A/N: Snark is sooo much more fun to write lately than angst. Anyway, here it is... Bella and Edward post-Volvo bombshell. Hope you enjoy. Thanks to super-Hannah for getting this back to me in 36 minutes.

Not in a chatty mood at present... so, have a read. I don't own the characters.

Chapter Five

I missed you. I missed you. I missed you.

Fuck me. What do I do? What do I say? What am I doing? Why am I here? I can't handle this. I can't do this. And he's so close to me. I could reach out and touch him if I wanted to. So close. And god he smells good. The car smells like him. It's like I'm wrapped up in him, in his scent. He's everywhere. This is his turf, his playground. And that makes this a very bad idea.

"You missed me."

My tone was flat and made it clear that I was not asking him a question. It was a statement. It was a dare. Take the dare, Edward. Make this worth it. Please, Edward. Please.

He was quiet for a while and I began to panic, bringing my fingers up to twirl my hair, chewing idly on my lower lip, scanning the parking lot for witnesses to what would surely be my humiliation. He was quiet for so damn long, and he didn't move. And his eyes stayed closed. And if it wasn't for the occasional rise and fall of his chest, I would have thought he was dead. And who can keep quiet for this long. How is he doing this? Do something, damn you!

"Edward--"

" Yes, Bella," he breathed, opening his eyes finally and turning his face ever so slightly so that he could read my expression. My reaction to him. But now that he could see my eyes, I could see his, and the walls were down again and my heart took off at a gallop, threatening to break through my ribcage and propel me towards him. "I missed you. So much. So very much."

He looked at me. I looked at him. And he leaned towards me. Just a bit. It was almost imperceptible, but my brain clocked everything he did, saving it for future review, and, dammit, he leaned towards me. And what did that mean? And it's so damn hot in here. Oh, god. I'm not ready for this. What did Angela get me in to? I need out. Out.

I sat up suddenly, but he didn't even flinch, merely followed me with his eyes as I pried the door open and leaped out of his car, leaning heavily against the door as I closed it behind me and dropping my face into my hands, trying to breathe, trying to think.

Angela's pep talk popped into my head and I realized that this was an opportunity. This was a major opportunity and I couldn't waste it, I shouldn't waste it. But there was no way I was getting back into that car. He had been too close and he had smelled too good and those eyes and that hair and watching his mouth as he said my name and fuck, Swan, stop it.

I walked around his car quickly, wrenching the driver's side door open and standing to the side, ushering him out. He regarded me with a faint smile and a confused expression.

"Am I going somewhere?" he asked quietly, his tone faintly mocking.

"We're going for a walk," I replied, folding my arms over my chest and raising my eyebrows at him, waiting for him to get out. To follow me. To let me control this. Because I needed to, dammit. This was my life, my home, my school, and he can't keep making me feel these things. It isn't fair.

He nodded once, his eyes never leaving mine, and rose gracefully from the low seat, stretching to his full height in front of me. I had forgotten how tall he was, how he could tuck me under his chin if he wanted to, and then I thought about how perfectly I would fit there, nuzzling into his chest, feeling his arms wrap around me... and I'm doing it again. Stop.

"Where to, Bella?" he asked, motioning for me to lead him somewhere. Good. He understood that bit at least.

"I seem to remember you like hiking," I replied flatly. "We're going to take a walk in the woods."

"Lunch is over in ten minutes. Less. You'll be late for class."

"Class can wait. This can't."

"As you wish."

Accommodating bastard.

We walked in silence after that, crossing the parking lot that had become the beginning of the end for us. If he had bad memories of it, he didn't reveal them, simply following a step behind me, his cool gaze directed nowhere in particular. He was a picture of grace and poise and elegance and all that was cool and enviable and Angela had been right because I wanted to pounce on him and claim his lips with my own at the same time that I wanted to beat him senseless for making me feel these ridiculous urges. But we made it to the woods without any assault, and that's a plus, I suppose.

He led the way once we made it into the trees, guiding me in a few yards until we reached a small area that had obviously been cleared for use as a fire circle. There was a round dirt pit in the middle, and the radius of the space was bordered by logs of different sizes. I let him choose his seat first, and then walked to my own, taking care to sit across from him rather than next to him. Next to him seemed to get me in trouble. Proximity made it difficult to think.

"So, Bella--"

"Stop calling me that," I said suddenly, surprised by the quaver that ran through my voice. Surprised by my outburst. Judging by the look on his face, I'd say he was pretty damn surprised as well.

"Calling you what?" he asked politely.

"'Bella.' Stop calling me 'Bella.'"

