Chapter 18
Amber's POV
Guess it is possible to love
I didn't know why I agreed to go to a football party without Bella. I didn't know if I could handle it. I didn't know if I had it in me to deport from my bed that morning.
"Amber, Jake's on his way. You still coming with us?" Charlie asked through my door.
And just like that! I was up out of my bed and in my closet. "Yes sir, I'll be done momentarily."
He sighed. "Amber, you...you don't have to call me 'sir'. I know that...he made you call him that all the time, no matter what." Charlie paused, I couldn't answer; images flew through my mind. "I don't want you to feel that you have to call me 'sir', ok?"
"O-ok, C-charlie. Thanks!" I chocked out gripping the closet door. I heard his retreating footsteps. I sat on the floor beside my closet, catching my breath.
A few minutes later, Jake was pulling me into a hug. "Amber..." he cooed softly. "Sweet, innocent, beautiful, Amber."
"Jake," I chocked out, pulling myself closer to him. "I'm sorry, Jake. I...I'm..." I was a loss for words as my room went to another. A colder one. A lifeless one. My old one.
"There she is..." I heard his sickly sweet voice. "We've been waiting," his and his friend laughed darkly before advancing in on me.
I kept quiet. Silently sobbing. I felt both their hands grab random items of clothing, throwing them all over the place. "Damn, here I thought it's be easy." Stephen muttered pulling his shirt off.
"Hey, what gets clothes off fast?" his friend asked pulling out a shiny metal object. Whatever it was, Stephen thought it was a good idea. I felt a shiver of fear run down my spine. Stephen laughed darkly nodding slowly.
There was a burning sensation coming from my jeans. I didn't dare move. I felt the burning come to my shin. I finally broke, crying aloud. Stephen slammed his knee on top of my chest. I stopped immediately. Whimpering my protests of pain and disgust. The tears didn't stop. "D-dad! P-please..." I wheezed out. "D-dad...I c-can't b-b-breath!" I screamed with the last of my breath.
The bright room was suddenly darkening. I was glad to blackout out of this activity. A dark tunnel started taking over my vision. I knew I was about to blackout. I was glad for that! I was till my thigh was burning the same way my legs had. My legs and ankles were stinging majorly. I smelt the faint smell of burning rubber. They were burning me! Literately! The object was a lighter! They were burning my clothes away! The rubber was from the hair tie I had in my pocket.
"Amber..." a familiar voice called from the outside of my pain. It was more in my head than anything. "Amber...come on. I-I can't touch you. I can't stand seeing you in this pain!" His voice broke.
The room in the tunnel soon changed. It was light, but it had a different atmosphere to it than the other did. Here I felt happiness, safe, compassion...love. The other room held hate, pain, anger...and despair.
"Jake..." I asked snuggling into the closest thing.
"Amber, hey." Charlie said sweetly from beside me.
"Hey Charlie, what happened?" I asked going to sit up.
"You...well, I sent Jacob up here to get here. I didn't know he would touch you!" Charlie was angry. "Anyway, you had a...an attack and he left." he looked at me sympathetically. "I'm sorry. We don't have to go to that game. I have a T.V of my own. I just thought you would like it!"
I could tell he wanted to go. Hell I wanted to also. No way was I letting him ruin my day. Along with Charlies'! "No! No! We'll go. Just let me get dressed. I'll be done in five, kay?" he looked at me for a minute before leaving.
I grabbed black, ankle-long stockings, a lime bright green pleated skirt, a black belt, a lime green mid-driff top, a black, long-sleeved, see through shirt, and my black worn out chucks. Gathering the items I would need to complete the outfit, I ran across the hall to the bathroom.
Ten minutes later, I walked down stairs, dressed with black eyeliner, black fingernails, green eyeshadow, clear lip gloss. On my right arm, were twenty back and green gel bracelets. My left held, a bright green hand glove.
"You ready?" Charlie asked grabbing both our coats.
"Yeah...Bella? I'm leaving. Call me, please!" I yelled upstairs. Only to be greeted with an audible grunt. I could practically see the annoyed expression on her face. I rolled my eyes and followed Charlie outside to the BMW.
The game.
It was worse than I expected. I must've asked myself What am I doing here? At least a dozen times. I kept coming up blank.
