A/N: Un-beta'd. When Hannah gets back to me, I'll update w/ edits. Second chapter is finished. Will post tomorrow in all likelihood. I know this took me a while, but I got it to you as promised, and that's all that matters.

If you have not read ETS, go read it now. I do not review, and it did not progress like the book. You will be confused. Listen to me, dammit.

I don't own this.

For There You Have Been

Chapter One

Florida is... sunny. It was a bit disorienting at first, waking up to shards of sunlight as they danced through my window, burning my retinas, walking out into the blazing wet heat of yet another sweltering summer day. Renee had been hoping that I'd want to stay. That I'd fall in love with Jacksonville and the little yellow cottage that was her and Phil's new home. That the palm trees and ocean breezes would sway me. But it was disorienting, and, after so many months spent under constant cloud cover, I felt too exposed to ever be entirely comfortable. Still, it was a wonderful idea. Spending a month of my summer break in Florida. A wonderful idea.

Renee hovered in the beginning. She buzzed around me like some needy insect, desperate to renew whatever connection she felt was severed when I moved to be with Charlie. She inserted herself into my life with a vengeance, following me everywhere, insisting on taking me shopping, trying to push a "spa day" on me. It was difficult not to snap at her, and for the first week I longed for my bedroom in Forks, for the unassuming presence of my father and the quiet of our little house next to the woods. But she backed off after a bit. She sensed that I had changed, and she changed accordingly. Renee had always been good at adapting. I'll give her that.

The one thing I will give Florida is its beaches. They are beautiful and plentiful and peaceful, even when they're over-crowded by rowdy families and flirting teenagers. That was where I spent most of my time, happily waiting out the month on my towel in the sand, a book in my hands and a bottle of water at my side. I even managed to get a bit of a tan. Well, my version of a tan, anyway. In the beginning I was plagued by sunburn after sunburn. Phil began to call me "lobster-girl." But the burns started to fade and my skin was eventually left a sort of soft pinkish-tannish color. It's nice. Makes me look less sickly. I'll miss it when it fades back into my normal shade of pale.

My time with Renee was divided into beach, lunch, more beach, dinner, an hour on the phone with Angela, IM-ing with Angela and/or Jacob, a brief Mother/Daughter bonding session, and then bed. It became comfortable. I'd keep to myself all day, talk to my friends at night, deal with my mother, and then start all over again. And I needed time to myself. I've needed that for a while. Who would've thought I'd have to come to Florida to get it?

Life after Edward left was vanilla. It was nothing special. Nothing really changed. And, after a while, I stopped looking to what used to be their table during lunches. After a while, I stopped staring at the door during Biology, trying to will him through it. After a while, my heart stopped breaking when I'd pull into the parking lot to find his car wasn't there. I had formed an attachment to someone I didn't really know, understand, or even trust entirely. It had been exhilarating and life affirming and maddening and terrifying all at once. And then he left. And it was over. And so I moved on.

Angela helped me a great deal, keeping me distracted, keeping me busy. When she started dating Ben, she wasn't around quite as often, but she was always present in my day, even if it was only a text message or an IM. She was, and is, always there for me. And she's so happy now. So sickeningly, deliriously happy with her boyfriend and her life. I'm thrilled for her. And jealous. But mostly thrilled. And that's what counts.

Jacob Black. He was a surprise. After that day in the parking lot, I had thought I'd never see him again. But then he came to my house, talked to me like we'd been friends for years, and in a way it feel s like we have. It's funny how things never turn out the way you plan. When Edward exited my life, Jacob entered. And they're two completely different people who make me feel two completely different ways, but Jake's timing couldn't have been better, and he's made my life in Forks a little brighter, a little more interesting, a little fuller as a result.

We don't talk about much. We tend to just exist together. It's refreshing. I love talking to Angela, but I also love just sitting with Jake. We'll watch tv, I'll watch him work on his car, watch him try to repair his motorcycle (there was a rather large and mysterious dent in the side of it when he recovered it that day), watch him watch me. I'm tranquil with him. He puts me at ease. It's lovely.

Of course, there are problems. I've caught him staring at me, a look in his eyes that I'm not entirely comfortable with. Angela thinks it's adorable. She jokes with me about it all the time, and I know that she'd love it if I started dating him. We already go out all the time with her and Ben anyway. I think she feels guilty about snuggling up to her boyfriend in front of me, and she probably figures she'd feel better about it if I had someone to snuggle up to as well. But no. That won't work. And I've tried explaining that to her, but she persists regardless. My only hope is that Jacob will remain silent about his feelings for me. Because I do not reciprocate. And I cannot reciprocate. Edward Cullen may be gone, but I know how things can feel now. I know how being in the presence of the right person feels. And Jacob Black is not the right person.

Edward Cullen.

I was a mess when he left. It took a while. Charlie would ask what was wrong and I'd just mutely shake my head and walk away. Apparently there was some sort of emergency with Esme's family and they had to go away. Apparently Carlisle had gone on leave from the hospital. Apparently they left the house with all the furniture still inside. Their cars were rumored to still be in the garage. Their names remained on the rolls at school. Everything about them remained, but they themselves had vanished. It was all anyone could talk about for a month. But then the Mayor's granddaughter came home from college pregnant one day, and the Cullens were forgotten.

Edward Cullen.

I knew they left because of me. Because of what I'd seen. Because of what he'd let me see. That look on his face before he disappeared, the goodbye he whispered to me, it comes to me every night in my dreams. It haunts me. It follows me everywhere, the ghost of what could have been. What should have been. I toyed with the idea of trying to find him for a while. I googled his name, his family, everything I could think of, but nothing came up. And then I started googling things about him. Things like strength and speed and sparkling skin. But that turned up a set of results that I wasn't prepared to deal with, so I closed the window and moved on with my day.

I made a habit of watching the woods. I'd stare out of my window every night, eyes fixed on the treeline just beyond our property, fantasizing about him walking out, waving to me, smiling that amazing smile of his and asking me to come down. I'd gaze for hours sometimes. But he never came. Not that I expected him to. Only hoped. Dreamed. Prayed.

But Edward Cullen was gone and my life continued forward. I put myself out there after that, certain that my reticence had only hindered my progress with him. Determined to be ready when someone else came along, someone who made me feel like he did. I fought against my instincts and cracked my heart wide open, baring my soul to anyone who cared to ask. I quit being a shadow of myself and just started being. It's been nice, I must admit. Comforting. Liberating. I'm Bella Swan. Not some cheap imitation, but the real thing. And it's nice to be so certain about my identity.

And now, in Florida, with a week to go before I return to Washington and its rain and trees and chill, I wonder what the next school year will bring. I'll be a senior. I'll have to wrestle with college decisions and dates and dances and deadlines and all the cliched angst that comes with them. And, in less than two months, I'll be eighteen. An adult. Holy hell.

I don't know what will happen. I don't know how things will go. I know that when I moved to Forks, my life turned upside down. But when it righted itself, it was decidedly better. For all the turmoil and the tears, my life is so much better now. And another change is coming. A big change. I can feel it in my stomach, in my heart, in my soul. It's coming. I only hope it's for the good again. I only hope I can rise to it. I only hope.

A/N: Once again, this has not been beta'd, so I apologize if it sucks out loud. I got out of the rhythm of writing, and it's hard to get back into the swing of things.

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