Jacob's warm foot caressed mine underneath the kitchen table. I giggled, pushing away the roaming appendage.

"Jake…you're never going to get your homework done if you don't start concentrating."

He sighed and pushed away his notebook. "Bella, I'm never going to get my homework done because I have almost two months to catch up on." He made a face at his textbooks, and I couldn't help laughing and reaching for his notes. He caught my hand in his and lifted it to his mouth, brushing his nose against my palm. "I'm also never going to be successful at concentrating with you so close."

I fought back the surge of desire that flared in my chest. "I promised you I'd help you," I reminded him. "You have your Algebra problems to finish, and I'll organize your history notes for your test on Thursday."

"Shouldn't you be filling out some college applications?"

"All done," I told him as he continued to stroke my hand. "Finished my one to Peninsula College last night and my application to U-dub went out a few days ago."

"Only two?" Jacob raised his eyebrow at me. "Aren't you supposed to apply to a few different places? Keep your options open?"

I shrugged. "I want to stay close to Forks," I said simply. "Either way, I'd have to stay on campus, but I want to be able to come home on the weekends."

"Why? Got a guy back at home?" He grinned.

"No," I smiled back. "A wolf…"

He made a move to kiss me and I stopped him with a finger against his warm lips.

I motioned toward the spread books in front of us. "Ah ah ah…back to work!"

He grumbled again but grabbed his pencil and calculator.

**

Ten days had passed since the battle. Ten days since Embry's death. Ten days since Edward's return. Life was certainly complicated, but we all were trying to return to a sense of normalcy. For me, normalcy resembled something pretty weird.

Alice and Edward had reenrolled in Forks High School. Edward maintained a respectful distance from me, offering the occasional smile and a friendly "hello" every once in a while. He seemed to be doing his best to honor my wishes to stay away while I processed everything. Still, I noticed the way his gazes lingered after me, and how his fingers twitched when he passed me in the hall, as if he wanted to reach out and touch me. As much as I hated to admit it, I wanted to reach out to him too.

Both Cullens joined our large group at the lunch table, and it was awkward, but not unpleasant. Alice chattered away with Angela, and tried to involve Jessica and Lauren in her conversations. Edward surprised me by occasionally including himself in the petty conversations of Mike, Eric and Tyler, but mostly sat in silence. I often joined him in that silence, and we sat in a comfortable, understood bubble of deliberate stillness while voices surrounded us. These moments were the few when I would meet his eyes and offer a small smile, which he always returned.

Yet he continued to respect my request to stay away, and I was thankful yet also a bit sad about his compliance. I knew I would be the first one to break; I just didn't know when.

I was quickly realizing that I didn't have a choice in the matter — even if I weren't pursuing him romantically, I still felt compelled to maintain a relationship with Edward. Part of me appreciated that our draw to one another was the result of fate, but another part — the part that still blindly denied the threat imprinting posed to me and Jacob — questioned the reality of fate altogether.

I could have driven myself mad worrying about "the Edward situation." I knew he was hurting from my distance, and his pain made me unhappy. I also knew that Jacob was being outwardly understanding about the whole thing, yet hid a good amount of his own apprehension. I couldn't ignore the guilt and confusion forever, but I still didn't allow myself to dwell on the Edward situation too intently. Lately there had been more pressing issues with which to deal.

**

Embry's funeral had been held the previous Wednesday. It had been a less traditional affair than Harry Clearwater's, since Embry had not been a tribe elder, but it didn't stop the nearly one hundred mourners from turning it into a fitting remembrance of the young man. The closed casket was a heartbreaking but necessary aspect, but seeing the anonymous box with a simple framed photo on it nearly brought me to my knees.

Only a handful of us knew the truth. Knowing didn't make it any easier.

I had resisted my tears as much as possible, knowing that Jacob was hanging on to his composure by a thread. All of the pack members wore shell-shocked, empty gazes during the public visitation. Their tears seemed impossible. Mine, however, came much easier to my dismay. Jacob put his arm around me and comforted me, which seemed backwards.

Embry was so young. He was full of so much potential. The mere thought of how quickly and tragically his life ended made my eyes betray me.

