Chapter 4

Journal Entry for Sunday September 21, 1997

Sunday morning. Wow. This certainly brings back memories. Waking up at 6:00 so we can go to church as a family. But, for the past 6 months, I've become kind of weary about organized religion. Not weary about God, just organized religion. I never did say anything to my parents though.

I haven't gone to church since before my dad died. Try as mom might, she isn't going to make me go to church this morning.

I don't feel much anger towards God or the Devil or any other religious figure for my dad's death. If anything, I'm angry at my dad for even being there at the damn highway.

I do miss waking up and smelling mom's homemade silver dollar pancakes. That was the one thing she never screwed up when she was cooking. But, unfortunately it was the one thing that she cooked the least. Maybe not, but that's the way it always seemed.

Now I decide to go upstairs and read. I grab a fresh pair of boxers to change into, and don't even worry about jeans. After all, no one will be up for about another two hours. I grab the new Midnight Louie book (Cat in a Flamingo Fedora). Lauren gave me that book for our one year anniversary of dating. I haven't talked to her in a while. Maybe I'll give her a call tomorrow after she gets out of school.

That's all for now, I'll write some more later while Mark, Brad, and mom are at church.


Now my head's starting to pound. Great, just what I need a migraine. When I get these things I just go insane or something. I don't think, talk, or even feel like myself.

Maybe I should choose to break these entries up more often. I'll write a little more tonight when I will unsuccessfully attempt to sleep.

In the meantime, I'll just lay down and try to get rid of this damn migraine.


My damn head still hurts. I still feel insane. I must be, I've decided to do it. I'm going to take one of those little pills. Well, I don't know, one might not be enough for me. Maybe…well let's see….there's 10 of these little bitches…how bout…aw hell, I'll take'em all. My life can't get anymore screwed up, right? I'll just grab that big bottle of Captain Morgan rum mom has upstairs, then work on these little pills. Then if I don't get any sleep, I never will.

A/N: A little bit of a cliffhanger, eh? I really am trying to make these chapters longer, at least word-wise. I'll try to update before I go to bed tonight. (Around ten or so).