An hour had passed and people were still arriving to mingle, eat, and offer their condolences. Charlie had made his appearance and left very soon after, obviously uncomfortable in the presence of so many mourning people. Emily kept me busy refilling serving platters and gathering empty plates and cups. My eyes searched for Jacob the entire time. The sight of him during the ceremony had only cemented the anticipation I had been feeling for the last twenty four hours. Even so, I had no idea what I was going to say to him.
The stream of guests had begun to ebb and I concentrated on tidying the living room while I had the chance. Before I could make a dent in the mess left behind, Emily came up to me as I was collecting paper plates.
"You're off duty now," she said. She took the stack from my hands and nodded toward the kitchen. Jacob's frame filled the doorway. As much as I wanted to run to him right away, I protested and turned to grab more abandoned cups. There was so much work to be done and I hated to leave Emily to do it alone. She stopped me again, her smile warm. "No, Bella. Thank you so much for helping, but Sam and I have it from here. Go on." She nudged me gently in the direction of the kitchen and I turned to Jacob.
He was gazing at me with smoldering eyes and my heart swelled. Never taking my eyes from his, I reached his side and took his hand. He squeezed my fingers gently and said, "Let's go."
**
I let him lead me as we walked, neither of us saying a word. My hand was clammy, whether from nerves or Jacob's body heat, I didn't know. We walked past his house to the garage where we had spent so many afternoons, and as we approached the door, my pulse quickened. I saw him glance at me out of the corner of his eye and wondered if he could hear my racing heart.
I settled in my usual spot, Jacob leaning against the worktable opposite me. I took care to tuck my dress under me, fussing with the hem, anything to avoid his eyes while I figured out what I would say.
He surprised me by ending the silence first. Taking a shaky breath, he stammered, "Bells, I've been waiting for you to kiss me like that for a long time. But I don't want to overanalyze it and make it something that it wasn't. I guess I don't know what I'm supposed to say. This is all new to me too." I peeked up at him through my lashes and saw that his face was red and he was twisting a wayward string on his shirt. I felt a flood of affection for him. "I think I know what you're feeling, Bella — as much as I try to be the confident one, I'm as nervous as you are. But you can talk to me, you know. Nothing is different."
I slowly looked up, my eyes meeting his. "You're wrong, Jacob. You don't know what I'm feeling." He looked confused. I stood up, my eyes wide and my voice quivering. "But it's time you did."
I took my steps slowly, deliberately, toward him, never breaking eye contact as I came closer. I felt the heat radiating from his body before I pressed myself against him, gazing up into his face. "Everything is different."
I reached up to stroke his face and he sighed softly against my touch, closing his eyes. I stopped my caress and he opened them again, looking down at me uncertainly.
"Kiss me, Jacob," I whispered. "Please…"
My hands slipped behind his neck to pull him to me. His lips were soft and tender as they met mine and I felt as though I were sinking into their warmth. He put a cautious hand on the small of my back and the other stroked my hair as I moved my mouth against his. All of my cares and concerns flew from my mind as I pulled him even closer, pressing my body against his wondrous heat and allowing a low moan to escape.
His response was joyous — "Bella!" he cried as he broke from the kiss to meet my eyes for an intense moment. Seeing the approval and hunger in my gaze, he crushed his lips to mine again.
I entwined my hands into his untidy hair roughly and his mouth left my lips to lavish my chin and neck with urgent kisses. His breath felt like fire against my skin. I sought his lips again with a gasp, opening my mouth slightly to caress his upper lip with my tongue. I felt feverish as we devoured each other's mouths. He tasted sweeter than I ever imagined. I placed my hands on both sides of his face and broke away to press my lips to his cheeks, his eyes, his forehead, before returning to his mouth to taste him once again. I never realized a kiss could be like this.
My hands found their way to his arms, where they explored his muscles. His breath hitched as I ran a hand down his abdomen, marveling at the rock-hard muscles underneath. I became aware of something else hardening against me…
He pulled away abruptly, gasping for breath, and turned from me, his ears pink. I stood there in wonder, my lips slightly swollen and my breath ragged. I reached for him, confused and aroused.
"Jacob?"
He took a deep breath and shoved his hands in his pockets. "Damn, Bells, I wasn't expecting that." He smiled sheepishly, but with desire lingering in his dark eyes. "Just give me a second to calm down...if I don't, I'm afraid we won't be getting much talking done, and I really want to know what you're thinking right now." He laughed low in his throat, his chest still rising and falling rapidly from excitement.
I stepped away, but as soon as I did, he reached out to grab my hand again and held it for a minute while the flush left both of our faces. He again leaned against the worktable, this time pulling me against his chest.
After another moment, he spoke, his voice still shaking slightly.
"Well that was certainly a surprise. Are you going to tell me what that was all about? And yesterday in the car…" His voice trailed off uncertainly, but his eyes were bright and excited — his face looked cautiously hopeful.
I sighed and snuggled my face into his chest, where his scent was intoxicating. "I've been wrestling with myself a lot during the last few days," I admitted. "I've needed you for so long, as a comfort, a friend, but you deserved so much more than what I could give you…"
"But Bella…" he started.
"Let me finish," I said, slowly rubbing my thumb against the hot skin of his hand. "I realized that I needed you even more, but this time in another way — a way I honestly wasn't expecting."
I steeled myself. "When Edward left, a piece of me left with him…the piece that allowed me to love passionately. I was afraid that it was gone for good, because it was always tied to him."
Jacob swallowed, his jaw clenched. I felt his hands tremble slightly and I lightly kissed his chest to calm him. Saying Edward's name still pained me, but I certainly didn't want it to hurt Jacob. I looked up and met his gaze, and didn't look away as I said, "I wasn't a whole person, but around you I felt like that emptiness was bearable.
