Chapter Two: Atonement

Lucrecia was roused from her slumber by the feeling of something soft and slightly warm coming to rest against her cheek. She frowned, her eyes still closed, slowly coming back to her senses. It did not take long before everything that happened before she laid down came rushing back.

Oh gods… Vincent…

When she opened her eyes, she was surprised but largely relieved to find him on one knee before her, his normal hand pressed against her cheek and his eyes intent upon her face. When she met his gaze, the corners of his mouth turned up in an attempt at a smile, about as close as he usually managed to come.

"Good evening," he said quietly, continuing to kneel before her as Lucrecia tiredly shifted into a sitting position, keeping the blanket wrapped around herself against the basement's usual chill. She didn't quite know how to respond, still upset and uneasy over what had happened between them, but couldn't help but lean into his touch.

She studied him closely as if searching for answers. He had changed into fresh clothing and his hair was wet as if he'd just gotten out of the shower, the scent of soap lightly clinging to him. His customary red bandana held most of the hair out of his face, but as usual several strands rebelled and trailed over top of it. She noticed that he still looked tired, but not nearly as bad as before. His eyes were far more alert and the pain in his expression was largely gone. Still, he looked troubled and unsure of himself, as if there was much on his mind. Lucrecia knew exactly how he felt…

"About before…" he began when she still did not speak, leaving his hand against her face as his claw rested on the couch beside her. "I wanted to apologize. I was… out of line."

Lucrecia swallowed hard, annoyed with herself when she felt fresh tears already beginning to fill her eyes. "It… it's okay, Vincent," she said in nearly a whisper, her voice still hoarse from crying and sleep.

"No, it is not okay," he replied, shaking his head and frowning. "I had no right to behave that way… You deserve so much better."

He hung his head until it was nearly resting in her lap, looking so ashamed of himself that it broke her heart. Lucrecia was unable to help but reach out to him, running one hand through his damp hair and sighing quietly.

"I was just so worried about you," she told him, her voice trembling with emotion. "When I woke up and you were gone, I was afraid something terrible had happened. And then you finally came back and seemed… not yourself."

He said nothing for long moments and didn't move as she ran her fingers through his hair, staring at the top of his head and desperately wishing she could read his thoughts. Finally, he slowly raised his head, meeting her eyes with an expression of regret and sorrow.

"I have been… a bit stressed as of late, and I fear it has gotten to me," he said, his deep voice so quiet she had to concentrate to hear his words. "But that is no excuse… I am sorry I worried you, and that I was so temperamental earlier. Can you ever forgive me, my love?"

He was nearly pleading with her, gently stroking her cheek as he gazed deep into her eyes. He looked as if he was expecting rejection, believing she was about to tell him his actions were inexcusable and their relationship was over. Lucrecia had butterflies in her stomach, wondering why he felt so guilty over a relatively minor disagreement. Yes, he had disappeared for a number of hours, but if he'd simply needed time alone to think she understood. She knew he was largely nocturnal, after all, so it did make sense once she was calm enough to think about it rationally. He'd also gotten used to living in solitude and was still adjusting to sharing his life and his space with her after so long on his own. Still, she was left uneasy, as if there was something much darker to it. But his expression was so sad and regretful that it melted her heart and broke through her suspicions.

She reached out with both hands and rested them against either side of his face, holding his gaze and allowing herself a soft, affectionate smile. He instantly seemed to relax a bit, though he still looked intensely concerned.

"It's all right, baby," she said, realizing she could never remain upset with him for very long. His remorse and apology were clearly genuine, and they'd been through so much together that the current issue seemed petty by comparison. "I understand… There's been a lot going on lately."

It was true, after all. Vincent was under a lot of pressure as the head of base security, and the recent arrival of the fugitive Turks had only compounded his responsibilities. Cloud was still angry with him for allowing them to stay without consulting him first, and the base's leader had not seemed to like or trust him much to begin with. Then there had been the news of Hojo's death and his difficulty dealing with both it and Lucrecia's initial reaction. When one considered that they were also still learning to deal with the shock of being reunited and becoming a couple again, as well as trying to get to know their troubled adult son, she could definitely understand how he might be feeling a bit overwhelmed. He'd been wonderful since she arrived two months before, even though at times things remained a bit uncomfortable between them. He tried so hard to make her happy, just as he always had. The least Lucrecia could do was forgive one minor transgression. He had forgiven her for much, much worse…

"Are you sure?" Vincent asked, hopeful but still worried. "I want to make it up to you…"

In reply, she leaned down and kissed him softly, pleased when his hand snaked around to the back of her neck to hold her close. The contact instantly removed the chill from her body and she pushed the blanket aside, their kisses quickly becoming passionate and almost desperate. At least there was one aspect of their relationship that never seemed to be a problem, she thought absently.

"Yes, I'm sure," she finally managed to answer, a bit breathless. She smiled at the way his cheeks had flushed despite the paleness of his skin and how much cooler his skin was than a normal man's. He was still very much human, whether he believed it or not. Lucrecia was more than happy to remind him of that as often as he needed.

He finally rose to his feet and held out his hand for her, helping her to stand before pulling her into his arms in a fierce embrace. With her body pressed against his and his strong arms around her, Lucrecia was able to forget her doubts and fears and simply enjoy being with the man she loved.

