My Angel
A Hey Arnold FanFic
Authors note: Special thanks to AdventureGirl6. I do not own Hey Arnold and make no attempt to profit from it.
Chapter Eleven: Dreams in the Night
He floated in and out of the dreams gently, the beginning melding into the ending almost as soon as it had begun. For a while he simply let it go, embracing the long swell of relief that came with each passing dream. But after a while, once the euphoria wore off, Arnold began to think about what was happening. The dreams seemed to come and go as they pleased, but all seemed to link together. Arnold felt himself fall, faster and faster until the ravine into which he fell seemed to shrink.
Feet touched the ground before he could stop himself. Coming to a landing from the cliff side, Arnold tried to stop himself from moving onto the next dream. As often as the dreams had come, Helga would be floating in and around them, never speaking or uttering a word to him. Her silence was cold, cutting him to the core each time he saw her. But the events all led back to one place: the formal.
As the scene around him blurred and froze for a moment, Arnold saw the dancing forms of himself and Helga, moving in time to the music beautifully. He paused, watching in awe as they moved closer to the end, his own heart now beating rapidly as they came up for the kiss. His mouth could feel the softness, the tender embrace of her lips on his as they held it.
Arnold could swear he was in the middle of the kiss right now, his body aching to hold her once more. But as he looked out over the crowd, Arnold could not help but sense something was wrong. Some of his peers were in shock, some were trying to talk about what was happening but could not, but the one thing wrong was Gerald and Phoebe. They were nowhere to be seen.
As if floating down to the ground below, Arnold tentatively moved around the scene, watching as time around him seemed to move infinitesimally slowly. The embraced kiss was now forgotten as he moved past himself, and headed towards the back of the room. He couldn't explain the force drawing him towards this area, but his mind was already made up to move and his legs simply followed.
Drifting across the surface, Arnold's eyes were trying to take in the dark surroundings; he didn't remember this area of the gym, its wall lined in darkness and separated from the light above. Dimly lit and tucked away, Arnold could hear voices, softly yet firmly talking with one another as he came to a door. It read 'OUT OF BOUNDS', but Arnold did not pay it mind and tried to open it.
Try as he might, Arnold couldn't budge the door. It would only move momentarily before it would echo. He turned back around to see all his peers now looking at him. Shouts began to roar from their mouths, their bodies rushing for his while he tried to run, out of the school and down, down further into the ravine that had swallowed him before…
D & F
There in the darkened room, lit only by a light at the back, stood Gerald, shaking his head at the sight of Phoebe sitting on a bucket, tears streaming from her eyes as she looked helplessly towards someone who looked like himself. But he couldn't have come back here surely? This had already happened he told himself. Gerald felt as though he were watching ghosts, coughing loudly in the hope they would notice him and behave normally. But like a fly on the wall they did not pay him any attention, but instead continued to talk freely as if he did not exist.
"Phoebe I don't understand why this has to be a big problem; I know you're leaving so we can make this easier on ourselves now," the other Gerald pleaded, something he found himself cringing at when the words came out.
"Because Gerald, we are meant to be," Phoebe whimpered, trying hard not to ruin her makeup.
Gerald sank to the floor, unable to stop what was going to come out of the other Gerald's mouth. "Meant to be? Damn it girl, didn't you know this was always going to happen? You were always going to move on from here when the time came…without me there is nothing left to stop you,"
He wanted to avoid Phoebe's furious gaze, but he'd replayed it thousands of times before. "College is important to me Gerald, but so are you. I can't be happy, not without you in my life. How else can I keep going? Tell me how Gerald," Phoebe barked, trying to motivate him.
"I don't know Phoebe! We are both leading such different lives now- "
"Cut it out Gerald!" she screamed, her eyes shutting as Gerald felt himself being pushed back by her cry.
Gerald wanted to leave, and could feel the room beginning to close in around him, the darkness growing and dimming the light even more as he tried to make out their conversation. The ghosts that were Gerald and Phoebe seemed to be muttering for a while, with Gerald frozen as the light seemed to grow thinner and thinner in the room. On and off the light was flashing, his eyes looking at Gerald and Phoebe. In the background, he could hear his name being called out...
"There's something else Gerald," Phoebe sighed as Gerald felt himself being sucked away from them, "I think I might be…"
Gerald sat up. Sweat dripping, he tossed the blanket away and dashed for the bathroom. He'd barely shut the door behind him before he threw up, the sink splashing onto the floor as bit as he held it tightly. No, no you don't. You don't get to come back to me now, not like this, Gerald thought, trying to control his urge to vomit again.
