Woo-hoo! Lots of suggestions and lovely words of encouragement! I can't believe how popular this is! *blushes*

Rules 139 and 153 were courtesy of LetyBaroque.

Rules 141, 145, 154, 156 and 157 were from Scotius.

Rule 128 was from J loves JS.

Rule 158 came from T-man626.

You guys rock! And now, here's the next chunk...


Rule 120: Do not run whilst carrying Sulphuric Acid.

Radek and Miko had gotten a bit tipsy one night and raced each other through the corridor whilst carrying Sulphuric Acid. Needless to say, the resulting mess wasn't pretty and Carson had to post this rule to remind everyone that even the geeks could have their blonde moments. Rodney wasn't happy – not only could Radek not do his paperwork for two weeks, but Miko couldn't fetch his morning coffee.

Rule 121: Please be careful when playing with sharp objects.

Corporal Sanchez and Dr Anders had been having a mock sword fight after watching 'Pirates of the Caribbean' one too many times. That wouldn't have been a problem, but their 'swords' were actually Ancient devices that could transform into whatever object the user was thinking of. Thankfully, John and Rodney managed to switch them off before anyone lost a limb.

Rule 122: Bandages are not to be used for Halloween costumes.

A. I don't care if they make really cool mummies.

Halloween on Atlantis usually involved a huge masquerade ball. The theme this year had been 'Classic Monsters' – and Major Lorne had decided to go as the Mummy. While his costume was impressive (and very cool), the fact that he'd 'borrowed' all of the Medical Department's bandages was not. They weren't happy and Lorne got the unenviable task of sterilising all the dressings he'd been wearing.

Rule 123: All pillow fights must be supervised.

SGA-10 and 11 had had a pillow fight. Captain Bowers now had to be sent back to Earth for dental surgery, having had three of his teeth knocked out.

Rule 124: The Science Department are NEVER to be given Decaf coffee.

The Marines decided to substitute the Scientists normal coffee for the caffeine free version... and all hell had broken loose. Once the blood had been cleared up, the Command Staff quickly posted this rule. It turned out that Radek was even more terrifying than Rodney when he was deprived of coffee.

Rule 125: Ice Hockey is now on the list of banned sports.

The Canadian contingent were on the warpath after Carson put this rule up, claiming that their American cousins were simply too girly to play properly. The fact that nearly half of the American personnel were now in the Infirmary with injuries ranging from cuts to broken limbs didn't seem to bother them.

Rule 126: Emergency medical kits are not meant to be turned into explosives.

Rodney and John had gotten drunk and bored – which was always a very dangerous combination. The physicist had managed to turn one of the Jumper's medical kits into a fully functioning nuclear bomb – and the rest of the expedition freaked out. Luckily, they managed to jettison it into deep space before it exploded, but everyone was now a little bit more cautious around the boys.

Rule 127: Jet-skiing around the city is to be suspended until further notice.

A. The same goes for Diving Club.

Carson was convinced that the Marines were trying to get him sent to the funny farm. When it turned out that the whales were not the only sentient beings inhabiting the ocean of Lantea, the Command Staff banned any and all water sports. After all, although the dolphin-like creatures seemed friendly, they had learnt the hard way in the past that looks could be deceptive.

Rule 128: Any attempts to purposely injure Colonel Sheppard or Dr McKay just to get them dosed up on pain medication will not be tolerated.

A. You all know that they don't know what they're doing and can be... suggestible.

B. I don't care if it's funny.

It was a well known fact among the crew members that when John and Rodney were on the good drugs, they could be persuaded to do pretty much anything. After SGA-4 decided to get a bit too rough in their 'friendly' game of football, the boys ended up being admitted to the Infirmary – and were dosed to the gills with enough painkillers to fell a small herd of buffalo.

The fun really started when SGA-4 got them to dance the conga through the ward... wearing two of Elizabeth's slinkier pyjama sets.

Rule 129: Do not touch buttons you don't understand.

