Lily peered over her book and caught glimpse of James' piercing, amazingly hazel eyes. She immediately looked back down to the words in her book, but it was no matter, nothing was going to make her focus.

James cleared his throat, causing Lily's eyes to dart right back to his. She then annoyingly buried her head back in her book, first catching a glimpse of James ruffling the back of his messy black hair.

"Hey Evans,"

And for the millionth time Lily met his gaze.

"What?" She asked, agitated.

"Do your homework."

Lily was clenching her teeth, holding back every bad word in her vocabulary that she was wishing to spew at him. James almost laughed, a bemused look crossing his face.

He's just doing it to get a rise out of you. Calm yourself down. You dealt with this for six years already, just a few more months and you'll be rid of him.

"So how's the homework going?" James asked.

Lily snapped. She slammed her book closed and dropped it forcefully on the table they were sharing.

"Really?" she asked. "Really James?"

Damn, you're supposed to be calling him Potter.

"Really." James grinned.

"You can't find any other place to do your work? You must do it here and constantly pester me for Merlin knows what reason?"

James seemingly pondered and then grinned. "Yep,"

Lily felt like pulling all of her hair out, and his in fact since he kept feeling the need to mess it up every ten seconds. She instead stood up and headed towards the door, planning to exit the heads common room and hopefully not return for a long while.

"Where are you going?" James asked, sounding almost genuine, Lily ignored him.

She was almost at the door.

"Lily?"

Sure. Now you regret being a complete moron.

"I'm going patrolling!" Lily practically yelled at him.

"Good, I'll come with you," he said, falling in step with her.

"Not in this lifetime," Lily said.

"Come on, I can help you get it done in half the time," James tried.

"Why would I want that?" Lily spat. "I am going patrolling to get away from you. Don't you see that? Why can't you just leave me alone?"

James stared her in the eyes. "Because I love you."

Damn it, Potter. Don't do this to me.

"Yeah, well we both know that isn't true." Was the only thing Lily could muster as a response, trying to keep back her tears. "How about I stay here and you go patrol, go and stampede down the halls, I'm sure the student body would go crazy over a stag running wild in Hogwarts."

James's jaw got tight.

Lily got a pang in her stomach; by the look in James's eyes she knew she hit deep.

"Sorry," Lily whispered without meaning to, and she tried to turn away.

"Lily," James said, grabbing hold of her shoulders before she could go through the door. "I know I messed up, okay? I've told you that a thousand times. Why can't you forgive me?"

Lily took a deep breath. "I can forgive you for trying to help your friend, I can almost forgive you for becoming an illegal animagus to do so, but I can't forgive the fact that you lied to me. As much as I want to forgive you for that, I can't. And you certainly make it easy for me not to forgive you. Acting like your usual immature self really helps your case."

"I was withholding the truth, not lying," James protested.

"Oh! And that makes it better!"

"How could I tell you the truth?" James asked. "You may mean the world to me, yeah that's right Evans, don't pretend you don't know, but this is the one thing in my life that has to come first. I can't just go spreading around the truth about Remus, and if not telling you meant keeping his secret then that's what I had to do."

"All these years you've been telling me to have faith in you, to trust you, and when I finally do…"

"You're mad at me for being loyal to my friends. And sorry to break it to you Evans, but that's not something that's ever going to change." James said, opening the door. "I'll go have a little stampede on my patrol. Enjoy your homework in peace."

The air was sucked from her lungs as the door closed in her face. A few tears stung in her eyes but she willed them away and continued on with her homework.

Maybe I was too harsh on him…maybe I shouldn't be so upset. No. Even if I can forgive him now for lying to me, he still started to act like a child again soon after and I can't bounce between the James I like and the Potter I hate!

The clock ticked away as Lily finished up the last few lines of her homework. The whole time she was unable to decide if she could truly distinguish between her own thoughts.

Is it really all or nothing for me? Do I either lov-, ahem, like James or hate him?

Lily was disrupted from her thoughts as a loud knocking came from the other side of the door.

"It's Becca and Alice!" Becca yelled before Lily could even question whom it was.