He felt a soft hand, delicate and cold touch his shoulder. Gerald turned and began to sob. While she looked on lovingly, Gerald couldn't help but cry loudly. Phoebe smiled before fading to nothing, the wisp of air leaving nothing to console him.
D & F
Helga's eyes were searching the room for the answer to her memory. If she could just find something to trigger the event, maybe then she could remember what it was she had suppressed so deeply…
"Helga why are looking at me like that?" Rhonda asked, cocking her brow in confusion as Helga's eyes darted around the room and settled on Rhonda with a hard look.
"What else happened that night Rhonda?" she asked shrewdly.
For the first time, Helga saw Rhonda begin to act nervously around her, the confident and calm girl no longer evident. Now blushing furiously, Rhonda sat down. "Not much happened after the kiss…besides aren't you meant to be remembering?"
"I can't remember what I don't remember now can I? Come on Rhonda, tell me what happened. Arnold changed so much that night, and I think you know what happened."
Rhonda sighed, clenching the chair tightly as she grabbed a note pad from the draw and scribbled down what happened. Helga watched her intently, mesmerised by the speed at which she could jot down her own thoughts. A perk of being a psych.
With a flurry of strokes, Rhonda stopped and handed the pad to Helga. Holding the pad tentatively, Helga's eyes scanned the page. A few of the words stood out, but she couldn't make out the main point. She had told Rhonda everything and it was being repeated back to her. Except for one word. Looking to Rhonda then back to the pad, Helga's stomach began to clench and unclench rapidly, her eyes looking around the word for signs of a mistake, but her mind was already beginning to play the scene back to her, all because of the one word written largely beneath the description: rejection.
D & F
Two minutes after the dance ended…
Helga's heart was still pounding in her chest as Arnold parted from her, the ache of not having his lips on hers sending jolts of desire through her body…she just had to have him. The hall was so bright and colourful, her initial thoughts suggesting she had taken some form of drug. But her smile could not be broken as she looked at him: how could she begin to compare the warmth of a summers night to the embrace he had, the soft sands that made his hair and the red silk that lined his lips...but then sniggers caught her ears.
In an instant, her rosy coloured dream shattered as the hall returned her to reality. Helga looked around to see some of her peers giggling and chuckling to themselves, their gazes judging and taunting her. They saw me kiss Arnold! Panic set in: what did she do? She kissed him obviously, but now as she looked around, did this make them an item? Where they now dating? But he has a girlfriend…was she now a boyfriend stealer? Nothing more than a common…Helga mentally shook her head at the last thought. There was no way she was one of those.
"Helga are you ok?" she heard Arnold ask, his curious look catching her off guard.
"Umm, yeah. Why did you do that football head?" her voice replied, her mind already regretting what she said instantly.
"Well we were dancing…but I thought…"
"You thought what Arnold?"
Helga's head spun around to see Lila standing there, hands on her hips and glaring angrily at Arnold. All eyes had turned to her, unsure now of Arnold's next move.
"Lila?"
"Yes, Arnold, that would be me, your girlfriend," she spat.
"But Lila you ran off with another…Helga, please I must know," he asked, pleading softly with Helga, turning away from Lila.
She was acutely aware of the eyes that were on her at this precise moment. "Do you like me…like me?" he asked quietly.
"What do you mean?" she asked, trying to keep her voice down, but failing as the hall had fallen silent.
"I mean, would you…you know…go out with me?"
Helga's heart sank; any other time and she would be over the moon, dancing away her problems on a cloud of ecstasy and adrenaline, her mind wandering into the forbidden realm of what he would do with her…best leave that alone old girl. But here she stood, surrounded by them all, watching and waiting for her reply. And Lila stood behind her…it struck her hard and left her cold. She couldn't do it.
Helga refused to be the girl who would steal the love of another. She refused to be known for that reason. Even if it was for Arnold. And it was this dawning that hit the hardest: she could never be with Arnold. He was taken and she had no right to him. He could never love the girl behind the mask…no one could.
"No Arnold, I can't," she muttered, walking away from him and running out of the gym and into the fresh air.
Doors slammed shut behind her; Helga's head was spinning. She wanted to cry; more than anything she wanted to let it all out and end what had become the worst night of her life. She collapsed against the railing, leaning against the cold metal and praying that it was all just a dream. But inside she could feel it, the coldness and never-ending guilt bubbling away, consuming her until there was nothing left. She loved him so much it hurt; nothing in this life made more sense to her now than Arnold.
