Chapter 40

APOV

Hazy, Foggy, Non-existent Reality

Jake sat on his knees in front of me. "Baby, I am so sorry..." he whispered clasping his hands with mine. His eyes saddened when they saw my previous fear and pain .

I sighed, put my hands on his shoulders. I felt Bella leave. "Its ok, Jake. You can't protect me from everything."

His eyes tightened quickly, he pulled me from the booth, put me into his lap, and took my spot. "Watch me," he growled softly into my ear.

I whimpered, wanting to jump him right now. He chuckled as if reading my mind. I turned and kissed his nose softly. "I love you, Jake. No matter what happens today. Please don't forget that!" I begged before gently kissing his soft lips. "I love you, Jacob, forever."

He smiled and kissed me back with more force. "I love you, too, Amber. Forever."

After lunch, we went by the cemetery. Renee's grave was black, like it had been burnt! I'm going to ask Tina and Ray about that... I thought before moving on to my mothers.

Her stone was dark gray and the engraved words were drying out. "Hi Mom. Sorry I haven't been in awhile. Charlie Swan adopted Bella and I. We moved to Fork, Washington." I sighed. "I wish you could've met Charlie. He's a great Dad. No yelling. No cursing. No...hitting. I love it."

I wiped the tears from my eyes and pulled Jacob down beside me. "Mom, this is my boyfriend, Jacob Black. He's amazing. I wish you could've met him, Mama. He cares about me. Cares for me. You would've loved him. Just as I do." he smiled and wrapped his arms around me. "He's everything I've ever wanted. He doesn't care that what Stephen did to me, changed who I am. He doesn't care that I'm ruined. He doesn't care and I'm glad he wasn't. I wouldn't have ever had him." More tears fell as I continued to pour my heart. I turned to Jacob.

"I'll go get the lilies out of that bag, ok?" I nodded and welcomed the kiss on my cheek.

Once he was four headstones down, I let the tears flow freely. "He's amazing you know. I didn't even have to ask. And he knows what I want. I love him, Mama. He's my everything." I smiled through my tears at the thought.

"I miss you Mama. I wish you could have been here to see me grow. I wish you could have met Jacob and Charlie. And Bella." I looked far off in the distance. "I'm sorry. I ended you life. I had to be picked up. I'm sorry that I caused you to miss all of those things." I cried softly, tracing the engraved words:

Lianne Green

1975-2000

Beloved Mother

and

Wonderful Wife

I remembered all the times I had came here and engraved the last part myself:

My Savior

Will Forever Be

Remembered

"I love and miss you so much, Mama. I wish you were here." I whispered silently, kissing the top of the tomb and picking the dead lilies off the side of it.

Jake had just made it back when I began dusting myself off. "Here you are, Baby." he said softly.

I smiled sadly and fingered the white and blue lilies. They were her favorite colors and favorite flowers. "I'll always miss you, Mama. And I'll never forget you, either. But I have to say good-bye. And move on from my past." I tossed the flowers on the top of the grave. "Good-bye mother."

I did the same with Nancy's grave. Tears flowed down, apologies that I had been the cause of her death, asking for forgiveness, and a sweet tearful good-bye. I didn't love Nancy like I did my mother. She didn't see the signs. And if she did, she never stopped it. Or even tried to. I didn't hate her either. She wasn't to blame. Stephen was, and he was rotting in prison right now. She just wasn't my mother. And she didn't deserve that title.

"Were to now?" Jake asked once we jumped back onto the bike and we were situated

"Um..." I thought wrapping my arms tighter around him. "Go up to the red light, take a left, and about three roads on the right, take it and the fourth house on the right."

He gripped my hand with one of his and slowly brought it up to his lips. Kissing each finger lovingly. "I love you, Amber. We'll squash this damn thing!" I smiled and nodded against his shoulder.

Then we were off. I didn't think about what I was about to face. I didn't think about what torture I was about to put myself through. I let my mind stay on the positive once. I thought about the wind on my face, the feeling of Jake's toned muscles working with the motorcycle. I thought about how my fingers were still tingling from his kisses. I thought about how much I loved him and how for some odd reason he loved me too.

But too soon we pulled into the driveway of my personal hell. As soon as I jumped off the bike, i collapsed into Jacob's chest. The memories were too much!