SGA-6 found a control console with a big red button – and couldn't help but press it. It took Carson and his teams five days to work out how to turn them back into humans. (Although the Scotsman had to admit that they made the most adorable little kittens, he'd had to lock Fred in his quarters to prevent the wolf from accidentally eating any of them).

Rule 130: SGA-12 must be supervised when using anything made of metal.

A. Or glass.

B. Or plastic.

C. In fact, don't let them out of your sight for a second.

SGA-12 were well known as pyromaniacs, but now it seemed that they couldn't touch anything without the world going to hell in a hand-basket.

Rule 131: Stop hiding bugs in Colonel Sheppard's locker.

Lieutenant Cadman and Katie Brown thought it would be funny to do this – and regretted it when John freaked out. After the Air Force man started shrieking 'KILL THEM! KILL THEM ALL!!!' at the top of his voice, they sent for Rodney, Teyla and Ronon.

Rule 132: Do not start fights with other crew members.

A. Even if you ARE sticking up for a team-mate.

Rodney hadn't taken the bug joke too well and had started a fight with Cadman. Luckily, Teyla managed to step in before the Lieutenant damaged the Canadian too badly. Carson simply stared at the lot of them as if they'd dropped out of the sky.

Rule 133: Do not mock/annoy/upset natives with sharp, pointy objects when off-world.

SGA-14 and 15 had obviously forgotten to read the section on 'Natives' in SGA-1's Survival Guide.

Rule 134: The Medical Department would like to remind you all that while they are skilled surgeons, they are NOT vets.

SGA-2 had 'borrowed' Fred when visiting the locals on P8X-777. When they returned with a number of cuts and bruises and an injured Fred, Carson was beyond furious. Thankfully, the spear thrown at the wolf had just grazed his side, but the Scotsman was adamant that his beloved pet was never going off-world ever again – unless he was there.

Rule 135: Stop eating strange food when off-world!

SGA-13 had decided to sample the local cuisine on their latest mission – and had come back to Atlantis covered in a green rash. Carson locked himself in his office for a whole week.

Rule 136: No more Easter Egg hunts.

The Marines got a little bit too enthusiastic and now the Infirmary was packed with innocent civilians who'd been unlucky enough to get in the way. The Marines were sulking too – because John had made them give all their chocolate to the patients.

Rule 137: Never lie to the Medical staff.

When Ronon declared that the gaping four inch gash in his leg was nothing to worry about, one of the new doctors believed him. After Bella had rushed the Satedan in for an emergency operation to remove a chunk of metal from said gash, Carson put this rule up to prevent any repeats.

Rule 138: Dr Weir would like to remind the Medical Department that they are meant to be the responsible people who patch people up.

A. That means that the Medical Department are not allowed to cause accidents.

B. Or pick fights.

C. Or generally do stupid things.

The Medics had started a grudge match with the Cooks, with both sides recruiting able-bodied volunteers from the other departments. After things got a little bit too bloody for Elizabeth's liking, she was forced to bring the two sides in for peace talks.

Rule 139: Pillow fights are hereby banned from the Infirmary.

A. Pillows can cause damage, children.

B. See Rule 123.

Some people never learned. Once again, SGA-11 decided to start a pillow fight, but this time they picked on SGA-1... who had Ronon. Now all of SGA-11 were patients in the Infirmary and Carson was slowly but surely losing what little sanity he had left.

Rule 140: The Medical Department are not to provoke supply wars.

A. Also note that the Medical Department are not to induce mass rioting.

The Medics' uneasy truce with the Cooks was shattered when it was discovered that the Cooks had been hiding the expedition's supply of chocolate fudge cake. The Medics decided to let the rest of the city know – and mass rioting broke out. After John's men had broken up the fights and Rodney's teams had put the last of the fires out, Elizabeth made them apologise to everyone – and confiscated all the chocolate fudge cake.

Rule 141: Stop smuggling junk food over to the Athosian children.

A. Their parents keep giving me funny looks.

B. Don't make me have to use the stomach pumps, people...

The Soldiers had started to sneak out junk food to the Athosian children – and had made them all sick from the overdose of sugar. Now Halling and the other adults were out for blood and Carson was on the rampage. After all, he was the one in the firing line...