But I said no…
Helga wept. Her heart shook and shattered, each bit flinging itself against her body like a knife into an open wound. Again, and again she could feel it, reaching into her and ripping out all the care she held for him. Why had she done this to herself? Wasn't it enough to have lost her mother? Maybe if she went back in she could say yes, end this horrible nightmare where she clung to the pole, now sobbing loudly into the icy night.
But I said no…I said no to the only boy I have ever loved…my one true love…and I destroyed it…
Helga didn't know how long she had spent in that one spot, or when Phoebe had arrived and joined her silently, holding Helga close as a mother would to comfort her child. All she could feel was the numbness from her fingers to her toes, the horrible pain replaying each moment repeatedly until she could cope with it no more.
"Phoebe take me home," she moaned, trying to hold herself together but the aches from crying made it impossible to move.
She felt Phoebe nod and promise to be back quickly. Helga clung once more to the pole and wept silently, her eyes no longer registering the tears that fell down her face so openly. She could never be with him…
The memory faded. Helga sat still. Exhaustion moved over her like a wave. She turned to look at Rhonda, only to feel tears escape her eyes. With a finger she caught one, holding it up for her own amusement. And then it hit her. Without a word she began to cry, cry so painfully and deeply that she felt that life was going to end. Nothing in the world could compare to this pain she felt; she had stuffed it up with Arnold, her one chance to be happy and she ruined it. Wailing, she tried to hold herself together but couldn't. It was escaping from her and she couldn't stop it.
Helga could feel the shards of the knife stab into her, her heart beyond repair as the tears began to soak her shirt. "Why did I do it?" she cried out, desperate for an answer. "Why did I ruin everything?"
Her sobbing grew as she clutched her sides, never wanting to move ever again. The pain filled her, consumed her and owned her now; nothing would ever feel good again. She could feel another presence move next to her and hold her gently, trying to soothe her body but nothing was going to soothe her spirit. As she wept into Rhonda's shirt, Helga knew it was all over.
D & F
Pancakes had never tasted so good as Arnold tucked into them, glad he had finally gotten the chance to eat after being interrogated by the tenants. Oscar had already tried to find out a way of making some money off Arnold's story, but after a firm hit across the head from Susie, he had retreated to his room to sulk. Arnold didn't care much for the questions the tenants asked him, eventually all being shooed away by Grandpa, much to the annoyance of Ernie who had wanted to hear about the train crash and whether it compared to destroying a building.
Feeling the warm goodness hit his stomach, Arnold leaned back happily to drink his juice, his Grandpa eying him carefully before smirking.
"Well, it looks like your appetite has returned Shortman," he chuckled, Arnold smiling softly.
"It feels great to be home again Grandpa."
"Yeah, well I wouldn't get too comfortable yet; there's the weeding to be done, the garage needs a new paint job, the mould in the bathroom needs some work after Oscar went in there, and I'm sure all of those old books need to be moved and dusted off individually before being put back. Alphabetically of course."
Arnold's wide-eyed look earned a loud roaring laugh from his Grandpa. "Of course, I wouldn't do that to you Arnold…except maybe the mould, I really should get someone to look at Oscar's bathroom habits," he muttered at the end, rubbing his chin thoughtfully as Arnold shook his head happily: typical.
"Maybe I should get some more sleep Grandpa," Arnold yawned.
"And not go looking for your one eye browed friend? My goodness Arnold what has gotten into you? Leaving the hospital to find her and now you want to go sleep?" he asked incredulously.
"Sorry Grandpa, it's just that…hang on, how did you know I was looking for her?" Arnold asked, suspicious as to how he knew.
"Oh, come on Arnold, it's been plain for years that she likes you. Every time we saw her, it was so clear she loved you it was hilarious to watch you have no clue as to what was going on."
"We?"
"Your Grandmother and I," he winked at Arnold.
"You both knew and you didn't tell me?"
"Arnold, do you remember the story I told you a long time ago? Of how I met your Grandmother?"
Arnold paused for a moment, trying to think back to when he had explained what he was like as a kid. "Didn't she use to bully you?"
His Grandpa smiled at him, Arnold puzzled by Grandpa's reaction until it clicked. Helga bullied him…his Grandmother had bullied his Grandpa…Arnold could have slapped himself across the face if it weren't for the laughing old man, who clutched his sides tightly. "Took you long enough Shortman," he laughed, tears streaming down his face.
"It's not that funny Grandpa," he replied grumpily, his Grandpa wiping away the last of the tears as he finished laughing.
"I'm sorry Arnold…Heh…so what are you going to do about it now?"
