((Author's Note: Congrats to Bexteron for posting my 100th review without even realizing I was giving out a request fic for it, haha! I will do another at 150 if we get there. If the same person 'wins,' it will go to the poster immediately after them. ALSO. I don't know why I failed to mention this previously, but for those who haven't read all my previous fics and wanted to see how Lucrecia came to be alive again and engaged to Vincent, that story happened in Life After Death. It could use some more read & review love, too. Thanks! Now on with our current tale. ~ JenesisX))
Chapter Twelve: Hope
Still. There was no description that better fit the atmosphere inside the bedroom as Lucrecia stood quietly in the doorway. After taking some time to shower and prepare herself so that the reality of how difficult the last few days had been for her did not immediately show, she'd finally worked up her courage and was about to attempt to awaken the still-sleeping Vincent.
She stood watching for a moment longer, hoping to spot some sign of life from her unconscious lover. But there was no movement from beneath the comforter that completely covered him aside from the very top of his head, not even the slightest sound coming from his direction. She swallowed nervously and began to inch forward, hoping that Aeris was correct and this was really the right thing to do.
She'd been rehearsing the words she wanted to say over and over inside her mind, wanting them to be perfect when she finally spoke to the man she loved. There was no room for any more mistakes, not if his mental state had fallen as far as Aeris suspected. Yet Lucrecia remained terrified that she would say the wrong thing, or not say enough… She'd never been particularly skilled when it came to expressing herself, often tripping over her tongue or allowing her shyness to prevent her from speaking what was truly in her heart. She could not afford to let that happen this time, steeling herself against the nervousness that threatened to chase away her resolve.
She took a few more steps forward, her eyes quickly adjusting to the dim lighting. Her heart started to race and she could feel herself begin to tremble with nervousness, looking heavenward as if for strength. This time, she had to remain calm and in control. She had to stay strong. She needed to show Vincent that all was well between them, and that she was able to handle his struggles with Chaos. She was not about to panic and start crying already. It was finally her turn to be the rock he could lean on, and after all the love and support he'd so selflessly given her she was not about to fail him.
Lucrecia forced herself to approach the side of the bed, studying Vincent's prone form and realizing that he was facing away from her and toward the wall. She sat lightly on the edge of the mattress, tucking her legs beneath her. She stared down him for long moments, before closing her eyes and wishing for luck.
"Vincent?" she said softly, watching closely for any sign of a reaction. When there was none, she reached out and gently peeled away the comforter to expose his head and shoulders. She leaned across his body to study him, finding his eyes closed and his expression blank. He did not so much as flinch, and after a brief pause she noticed that he did not even seem to be breathing. An irrational fear began to build within her, a lump rising in her throat and making it difficult to breathe. What if he had actually died, and she'd been unaware and left him laying there like this for so long? She began to panic, reaching around and placing a hand onto his chest. His body remained motionless as she felt desperately for a heartbeat, relieved beyond words when she eventually found one. It was faint and even slower than was customary for him, and his body gave off almost no heat beneath her hand despite the fact that he was fully clothed and had spent so long cocooned beneath the blanket. She studied him as he finally took a shallow breath, biting her lip as she moved her hand to rest on his shoulder.
He really did seem to have entered some kind of hibernation, she thought with a mixture of amazement and trepidation. She'd grown used to his lower pulse rate and body temperature, but his current state was far more severe, almost as if he was existing in a kind of suspended animation. Did he really do this before for thirty years? The thought was both incredible and horrifying, and she began to dread what would happen if she was unable to wake him. Would she be forced to spend the rest of her life watching him lay there, never to get the chance to tell him how she felt? The thought was far too terrible to consider, and she did her best to force it from her mind. She had to really try before she began to despair, she scolded herself
She took a deep breath to calm her nerves before lightly shaking him, calling his name a second time. His hands remained tucked beneath his chin and his expression didn't change, almost a full minute passing before he took another shallow breath. Vincent sometimes fell into quite a deep slumber when he eventually needed to rest every few days, but normally he would have been wide awake by now. It never took much more than the sound of her voice, or a gentle touch at most. She sighed, not wanting to be too rough, but realized she had to increase her efforts.
"Come on, Vincent, you've been asleep for long enough now," she said in her normal speaking voice, squeezing his upper arm and pulling back the covers a bit farther. "It's time to get up, love."