He furrowed his brow, trying to understand, and for a moment all I could think about was smoothing his forehead with the tips of my fingers, kissing his confusion away. And I am so not good at this detachment thing. And all that time apart appears to have made me want him even more.

"That's what Angie calls me. Angie and Ben and Jake. Because they're my friends and they love me. They care about me. They know me. And so they can call me that. That name is special to me. And I can't hear you use it right now. You don't get to use it yet."

"Yet?" he asked, his expression unreadable.

"If you don't screw things up again," I replied, turning away from his intense stare, looking at the trees, the rocks, the grass... anything but those eyes.

"I screwed things up before, then?" he asked, genuinely flummoxed.

And there was the answer to one of my questions. He hadn't known. He hadn't known how much it had hurt when he'd said goodbye to me. And some of my anger receded a bit. Because, really, how could he have known? I hadn't said anything. I'd just watched him go. And maybe some of my aggression was a bit misplaced...

"You just left," I blurted, trying to be mad, trying to hate him. Because maybe if I hate him I won't want to kiss him.

"Yes, Isabella, I did," he intoned, pronouncing my full name with as much care as he had before. Maybe telling him to address me more formally was a bad idea. "And I think we probably need to talk about what happened that day. But first I must say that I do not understand why it would bother you so much that I left. And I do not understand why you sought me out today. I would like you to help me understand. And then I will try to help you understand."

He spoke the words slowly, calmly. And the logic was there. Because if he didn't get me then there was no other conversation to have. And he needed to get it. But that would mean I'd have to tell him things... things I wasn't comfortable with. Because it had only been a week and we'd only talked a few times and if I was going to explain why I'd been so upset about his departure, I was going to have to explain what that week had meant to me. What he had meant to me. What he continued to mean to me.

"That's fair," I replied slowly, nodding once, pulling my lower lip between my teeth. His eyes flickered to my mouth as I did it. I saw them. He was looking at my mouth. Dear lord.

We just stared at each other for a moment. Him at my lips and me at his eyes watching my lips. I flicked my tongue out, moistening them, and saw him react physically. And this was amazing. I felt like I had power over him. Like he wanted me. And that gave me the confidence to continue.

"What don't you understand, Edward? Ask me questions and I will answer them."

There. That sounded like I was willing to make an effort but I wasn't giving too much away up front. Good job, Swan. Nice work.

"How do you feel about me?"

He used the sexy voice again and fuck me but this was the worst plan I've ever had. Probably the worst plan in the history of the world. Worse than making him call me "Isabella." I left myself open for it. I gave him an in and he took it.

Asshole.

"I'm sorry?" I asked, trying to buy time, trying to think fast, but it was just so hard to think around him when he talked like that and ran his hands through his hair like he was doing right now.

"How do you feel about me?" he persisted, his eyes searching mine.

"I... I like you, Edward. I guess. I mean, you're a nice guy..."

I was sputtering like a jackass, treading water in the middle of the ocean without a rescue boat in sight. I looked to him desperately, hoping that that was enough, but I could see in his eyes that it wasn't, and, finally, it was time for Bella Swan to do what she had to, regardless of the consequences. If he really wanted to understand then I would make him understand.

"Look, Cullen," I began, using his surname in an effort to distance myself from the embarrassment that was inevitably going to follow this speech. "We had this talk in detention that one day. I think about you. A lot. And that means something, I guess. I thought about you after you left. And it hurt when you left. You just said goodbye and that was it. No explanation. No keep in touch. Nothing. You saved my life, Edward, and then you just vanished. And I couldn't tell anyone. I didn't tell anyone what really happened. I mean, Jacob crashed his bike that day, and he doesn't even know about you. But you make me feel these things. And I don't want to. I really don't want to. Because the warm fuzzies only stay for so long and then you're left with harsh reality and I don't want that for me. I don't want to get hurt. And I hate you because you're going to hurt me. You did it already. More than once. It was one week, but you kept pulling me towards you and then pushing me away and it made me dizzy and confused and sad and I don't want that for myself. So, as amazing as you are-- as incredible and intelligent and beautiful and perfect and... and..." oops... hadn't meant to say that last bit. "What I mean to say is, even though you're you, and you intrigue me, I don't want to be put into that situation ever again. So you need to choose, Cullen. One way or the other. We're friends or we don't acknowledge each other's existence. Because you can't have it both ways. And neither can I."

I rose, panting from my little monologue, and took a few steps back, breaking the circle that we were seated in. I felt foolish and exposed and... lighter. No matter what he said now, at least I knew that I had spoken my peace. At least my bit was finished. All I had left to do now was listen. Listen and not fall apart. And after stating my case to him, listening didn't seem like such a scary thing anymore.

