catches her bow that was leaned up against the tree and it tips over softly. My eyes follow it to the ground and I start salivating.
Her bow.
Her arrows.
I want them.
For the first time since the Games started, I can fully appreciate the empty growl of my stomach. I'm pretty good at dealing with hunger – but sooner or later I'm going to have to eat something. And I have no way of catching and killing my food unless I plan to go stab a bird mid-flight. That might be tricky...
When she's dead I can just take it.
What happened to your heart? Do you have no soul? No remorse or conscience?
Two days.
It took me two days to become a complete savage.
No – more than that.
I'm becoming what Madge predicted. I had thought better of myself. I assumed I would be above the Games – that their heinous and demented rules would not change my morals. I would not cave into the fear and corruption like so many others.
But I was wrong.
I'm just like them.
I'm an animal.
The revelation makes me sick. How can I do this? How can I just kill four innocent young men and women?
They've killed, too.
And that makes it justified? No! Of course not! They're under the same dictating fist that I am and choose to play. They can't help it.
Neither can you. It's survival instinct.
I seriously hate myself right now. Like a full blown loathing. Maybe the stress has finally gotten to me. Maybe I've cracked. I'm bickering with myself about whether murder is acceptable or not. On any normal day at home, I'd give my honest answer without second thought.
But now I'm not sure.
Who am I?
Who are you? Are you proud of it, Peeta?
When did it become my duty to make the call for others between life and death? When did I have the audacity to manipulate people into trusting me? They're dying as we speak, slowly withering away. They are so desperate for water they are giving me their remaining hours to help them. They've made their selves vulnerable under my command. They're trusting me, and I'm betraying them.
Who am I to play God with these people? Who is the Capitol to play God with these children?
We are not a superior being that chooses their fates.
We are simple people that choose our own fate.
And now is the time I define the man I am.
Am I a murderer? Or am I a hero?
I sneak over to where Glimmer sleeps, grimacing at something in her dreams – and take her bow and arrows. I knock it before raising the arch to the sky, pointing it towards the glowing, artificial moon.
Today, I am neither murderer nor hero.
The arrow flies from under my finger tips and pierces the eye of the owl perched at the top of the tree. It plummets down to Earth, a mere few inches from my feet.
Today, I am just a hunter who has caught breakfast for his allies.
Cato wakes first, taking note of the slain owl and narrows his eyes at it.
"You caught that?" I pick up the bow by my feet. "Wow." He picks up the bird carcass from its spot on the ground next to me and studies it. "Right through the eye. Glimmer can't even hit the branch on a good day. To be honest, I was shocked when she got your leg."
I give a small smile. "I've had a lot of practice."
He doesn't comment on this right away, pulling out matches from his pants' pocket. "I'll get the fire going if you clean the kill?"
I nod.
We work silently as the others sleep. I pluck the owl clean and Cato strips the dry oak bare for firewood. He does it very methodically, like out of text book. Did they teach this stuff in 2? Was there a fire building class?
"You hunt for fun?" he asks out of the blue. His tone carries no anger or belittlement, but yet I feel defensive. Yes, District 12 citizens hunt for fun all the time.
"Sure, I consider surviving fun."
His gaze locks with mine. He appears to be unfazed by my cutting reply and to add to it – he almost seems...understanding?
I can tell that he knows that the conversation is crossing into potentially illegal topics. And he drops it. It makes me like Cato a little more. We roast the owl in silence. He asks an occasional question about cooking it – and I fill him with all my knowledge of cooking and cleaning animals. He seems eager to learn. But then he asks me a question that catches me completely off guard.
"How did she do it?"
I freeze, not sure who "she" is. "Who?"
"Everdeen," he says with a hint of ice in his voice. "She got an 11. I was wondering if...if maybe you knew...how."
I give him a mildly dirty look. I don't like the fact that he's been paying attention to Katniss. Of course he would – that's why I'm here with the Careers in the first place. To keep him away from her. But it still irks me.
"I wouldn't know."
He narrows his eyes at me.
"Look. I get it. She's your girl. Whatever. I was just curious. She did...beat me, you know. And I've always been the competitive type." He shrugs as if he is talking about football – not killing. "I'm kind of scared of running into her to be honest. Who knows was power she possesses. But I'm sure you've seen –"
"Why would she have told me, huh?" I can't help the rising volume of my voice. "She wouldn't tell me. She said she...she...couldn't." My voice cracks at the end. Embarrassed, I press my face into my hands, hiding myself.
Get a grip. Don't look weak.
I raise my head, forcing myself not to make eye contact.
"Owl's done."
We wake the others. Glimmer is barely there when she come to. She's a zombie. How many days was it that you couldn't go without water...three? If that? She's running out of time. They all are.
"We aren't too far away from the water hole," I tell them. "It's through those trees. Over there is a grass field. It's not huge, but it'll be enough."
Clove speaks for the first time since yesterday when she said the sky was dark. "Thank you," she whispers, unable to clear her dry throat. "Thank you, Peeta."
It's then that I decide.
I am not a murderer.
I am going to get them water. There will be no deaths in Districts 1 and 2 today.
But as if it had been coordinated, the scent of smoke fills my nostrils – a scent that is not from the camp fire. Marvel jumps up frantically, pointing hand extended. "Look!"
I turn around. And what I see stops my heart.
I see a world crumbling in a storm of fire. Flames licking trees until the point of ash.
And screaming at us to run from yards away, being chased by the raging fire – the last person I'd thought I'd see.
Rue.
FIRE! AH! I'm not a big fan of fire...always have nightmares about fire XD
And while writing this - I had a total light bulb moment. I have got the most unique twist in the Games set up for Peeta! I mean, one that I didn't know was going to happen since the beginning of the story...I'm excited for reactions! This will change his actions for the next few chapters!
On another note -
Digging through old stories on my computer from my grade school years is always fun. And I found one of my most elaborate stories -
And since the website I had published it on previously didn't give me much feedback, I've decided to put it on here as another HG fanfic! Yay!
It's a third person POV, AU and VERY OCC. It's about time travel, the mysteries of the universe, a love triangle, and self discovery. (Cheesy, I know) It's titled "Where Time Can't Touch Me."
I'm planning on posting the first chapter on Tuesday. I'm revising it a little - and I'm warning you: The first couple chapters are dry. I'm setting up characters :P I hope you'll like it, though!
It'd mean the world to me if you could take a look at it when I get it up! Thank you!
Oh! And I like reviews...:-)