"And then, I realized it wasn't that you were making it bearable, it's that you were filling that void in my heart, and over time it's been healing. You fixed me. You fixed me," I repeated. "It took a long time to realize it, and a long time to convince myself that it was okay. I mean, you know how stubborn I can be!"
We both laughed and he gathered me in his arms. "Would you be mad if I said 'I told you so'?"
I punched his arm playfully, but then got serious. "I don't know how much I can offer you, Jacob. I'm still trying to figure things out, but if you're game...I'd like to figure them out with you." He beamed at me. "You know, I'm being really selfish here. I'm getting so much from you and all you get is some accident-prone girl who takes forever to realize what's right in front of her face."
"That's all I get?" he said, his voice getting husky and his eyes darkening. "Don't you know that's all I ever wanted?" His arms tightened. Jacob closed his eyes and grazed his nose across my forehead, inhaling deeply. "Mmm, you smell so sweet, Bells. I want to memorize this fragrance in case this is all just a really good dream."
I kissed the hollow of his neck gently. "If this is a dream, it's the best one I've had in a long time." Jacob tilted my chin up to press his lips to mine. Softly, he kissed me, matching my contented sigh with one of his own.
**
We stayed in the garage like that for over an hour, whispering our excited revelations to each other, stopping only to embrace softly. Kissing him wasn't as awkward as I had feared. It felt natural. Before long we realized we couldn't remain in our little world forever. Jacob began yawning, and I kicked myself for not realizing that he was exhausted — only getting a few hours of sleep during the last 48 hours of patrolling and assisting with preparation for Harry's funeral. He tried to protest, but I pushed him out the door and playfully pretended to drag him back to his house.
"It's Saturday. I don't have to be home until midnight, and that's seven hours from now. You need to sleep, and I'll just hang out here until you can take me home."
Billy was nowhere to be found when we got to the Black house. Jacob immediately sprawled on the couch, his calves and feet hanging well off the end. His eyes were already closing when I sat in front of him, leaning back against his chest, and grabbed the remote. The History Channel is always good to pass the time, I thought to myself, flipping to a documentary about submarines and kicking off my shoes. I wasn't as comfortable as I could have been in sweats and a flannel, but at least this dress wasn't too itchy or the shoes too tight.
Jacob snored softly, and I smiled when I saw his peaceful face. It reminded me of watching him sleep the previous day, when I had stolen a kiss. I leaned forward again to inhale his fragrance and brush my lips against his softly. My Jacob…
The voiceover on the television was droning on in a soothing way, and I felt secure and comfortable against Jacob. My eyes began to close and I didn't fight it, rolling onto my side so he was spooning me, nestling into him as I drifted off.
**
I was awakened by the sound of someone clearing his throat. I sprung up, red-faced, to see Billy staring at us with an amused look on his face. Jacob, still half-asleep, grumbled a complaint and grabbed my waist to try to pull me back down. I tried to push him away but he was much stronger.
"Jake!" I hissed through my teeth, looking up at Billy apologetically, "Wake up…"
He opened his eyes and gave me an adorably sleepy grin before realizing his father was there, chuckling and shaking his head. "Hey Dad, what's up?" Jacob sat up, completely unconcerned.
"Oh, I just figured you might want to take Bella home before her father releases the hounds," he said with a smirk. I noticed for the first time that it was dark outside. "He's called twice since I got home, but you both looked so comfortable, I didn't want to wake you." His eyes twinkled playfully.
I blushed crimson. "What time is it?" I asked, glancing at the clock. One-fifteen.
One-fifteen?
"Oh, crap!" I cried, scrambling to my feet and looking around for my shoes. "Crap, crap, crap…" Jacob was still stretching on the couch, stifling a yawn. I grabbed his arm to try to pull him to his feet. "Jake, come on! I don't want him to worry, today of all days."
Jacob rubbed his eyes, but stood. "Technically, it's tomorrow, Bella."
I stopped long enough to give him a stern look, which made him and Billy laugh out loud but also made him move faster. We headed for the Rabbit and were on our way.
Jacob seemed very relaxed the entire way to my house. He had assured me that everything would be fine, because Charlie loved him. He held my hand confidently, rubbing his thumb against the sensitive part between my thumb and forefinger. The night air was chilly, but I felt warm, still cooling down from hours snuggled against my own personal space heater.
Just as I expected, Charlie was awake and in the living room when we got home. Jacob insisted on walking me inside, even though I wanted to avoid Charlie saying anything to him. As we closed the door behind us, Charlie was in the doorway in seconds.
"Bella, thank goodness," he said, relief on his face. "I knew you were with Jacob, but I couldn't help worrying when you didn't call me to say you'd be late."
He was much less angry than I envisioned. In fact, he seemed just fine as he shook Jacob's hand and muttered a hello before turning back to me.
"Next time you two are out this late, I want a phone call, young lady. There's no reason for leaving me worried. Now, if you'll excuse me, I want to get some sleep — the fish are expecting me at the lake tomorrow bright and early." Kissing me on the top of my head, he murmured a goodnight and went upstairs.
I stared after him, my mouth agape. "Told you," Jacob's husky whisper sounded in my ear, his hot breath tickled. He had come up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist. I turned to lay my head on his chest. We stood like that for several moments before he sighed.
"I'd better get going. Sam's already going to be mad because I was supposed to be on watch at midnight when I dropped you off. I'll be around here tonight if you need me."
I whispered, "I'll always need you. No matter what happens, that will never change," before standing on my tiptoes to kiss him lightly. As he walked out the door, he trailed a warm hand against my cheek and I smiled.
"Goodnight," he murmured, lightly squeezing my chin before he turned and walked into the darkness.
