Chapter Nineteen: Homecoming

((Author's Note: This chapter is dedicated to all my friends at the Underground Fanfictioners group on Facebook. We just had our 6 month anniversary, which means I have also been writing again for about as long. I have met many talented writers, and made so many wonderful friends who have encouraged and supported me this year. My straightjacket is now broken in and super comfy, too. ;) Thanks so much, guys, it's been tons of fun and a real honor! Also, a very happy belated birthday to CykeclopsFF7, my lovely beta and very best friend. Love, ~ Jen ))


Vincent limped through the door of the building he called home, so tired that each step forward took all the effort he could muster. His entire body ached as if he'd been beaten, his muscles burning and protesting with every movement. It had been so tempting along the miles behind him to stop and rest, to curl up on the ground and allow sleep to claim him. But he fought onward, needing to get home to Lucrecia even more.

At the same time, he dreaded having to face her. She had tried so hard to help him, to accept how different and strange he'd become. She reached out to him when he was too afraid to ask for help, working to make him feel loved and accepted. Yet within days, he had allowed Chaos to rip away his control once again. How could he be so weak, when Lucrecia had done nothing but share the strength of her love? He had been feeling better about things between them, though he still worried that she would not be able to follow through with her promises if she actually witnessed the foul demon emerging before her… or knew just what kind of thoughts often intruded into his consciousness. He couldn't let her see how horrific the transformations were as the man she loved was swallowed up by Chaos. That fear continued to weigh heavily on his mind, allowing the demon to prey on his fears. And it had won yet again…

She ought to be furious with him, he thought, crossing the room and pausing at the top of the stairs that led down to their apartment. He had betrayed her, abandoned her in the night and gone off to commit gods only knew what atrocities. He could remember nothing after collapsing in agony and trying to crawl out the door. He must have made it outside, since Chaos had taken him many miles East of town during its rampage. He was relieved that he'd gotten out of the house and away from his love in time to protect her. He could not bear to think of what might have happened if he'd failed.

He gazed down the stairwell, suddenly unable to continue. He wanted… needed… to rest his battered mind and body, yet fear left him frozen in place. In his mind, he could see the anger and disappointment in Lucrecia's beautiful green eyes, her mouth turned downward as she sorrowfully shook her head. She'd believed in him, trust him… and this was how he repaid her. How could her face her again? Did he even dare try to explain? The explanation didn't even matter, he told himself, filled with self loathing and despair. It never should have happened.

He closed his eyes and sighed heavily, realizing that putting it off would only make things worse. He owed it to her to return as soon as possible so she could stop worrying. And if she was angry, he would take it. There was no fight left in him, and he knew she had every right to be furious. He still feared she would leave him, unable to cope any longer no matter how devoted she tried to be. Was she down there packing her things at that very moment? Maybe she was already gone…

Fear twisted his stomach in its icy grip, and he grit his teeth as he forced himself to start down the stairs. Waiting would solve nothing, and he was tired of being a coward. This time, he would face his problems no matter how much it hurt. When he reached the bottom and continued down the short hallway to the door, he paused one last time. With his hand on the doorknob, he prayed that somehow she would still be there, and would see fit to give him just one more chance. He knew he did not deserve it, but also knew that he could not go on without her. So nervous that he nearly forgot how sore and exhausted he was, he took a deep breath before opening the door.

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The sound of the door creaking open was enough to jolt Lucrecia from her slumber, and she nearly fell off the couch when the sound jolted her back to consciousness. She had not realized she'd fallen asleep, and certainly hadn't intended to. Her book tumbled to the floor with a thud as she sat upright, pushing her glasses back onto her nose. She blinked sleepily, annoyed with herself for dozing off. She glanced at the clock, seeing that is was nearly noon and wondering just how long she'd been asleep. Her nights had been interrupted more often than not as of late, and it was taking its toll.

She shifted her gaze to the doorway, watching as Vincent slipped inside their apartment. He kept his back to her, his movements soundless as he removed his cloak and boots. He was moving very slowly, as if he could barely muster the energy. She was relieved that he appeared to be unharmed, though she knew he'd had a long and difficult night.

