Hi! Okay, so I know the name of this chapter sounds soo forlornly (and that is a word) but it isn't. The chapter is kinda short but don't worry, it isn't too much of a rollercoaster. I got the idea from the song "Broken" by lifehouse (and yess it is lifehouse.) And also I was trying to think of songs to go with the charcaters, Broken is pefect for Kait, but I still cant think of a song for Seth. It's been KILLING me! I kept flipping through my ipod like a mad ma- I mean women. Ugh, any ideas? Oh sry, I should shut up now- have funn reading.
Broken.
Someone just promised eternity to me… again. Last time I came home broken and completely useless. But it could be different this time, right? Seth is different. He has to be.
I take a deep breath and pull myself together. I know he wishes he could save me. I know he wont give up, even if it takes forever. Even in this state.
"You know your beautiful, right?" He ask me.
"I look like crap." My eyes are still red, I'm still in sweats, and I feel like crap- surly I must look like it to.
"Your always beautiful." He smiles.
I believe him, "Thank you."
"No problem." He plays with one of my copper colored curls. "I'd do anything for you."
"I know." I say and just like last night I cave into that feeling of needing him. I spin around so I'm facing him. I kiss him tenderly. "But you seriously need to stop quoting simple plan. You're not getting any brownie points."
"Really? Well with this get me any?" He deepens the kiss.
"Oh yes." I say between breaths.
"This cant be the real world now-" Seth pulls away from me.
"I should probably get that- it's Jake."
"Oh so now I have to compete with the leeches and Jake for your attention?" I tease. I put my hand on his chest to prevent him from getting up.
"I don't believe it, when I can't see the truth."
"You know I don't like coming in second." I kiss his cheek.
His breath hitches.
"Welcome to the real world now, when all our carried in now just to poison you. Am I?"
"Come on, let me up. It could be important!" He whines.
"The only one who thinks it's tragic?"
"Let it go to voice mail." I plead kissing his ear, "For me?" I breath.
His breath hitches again.
"This cant be the real world now. No oh uh no oh"
"Okay." He gives in and kisses me back.
The phone stops ringing and it feels nice to have my Seth to myself. Oops! No, not "my Seth." no, I don't feel that way. He loves me yes, I excepted that- but I'm about as capable of loving someone as much as a psychopath is. What I'm I doing here? I don't love-
"No, please no. Not that face again." Seth looks at me with concern.
"What? What face?"
"That one." He points at my face, "You always get that face when your about to leave me." He doesn't look me in the eyes, "Please don't leave." He pleads.
"Seth, my life is just one big mess."
"I wish I could save you." He plays with my hair.
I'm a lie. I do love him.
"You don't know the way it tears me up inside to see you… so… lost." He finally looks me in the eyes. His are so sad. Mine so confused, so… lost. "I wish I could tear the punk to shreds. Just for you."
He didn't need to say the name for my to know he meant Sean.
You see, Sean was the first guy I ever loved. My first love. A couple years ago my mom sent me to my uncles' because I was so messed up. I was troubled. Or at least that's the word she used.
We had lots of arguments, and I mean lots. It got to the point I memorized the whole freakin' conversation. It goes like this.
I would do something to piss her off, she'd yell at me then the worst part would come.
"Kaitlyn!" she'd yell. Then her voice will get really soft like, and basically emotionless. "Kaitlyn. I don't know what to do with you any more. Nothing seems to work. I ground you, you run away to a friends house." It was usually Seth's but she likes Seth to much to blame him. "What do I need to do to get it through your head?"
She'll go quite like I'm supposed to answer but I know better.
"It seems the more I do for you… the more I do, the more hateful, selfish and greedy you get." Usually here she'd start yelling again (which I don't mind, it's much better then the quite tone.) but this conversation was different.
She pulled out a plane ticket and spoke to it, "I'm sending you to your uncles' house. Maybe they can set you straight. You'll be working on a farm in the middle of no where and attending a school that will notice if you make a break for it." She puts the tickets back and makes a left turn. Our house was on that right turn. "Your bag is in the back and your flight leaves in two hours."
I arrived in North Caroline the next day. I went through an awful phase at that school where I would make out with every guy (well every descent looking guy) I saw. There I meet Shaun. He was an exchange student from somewhere near Forks. He was also the "player of the school" and so I set out to claim the hottest guy in the school. And I did- but I made the mistake of believing his lies and I fell head over heels in love. We went back to Washington together the next year and I slept. I came home a complete mess and Seth had to clean it up.
"What's wrong?" Seth ask me. He rubs a few tears from my eyes.
"Emotional, that's all." Great excuse Kait. Blame it on PMS. Brilliant… not.
He doesn't try to make me fess up though, he just holds me. "I won't let that happen to you. I'd never do that to you." He tells me.
I believe him. I really hope I'm not making the same mistake twice.
Oooohhhh! haha I hope yo enjoyed- remember don't be a crazy axe murderer, review (it's the right thing to do.) haha it took me FOREVER to think of Jake's ring tone (it's "Real Word" by THE ALL AMERICAN REJECTS!) And the part about "I wish I could save you" well that idea came for the song by SIMPLE PLAN, called "Save you.". But I'm lost when it comes to a song to discribe Seth, I felt "Ocean Avenue" (Well the beginning anyway) would be good, but the guy in the song leaves the girl...