"Amber..." I heard his voice whisper in my ear. I flinched away from the area. "Amber...I'm coming for you..." He whispered. I ran from the kitchen immediately.
"Amber!" Charlie called from the living room. I ran to him. "You ok? Not too overwhelming for you?" he asked a worried expression on his face.
I shook my head, lying. "No...just a little claustrophobic. I'm going to get some fresh air, kay?" I asked pointing behind me.
Charlie looked sad an disappointed. "I'm sorry Amber." he whispered. "I wish I could help more than I am. I wish I could do better."
I sighed. "I know Charlie. You did help. You are helping. Both of us. Thank you." I felt my eyes tearing up at the images flying through my head. I had to get out of the room. "I got to get out!" I murmured then ran from the monster that was clawing its way out of my mind. Go away! I begged silently. Please! Just this one day! Go away!
"Damn it!" a familiar voice yelled, followed by a loud shatter. I flinched from the sound. "Dumb ass! Scared her! Brought back what hurts her most!" I followed the voice around the side of the house, behind some bushes and stared at a metal shed.
The wide door was dull silver and had dents in every size. "I can't believe I did that." the agonized voice said quieter this time. I knew who the voice belonged to now.
"Jake..." I called softly before walking into the shed. "Jacob," he didn't look at me. I came up behind him, he still didn't face me. "The least you could do is look at me, Jake!" Tears began filling my eyes.
Jacob turned his eyes cast downward, and didn't say anything. Neither did I.
Slowly, very carefully, I took my hand and placed it on his cheek. My body lit up, memories of Stephen were gone, his voice became faint. I was safe. I felt safe and happy.
There was a small droplet of water on my fingers. "Jake..." I lifted his face, it was wet with tears. "Oh Jake..." I sighed not really thinking about it and pulled him into me. "It wasn't you Jake, ok?" I whispered running my hand through his short hair. His warm face, stuck in the crook of my neck, let out a few more drops. "It wasn't you, Jake. Charlie had said somethings and...i-it brought back memories." I explained sitting on a over turned crate, with Jake's face still in my neck.
We sat in silence for a few minutes. A few guys around our age cam by, but I waved them away. Luckily, they listened. "Amber..." Jacob sighed and pulled back. His face a few inches from mine. "Amber..." he sighed again cradling my face in his hands. "I care about you so much. When I found out I could've caused a memory that would cause you that much pain..." he sighed. "I don't want you to go through that." He whispered sweetly, rubbing small circles in my cheeks with his warm thumbs. "I wish I could take all this away from you. I wish I could take all your pain away and make it mine. I wish-"
"But," I cut him off, "if you took my pain away, I'd see you living the same insane world that I do." my voice soft and low. "I'd take it back , immediately. I wouldn't be able to watch you suffer with that pain." my voice became so soft neither of us could hear it. That was ok though. We didn't really need words. We needed actions. We could have a conversation through our eyes, just like Bella and I.
So that's what we did. Sat in the shed all day. Simply caressing one another. Showing our emotions through touches and strokes. I care about Jake. More than anyone I ever had in my life. I think I loved him. I wasn't sure. He was showing love through his eyes. I always feel safe, happy, alive, and loved when I was around him. We didn't speak till Charlie came to get us.
"Amber, Jake..." he called softly from the shed door. We broke from our embrace to look at him. "Are...are you ok?" Charlie asked coming forward his eyes trailing from Jacob to me.
"Bella never told you, but Jacob can touch me...without causing a freak attack." I explained wrapping my arms around his waist.
"What happened this morning?" Charlie asked still edging his way toward us.
"I backed out, flashback. It started before Jake cam to get me. It wasn't his fault." I defended my savior as he would me.
"Oh. Sorry I yelled at you, Jake. I just...you can't be too careful around these girls you know?"
"No problem, Charlie." Jacob spoke for the first time. His arms around me. "You don't have to worry about Amber with me, though. Did Billy tell you I'm moving to their school on Monday? Yeah! It'll be easier to keep an eye on her there. Plus, I love these girls."
I shivered at the word. "We care about you too, Jake."
We soon departed, Charlie behind the wheel of the BMW. "I'll text you tonight ok?" Jacob whispered giving me a warm hug. "Goodnight, Amber." He whispered his lips touching my ear.
I held back the whimper that was crawling up my throat. I pulled away from the hug. "Goodnight, Jake." I gave him a small discreet kiss on the cheek. Then walked back to the car.
