Blaine I'm so sorry and I know it seems weak to do it like this, hell it doesn't just seems weak it is weak. I should just tell you this right into your face, but I can't.
You're allowed to hate me as much as you want, but please read this. I want you to know why I did all of it. And If you don't want to know, you should just stop reading and ignore me for this one last year. After this year we won't see each other again and I can even quit Glee club if you want. Just let me explain.
The first time I saw you at that school I knew that it was bad news. My parents have two wishes; that I'm the popular guy and that I finish school and go to college. They weren't homophobic or anything, but I knew that when I talked to you it won't make me very popular, no offence but you know that school probably even better as I do. You actually went to that school. I skipped most of it to be honest. I just never liked school.
School has never been easy. I'm always that weird kid who isn't black but also not white. They always insult me because of that at one point it even became that bad that I transferred. I wasn't even at that school for three months and I already wanted to shoot myself in my head. Yes, I thought about doing that. When I started at the new school I tried to act cool. I dated the most beautiful girl in school and actually joined the football club like I promised my parents. Not that I minded, I mean I love football. The people in the club just aren't so nice.
I never liked what I did to you and I hope you realize that. I tried to save you at moments I could and I tried to calm you down and I know that isn't an excuse for what I did. But you should know that I didn't enjoy a second of it. I didn't enjoy seeing you in pain or hearing you sob while I could/did do nothing more as watch. And I can come up with a million lies of why I didn't do anything, but the real reason is that I was scared. I had feelings for you that I couldn't admit to myself back then. I couldn't say to myself that I liked a boy. That wasn't good, that's not normal. I was scared of what other people were going to think. The school, my family.
My mother was sick a little bit before the dance. I got a call when we were in the woods. She was sick, there was a possibility that she wasn't going to make it. She did make it though, but I didn't want to be a burden back then, I didn't want to disappoint her. I couldn't disappoint her. And I'm sorry for what I did. For what I didn't do, but I couldn't help you. Not when my mother was dying and only living on the fact that I was having a good time at school and went to parties with friends and was popular. Because you only have friends and go to parties when you're popular at that school, as you know.
But what I said during the dance was the truth Blaine and I still feel the same. Nothing has changed except that now I don't give a shit anymore about the school or my family. I just want to stop hurting you.
And the Kitty thing is stupid. I know. You probably think that I'm still the same dick as before, but I'm not. Seriously. I don't like Kitty and we're only dating for a little over a month either way. (Yes, she planned that…) And we don't do anything. Alright you probably don't want to know that.
I'm writing this in my bed and I have like a millions papers around me because I wanted this letter to be perfect, but it still isn't. There is still so much more to write, but I rather do it in person.
If you want, please call or message me.
Again I'm really sorry and I don't expect you to forgive me, but please give me a chance even though I don't deserve it.
Jake
A/N: Thanks for reading! It's 5 A.M. I'm sorry if it sucks! I'll reread it tomorrow to check XD!
Xxx Crissingirl123