Rule 142: Prank wars are permanently banned.

A. That includes you, SGA-1.

SGA-1 had started a prank war with SGA-3... which had escalated. Once Rodney was conscious again, and Lorne stopped seeing double, Elizabeth and Carson instituted a city-wide ban on prank wars. They then decided that both teams would have two months housekeeping duties to teach them a lesson.

Rule 143: Do not provoke Fred.

For reasons best left unknown, SGA-15 took some kind of perverse pleasure in winding the seven foot tall alien wolf up. After Fred retaliated and put three quarters of the team in the Infirmary, Carson laid the law down – and gave Fred extra helpings at dinner.

Rule 144: Dr Beckett is not allowed to yell at Colonel Sheppard.

A. He's also not allowed to throw things at Dr McKay.

Carson had gotten stressed out and yelled at John. The Air Force man had spent the rest of the week pouting. When Rodney confronted Carson about the incident, the Scotsman threw a pillow at the scientist's head. Now both the boys were sulking and Elizabeth was furious.

Rule 145: All off-world teams are hereby banned from soaking themselves in Tabasco Sauce.

A. There's no conclusive proof that it acts as a successful Wraith deterrent.

B. Treating skin rashes and hives is not fun.

C. And you're stinking out Atlantis!

No one really knew who had started the rumour about the Tabasco Sauce, but it had spread through the city like wildfire. Now that nearly all the off-world teams were literally showering in the stuff, Elizabeth was ready to commit murder and Carson wasn't all that far behind.

On the bright side, the Cooks now knew which crew members kept stealing the chocolate brownies...

Rule 146: The Medical Department would like to remind all personnel that they are not to antagonise wild animals whilst off-world.

A. And leave the plants alone too.

Carson had decided to beat SGA-4, 7, 9 and 13 round their heads with SGA-1's Survival Guide until they'd gotten the message.

Rule 147: Do not test new equipment in busy communal areas.

Kavanaugh decided to test an unchecked Ancient device in the middle of the mess hall. Luckily, most people managed to duck out of the way of the sharp spikes and flying shrapnel. Unfortunately for the Chemist, Carson saw the whole thing and went berserk.

Rule 148: The Jumper Bay is not to be used for abseiling practice.

A. It scares Dr Weir.

B. You'll give Colonel Sheppard ideas.

Corporal Winters decided that the roof opening to the Jumper Bay was the perfect height to practice abseiling. Unfortunately, Elizabeth happened to walk in at the same time that he leapt down from the ceiling. Now the expedition leader was on medication for her blood pressure and everyone was trying to persuade John that there were much safer past-times – like antagonising the Wraith.

Rule 149: Do not antagonise the explosives experts.

The Xenobiologists had wound the explosives experts up... which resulted in a chunk of the north pier being blown to smithereens and seven of the scientists in the Infirmary.

Rule 150: No more pogo-stick races.

John had been miffed that he couldn't try abseiling so had taken up pogo-stick racing with Rodney. It wasn't a smart move – which was proved when they both ended up limping into the Infirmary.

Carson wondered if it would've been safer to let the Air Force man chuck himself off the roof with only a bit of rope between him and a messy death.

Rule 151: All rubber band wars are to cease immediately.

The Marines had started it by flinging rubber bands at the Scientists. The geeks had retaliated in true 'insane yet ingenious' method – by building an eight foot tall robot that propelled rubber bands at a velocity that came close to the speed of sound. 'Genghis', as they'd so lovingly called the contraption, was swiftly confiscated by the Command Staff and the rubber band war ceased.

Rule 152: Do not mention Gate travel around Dr Beckett.

Carson really didn't like Gate travel. He liked it even less when people talked about it in front of him – as SGA-5 found out the hard way. After the rest of the Command Staff saw the state of the team, they posted this rule to prevent any more casualties.

Rule 153: Please note that syringes are NOT darts.