As she'd half-expected, his only response was another nearly-imperceptible intake of breath. She fought not to sigh in frustration.
"Baby, there is no reason for you to stay here like this any longer," she went on, her tone warm and gentle. "I'm alive. I'm not mad at you. I'm just really worried, and I miss you… Please, try and wake up?"
She fought hard to withhold the tears that burned her eyes, lightly shaking him again before using all of her strength to roll him toward her and onto his back. She took a hold of his right hand and gently separated it from his metallic limb, gripping it tightly between both of hers. Her heart jumped with mild relief when he slowly lowered his left arm down to the bed, but he instantly became deathly still once more.
She remained there at his side, her eyes never leaving his face, for what could have been anything from minutes to hours. She fought a rising temptation to simply lay down and go to sleep right along with him. That would not solve their problems or help him with what he was going through, though, and she kept a hold of his hand as she lifted her other to tenderly caress the side of his face.
"Vincent… I'm not going to stop bugging you until you wake up. I'm not going anywhere, so you might as well accept it and stop this. Come back to me, my love… I need you."
She thought she saw a slight change in his expression, the brief twitch of a muscle along his jaw that might have been due to his recognition of her voice… Or perhaps she was just tickling him. Encouraged, she continued to run her hand along his cheek, smoothing back his hair and watching him closely for any further reaction. This was harder than she'd expected, amazed that he could remain so completely unresponsive.
Lucrecia began to consider that she might need to do something more drastic to snap him out of his comatose state. She frowned, feeling self conscious about raising her voice and not wanting to startle him. Vincent was a good-sized man who'd been trained as a Turk and had new abilities she didn't fully understand. Scaring him awake seemed like a very bad idea, even if she knew his gun was out of reach. Besides, that would be cruel, and she didn't want him to start their conversation with frazzled nerves. He was already suffering enough. There had to be another way…
"I want to help you," she said, mustering all of her love and patience and trying to channel it into her touch. "But I can't do much if you're not even willing to wake up and let me try…"
A single tear fell from her eye and began to trail down her cheek as she continued her vigil, wishing for even the smallest sign that he could hear her. It eventually fell from her chin and landed on his face as she leaned over him. Just as she moved to brush it away, she was surprised to see his expression finally change. Slowly, she watched a frown begin to form, and she could have sworn she saw his eyes move beneath their closed lids. She'd promised herself that she wouldn't let him see her cry, but if it could possibly help to reach him she was willing to allow herself a moment of weakness.
"Hey," she said softly, removing her hand from his forehead and lightly shaking him again. She smiled as his frown deepened and his brow wrinkled in thought, as if he was starting to regain consciousness but not quite sure what was happening. "I know you're in there."
With painful slowness, his eyes fluttered open. There was an emptiness behind them, as if he couldn't yet focus his vision, and he did nothing but stare directly up at the ceiling. But when Lucrecia squeezed his hand this time, she felt him very lightly return it. She exhaled with relief and quickly brushed away her tears before replacing her hand along the side of his face.
"Can you hear me?" she asked, tilting her head and watching his expression closely. It was disturbingly vacant and he didn't so much as blink, but she did notice that he seemed to be breathing at closer to his normal rate. "Hey… Look at me, baby."
She'd about given up on him actually complying with her request when his eyes gradually shifted in her direction. They were the only part of him that moved, but a wide grin crossed her face. Now they were getting somewhere.
"So you can hear me… Good. Because all you need to do right now is listen. Okay?"
He finally blinked once and lightly squeezed her hand again, and Lucrecia realized it was the best he could do for the moment. It was such a relief that he'd awakened and acknowledged her at all that she gladly accepted it and continued.
"Listen to me, Vincent. I realize… that things have gotten out of hand between us lately, but I want you to know that I'm not angry any more, and things really aren't all that bad. So we had one little argument… It's not the end of the world. Do you know how unusual we probably are for as little as we fight?"
She forced a brief laugh, holding eye contact with him as she spoke. It was a bit difficult given his unblinking stare, but she did her best to ignore it. She tried to address him
as if everything was back to normal, just the way she would if he was sitting beside her and able to join in the conversation instead of lying silent and nearly paralyzed.