As my eyes blurred with tears, I saw an impossible sight. Swiping the water from my vision, I was surprised to see Carlisle entering the funeral home quietly, Esme at his side. Her face still bore bandages to cover the scarring from the battle. Alice followed closely behind, clutching a visibly uncomfortable Jasper — the emotions in the room must have been overwhelming for him. Behind them filed Edward, Rosalie and Emmett. A flurry of whispers broke out at their appearance, but Jacob just squeezed me tighter and murmured reassurances. The Cullens were paying their last respects to Embry as well.

Throughout the brief but touching service, Edward's eyes never left me and Jacob. I tried to ignore his stares — they weren't seeming to bother Jacob — but I found myself glancing at him every so often. Each time my eyes met his, he gave me a sympathetic smile. Yet he never looked away.

After the ceremony at the La Push cemetery had ended, I began to make my way over to the Cullens, but they immediately left without a word to anyone. As I stood there, watching their silent, retreating backs, Sam came up behind me and put a searing hand on my shoulder. "Carlisle asked if they could attend, and I felt it was only fitting. But only the public service here at the funeral home, of course. He…Carlisle asked me about you, Bella." I looked at him in surprise and Sam shrugged. "How you were holding up…he said you hadn't been to the house since the battle and wanted to make sure you were doing well. They wanted me to tell you that they miss you and love you." Sam couldn't hide his mild discomfort at sharing this message.

"Sam," Emily said, appearing behind him and wrapping a delicate arm around his waist. "It's time to go." Her eyes flickered to me. "You too, Bella…come on. We have work to do."

Most of the mourners returned to the Call home for the usual post-funeral luncheon. While placing the serving spoons in the various casseroles the women of La Push had made, I had to stop and cover my eyes, fighting back the sobs. It felt too familiar to be doing this, and I remembered Harry Clearwater's burial with clarity. The routine of these sad events was tragic. Nothing about these days should ever be routine and familiar.

Kim, who had been staring out of the window at the forest line, came to my side to offer a friendly hug and murmured concern. I was grateful for her, and for Emily, who also appeared and took the silverware from my hands to continue the lunch preparations. I recovered momentarily, swiping at my eyes with the sleeves of my sweater.

Many of the men and women remarked that several of the young Quileute men were missing from the luncheon crowd. Embry's mother looked upset by the absences, wondering where her son's friends were. Sue Clearwater, Emily and I exchanged glances but did not speak. Instead, our ears strained toward the forest, where the occasional mournful howl sounded. The pack was honoring their fallen brother in their own way.

**

Since Embry's tragic death at the hand of Victoria, the members of the pack seemed to lose a bit of their usual unabashed cheerfulness. Embry had always been at the center of most of that lighthearted banter anyway. But it was striking to see the change in attitude when the wolves were together.

Jacob preferred to spend his time with me anyway. Now that they didn't have regular patrols, he only had pack obligations once a week — which made me insistent that he go back to school. Billy agreed with me and Jacob reluctantly complied, grumbling that he had aged beyond his classmates and felt like a 6 foot, 8 inch fool squeezed into those small desks. At least he wasn't alone, and I snickered to think of Paul, Quil and Jacob sitting in English class together, all legs and muscles, towering over their non-pack friends.

A large, socked foot roamed up my calf and began inching its way up my thigh — Jacob certainly loved a good game of footsie under the table. And he was persistent. I shifted away from his advances, shooting him a warning smirk. He grinned back and scooted around the table closer to me. His hand replaced the foot on my thigh. He started to lean toward me, and I closed my eyes and sighed softly, waiting to feel his welcome lips…

Charlie chose that moment to walk into the kitchen. I jumped slightly and Jacob straightened up, but Charlie just looked at us and shook his head, walking to the fridge for two Rainiers and immediately returning to the living room and the lure of the flat screen. I heard Billy mumble his thanks before they turned their attention to the game.

"Bella, do you have to work on Saturday?"

"No, why?" I asked, absentmindedly scratching the itchy, healing skin on my wrists.

Jacob's teeth gleamed with his wide smile and he smoothed his hands across my band-aids, silently urging me to leave my wounds alone. "I have a surprise planned, and this Saturday would be perfect. And before you complain about me spoiling you, I want to let you know that it's not costing me a thing."