Just as I sat down, I turned to look at Charlie. "He won't hurt me, Charlie. I'm safe." I felt myself smile at the thought. I'm safe!
(Back at the house)
We pulled into the driveway, the house had no lights on. "She's not here," I said before Charlie could cut the engine. He looked at me, startled at the knowledge. I unbuckled my seat-belt and opened the car door. "Yeah, if she's gone to bed she'll leave a light on in my room. The lights are all off. She's not here."
"Well, where in God's name is she?" Charlie asked going immediately to the front door and unlocking it. "Bella?!" he shouted into the empty house. "Isabella Marie Swan?!"
"I'm telling you, she ain't here," I said going into the kitchen and to the whiteboard. I read aloud the following:
Amber and Dad,
Went out w/ a friend 4 awhile. B bck soon. Sry if this worried u.
luv ya,
Bella!
P.S. Amber, dinners in the oven. Txt me once u get this
Charlie read the whiteboard from behind me. I didn't move till he did. "I-"
"Don't even say 'I told you so'!" Charlie said smiling. "You know, this is the most you've spoken to me without Bella around." He smiled seeming satisfied and proud. "I'm so proud of you."
I nodded gratefully. "You can thank Jacob for that. And you of course. Bella and I are so thankful that you brought us here. Away from all the crap down there." I smiled and he did the same. "I'm going to text Bella. Want me to tell her any special comment from you?" I asked teasingly.
He smiled shaking his head. "No, that's fine. Just get her home."
I smiled and started typing.
Gt ur mes. Were r u? And who w/?
I started undressing when;
Lithium, don't wanna, lock me up in silence.
Lithium, don't wanna, forget how it feels
Lithium, I wanna stay in love with my sorrow oh...
kool. Stre. Edwrd.
Of course you are! I thought sarcastically while replying.
O! hws ur day?
Not even a few seconds passed and she says:
hd a brak dwn the stre a few mins ago!
Shit! I thought. Edward I'm going to hurt you if you harmed her!
R u k? Ws it Edwrd?
She wrote:
im fine. No! Mik newton shwd up again. I g2g. Btw, we ned 2 tlk!
You're so friggin' lucky Eddie boy! I thought grimly.
Mik! Tht azzhole! Tell me all wen u get here, k? Sure. I gt something 4 u 2.l8r!
I snapped my phone shut got into my black tank and red shorts. "Night Charlie. Bella's on her way home, kay?" I said as I came into the kitchen for something to drink.
"Yeah. Night Amber. I'm about to turn in too. Do you think you'll be up long enough to make sure Bella gets here softly?" He asked his eyes drooping with exhaustion.
I nodded stifling a yawn. "Yeah sure. I'm going to write some more of this song down anyway." I smiled at the thought. "Goodnight Charlie. Sleep well."
"Night sweetie," he murmured going up the stairs slowly.
I soon followed after, thinking of the night I had. Soon I got to my room. The lights in the house were off, except the candle in my room and in Bella's.
I lie on my bed thinking of the guy that suddenly turned my life around. "Jake," I sighed his name. Loving the euphoric feeling that went trembling down my spine.
Ring! Ring! Ring!
I got to change his ring tone, I thought smiling. Flipping the phone open, I read quickly.
Stop smiling! You might brak ur pretti face!
I rolled my eyes:
Hw do u kno im smilin, stlkr!?
He replied:
Amber! *gasp* I cnt believe wat im readin! I kno u betta thn u kno urslf!
I laughed:
Touche! Wat u doin, jaki!?
He replied:
Nm! jus hangin in the trees! Getting som fresh air. U?
I replied curiously:
u r in the trees? Seriously? Wat trees?
He came back:
Yep! The ones tht r outside...
I went to reply, but he wrote quickly:
ur house!
My eyes grew wide:
WHAT!?
He replied:
I think its bells' room or urs. Which has a blu an blck curtains?
I blushed:
me! ill opn my windw. Brb!
I didn't wait for a reply. Yanking the windows open, I searched the trees. "Jake?"
A limb moved toward the house, a dark figure followed it. "Hey Amber," he said softly.
I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. "Hey. Come on, its freezing out here." I held open my arms.