His eyes followed me as I walked away. Though my back was turned, I could feel them burning into me, tracking my movements. He was silent and still and offered me no expression whatsoever. I was beginning to learn that this was typical Edward behavior.

Exasperated by his total lack of reaction, I released a heavy sigh and ran my hands through my hair, backing myself up to a tree and dropping unceremoniously down onto the ground at the base of it, legs crossed Indian style. I looked up at him, waiting, but still he gave me nothing, and so I began to fidget, idly ripping up blades of grass, playing with stray bits of tree bark, keeping my hands busy as my mind raced.

My distracted exploration of the forest floor around me yielded a small, yellow wildflower, and I examined it closely, checking it for insects, before plucking it from the ground and tucking it into my hair, behind my ear. And it was then that I heard him gasp, just a sharp intake of breath, but it was more noise than he'd made since before I had begun my little speech, and I looked up at him, startled, curious about his reaction.

"Isabella," he breathed, his eyes as wide as saucers and full of some emotion that I couldn't begin to comprehend or label. "Bella."

He rose, his grace turning the simple movement into an elegant dance, and he approached me slowly, his eyes trained upon my face, never wavering. The intensity in those golden orbs was astonishing, and I found myself transfixed, hypontized. There was a depth there that I had never seen before. I felt as though I could drown in those eyes, and realized that I would be more than happy to do so.

"There are things about me, Bella. Things that I'm sure you noticed on that day. Things that are..." he seemed at a loss for words and I hastily supplied the word that best described him.

"Different?"

"Yes, Bella. You could say that. Different," he repeated, allowing himself a private, bitter smile before continuing. "There are things about me that are... different, and some of those things I cannot share with you. Some of those things you could never know about. And you must understand that. If you truly wish to be my... friend...," his eyes sparked at the word, his mouth struggling to force it out, and I found myself confused for a moment, "then you must realize what you're getting into. This is who I am, Bella, and I cannot change it."

"I don't want you to," I whispered, tentatively reaching towards him, placing a gentle hand on his glacial shoulder. "I just want you. Whoever that is. Just be you. Nothing more."

And he leaned closer then, licking his lips and closing his eyes, inching forward until his cool forehead rested against mine. And a fire that I had never experienced before erupted across my skin, the flames licking out to warm my body, to spark my soul. There, in the middle of the forest, with the barest amount of this boy's skin touching mine, I felt more alive than I ever had before. And my heart soared. Because he had touched me first.

We sat like that for an indeterminate amount of time. It could have been minutes, hours, days, weeks. It didn't matter as long as he was so close to me. As long as he was offering himself to me. As long as he was mine to get to know.

The world around us was silent, save for our labored breathing, and it felt right that way. Because, in that moment, we were the only two people that mattered. And I reveled in it.

A voice in the back of my mind reminded me that we had not declared love, not declared any romantic intentions. We had merely solidified a friendship. But I told that voice to shut up. Because I had never been so drawn to anyone or anything before, and who was I to fight nature? I'd take him any way I could get him. And that was that.

"I'm no good for you, Bella," he whispered after an age, his cool breath washing over my facing, sending delicious tingles up and down my spine. "I'll never be good for you."

"Don't make promises you can't keep."

And he stood then, breaking our contact slowly as though easing himself back into life on his own, reaching down once he was standing and offering me his hand, helping me to my feet. And we walked back to the parking lot, side by side but studiously not touching, back to the school, back to reality, stopping when we reached the sidewalk that would take us in separate directions and looking at eachother one last time before the spell was broken.

He nodded to me, his eyes upon mine, silently bidding me farewell, and I returned the gesture with a nod of my own, a sad smile dancing across my lips. And I turned away first, my feet slowly taking me away from him, a dull ache emanating through my chest when I realized that this would probably be the last time I saw him today. And then I stopped.

"Edward," I called, spinning around, unsurprised to see him standing where I had left him. "We still have a lot to talk about. There's a lot that needs to be said. I'm still very confused about whatever this is and I think you are, too. But I thought you should know... I missed you, too."

A/N: I'd love to know where everyone thinks they should go from here. So many of you read things into this that I wouldn't have imagined otherwise, find new twists in my words, so I'm curious about how you think they should progress. But there you have it.

I have a rather long week ahead of me, new school orientation and moving and whatnot, and would be deeply grateful if I had an inbox full of reviews to come home to every night. So much healthier than tequila.

Green button, bitches. You know you want to.