VIII. Blissful

For some reason, Seishiro had been unusually nostalgic recently.

He had thought of the occurrences, the crystal-clear memories that had made him the person he was today.

He had thought of the missed opportunities, the second glances and the actions that would make normal individuals go insane with guilty psyches, which he would no longer accept.

There was something that made him uneasy. Something that he had set his sights on, but could only dream about.

There was something that he missed, something that he strived for. True, it was one of the only things keeping him to this earth without going crazy with boredom. And yes, it seemed ill-fated at first, but no – he was going to find what he wanted.

He was going to find what had made him worth something.

He was going to find Subaru.

Of course this wasn't going to be easy – there were times when he was purely content with the reminiscences of their times together…

…How one smile of his, the simple, innocent turn of the boy's lips could make him experience a feeling that he had never felt before, and had never been given back to him…

…How easily he could be startled, with an easy nudge, a light tap on the shoulder, or the shine of light reflected upon his glasses could make Subaru's eyes widen with such disbelief and wonder…

…How little Subaru would squirm and writhe under his touch, the warmth of his skin radiating towards the cold, numbness of his own, the way his back arched, how quickly the raw pleasure could consume him and swallow him whole, leaving the older gentleman wanting more…

More than he had ever wanted anything – he had not wanted anything more blissful until now.

Yes…He was going to find Subaru.

But that didn't mean that he couldn't have some fun along the way.