2nd of April, 10.23, Girls Dormitory, Bed
Nothing spectacular happened today. I spent most of the afternoon with Remus, working on our essays for Defense Against the Dark Arts. I'm glad I finished the essay today, though. If I hadn't, I'd be worrying about it Wednesday night, and probably not getting anything done due to my lack of anxiety-coping skills. But spending time with Remus was definitely a treat. Unlike yesterday, he was actually being very kind and genuine. Perhaps he was being so disagreeable yesterday because it was April Fools' Day. Yes, that slipped my mind. But, as any gentleman should know, that is no excuse to treat a girl in such a way! His mother would be very ashamed!
10.27
Not that I would tell his mother...
10.28
That would be... awkward.
10.29
And would possibly cause some trouble amoungst the parentals...
10.30
I don't want trouble with my adopted in-laws.
10.31
Oh, I didn't tell you? Yes, my mother sent me another wonderfully long, wretched letter about how perfect Remus and I are for each other. And how excited she and Mrs. Lupin are. Apparently, they really are planning the wedding, as my mum asked me how much she should be setting aside for it.
10.32
Am I the only one who finds this a little off-putting?
10.33
Are mothers always so overbearing and, well, COMPLETELY BARMY?!
10.34
...
10.35
Right, well... If you couldn't already tell, dearest journal, I can't sleep. I've been trying so hard! Lily, Anne, Bridget and I decided that we would all tuck in early for the night to, you know, catch up on beauty sleep and such so we look superbly spiffy for tomorrow morning, but my brain won't be quiet. Too many thoughts for one little girl to handle!
10.37
What am I to do? I tried a sleeping spell... That didn't work (obviously). It just made my nose a little itchy. And, here I am, writing as usual.
10.38
It really isn't very healthy for me to be writing in here so much. I don't think this is what my mother intended when she first shoved this into my hands as I hopped onto the Express. But I don't think I can stop.
10.39
Journal, you are my life now.
10.40
Don't give me that look, journal.
10.41
I'm being completely honest! You are my life now. Wholly my life!
10.43
To be honest, I think you're replacing something that I'm missing in my life...
10.44
And that something would be the ever elusive relationship with Remus.
10.45
I simply do not understand! Am I intimidating, or something?
10.46
I understand that I'm a complete barmy cow-muffin.
10.47
But Sirius and James are constantly telling me how much Remus adores me!
10.48
When Remus isn't in the vicinity, of course. Don't want to embarrass the bloke.
11.16
This whole not-being-able-to-get-to-sleep thing is really starting to get on my nerves!
11.17
That's it! I'm going down to the Common Room and curling up in front of the hearth.
11.36, Curled into a Ball
Well, I'm starting to feel a bit drowsy...
11.37
Drowsy-ish.
11.40
Hark! There is bustling coming from the Boys' Dormitory stairs....
11.41
How curious... No one is coming out from the shadows...
11.42
I'm probably just imagining things again...
11.43
Oh! It's Remus. I wonder why he's up?
11.45
Sooooooooo...
11.46
Well, Remus is just kind of sitting next to me... And, erm...
11.47
... Yeah.
11.49
So, why are you up, Mr. Lupin?
I could easily ask you the same question, Miss Reynolds.
Well, if you must know, I couldn't sleep.
Me neither.
What's been keeping you from sleep?
Well...
... Yes?
Why can't you sleep? I thought you girls had this grand scheme to pull off the greatest beauty rest heist Hogwarts has ever seen.
That was the plan... Until I kept tossing and turning.
Why?
My brain wouldn't shut up.
Your brain wouldn't shut up...
Don't give me that tone.
I wasn't giving you a tone, Elizabeth. I was just... Trying to figure out what you meant.
Do you become slower at night or something? Incapable of comprehension?
No, I just have other things preoccupying my thoughts.
Such as?
Well...
That is the second time you wrote, and I, erm... copy: "Well..."
I don't really know how to explain it. Give me some time to think it over, and I'll tell you a little later once I figure out how to phrase what I'm thinking.
Oh, alright. Do you want me to distract you?
... Erm...
I mean, ah, well... Ramble on aimlessly whilst you write one-worded answers after half-heartedly reading what I wrote.
Sure.
Well, I've come to the realization that I'm far too dependent on this journal here.
Is that so? What's brought about this revelation?