The urge to go to him and take him in her arms collided with a sudden chill, and she remained seated as if held there by an invisible force. Her eyes were locked on Vincent, but in her mind she still saw Chaos. Though the demon had not hurt her, their encounter was terrifying and impossible to forget. She could still hear his roar and see the predatory look in his eyes as he studied her, almost about to feel the prick of his claws through her clothing. When he had plucked her from the ground, she'd been certain she was about to die, and her heart began to race all over again. Lucrecia quickly shook her head, scolding herself and biting down on her fear before her mind got carried away. This was Vincent now, not the creature who had stolen his body. He would never hurt her, and would give his life to protect her without a second thought. She was not going to be afraid of him, or allow what happened the previous evening to change how she felt. She had made him that promise, and she loved him too much to break it.

She rose to her feet as he finally turned and saw her there, quickly averting his eyes. He lowered his head to stare at the floor, remaining just inside the doorway as if he couldn't find the strength to move any farther. His hair hid his face from view, the red bandana he normally wore on the night table where he'd left it. She could feel the tension in the room as she approached him, pushing her own nervousness aside. Lucrecia didn't want that tension and awkwardness to exist between them any more, no matter what happened. And if Vincent was too worried and unsure of himself to take the first step, she would have to do it for them.

"I missed you," she said softly, stopping a few feet away. She didn't want to crowd him, remembering how he seemed to want nothing more than to be left alone to sleep following past transformations. "I'm really glad you're home."

Vincent partially raised his head, peering out at her from behind his bangs. He raised an eyebrow, looking so surprised she couldn't help but smile. When she did, she heard him sigh with relief, some of the tension in the air melting away. He lifted his head the rest of the way but still could not look at her, his eyes focused somewhere over her head. His posture remained stiff, his hands clenched in fists at his sides. He didn't seem to know what he should do, frozen in place and unable to respond. Lucrecia took a step closer, reaching out to run a hand from his shoulder and down along his arm, gazing upward and trying to meet his eyes.

"There's nothing to worry about," she told him, feeling how rigid his muscles were beneath her hand. "I'm not mad at you, baby. I'm just glad you're okay and made it back safely."

His eyes shifted and finally met hers, the surprise evident despite their weariness. "… But I left you again," he nearly whispered. "I was not strong enough to control it…"

In response, Lucrecia stepped forward and tightly embraced him, hiding her face against him so he wouldn't see the tears in her eyes. Her heart bled for him. His life was a continual struggle against the demon inside him, and after actually meeting Chaos she had a new appreciation for just how hard he had to fight. But all he could see were the times when the creature overpowered him, so ashamed of himself that he could barely look at her. How she wished he understood that he had done nothing to deserve what was done to him, and that he ought to be so proud of himself for living a relatively normal life. He was successful at his job, a loyal member of a powerful team, a passionate and supportive lover, and even learning how to be a father. He had such quiet strength, yet he remained blind to everything he'd accomplished. She was determined to spend the rest of her life trying to drill those things into his head, no matter how frustrating it was. She knew her words alone would never be enough to convince him, however, praying that someday something would.

Vincent remained tense as she held him, but she clung to him as if afraid he would vanish again if she let go. She had an almost desperate need to touch him, to feel that he had returned to her and was back to normal. He was her sweet and gentle lover again, all thoughts of Chaos chased away by the familiar contact. There was no hint of the demon's presence, and she refused to allow herself to fear Vincent… especially when he needed her so much. She knew the man in her arms was almost always able to control the demon, and before recently she had rarely seen any signs of the unpredictable creature lurking beneath the surface. He had always protected her no matter what the cost to himself, and she knew he always would. Lucrecia always felt safest when she was with him, both in the past and present, and nothing would change that. She hoped he could feel it as they stood together, because she was too choked up to find the words.