I cocked an eyebrow at him. "A surprise? Last time you surprised me, we ended up practically skinny dipping in some hot springs." My eyes widened as my ears grew hot. "We aren't…are we going back to the hot springs?"

Jacob's gaze turned sultry at the memory. "Why? Would you like to go back there?"

"Maybe sometime…" My voice trailed off as the heat in my face grew.

Jacob scooted even closer. "We don't need the hot springs to recreate some of those memories, you know," he whispered huskily. I glanced at the door to the living room nervously as he leaned toward me and nuzzled my neck with his warm nose and lips.

"Jake," I protested weakly, my resolve non-existent. I closed my eyes and tilted my head, giving him better access to my sensitive neck. "Mmm…"

He murmured against my skin. "Does this mean you'll let me surprise you on Saturday?"

"Yeah," I sighed in contentment. He chuckled and moved back, grabbing his pencil while I pouted at the loss of his warmth against my neck, my eyes still closed.

"Bella," he teased, "we're never going to get our homework done if you don't start concentrating…"

**

Alice was giggling at my annoyance as we sat in my truck in the school parking lot Friday morning. I had just finished looking under my seats for the fourth time in ten minutes, but still couldn't find my umbrella. I was pretty sure it was leaning against the side of the porch at home, but couldn't stop hoping it would magically appear in my truck. Alice, of course, didn't have an umbrella. I didn't know if she was physically able to dodge most of the raindrops, but she always ended up much drier and put-together than the rest of the rain-sodden students.

The Volvo sat next to us, Edward leaning back against in the driver's seat, lost in the song issuing from his speakers. Outside, fat drops of rain made a different kind of incessant music on the roof of the Chevy. I sighed.

"Stupid rain," my voice was defeated. "It never stops, does it?"

"I thought you had started to like the rain," Alice grinned. "Besides, tomorrow will be sunnier." I grunted and stole a glance over at Edward's peaceful form in the vehicle next to us. He looked worry-free for the moment, but when his eyes opened and fixed on me, I saw the dark circles and even darker irises. He wasn't taking care of himself. Even so, he was still breathtakingly handsome. Turning back, I saw Alice's sad eyes observing me and I made a face at being caught.

"He's really suffering right now, you know," Alice's voice was firm and I cringed. "I don't think it's because of the whole Jacob situation, either."

"I don't want to talk about this, Alice," I said softly, peeking over through the raindrop-covered window, knowing he could probably hear us.

"He's a vampire, Bella…he can't just change the way he feels about you," she insisted. "That's not how our kind exist. I promise you, Edward just wants to be near you, even if that's just as a friend. You're as vital to his existence as the blood he drinks. You're his world."

I leaned my forehead on my steering wheel. "I just don't know, Alice. I'm not sure if I can be his friend. It's too complicated. Not to mention that it's not fair to him, especially if he'll always consider me to be his 'mate.' And it's not fair to Jacob, either."

"Just…really think about it, Bella. I may be his sister, but I'm also his closest friend." She put her hand on my arm for emphasis. "And he's a terrific friend to have."

I let her words sink in, knowing that I agreed with them but scared of how to manage the situation.

"Are you ready to run for it?" I finally asked, gathering my latest English novel — Stanley Uris's QB VII — and my backpack and putting the hood up on my raincoat. "Even though I know it will feel like a slow walk for you."

Alice's tinkling laugh filled the truck's cab. "I'll race you."

I rolled my eyes and pushed the door open. My hair immediately dampened in the downpour; I took off toward the front doors of Forks High School, several hundred feet away. Alice laughed behind me as I clumsily dodged puddles through the parking lot. Edward remained behind in his car, but I could almost feel his amber eyes on me.

"Stupid rain," I repeated, trying my best not to slide. "I swear Mother Nature is out to get me."

Alice turned her face upwards, seeming to relish the drops on her pale face as she danced after me. "Yeah, but if the sun was out, you wouldn't have the pleasure of my company." I snorted, turning to offer a smart comment, when my feet slid out from under me. I closed my eyes tightly as my book and keys flew from my hands and my face flew toward the wet pavement.