"I need to be close to you," he whispered against her neck, his breath warm on her skin. "Would you do me the honor…?"

When she lifted her head and met his gaze, she found herself drawn into his intense red eyes. She loved him so deeply, and when he looked at her that way she found him impossible to resist. He studied her reverently, his expression filled with adoration and a burning desire. Lucrecia was still amazed at how quickly he could go from cold and distant to intense and passionate. He had always been that way, though both ends of the spectrum were now far more pronounced. She didn't know if it had something to do with his alterations, or with his experiences and the passage of time… but whatever the cause, the effect was intoxicating and powerful.

She realized she had been silent for nearly a minute as she studied him, and his expression had grown a bit concerned. She smiled warmly, taking his hand in hers and starting toward their bedroom. A look of relief crossed his face as he followed her, his eyes shining.

"There's nowhere else I'd rather be," she reassured him, meaning every word. And though she knew their issues were far from resolved, and a lingering doubt remained about what had happened during the previous night, Lucrecia gladly pushed them aside for the time being. What mattered was that Vincent was himself again, and that he needed her. All of their difficulties could certainly wait until later.

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Some time later, Vincent was lying awake in bed with Lucrecia wrapped in his arms, thinking over the last few days. She had drifted off to sleep again almost immediately after they'd made love, clearly exhausted from the stress he'd put her through. He looked down at her and tenderly stroked her hair, still filled with a sickening guilt.

Not only had he been too weak to continue to resist Chaos, he had also lied to her… In his mind, that was nearly unforgivable. He'd been unable to tell her the truth, even though what he did tell her about his recent stress overwhelming him was true. It was not right to keep the full reason from her, but Vincent found he simply could not bring himself to tell her.

If she knew he had awakened so close to transforming into a demon right there in bed beside her the night before, surely she would be terrified. Anyone would be, no matter how much they cared for him. If he told her, he fully expected her to leave him, to flee as far away as possible… and Vincent knew that was something he could not survive. He'd lived through losing her once before, just barely, and this time it would surely be the death of him. So he had been selfish, avoiding sharing the truth with her in order to keep her by his side. He needed her… and he needed to be able to protect her. The idea of going on without her after she had finally returned to his life, along with considering the dangers she may run into out on her own in such an unstable world, was simply too much. He could not risk it no matter what he had to do to prevent it from occurring.

He sighed quietly, reflexively tightening his arm around his sleeping lover. How could he ever expect her to accept what he had become? He knew that, eventually, he would likely be unable to continue hiding his normally frequent transformations from her. She was already worried and suspicious after just one incident. He had made her cry. That alone was bad enough…

As happy as they were to be back together, their relationship was not without its difficulties. Vincent had been so hurt and depressed, and alone for so long, that he'd almost forgotten how to relate to others. His communication skills had never been particularly good, but now he often found it extremely difficult to hold even a normal conversation. He'd always been a man of few words, but this was ridiculous and beyond frustrating. Making small talk was an art lost on him, and as a result they often lapsed into periods of awkward silence. He knew it made Lucrecia uncomfortable, and due to her own shyness she was often unable to break the spell. He would watch the way she'd shift nervously and glance at him out of the corner of her eye, unsure of what she ought to do or why he seemed so distant. He wanted so badly to be like any normal person and simply talk to her, but found he could not lower his guard, unable to find his voice when he needed it most. Vincent found it was easier to physically show her how he felt these days, but it didn't seem like enough no matter how passionate and intense they were together. He remained so self conscious about his scarred and altered body that he doubted she could possibly enjoy being close to him anyway. She certainly seemed to, but somehow Vincent managed to remain insecure. It didn't matter what she said, or how much she enjoyed their love-making. He was unconvinced.

Why did she stay with him, he wondered for perhaps the thousandth time since her return. Was it because she had nowhere else to go? Was she only settling for him because she'd needed someone to protect her from Hojo at first? Now that her ex-husband was dead, Vincent feared she would no longer need him and move on. Chaos was more than a good enough excuse. Part of him did realize she truly loved him… He could see it in her eyes and feel it when she touched him without concern for his differences. But a far larger part, the part that had always filled his mind with self-loathing and doubt, feared that it was all an illusion he was too desperate to see through.

Vincent closed his eyes tightly, trying to remind himself that he was lying in bed holding the one he loved, that despite their difficulties they were together again. This time, it was forever, and he would do anything to make sure of it. His entire being still ached from the transformation the night before, but it mattered so little with her warm body pressed against his. Thankfully, Chaos had gone silent inside his mind, satisfied for the time being and chased away by the positive emotions between he and Lucrecia. For the moment, all was well… She'd forgiven him and quickly shown that she still loved and trusted him. But even as Vincent tried to focus on the present and drift off to sleep, he knew that eventually Chaos would erupt once more, and next time the results might be far more costly.


((Author's Notes: So our happy couple can recover from ONE such incident, but what about if (read: when) it happens again? Vincent has so much on his mind, and a lot to deal with in Junon Harbor, as we shall see next chapter. There will be a little father and son bonding, too. Thank you again for the favs/alerts and especially taking the time to review! You have no idea how happy I get when I see a new one in my e-mail… It's a little sad. *grin* Thank you very much! ~ JenesisX ))