Firstly, Mr. Lupin, you're only supposed to be responding with one word. Meaning you went over your word limit by seven words. Secondly: Oh, I don't know. The fact that I don't have too many pages left in this bloody thing was one clue.
Yes.
Other than that, I just figure I write in here so much because I'm compensating for something.
Oh?
Mmhmm.
... Are you going to say what exactly it is that you might be 'compensating' for?
Well, ... No.
Alright.
What if I just want to remember sixth year? I mean... This is an excellent way of documenting my youth for later years, right?
If you say so.
I do say so. I mean, who knows? Years down the road when I'm old and barmy like my mum, with crazy children who I simply cannot understand, I could pull this baby out and try to understand the teenage mind.
Good plan.
Remus...
Yeah?
What's bothering you?
Nothing.
Pfft. That's a joke. Please tell me. You know I'm not going to judge you, or tell anyone else, et cetera. I never would, and you know that.
I know, Elizabeth.
Won't you please let me in? Maybe I can help?
This might take me some time.
Well, I honestly doubt I'm going to pull a Rip Van Winkle, so you have plenty of time.
Would you mind if I, erm, borrowed your journal for a little bit then?
No, not at all. ... So long as you don't steal it, of course.
Wouldn't dream of it.
Then, yes, that's completely fine.
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Dear Elizabeth,
I'm still not entirely sure how to best put this in words. If I start to ramble, you really must forgive me. You see, there is one very simple reason why I haven't been able to fall asleep tonight, and perhaps now that I'm going to say, well, write I suppose, what that reason is, I'll be able to sleep.
The reason I can't fall asleep is you. No, you aren't plaguing me with nightmares. Quite the contrary, really. No matter what I do, it's entirely impossible for me to put you from my mind. No matter how silly you are, or how much you upset me, I simply can't stop thinking about you, Elizabeth. I've tried for the longest time to ignore it, seeing as we're neighbors, and we've known each other for longer than I've known any of my other mates. And then there's always the issue of what our mothers might do if anything were to happen between us...
Anyway, lately I've found that I can't ignore my feelings for you. I can't suppress them any longer. Elizabeth, no matter how ridiculously clueless you might be sometimes, no matter how many delightfully foolish things you might say, no matter your emotional and mental attachment to this journal... I suppose I should be more of a man and actually say the words aloud to you, but I don't think I have enough courage to do so.
In any case, I do hope a written confession will suffice:
Elizabeth, no matter what happens after you read this, I just want you... No, I desperately need you to know that I love you. And, I swear to you, I always will. Merlin help me, I will love you no matter what happens between us.
I hope you manage to get in some sleep tonight. I don't want to have to be part of some extravagant Operation: Keep Lizzie Awake.
Good night.
Yours,
R. Lupin
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3rd of April, 12.30, Still Sitting Before the Fire
Remus has long since left, and I've just finished reading his letter.
12.31
I... I simply cannot think of the words to say.
12.32
I need to talk to Remus. Right now.
12.34, At the Sixth Year Boys' Dormitory (A.K.A. Marauder Country) Door
You know, journal, maybe this wasn't such a good idea... I mean, what if they're all asleep? And I wake them up? ... Or what if one of them wakes up and tackles me, thinking I'm an evil Slytherin aiming to sabotage them? ... Or what if I go to the wrong bed and I accidentally wake up Sirius, or, even worse, Pete?
12.35
Yes, I know. I'm being ridiculous. I've been in their dormitory a thousand times this year. I know where Remus' bed is. They all sleep like logs, or so they boast. I'm just making up excuses.
12.36
Elizabeth Reynolds, get a hold of yourself! Just go in there, march up to Lupin's bed, poke him if he isn't awake, and tell him you feel the exact same!
12.37
Now or never, Elizabeth... Now or never.
12.38
I'm going in. And everything is going to be fine... I hope.
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Well, well, well! Wasn't that an exciting chapter? As usual, the ever-brilliant Jo Rowling owns the world of Harry Potter. That which you don't recognize from her amazing series is mostly likely my own creation. I will use whatever movie or book quote [you!] pick for the person who can first pick out the Twilight quote and mention it in their super wonderful review!!! Yes, kind readers, that is my subtle hint to you that I greatly appreciate your reviews. I hope everyone is having a nice holiday, and I'll update again soon! Yours always.
