My entire being was tense as I cleaned up after breakfast. Charlie had murmured his appreciation for the French toast and I was glad he could at least start this difficult day on a full stomach. We settled in the police cruiser and set out for the reservation.
The car was comfortably silent as we drove through Forks. For once, the sun shone high in the sky, which just seemed wrong when so many people were mourning.
Charlie dropped me off in front of the Black's home and continued on his way to the Clearwater's house. As I walked to the door, I wished I had called first. It was still very early.
Billy answered the door almost immediately. He had a jacket half-on, and looked like he was about to leave. "Bella! Sorry, Jake's still sleeping, and I'm on my way to Sue's to help out if I can."
I must have looked disappointed, because he quickly added, "You can wait if you'd like. Make yourself at home. I know Jake will be glad you're here. And Rachel is supposed to be here later today for the funeral — you might remember her? Rebecca and her husband can't make it from Maui."
A few minutes later I was alone in the Black's living room wondering if I should get some breakfast ready for when Jacob woke up. Then I realized I didn't know what time he had gotten in and decided to let him sleep. I sat on the couch and tried to read the newspaper I had found on the kitchen table, but kept glancing up toward the door to Jacob's room. Before long, I just couldn't resist the urge to tiptoe to his door any longer. I cracked it just a few inches and peered in.
It was always comical to see Jacob's huge frame in any enclosed space, especially now — draped across his tiny bed. He practically stretched from one wall to the other, but his face was so serene. Free of the worry and burden that goes with being a protector of his people. And of me, I thought, chuckling.
He was on his stomach, and shirtless, of course. His back rippled with muscles, and the entire room pulsed with the heat from his body. His skin looked like glowing bronze — he was stunning. My fingers squeezed the doorframe as I gazed at him intently, fighting the temptation to creep in there and smooth his glossy hair from his face so I could better watch him sleep. Now I knew what Edward must have felt like all those nights in my room watching me dream.
Edward. It hurt to think of him, especially as I was gazing at the person who might someday fill the hole that was left in my heart. But it didn't hurt terribly, and for that I was thankful. Be happy.
Okay, I will be, I thought as temptation won out and I stepped softly into his room, my stomach fluttering with nerves that were much more than just your average butterflies. Was I ready to try to move on, to heal? Looking at Jacob's peaceful expression, I felt tenderness for him and knew that even if I wasn't ready, there was no better person to take my time with than him.
I knelt next to the head of the bed, my face a foot away from Jacob's. Carefully, I ran my fingers through his hair and tucked it behind his ear. He smiled in his sleep and murmured, "Hmmm." I couldn't help grinning as I noticed that he tucked in his lower lip when he slept, almost as if he were sucking on it. I wondered to myself if he used to suck his thumb as a baby.
"Bella." I froze before I realized he was asleep. Wait, he was saying my name? Guess I wasn't the only one who talked in my sleep. He smiled again and was quiet.
I knelt there for several minutes, watching his back rise and fall with each breath. I couldn't tell whether the room felt warm because of Jacob's presence, or because of my escalating pulse. I was struck by how soft his face still looked, even through all of the changes that phasing and his rapid growth spurt had forced his body to deal with. I reached out and put my palm on his cheek. It really was soft. My thumb brushed across his lips as he smiled in his sleep again. Mmm, so soft, I thought. I leaned forward.
My lips barely brushed against his. Warm, yielding, unlike anything I had known. It felt good. I pulled back to look at him a moment before leaning again to touch my lips to his. He muttered against my mouth, and I grinned as I pulled back once more and rested my head against the mattress not far from his head. With relief, I realized I hadn't thought at all of Edward, or felt any guilt this time — other than wondering if I were taking advantage of the sleeping boy and knowing he would have wanted to be awake for the kiss. My eyelids were suddently heavy as the warmth in the room made me sleepy. I sighed and closed my eyes.
I don't know how much time had passed before I felt a hand against my hair, stroking it softly. It was pleasant, and as I opened my eyes to find Jacob gazing at me, I didn't pull back. I smiled sleepily, ignoring the stiffness in my legs which were still tucked underneath me on the floor.
"Well, this was a surprise," he said. "I opened my eyes and was convinced I was still dreaming."
Reluctantly, I sat up. His hand dropped and he looked vaguely uncomfortable. I knew he was remembering how we left things yesterday. I saw him start to speak, but I held up my hand.
"Jake, I'm sorry about yesterday," I began before he interrupted.
"Don't be! I'm not," he said. I stopped him again, shaking my head and looking at my feet.
"I mean, I'm sorry for how I reacted. There was nothing wrong with you kissing me, but I wasn't quite ready for it. I didn't know if it was something I wanted, and that's not fair for you. I probably shouldn't have kissed you on the cheek in the first place." I looked up to find him with a goofy grin plastered on his face.
"Bells, you're not mad at me? I was sure I had blown it when I mentioned him…I don't want to hurt you but I was just so keyed up at the time, I wasn't thinking."
The pain barely throbbed. I sighed in relief and shook my head. "You're forgiven, even though you technically didn't do anything wrong."
Something flickered in his eyes and he lowered his voice. "I'm just glad you're not still mad at me. Besides, I know you'll figure out you're in love with me eventually." I started to say something but he placed his fingers against my lips to silence me. "And I promise you, Bella…I can wait for a long, long time."
My mind raced. I wanted to say "You don't have to wait that long", but something held me back. Perhaps it was the nerves, which reminded me that I was just as inexperienced with new relationships as Jacob was. But he had just reassured me that I could explore this possibility at my own pace, which was comforting. I reached up and squeezed his hand, giving him a large smile.
"So, Jake…what do you want to do today?"