My face crashed against the concrete. Daddy was mad...again. I had missed the bus. I felt the blood oozing down my temple. I cried as he kicked me in the stomach...again and again. I cried as he called me mean names. I screamed when he yanked me up by my hair and slammed me back into the concrete. I felt and heard the crack in my skull. My vision flooded with fog and fuzzy black spots, my ears pounded with my blood filled pulse. It was beating irractically! I felt Daddy lean down to my face, his alcohol filled breath sprayed my face.

"Look at that. You didn't miss your bus after all..."

I gasped for much needed breath as I came back to reality. I was in Jake's arms, tears falling, pulse going chaotic, gasping for air.

"Baby, he's not here. I promise. Just me..." Jake was murmuring over and over again. "I love you, Baby. I love you, more than anything in this world!"

I continued to shake uncontrollably. I could literately feel his presence here. My skin was crawling, the hair on my neck was standing on end. I could hear his laugh and his voice, cackling the way it always did. I could feel his sticky, hott breath filtering the air. I could feel his clammy grip on my soul and sanity. I could sense his presence everywhere and it was eating away at me at that very moment.

"You wanna talk about it?" Jake asked softly rubbing small circles into my back.

I shook my head. "I'm sorry Jake," I whispered pulling away.

"Nonsense. You were under his curse. We'll pull this thing out of you." He replied kissing the top of my head. "I promise."

I smiled smally and took his hand within mine. "This is where Stephen had kicked me many times because I had missed the bus. I was about ten." I sniffled. "As soon as I was about to pass out, the bus came around the corner."

Jacob was stiff, probably more stiff than I was. He didn't respond to my story. I didn't want him to.

I guided him to the front door. The old mantle that had held Nancy's plants was covered with dust, cobwebs, spiderwebs, dead flies, and dead cockroaches. The door was cracked in multiple places within the dark brown paint. The old Welcome mat was losing its yellow-brown tint. The black cursive words were blending in with the other colored fur.

"Jeez! I need to clean this place up!" I said wiping my hands on my jeans. "He would kill me if it ever got this bad."

"He'll never touch you again." Jacob vowed pulling our entwined hands to his lips. "I promise." I shivered and bit my lip to keep from smiling. "Time to go in?"

I sighed and nodded. "Yep. Just so you know, I might be doing a lot of zoning out today. Just to let you know."

He shrugged. "I don't care if you started pitching a fit and beating the living hell out of something. I love you, Amber. And I always will."

I didn't reply, I just smiled and gently kissed his cheek. Then shoved the door open with a loud CRACK! I hissed as the strong smell of stale beer splashed against my nose.

I could sense him more then ever right now. And when we stepped into the foyer. I gasped quickly, gripping Jacob's hand tightly. My other hand fumbled to find the light switch. I fought the urge to run back outside and curl up in a fatal ball and hide away from the world, as the memories pelted at my vision. They were vivid. Every slap, punch, kick, pull, slice, burn. I could hear and see all of it. Every scream, shout, yell, squeal, ad cackle. Every insult, curse, nasty name, lie, promise, and instruction. I could see and hear all of it! Every single thing about it I could see and hear it! It was torture. Watching my younger-self do what that bastard told me to do.

Light flooded the darkened memories. I had found the light switch! The place looked like shit! Beer cans and bottles were strewn all over the floor of the living room and kitchen. About forty-two layers of dust lay over everything.

"W-well, it use to be spotless!" I complained stepping into the foyer and pulling a stiff Jacob behind me, all with my trembling form.

"Jeez! Can he clean at all?" Jake asked coughing violently.

"No. Sorry." I apologized rushing to the nearest window and pulled it open.

"Not your fault," Jake shrugged and kicked some cans to the side. "Wanna talk about what you're seeing?" he asked gently grabbing my hand and pulling me into the kitchen.

I groaned at the sink! "Jesus H. Christ!" I grabbed a few dishes and started pouring water into the sink. "He's going to be so pissed!"

"Um...baby, he isn't here why are you cleaning?" Jake asked grabbing the sponge from my hand.

"I know he's not here, but I have to clean before he comes here. So let me finish, John!" I retorted snatching the sponge back from my Dad's best friend. "Now, would you be so kind as to go and sit in the living room and wait for him?"

'No, I'll stay with you," he replied in a confused tone.

I shrugged and started rubbing the soapy water on the dirty plates and cups. "Whatever, John. Do whatever. Just don't...don't mess with me."