"Is everything okay?" Alice asked as soon as Lily opened the door.

"Yes?" Lily answered, wondering why they were so concerned. "I was just finishing up-"

"We just saw Potter patrolling the hallways," Becca interrupted, "and he had this intense look on his face…hard to describe."

"So?" Lily asked, trying to sound unconcerned.

"So…" Alice said, looking between Lily and Becca, "We assumed it had something to do with you."

"Assume away, how should I know?" Lily said, returning to the couch.

Her friends followed, sitting on the couch previously occupied by their current problem.

"So are you saying it doesn't have to do with you?" Alice asked. "Are you two alright? We know that you guys had some sort of fight."

"We're exactly the same as we have been for almost seven years," Lily said. "Nothing new there…"

"Cut the crap Lily!" Becca said.

Both Lily and Alice stared at her.

"We're your best friends!" Becca continued. "Remember the time where you used to come to us with all of your problems? You didn't used to keep them pent up in your secluded room! The room you now share with the person who was the source of all of those problems!"

Becca was again met with shocked stares.

"I know you can't help your living arrangements," she continued more calmly. "But you've got to remember that we're your friends…you can't keep doing this alone."

Lily took a deep breath. "I know. I know…I just…it's hard. I don't want to believe the thoughts in my own head so when I tell them to you guys they become even more real." Lily tried to explain.

"Talk to us Lil," Alice said calmly. "We want to help."

"I don't know what I'm doing!" Lily burst.

"What do you mean?" Becca asked.

"With James?" Alice tried.

"Yes. I don't know what is going on." She said, beginning to ramble what was her previous inner-monologue. "There is a James I like, and a James I hate. Or rather a Potter I hate. And I can't stand being around Potter, clearly, you guys know this, but I love being around James. Merlin I can't believe I said that out loud…"

"It's okay Lily!" Alice quickly came to the rescue. "It helps to talk things out."

"And we had a fight…I can't really explain it to you guys, but after that he reverted back to his annoying, arrogant, cocky, insufferable self, and I can't stand him…again."

"So pretty much what you're saying…" Becca tried. "Is that you like the good James, hate the bad James, and are confused as to which one he is choosing because you need to choose if you like him or hate him…?"

"I guess so…" Lily pondered.

"Did you ever think," Alice interjected. "That they are all the same? Both of his sides? I mean you say you like James and you hate Potter, but did you ever realize that he is both of those things? I mean he is James Potter."

Lily was not sure she was ready for that revelation.


James watched Lily peer over her book for what must have been the thousandth time. He inwardly laughed as she immediately looked back down to her book as soon as she met his gaze; he knew she wasn't focusing.

James cleared his throat, causing Lily's eyes to dart right back to his, and then right back to her book.

James was unable to control himself from ruffling the back of his hair.

"Hey Evans,"

And for the millionth time Lily met his gaze.

"What?" She asked, seemingly perturbed.

"Do your homework."

James could see Lily clench her teeth and he held back another laugh.

Why is this so entertaining and amusing? She looks like she is about to burst!

"So how's the homework going?" James prodded.

Lily slammed her book closed and dropped it forcefully on the table they were sharing.

"Really?" she asked. "Really James?"

Am I still James to her?

"Really." he grinned.

"You can't find any other place to do your work? You must do it here and constantly pester me for Merlin knows what reason?"

James pretended to ponder and then grinned. "Yep,"

Lily looked murderous. James was holding back his apology, knowing it wouldn't do any good. When Lily stood up and walked away James immediately mimicked her movements, drawn to her like a magnet.

"Where are you going?" James asked, missing her before she left, but he was promptly ignored.

She was almost at the door.

"Lily?"

Why can't I ever stop myself from acting like a complete moron? She wouldn't be leaving if I hadn't-

"I'm going patrolling!" Lily practically yelled at him.

"Good, I'll come with you," James said, falling in step with her.

"Not in this lifetime," Lily said.

"Come on, I can help you get it done in half the time," James tried.