Finally, she felt him exhale and begin to relax, though he never raised his arms from his sides. She took a moment to calm herself, allowing her relief at his return to wash over her like a warm blanket. When Lucrecia finally released him, she took a step back and studied him closely. He watched her warily as she scanned him for injuries, satisfied when she could not find any. The bottoms of his pants looked as if they had been wet and were still damp, but otherwise Vincent and his clothing remained clean and intact. If she hadn't seen him return and known where he'd been all night, she never would have realized anything was different. At a glance, at least. The exhaustion was clear in his heavy eyes and the slumped way he stood, his expression that of a guilty puppy who had displeased the one he loved most. When he finally shifted his weight, he winced as if the movement caused him a great deal of pain. Lucrecia frowned and reached out for his hand, tugging lightly on his arm and leading him toward the couch.

"Come and sit down… You look so tired."He resisted for a moment, then finally followed after her and carefully lowered himself into the cushions. She heard him moan quietly, standing in front of him and running a hand through his wild hair.

"Are you in pain?" she asked, wanting to do whatever she could to ease his discomfort. She also wanted to get him talking so he wouldn't simply slip into a deep sleep without communicating again. She had allowed him to hide himself away for too long, and it had done nothing but hurt their relationship. Despite how shy and unsure of herself she was, she knew that she had to be the strong one between them.

"Yes," came the quiet reply as he closed his eyes and leaned into her touch. "I always hurt… afterwards."

"I'm so sorry," she said, summoning all of her self control so she wouldn't cry. It would only make him feel worse. "I'll go and get you something to help, okay?"

He nodded weakly and leaned back into the cushions, closing his eyes as she turned and crossed the room. She approached the small refrigerator in the corner that passed for their kitchen, opening it and removing a bottle of water. She next opened the small cabinet above, her eyes passing over several different medications before she found something that would ease his suffering. If Vincent readily admitted he was hurting, she knew he had to be in a great deal of pain. She had seen him battered and bruised many times after missions with the Turks, and he'd hardly seemed bothered. This time he was unable to hide it even though he appeared unscathed, and she could only imagine how much having a giant demon emerge from your body must hurt. She had no idea how a transformation actually occurred, and while very curious, she had a feeling she didn't really want to know.

She removed a bottle of strong pain medication she'd been given a few weeks earlier, when she'd twisted her ankle while stumbling off a stepstool. She knew Vincent had taken the same medication before, not caring that one was not supposed to share a prescription. He was in pain, and relieving it quickly was what mattered. The medication would also help him rest so he could recover, and she removed two of the round white pills after reading the label. She couldn't stand to see him like this, focusing on what she needed to do so she wouldn't break down and cry.

She brought the bottle of water and the pills back to the couch and sat beside him, hoping he had not already fallen asleep. Vincent did not stir for a moment, but finally his heavy eyes opened and he turned his head to watch her. He looked so miserable and defeated, and she bit her lip to maintain her self control.

"Here," she said, holding out the plastic bottle. "You're probably dehydrated, and I got you something for the pain."

He sat up slowly, wincing again as he reached out and took the water. He drank half of it in seconds after removing the lid, accepting the pills and swallowing them without question. He trusted her to take care of him, or perhaps he was simply too tired to care what she'd given him. He downed the rest of the water and set the empty bottle aside, sighing wearily and closing his eyes again.

Lucrecia slipped an arm around him and leaned in against his shoulder, the need to touch him still strong within her. He may have been suffering, but he was himself again, and he was safe. She wanted him to know that she still loved and trusted him, and would do whatever she could to be there when he needed her.

"Do you remember anything? About last night?" she asked softly, covering his right hand with hers. She wasn't sure which answer was preferable, or what she ought to tell him about her encounter with Chaos.

"No," he mumbled, as if even speaking was an enormous effort. His sounded a bit hoarse as well, the memory of the demon's roar rising to the surface of her mind before she hastily pushed it away. "I had a nightmare and awoke… with Chaos in the process of emerging. The last I remember is going upstairs and crawling toward the door…"

Gods, he didn't remember. Lucrecia hesitated before responding, her heart racing in her chest. He really had no idea that she'd come face to face with Chaos, assuming he'd made it outside and away from their home before completely transforming. She closed her eyes and tried to decide what to do, tightly gripping his hand and hoping he could not sense her discomfort.