"Ok." John said pulling out a a chair from our dining table and taking a seat.

I could feel his eyes watching me as I worked from place to place. I wish someone would take me away. I wish I could escape. I wish someone would show a little bit of interest to my fucked up life. Enough to see that I need help. "Do you know when Dad's going to be home?" I asked once I had completed the dishes, the counters, and the dining table.

"Soon," he smiled slyly and got out of his seat. "Though he did want me to do something when I got here." His sinister smile told me it wasn't something to do with work. "Go to your room, Amber. I'll be there." He slapped me in the face then slapped my ass.

Jake's POV

"So let me finish, John!" she said exasperated.

John? Who the fuck is John? I thought as she snatched the sponge back from my hand.

"Now, would you be so kind as to go and sit in the living room and wait for him?" she had a defiant tone to her voice.

I caught her eyes and then saw the hazy gray look that covered her bright blue iris'. Shit! She was in a flashback. She couldn't hear anything I was saying. She couldn't see see what I was doing. She couldn't feel what I was doing.

So I just stood there as she did the dishes, and the counter, and the table. She didn't say anything, but I could see she was uncomfortable. Someone was watching her or they were bothering her. She did make she didn't go anywhere near a particular chair. That's probably where John is sitting... I thought watching her work. "Do you know when Dad's going to be here?" Amber asked once she leaned against the counter top.

A few minutes pass before her face falls and she jumps down. Tears fill her eyes. I take a step forward. She screams a blood curdling scream.

"STOP!"

Amber's POV

(Amber's flashback, Amber's thoughts, Jake's voice)

I flinched and walked to my room and sat on my bed. He came a few minutes later. Completely nude. Tears filled my eyes. I'm not going to go into details, but my clothes were on the floor. I was bleeding. My hips were hurting. My throat was hoarse from screeching 'STOP!' over and over again. He hurt me. He took it from me. He stole it. My innocence. He stole it. And I can never get it back. I hoped Dad was going to do something about it. Fat chance at that!

"Amber, bay, come back to me. Please!" a familiar voice called through the door. "Please!"

I nodded and yanked my door open. Stephen stood there, grinning evilly. Behind him was nothing, but darkness. "Dad?"

SMACK!

"Why are you so fealthy?" he snarled."I have Nancy coming over and you look like this?" He kicked me back and slams the door behind him.

I cowered behind my bedpost. Blood dripping from my lip. I whimpered feeling the familiar fear kick in, when he started taking off his clothes. "D-daddy please?! Please d-don't do this..." I cried as he grabbed my forearms and started pulling me up on my bed. "Please?"

he rolled his eyes and roughly yanked my pants off and shoved himself into me. "Can't. Be. Like. This. When. She. Comes." between every word he's thrust into my hips. Bruising me internally.

I screamed and cried an shouted, but no one came to help or save me. I clawed and scratched and kicked, but he never ceased the torture. I begged and pleaded God to let me die, but I continued to live through the pain. Day in and day out. It never stopped. Until I heard someone say,

"Amber! Please! Baby, please come back to me!" someone needed me. Someone who wanted me. I used the rest of my energy and shoved Stephen off me. I jumped and ran into my door. I yanked it open. No one there. There was a faint 'Amber...'

I was too tired and weak to answer, but I continued to run down the stairs and toward the kitchen. Just as I touched the doorknob to the kitchen, I felt someone yank the back of my hair. I gasped, but didn't fight with the hand. I followed with it as best I could.

"Where do you think you're going, wench?" Kennith's rough voice reached my ear. The grip on my roots tightened.

I gasped. "H-hi? What can I do for you, Kennith? Anything? Beer? Wine? Joint?!" The tugging stopped and I sighed. I tuned to look at Kennith. My vision was blocked with tears as he forced his cock into my mouth. I knew better than to scream or bite. I just continued with my task at hand. Make everyone happy. Everyone's feelings before mine. That's the way its always been. That's the way its going to stay...

'Come on, Amber! You can fight this! I know you! You're strong, and brave. And so beautiful. You can do this! I promise. Now come back to me!

That voice again. That voice that sounded so familiar, yet I had no clue who it was. It believed in me. It thought I could get out of this situation. It truly believed that I was strong and brave enough to fight off Stephen and his friends? Why couldn't I have the same beliefs?