Arnold sat silently, his Grandpa peering at him carefully before standing and stretching his back, cracking loudly and cackling as he left the kitchen. Alone with his thoughts, Arnold reached for the glass of juice and froze. His mind flashed images before him of last night's dream; watching and re-playing them over and over, Arnold could feel himself begin to crack inside. Running out of the kitchen, he raced upstairs and closed the door before slumping down against it, tears running down his face.
D & F
Helga was motionless. Around her she could see Rhonda tidying and cleaning up, putting away dishes and wiping down the kitchen bench. But her eyes would not move away from the spot on the couch opposite her. She was so tired, so worn down that she could not move. All the crying, all the tears had left her drained, so devoid of emotion that she could not comprehend moving any part of her body. As another familiar presence joined her, Helga could not help remaining deathly still on the couch.
"Hi Helga," came a soft sweet voice.
"Why are you back here again?" she strained to whisper, the action taking a huge amount of effort.
"Because you needed me again. And I must say that I think I came at just the right time."
Helga wanted roll over and sleep, but sitting up was so much easier. "I wish you would just leave me alone though Phoebe."
Shaking her head sadly, Phoebe moved a bit closer to Helga and tried to stroke her arm. "My poor Helga; what have you done to yourself?"
"Everything," she replied softly.
"Has it ever occurred to you to try and find Arnold?"
Helga shook her head. "He is in the hospital surrounded by miss perfect."
"Helga, I know you are not well, but you have got to let me go. I can't leave you until you sort this out. This is a hindrance, a roadblock that connects me to you and until it is resolved I will keep coming back. And I hate it."
"Hate it?" Helga frowned.
"I cannot stand to be here Helga. Watching Gerald…I can't stand to see him in pain."
Helga nodded grimly, keeping her attention focused solely on the couch in front of her. All this time she'd tried to find him but she had given up hope. There was nowhere else to turn now. She should just leave, forget Hillwood and never look back. Maybe she could make it somewhere else, and forget about Arnold forever. Then maybe he could move on with his life with Lila and Gerald…
"Gerald!" she shouted to the apartment.
"Gerald? What about Gerald?" Rhonda asked as she came running in.
Helga turned to her, Phoebe now long since vanished, her body starting to come to life. "I think I know how to get over Phoebe."
D & F
Wandering down the street path, Arnold tried to block the sun from his eyes but with little success. The constant throbbing in his head was growing worse, his eyes sore from crying but his legs determined to get him there quickly. Only a few minutes ago he had called Gerald, telling him he was coming and to be ready. There were a few more questions he needed to ask Gerald about Phoebe. Shaking his head, he tried to forget the nightmare of last night.
There was only one way to find out what had happened to Phoebe. And maybe if he could, perhaps he might be able to work out where Helga was. He had decided that he needed the truth, the absolute truth to resolve what had happened so long ago. They were all connected to this now and no matter what it was, he pleaded to the steps he walked up that he was wrong about something terrible having happened to Phoebe. Anything would be better than to know his best friend had hurt her.
Timidly, Arnold knocked on the door. A rustling from inside was followed by brief silence. Opening the door, Gerald looked out at him, appearing to be more calm and relaxed than yesterday. "Hey Arnold," he grinned.
"Gerald? What's going on?" he asked, not accustomed to seeing his best friend in a state of peace.
"Nothing man, come in," he replied, leaving his friend standing in the doorway.
Puzzled, Arnold stepped into the house and closed the door behind him. He followed Gerald into the lounge room and froze. Sitting in single chairs was Rhonda, sipping her tea and looking at him smugly while his eyes drifted to a blonde-haired girl, whose eyes matched his own. "Helga?"
"Arnold?" she replied.
Neither said another word, staring at one another. Arnold could barely believe it had been this easy. How could she be sitting here? Why was she here of all places? And what was Rhonda doing looking at him smugly? He turned to Gerald for an answer but found nothing, his friend standing and smiling properly for the first time in months. Arnold gazed back towards Helga who had remained unmoved.
Rhonda who had laughed quietly to herself, helping Arnold to sit down while she watched the two exchange looks of shock and disbelief. "Now that this is out of the way, why are you here Arnold?" Rhonda asked politely.
Arnold shook himself out of the trance and looked to Rhonda. "I need to talk to Gerald about Phoebe."
Rhonda nodded. "Good. It seems we're all here on a common goal. Now Gerald," she said calmly, turning her attention to the young man sitting in the chair opposite her, "Could you please tell us what happened that night to Phoebe?"