Lucrecia knew he would be embarrassed if he realized she had seen him that way, and terrified for her safety as well. She feared he would want to separate himself from her so it wouldn't happen again, and that was the last thing she wanted. She needed to be with him as much as possible, and could not imagine trying to sleep without him beside her. They had been working hard to become closer as a couple, and if Vincent knew she had met Chaos it would only cause him to pull away. Neither one of them would survive such a separation, and it would only allow the demon to have exactly what he wanted. Vincent would never be able to fight him on his own, not with how depressed he would become should he lose her a second time. Lucrecia would never allow that to happen.

On the other hand, would telling him that Chaos had chosen not to hurt her allow him to worry less? He may be unhappy she had witnessed that side of him, but she had walked away unscathed. The fact that the demon had spared her once did not necessarily mean he would do the same if they met again, however. No, she decided, feeling Vincent lean heavily against her body as his eyes remained closed. He was in no condition to handle such information, and she knew he would only use it against himself.

He already feels so guilty… and he'd be horrified. I probably shouldn't keep it from him, but… No, I can't. Not now… Maybe not ever.

It was better that way, Lucrecia tried to convince herself, pushing away the guilt she felt for not being honest with already had enough on his mind, and at that moment he needed to rest. She badly needed to prove to him that she really would accept his transformations as part of who he was, but informing him that she'd met his personal demon face to face would only upset him. The last thing she wanted was for him to distance himself from her again, or to feel worse about himself than he already did. She felt like she was just getting the man she loved back after weeks of turmoil, and she was desperate not to lose him again.

Vincent was falling asleep where he sat, and though she wanted to talk to him further, she knew it was not the time. When he woke, she could spend as long as was necessary reassuring him and showing him how much she loved him. Right now, he needed to go to bed. She was still tired herself, and the idea of climbing beneath the covers with him for a good, long nap was highly appealing.

She gently moved away from him and climbed to her feet, his eyes opening half way as he fought to remain conscious. She smiled and leaned down to help him up, slipping one arm around his waist and allowing him to lean heavily on her. The medication seemed to have taken affect, most of the pain in his expression replaced by sheer exhaustion.

"I'm putting you to bed, and we can talk more after you rest," she told him, slowly leading him to their bedroom. He didn't protest, remaining on his feet by willpower alone. He was too tired and sore to bother changing his clothing, so she simply pulled back the covers and helped him climb in. She took a moment to text Sephiroth, letting him know that Vincent would be out of commission for a while and to handle any security matters that might come up. After silencing the PHS and removing her glasses, she turned and found that her lover was already sound asleep, sprawled on his back with one arm stretched out invitingly in her direction.

She stood and studied his sleeping form, filled with a mixture of affection and sorrow. She hated what Hojo had done to him, and how much he had to suffer. But for now, at least, he appeared to be at peace. Lucrecia allowed herself a rare moment of pride, having held herself together when faced with Chaos and still managing to be there for Vincent when he returned. Maybe she really had grown stronger since her rebirth, determined not to repeat past mistakes and to be the best partner she could. He deserved no less, and this time she would not let him down.

Lucrecia finally crawled into bed and settled in the crook of his arm, careful not to disturb him. He wrapped his arm around her almost instinctively, never stirring from his sleep. She laid her head on his chest and draped am arm across his body, pulling the comforter over top of them. She closed her eyes and listened to the sound of his slow heartbeat, hoping that this time his rest would remain undisturbed.


((Author's Note: Well, I met my self-imposed one week deadline this time. Yay. I expect that will be the norm for the most part. Anyway, Vincent has no memory of Chaos' meeting with Lucrecia, and she decided to spare him and keep it to herself. Good idea, or not? You can't keep a secret like that forever, and sometimes they have a way of coming to light at the worst possible time. At least for the moment, the poor guy is at peace and getting in a nice nap. Things have been looking up a bit for me, too, though I have to go for a bunch of tests for different things soon. Gonna be spending some time in an MRI and then probably a CAT scan machine. FUN. Time to think up fics, though! Going to see if I can't do a timed challenge or two this week, and wrap up Dark Nation Goes To the Vet. I've been feeling motivated lately, and have been getting a lot of new follows and favorites. So I'd like to repay the love by giving you all more to read. Anyway, hope you enjoyed, and 'see' you all soon! ~ JenesisX ))