The scene suddenly changed, I was in kitchen again. Stephen, Kennith, John, and Jeffery were heard in the living room. I was alone inside the dreary kitchen. On the table were two trays, one full of chips and dip, the other, beer bottles, beer cans, shot glasses, and liquor bottles. Game day! Great! I thought sighing heavily and picking up the two trays.

The living room looked as if they had watched about five games. Chips, beer cans, vodka bottles, and plenty of cups littered the entire floor and table.

"Amber where the fuck are my chips!?" Stephen bellowed just as I came beside him.

"Right here, Dad," I answered praying my voice didn't quaver when I spoke.

"Good. Put them down on the table and clean up this mess." he ordered.

I obeyed. "Yes, sir." I placed each tray onto the table and poured them each a a glass of vodka and rum. Then came the cleaning. I walked back inside the kitchen, grabbed two trash bags and some paper towels.

As I was cleaning, I kept away from the television, except during commercials. Then I'd go and hurry, picking up every little thing I could. When the game came back on, I'd scurry away from the screen, avoiding getting pelted with glasses and more harmful things.

Finally, with a trash bag and a half full, and a half of a roll of paper towels left, I was finished with that chore, Now on to the dining room... I thought carrying the two trash bags full of beer bottles, beer cans, messy clods of chips, dip and paper towels mixed! Just as I passed the couch that held my tortures, I stepped on a forgotten beer bottle, slipping and successfully splattering my captors with said stuff in trash bags. Oh shit!

Everything was quiet. Just the sound of the game and the crowd blaring through the television speakers. Holy shit! All three men stared at each other. Faces turning red, then purple, then red again. Slowly, murderously, they turned to look at me, laying on the floor, covered in beer cans, paper towel filled, chips and dip mushy messy stuff! Oh shit!

"Amber, you are in so much trouble right now!" Stephen said through gritted teeth, face bright red, and eyes bloodthirsty!

I gulped. "I-I am s-so sorry!" I stuttered out.

"I don't want your apologies!" he screamed taking his shot glass and slamming it on my head.

The glass shattered on impact, my face betrayed my fear, my hurt, and my discomfort. "AH!" I screamed covering my face. I continued to scream and cry as Stephen and his friends started to throw and pelt their glasses and bottles of beer and liquor. I screamed and cried as they yelled and taunted me. They threw everything they had at me; glasses, bottles, cans, liquor, alcohol, and I just took it. The shattering glass, then the burning, caused by the beer and liquor that seeped into my cuts. And I just took it. All the pain and agony. The screams and cries for help. The insults ans curses that went in through one ear, and stayed tattooed to my brain. I don't remember an easier time in my life. Maybe it was when Mama was still alive. I don't think we ever yelled pr cursed when she was alive...

'Amber! Please come to me! The frantic voice was back. I heard it through all the screaming and yelling and crying! I heard the voice. It must be an emergency! I pushed my way from the screaming guys, and continued my way to the kitchen. I pushed past all of my obstacles in life; my Dad, Kennith, John, Jeffery, my Mom, and Nancy. Pushed past all of them for this voice that believed in me. I pushed them all aside for this person. 'Amber...come to me!'

I ran harder and faster, the hallway seemed to be getting longer and more narrow. Like it refused to let me go! But I heard the voice again: 'Fight it! C'mon Amber, baby, you can do this! Fight it! Win it!'

I let out a breathy laugh as more of the hallway shrank as I began to believe the voice more and more. I pushed my legs harder. To go faster! The hallway became the normal two feet again! I shoved past Stephen and his friends. And the memories! I'm finished doing shit for him. I'm done. I'm going to get the hell out of here. I'm going to be free!

I grabbed the doorknob to the front door. Someone grabbed my arm. "No you're not!" he hissed yanking me back!

I stamped my foot on the ground and brought my elbow back sharply. Hitting hit kidney. "Watch me," I hissed back and yanked the door open. Enveloping myself in the sunlight outside. 'Amber...'

Holy crap! I'm done! Thank God! Sorry it took so long! Jeez! That was a long time for such a small chapter! Sorry I'm a jabber mouth right now! Just finished reading James Patterson's FANG! If you don't know what I'm talking about, look for the Maximum Ride series and read it! ASAP! And I wanna kick the shit outta Mr. Patterson! He is the worlds biggest jackass in my mind right now! UGH! Not going to give out spoilers, but I guarantee you if you're a FAX fan you will feel my anger!

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