Got A Secret: Chapter 3: Saving Self
"There is no feeling more comforting and consoling than knowing you are right next to the one you love."
~Author Unknown
The clouds that had been gathering all night, broke the moment I left my car in the parking lot. Perfect. Now, not only was I extremely tired, starving, and sick, I was also soaked.
Slowly I trudged up the stairs to Ezra's apartment. He wouldn't turn me away, not now, not after everything that had happened tonight; would he?
My knock was far louder than I had intended it to be. Way to go Aria. Let's just wake the neighbors while your at it.
Less than two minutes later he opened the door. For a moment, I forgot the speech I'd prepared. There he stood, in all of his shirtless glory, hair tousled, and pants slung low on his hips.
"Aria?" His voice was thick with sleep, and I felt guilty for waking him.
"Ezra." And then the dam that had been holding back my tears all evening broke.
He stared at me for a moment, and then the wall he'd built around his heart in the past few days came crumbling down.
"Aria." I collapsed onto him, grateful for the comfort he was providing.
His arms tightened around me for a moment, before releasing me and taking my bag.
"Let's get you inside and into something dry. Then," he paused to brush tears from my cheeks, "you can tell me what's going on."
Ten minutes later, my drenched sweats had been replaced by a soft button down shirt of his. I sat cross-legged on his couch, brushing the tangles from my hair, as he heated up some leftover soup.
"Now," he handed me the bowl, "do you want to tell me what's happened."
"Ezra, you don't have to do this. I just need a place to stay, you can go back to bed. I'll be gone before your up, and I..."
"Hush."
"But.."
"Aria, what's going on?"
Then the tears came again. Stupid, damn tears. "Emily, and the hospital, and then my parents, and I just...I can't...do it anymore."
He sat beside me, and placed a reassuring arm around my shoulders. "Hey, where's that spirit I love?" He smiled, and brushed some of my tears away. "What happened to Emily?"
I set the soup on the table before me.
"There was an accident, in the hall of mirrors tonight. She's at the hospital now."
"She'll pull through."
"And your parents?"
"My mom wants a divorce. They were fighting when I got home, and I just couldn't stay."
"I'm sorry."
"I'm not. At least I don't think I am. It's just hard, you know?"
Ezra sighed heavily. "I know."
"Ezra," I bit my lip in hesitation, "do you think you could hold me? Just for a little while?"
"Aria." His tone was terse, but he lay back on the couch and pulled me down beside him. "I meant what I said earlier, about you needing to see people your own age. I can't give you anything you deserve..."
"I don't need anything but you." Fearful of losing the last thing that I held dear, I shifted so that I was straddling him.
"But.."
"But nothing. I think you should let me decide what is best for me." I kissed the each side of his mouth teasingly before claiming his lips fully.
"Aria!" He pushed me away, sliding his hands down to rest on waist. "We can't do this."
"Tell me you don't feel the same. That you don't feel this huge gaping hole when we're not together. Say you don't love me, and I'll..." I swallowed thickly. "forget all of this ever happened."
He turned away, eyes fixated on an empty expanse of the wall opposite us.
"Say it, Ezra."
"I can't, Aria! Don't you see that I could never ever hate you. I love you." He grabbed my shoulders roughly and shook them. "I love you."
The tears came again, but this time I did not curse them. "You love me?"
Abruptly, he crushed me down to his chest. "Foolish, foolish girl." He kissed my forehead. "Of course I do. How could I not?"
"Ezra, I love you too."
Tenderly, he cupped my face in his hands. Our lips met, and for just a moment, I allowed myself to forget about A, and Emily, and my parents.
Button, by button, his shirt fell from my body. His kisses became more urgent. Hands slid up from my hips, to my waist, to cup my lace clad breasts.
"So beautiful," he breathed. Lips burning my skin, his kisses began to trail over my cheek, along my neck, and down to my collar bone.
Experimentally, I rocked my hips against his. Instantly he froze.
"We should stop."
"No! I...Ezra, I want this. More than I've ever wanted anything before."
"I'm not saying never, Aria. I'm saying not tonight."
"Tomorrow?" He laughed then, and I realized at that moment how crucial he was to me.
I scooted off of him to allow him to stand, buttoning the shirt again in the process. Somewhat dejectedly, I watched him re-lock the door and switch off the lights, before he headed towards his bedroom.
So that's how it's going to be, I thought. Trying my best to ignore the ache that had reignited in my chest, I wrapped myself in the throw from the back of the couch.
"Aren't you coming?" Though I couldn't see his face, I could hear his smile in his voice.
Laughing, I rose and followed him into the bedroom.
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