A. I don't CARE if they stick in the dart board better, just pack it in!

SGA-8 were pushing their luck with the Medics. After Dr Thompson managed to break the team's darts, she decided that syringes would be an ideal replacement. Although they worked brilliantly (and were surprisingly aerodynamic), Carson was less than impressed. When Dr Thompson came into the Infirmary with two needles sticking out of her leg, the Scotsman simply raised an eyebrow and gave her his 'I told you so' look – before proceeding to remove them as slowly as possible.

Oddly enough, nobody else tried SGA-8's idea out.

Rule 154: If you really have to take wasabi paste on missions, for the love of God Almighty, DO NOT share it with natives!

A. They don't know what it is.

B. They will think you have poisoned them.

C. And they will chase you with spears and axes – right, SGA-2?

For God only knew what reason, SGA-2 had decided to introduce the natives of M5S-111 to wasabi paste. Unsurprisingly, it didn't go down as well as they'd hoped – the locals declared them to be demons and things just went south from there. When they got back to the city sporting a variety of injuries that could only be inflicted by weapons of the sharp and pointy variety, Carson went very quiet.

And then he smiled...

Rule 155: Shaking a bottle of Coke and using it as impromptu fire extinguisher is very ingenious, but it's also a waste of perfectly good supplies.

A. Please use a proper fire extinguisher next time.

When a small fire broke out in the mess hall, John leapt to the rescue and doused the flames with Beckett's bottle of Coca-Cola. While it worked a treat, he found himself tackled to the floor by the physician, who was screaming a rather colourful selection of Gaelic curses at him. As it turned out, the Scotsman had an addiction to the fizzy drink that rivalled Rodney's love of coffee.

Carson had given John his entire stash of fudge to make up for the black eye.

Rule 156: Please note that all SGA teams are not allowed to take sugar off-world with them.

A. Unless it's in an MRE or a Power Bar.

B. Sugar does scary things to the Scientists.

When Major Lorne had been placed in charge of a science team during an off-world mission, he thought it'd be no problem. Then he discovered that said geeks were all on a sugar high of epic proportions... It turned out that they'd smuggled out seventeen tubs of frosting and had devoured the contents in less than half an hour.

After a bedraggled looking Lorne returned to Atlantis with the scientists, he promptly stunned them all and went to bed with a migraine.

Rule 157: The Command Staff would like to remind all Atlantis personnel with the ATA gene that using it to make other people's lives hell is not professional.

A. That means YOU, Colonel Sheppard.

B. We don't CARE what Kavanaugh did.

C. And don't try to blame Atlantis – we know you too well.

After the long haired Chemist had tripped Rodney up in the mess hall, John had decided to get a little payback. In short, he'd taken to harassing the man by remotely closing doors in his face and turning off the lights. When Kavanaugh paid his nineteenth visit in twelve hours to the Infirmary, Carson had had enough and his staff were on the verge of mutiny.

He called the Colonel aside, had a quiet word (or rather, gave him a none-too-subtle warning that if he had to suffer then he was going to drag John along kicking and screaming) and posted this rule.

Rule 158: Dr Beckett's computer is strictly OFF-LIMITS.

A. I mean it, people.

B. And no, Rodney, I haven't forgiven you yet.

Rodney had a death wish. Whilst stuck in the Infirmary after getting tangled up in some alien version of Poison Ivy, he'd gotten bored and stolen Beckett's laptop. In his defence, he'd asked repeatedly for a computer but the Scotsman had denied him one. So, he'd taken Carson's computer in order to get some work done and put it back when John snuck his in.

The thing he hadn't accounted for was the fact that the plant he'd touched (and subsequent rash it produced) was highly contagious. Now Carson was stuck in Isolation with him and kept twitching...

Rule 159: Dr Beckett is not allowed to hit his patients.

The computer incident, as it was now known, had turned ugly. John happened to walk into Isolation in time to see Carson decking his geek. In a manfully heroic yet utterly stupid move, he separated the two and got Elizabeth to add this rule in.

And the reason why was his move stupid? He was now stuck in Isolation with the other two, trying his hardest not to scratch.


*laughs maniacally* Oh, I love being mean to my boys! More soon!