"I'm sorry I lost my temper, and that I got so frustrated with you. But I didn't know what was happening between us, and I was scared and confused. Now I realize how stupid I was… Vincent, I know why you've been acting so stressed, and why you keep disappearing at night."
His grip on her hand tightened, and he finally blinked again. She heard him inhale sharply, tenderly stroking his cheek and smiling down at him to calm his nerves.
"It's okay, you don't have to get upset… I know it's because of Chaos, and you know what? That's okay."
Very slowly, he turned his head toward her so that he could look at her more easily. His eyes remained locked with hers, taking on more of an alertness as he very obviously listened to her words.
"I realize now how hard you've been trying to control it and keep me from seeing any signs of what you have to deal with. I know how much of an effort that was for you, and how much of a toll it took on your health and happiness. I don't ever want you to do that to yourself again. Vincent, I know that you can't help it… And I also know that you're afraid of what I'll think of you if I learn more."
She paused, shaking her head and running her hand through his soft black hair. His eyes briefly followed her movement before returning to her face.
"I want to understand, Vincent. I want to know everything about Chaos. I want to know how it affects your thoughts and your body, because I love you. I'm here with you for the rest of my life, and there is no reason for you to struggle with this on your own. No matter how hard it gets, or how unpleasant a lot of it may be to tell me, I still want to hear it. I would be honored if you decided to share those things with me… But I'm not going to force you. I'll be here whenever you feel comfortable. I'm not afraid of you, and I'm strong enough to handle the truth. I will never hold it against you if Chaos influences something you say or do, or when you're unable to help but transform. You have got to stop trying to protect me and let me take care of you for once…"
He looked so frail at that moment, laying there pale and motionless, watching her as if she was his only remaining lifeline. It was so hard not to throw herself down onto his chest and cry for him. She admitted that before speaking to Aeris and realizing what Vincent had been going through, that was exactly what she would have done. But Lucrecia was determined to be strong this time, perhaps for the first time in her life, and she continued to clutch his hand to find the determination she needed.
"The most important thing you need to know is that I am not going to leave you. No matter what you tell me, no matter what I witness… It will never happen. Never. I promise you that from the bottom of my heart. I know you worry about it all the time, and I know you have a hard time accepting that I'm really back, and that you deserve to be happy. But this is real, and it's forever. Please don't forget that any time you're feeling worried or afraid. We both need to remember that it's safe to share everything with each other, and that includes Chaos. Do you understand? I'm not going anywhere, Vincent. You need to stop living on pins and needles and expecting the worst… Because the worst is already behind us."
"So go ahead and think about that for as long as you need… But I really want you to stop laying there tormenting yourself. I'm lonely without you… I feel like the best part of me is missing when you're not around. Everything is going to be fine now, and I'm here for you. Always."
Lucrecia took a deep breath, feeling as if an enormous weight had been lifted from her chest. She'd told him everything that she felt, and he'd listened even if he remained unwilling or unable to respond. She could only hope that her words had an impact upon him, and that he could see how much she meant each one. All she could do now was live out her promises and wait for him to find the strength to talk to her.
She remained at his side and lapsed into a comfortable silence, still holding his hand and running the other through his hair and along the side of his face. Vincent watched her every move as if unable to look away for fear she would vanish. He remained so completely still aside from the shifting of his eyes that she gasped in surprise when he suddenly sat straight up and threw his arms around her.
He held on to her almost desperately, burying his face against the side of her neck. She recovered from her shock and fiercely returned the embrace, alarmed by how badly he was trembling in her arms. He clung to her with all his might, and she was surprised when she realized he was crying.
"I'm sorry…" she heard him whisper, his voice rough from lack of use and choked with emotion. "Please… I can't live without you…"
Lucrecia began to sob as well, relieved that she had reached him and intensely sharing his emotions. "You don't have to any more, baby," she reassured him, running one hand along his back to comfort him. "You don't have to."
((Author's Notes: The end! …. I kid, I kid! Don't kill me. I hope I was able to get the mood and emotions of this scene just right. I also hope that Lucrecia came across well, and that I described Vincent's comatose state decently. I really COULD end this fic here, I just realized. But what fun would that be. Is it happily ever after now, or do more troubles await? I love to hear from everyone, so thank you for continuing to Review and Fav/Follow me. Don't be just another phantom reader! Please share the love. This story is my baby and it always means so much to me. Thank you! ~ JenesisX ))