Come on Evans, give me a chance here…

"Why would I want that?" Lily spat. "I am going patrolling to get away from you. Don't you see that? Why can't you just leave me alone?"

James stared her in the eyes. Do you really not know?

"Because I love you."

Lily looked like she was about to cry and James wanted to do anything he could to fix it.

"Yeah, well we both know that isn't true." Lily hit him with the final blow. "How about I stay here and you go patrol, go and stampede down the halls, I'm sure the student body would go crazy over a stag running wild in Hogwarts."

James tightened his jaw.

Don't go there.

"Sorry," James heard Lily whisper as she turned away.

I am not letting you go again.

"Lily," James said, grabbing hold of her shoulders before she could go through the door. "I know I messed up, okay? I've told you that a thousand times. Why can't you forgive me?"

"I can forgive you for trying to help your friend, I can almost forgive you for becoming an illegal animagus to do so, but I can't forgive the fact that you lied to me. As much as I want to forgive you for that, I can't. And you certainly make it easy for me not to forgive you. Acting like your usual immature self really helps your case."

"I was withholding the truth, not lying," James protested.

"Oh! And that makes it better!"

"How could I tell you the truth?" he asked. "You may mean the world to me, yeah that's right Evans, don't pretend you don't know, but this is the one thing in my life that has to come first. I can't just go spreading around the truth about Remus, and if not telling you meant keeping his secret then that's what I had to do."

"All these years you've been telling me to have faith in you, to trust you, and when I finally do…"

"You're mad at me for being loyal to my friends. And sorry to break it to you Evans, but that's not something that's ever going to change." James said, opening the door. "I'll go have a little stampede on my patrol. Enjoy your homework in peace."

James only had reservations about fifteen minutes after shutting the door in her face, once the steam was respectively blown off.

How can she not understand this? And how can she make me choose between her and my friends? Well…to be fair…that's not exactly what she is doing. But it doesn't matter! If she is so set in her ways, fine, I'll make no extra effort on her behalf. How is it that I got want I wanted and then it ended so quickly?

James was so twisted in his inner thoughts that he barely noticed that he just breezed past Lily's two best friends giving him a quizzical glare.

He entered the Gryffindor common room as her two friends were leaving. He probably should have asked them where they were going because he should have been patrolling, but he ignored that fact and made a beeline for the marauders.

Before he was even in their sights James heard Sirius say, "Here we go…"

"What the bloody hell am I supposed to do?" James burst, now in view of his three best friends.

"And cue Prongs freak out about Lily." Sirius said, nonchalantly throwing a pillow in the air.

James shot Sirius a death glare.

"Sorry mate, it's just that this is nothing new." Sirius explained.

James ran his hands through his hair and sunk down in front of his old bed. "What am I supposed to do?" he asked his other two friends more calmly.

Moony will know what to do. He's always sensible…

"Mind explaining the problem to us?" Remus asked.

James recapped the recent events of the past week with Lily, this evening in particular.

"And now," James continued. "Even if we both get over the fact that I, gasp, lied, I think this whole thing is pretty unsalvageable."

"But I thought the plan was working…wasn't it?" Remus asked.

"Doesn't matter." James said. "Stupid of me to think she would like me back. I haven't stopped thinking about her since the first time I saw her…first day of first year. She probably tries to think about me as little as possible. There's more of a chance of us being friends now…but I can't take that, it would never be enough."

Remus looked solemnly at his friend. "You sure that's what you want?"

James didn't answer.

"Enough." Sirius said.

James looked up at him.

"Enough!" Sirius repeated. "You are in the saddest state I've ever seen you in! Even all the years before, when you would come babbling to us about how much you wanted Lily but were so sad she hated you, even then it wasn't as pathetic as this! You finally tried something new this year and it actually worked! And now that baby Prongsy and his flower had a hiccup you come crying back to us? I don't think so. You know that you're in love with her, and you know that you're never going to give up on her, ever. So stop blubbing, be a man, and do something!"

Sirius was met with three silent stares, all of them in amazement.

"What?" Sirius asked. "You know it's true."

James knew that it was in fact that biggest truth ever told.