The painful impact never came. My eyes flew open and focused on Edward's face, mere inches from me. I was wrapped tightly in his arms as he held me up from the ground. I swear I heard him inhale, as if savoring my scent. And the way he cradled me felt incredibly intimate. My skin burned where his cool skin made contact and my heart thudded loudly at his proximity. Alice stood a few feet away, clutching my keys and novel, and holding my backpack up out of the puddles.

I blinked in confusion. In a flash, he set me up on my feet and released me, his eyes dark. I couldn't help looking around to see if anyone had noticed his speedy save, but everyone else was preoccupied with avoiding the downpour.

"Thanks," I stammered. He responded with a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes.

"No problem, Bella," he replied. "I'll see you in Spanish…have a…a good day." With a pained look at his sister, he walked quickly away from us. My eyes never left his retreating form — my heart hurting with every step he took away from me. Alice nudged me lightly and I realized we were still standing in the rain, the pair of us soaked to the bone. With a shiver, we finished our sprint into school and headed for the girl's bathroom to dry off.

**

When I entered my Spanish classroom, Edward was already in his seat next to my empty desk all the way in the back corner. His eyes stared out of the window at the continuing rain, feigning boredom, but I knew his ears were listening for my approach. I settled into my chair and, for the first time since his return, turned to him. It was time.

"H-hey Edward," I said, my voice sounding much more casual than I felt. His head whipped to me, surprised, and his eyes searched mine, seeking some kind of reassurance that he could respond. When I nodded slightly and gave him a nervous smile, his entire form relaxed and a fire flickered in his ochre irises.

"Bella," he breathed, relief pouring out in that one uttered word, almost as if he had been holding his breath all these days and only now exhaled. His hand started to reach for mine, but then he froze and ran it through his messy hair instead.

I offered him a smile and reached for his hand instead. It was as smooth and cold as I remembered, and my fingers felt the familiar jolt that his touch always brought. If a vampire could look nervous, I knew Edward would be. "It's okay, Edward," I said. "I think I'm expecting it to be awkward for a while."

He returned my smile and focused on my hand in his. His long fingers wrapped around my palm and his eyes seemed to lighten at the sight. "Yeah."

The silence that followed was not uncomfortable. There wasn't really anything left to say. Except…

Edward's voice was pained. "Those things I said to you…Bella, I can't tell you how sorry I am. I didn't mean any of it. I…"

"Edward, I know," I interrupted him. "Don't dwell on blaming yourself for this situation. I didn't react very maturely to it all either. It's messed up, but it is what it is. We just need to move on from here."

"I'd like that," he whispered.

"As friends," I added, firmly.

"Doesn't matter," he said, his eyes shining. "I'm just so happy to have you here, with me. I'll take whatever I can get."

I couldn't help grimacing, and suddenly felt self-conscious for holding his hand so intimately. Gently, I pulled my arm back and folded my hands on my lap. His smile remained, but he couldn't stop the disappointment from showing in his eyes. "That's not very fair to you, though. Edward, I don't want to be a source of pain for you."

He chuckled, shifting his gaze from his now-empty hand to my face. The sound warmed my heart. I didn't realize how much I'd missed it. "Bella, every single second I'm around you brings me the pain of thirst. Yet it's the most delicious pain I can imagine. I'm not about to trade it for the pain of not having you in my life."

Our teacher called the class to order, and Edward reluctantly turned to face the front of the room. I gaped at him for a moment, marveling in the transformation of his mood in just the few minutes we had talked. He seemed lighter, happy. If it were possible, he seemed even more beautiful. Alice had been right. I could see now that I was a vital piece to the quality of his existence.

I felt a twinge of guilt knowing that he had been hurting for days while I enforced my own, silly boycott…to punish him. To make him hurt the way I had hurt all those months ago. To taste a bit of misguided revenge. Remembering his tired, dejected appearance over the last week, I felt horrible that I was the cause of it. Edward had acted horribly, but my reaction had been immature.

I didn't want Edward to hurt. I loved him. Even if my love for Jacob eclipsed my love for Edward now, it didn't change the fact that I wanted the best for him. I was sad knowing that he would probably never love another person or vampire the way he loved me — a vampire's nature rarely changed, Edward had explained to me once. It didn't seem right that he would never have the happiness of eternal love.