"Amber..." he whispered puling me close to him and then pulling us both to the edge of my bed. "You look...scared. Did I scare you? I'm sorry! I didn't mean to! God Charlie was right. I-" he ranted on and on.
Finally I cut him off, crawling into his lap and cuddling up to his chest. I listened to his steady heartbeat. He sighed, winding his warm arms around me. "I shouldn't let you be this close," I murmured into the barley lit room. "But, I can't help but feel...happy and safe and..." I stopped at the word.
"And...?" he prompted. His warm breath on my ear.
I gulped deeply. "...and love. I feel it. All the time when you're with me or around me." I paused pressing myself closer to him. "I don't know why but, I can't stand not being around you." I sighed as his hand found its way into my long hair. "I don't want to hurt you, Jacob." I whispered softly into the night. "I don't want to hurt you."
"You won't, Amber." I smiled against his chest. His hand, that was still around my waist, reached up and tilted my head back. His dark eyes searched mine for any protest. I wasn't going to. We began decreasing the gap between us. "Amber?" he asked uncertainly. My eyes fluttered close in answer. I heard his breathing cease, before carefully pressing his lips to mine.
Stephen did not show. His voice did not shout profanities and insults about my behavior. My body was going through an electrical surge. I moved my lips against his soft ones, feeling alive as ever. I sighed into his mouth, shuddering as his hands caressed my face.
We soon pulled away, needing air. He pressed his forehead to mine. "Amber?" his soft voice played over me. Softer than a lullaby's melody.
"Hmmm?" I answered, my voice just as much as a whispered as his.
"I'll never hurt you, you know that right?" he asked. One of his hands moved to my chin.
I nodded my eyes popped open dreamily. "Hmm," I hummed in contentment. "You'd never hurt me. I can feel that. I can feel the safety that you provide for me..." my voice trailed off. I sighed after a few seconds of silence. "Jacob, I know I haven't known you very long...but I can't help but feel..." I thought of the right word, "livid with love and peacefulness." I slowly ran a hand through his soft ebony hair. His eyes closed in infatuation.. "Jake..." he gazed down at me, eyes smoldering into mine. "I-I love you."
Jake's lips were on mine again. Still gentle and soft, but with a new frenzy of passion. "Amber..." he whispered against my lips. I shuddered wrapping both arms around his neck, one playing with the hair at the nape of his neck. "God...I love you too." Tears gathered in my eyes as we continued to kiss slowly. He broke away catching a few tears with his thumbs. "Amber?"
I sniffled. "I'm just so happy right now, Jake." I whispered leaning into his shoulder.
"Amber?" a new voice sounded from my bedroom door.
"Hey Bells," Jacob called softly patting the spot beside us on the bed.
She came into the candle lit room. Her make-up was smeared, the knees of her jeans were wet, and her shirt was wrinkled.
"Oh Bella," I sighed reluctantly getting out of Jake's lap and pulling her into my arms.
"Do I really look that bad?" She asked jokingly.
I nodded. "Yeah, you do." I pointed to my dresser. "Get some comfy pj's and your spending the night with me, kay?" She nodded and did as I said. I turned to Jacob with an apologetic smile.
"I'm getting booted out, aren't I?" Jacob asked pouting slightly.
I smiled. "As much as I hate it, yes." I stood in front of him. "You can make it back down the tree right?" I asked running both hands through his hair.
He smiled. "I got up didn't I?" he caught one of my hands. Lacing his fingers with mine. "I'll text you when I get home, ok?" his voice soft and sincere.
I walked over to the window with him. He turned just as he reached the limb. He grabbed the back of my neck gently. His lips right above mine. "Love you, Amber." I would've answered, but he was already closing in. this was our goodbye kiss. It was so amazing, but so sad. His hands cupped my face, rubbing the tears away with his thumb.
We soon broke away. I opened my eyes. "I love you, too, Jacob. I'll see you in the morning. Get some sleep, please." I teased. With a slight shove of his shoulder, he bounced from limb, to limb, to the trunk, to the ground. I waved till he was out of sight. I sighed and turned, Bella was in my bed. Staring at the ceiling.
"I'm so...happy for you, Amber." Her voice hard and cold.
Uh-oh!
Be happy! I finished chapter 18! give me the praise. Next chapter Bella gets a look at the Cullen's place. And the Cullen's get a taste of the real Bella in return! love you guys!