I decided that I never wanted to see that pain in his eyes again. I would put my whole heart into being his friend, even if I didn't totally understand the intense link between us. I only hoped Jacob would understand why it was important for me to keep him in my life as a friend. I knew I would see him the next day…it was a conversation we had been avoiding for nearly two weeks.

Spanish flew by and I barely heard a word the teacher said. Before I realized it, Edward's musical voice was jarring me out of my reverie.

"Could I walk with you to lunch?"

I nodded and turned to collect my books, but noticed that he had already gathered them and held them out to me, a smile on his brightened face. "Thanks," I murmured, "I just need to stop by my locker first."

We took the path that we had walked together for months before he left. I couldn't help noticing the curious stares from our fellow students at the sight of us walking together. Before, we would have had our fingers laced together, Edward's lips and nose buried in my hair in an intimate embrace as we strolled. Now I clutched my books to my chest and Edward maintained a respectful four-inch distance between us, yet we still smiled at one another.

Reaching my locker, I spun the combination and opened the metal door. I just needed to swap out my books and grab my money. I turned to jokingly ask Edward what he would be having for lunch, but he was frozen, staring at my locker door.

I looked up to see what had affected him, and saw the photo of Jacob and I, that I had taped in place nearly a month earlier. We were in my room. Jacob had just woken up from a nap and I had been working on my homework. He had laughed that we were acting entirely too domestic and wanted a photo to document our lazy afternoon. So Jacob had turned the camera on us while we sat on my bed.

"Edward?"

He seemed to come out of his spell. "Oh, erm…it's nothing, Bella. It just surprised me seeing him in your room. You know, where I spent so much time…but it's fine. Everything's fine. It was just unexpected." Edward offered me a convincing smile that still couldn't entirely hide his hurt, and I moved to give him a comforting hug unconsciously. He carefully wrapped his arms around me and held me for the second time that day, his entire body relaxing. When I stepped back, he released me reluctantly.

My stomach gurgled and he laughed. "Lunch time for the human," he grinned, stepping aside so I could begin the walk to the cafeteria.

"Yeah, too bad you can't pack a mountain lion in a little brown paper sack or you could enjoy lunch too," I joked, while he groaned and rolled his eyes.

As we exited the lunch line after I had gathered my food — a turkey sandwich, banana and yogurt — Alice flitted to Edward's side, her face radiant. They stared at one another for a moment, communicating silently. Finally, Alice broke her gaze away from her brother and clutched my arm, pulling me to the side and grinning broadly.

"Bella," she squealed, "I haven't seen Edward this content since we your birthday party…thank you for taking my advice. You're going to be so glad to have his friendship."

I hated talking about Edward like he wasn't standing a few feet away, so I tried to wrap up the conversation by softly saying, "I always knew I'd let him back in my life, Alice. I…think I need him just as much as he needs me." Edward met my gaze and the corners of his mouth tugged upwards. "It's just going to be weird getting used to him as a friend when he's only ever been more."

The three of us walked over to our table, but Alice was not done with her chatter. "I can see the two of you figuring it out together. You're both very happy as friends, and something is wonderfully different from what it was before, but I can't see what that might be." She looked thoughtful as we reached our friends.

Edward sat on the other side of the table, across and down two spots from me. I gave him a grateful smile. He knew I didn't want to answer questions on the progression of our relationship, and put the attention spotlight on myself. Sitting next to him would have done just that.

The cafeteria felt much brighter as we all settled into our high school conversations. Edward remained silent, with a half-smile lightening his expression. I also kept out of the discussions around me, joining Edward in our comfortable stillness.

**

Author's Note: I'm campaigning for a nomination in the Bellie Awards, which just opened up their twice-annual nominations last week. If you like my story, would you please consider nominating it in these categories?:

- Wolfpack Award

- Best "Edward who?" fic

To nominate LN&D, you have to give them the title, a link to the story, and my author name.

Here's a direct link to the nomination form: www(dot)thecatt(dot)net(slash)tw(slash)Nomination(dot)aspx

Thank you guys for your support. A nomination, especially considering how many amazing fics there are out there, would be overwhelming.