Chapter 41

March 14, 1998

I wake up when I feel someone squeezing my arm. Then I realize it isn't a person doing the squeezing at all. It's a blood pressure cuff.

'How do you feel?' mom asks when she notices I'm awake. She's sitting by the window and drinking a cup of something (coffee, I imagine, possibly juice).

'Would you believe me if I told you I was still tired, even after sleeping for the past…' I pause to look at the clock, and then finish 'twelve hours.'

'Taking into consideration the fact that you just had major surgery, yes, I would believe you' she says.

'Where's everybody at?' I ask after a couple minutes.

'Your brothers are in school, and your grandma is back at the house'

We sit and talk and watch TV for a couple more hours before mom and grandma (who arrived just a little while after I woke up) leave to go eat lunch. While they're gone, Wilson, who apparently is off midwife and/or nurse duty, judging by his lack of scrubs, stops by.

'So, how's the recovery process going?' he asks.

'Slow. And with these beds, it's a pain in the butt, literally' I answer.

'How are your brothers handling this?' he asks, sitting on the left side of my bed to where the adjustable table is hiding his face from the nose down.

'Well, superficially, they're alright with it. But I know for a fact that they're both really worried about me. Oh, and don't tell them I said that. They wouldn't want it to get around that they actually have feelings' I smile.

'You've certainly inherited your mother's intuition. Your dad would probably take their actions at face value' Wilson says.

'Thank you, but my knowing doesn't have anything to do with intuition.' I hesitate. Should I tell him about my out of body experience or whatever that was that I had during the surgery? I decide to go for it. I've said too much already to not go through with it. 'This is going to sound really out in left field, and you'll probably think you need to confiscate my pain medication when you hear this, but, I think I might have had…an out of body experience during the surgery.' I proceed to tell Wilson of the events that happened while I was undergoing surgery. I wait for Wilson to pronounce me insane and have me locked up in the psychiatric ward. He doesn't.

'Ah, an out of body experience, the sensation of floating outside of one's body that is often mistaken for a dream' Wilson says.

'But this wasn't a dream. It was too real' I protest.

'Oh, I believe you. I've had some out of body experiences of my own. Let's see, there was the one in Shanghai in '74, the one in Denmark in '81, and of course I'll never forget the one that occurred when I was undergoing surgery in San Francisco in October 1989 when an earthquake struck, and then…' he rambles.

'Could we?' I interrupt.

'Sorry' he says.

'So, do these experiences, whether they're dreams or not, have any significance?' I ask.

'In the words of the great political activist and feminist Gloria Steinem "Without leaps of imagination, or dreaming, we lose the excitement of possibilities. Dreaming, after all, is a form of planning"' Wilson says.

'I can see how that relates to my hearing Brad and Mark's conversation, since I'm now planning on moving my hiding place for my journals. But what does that have to do with my other "vision" for lack of a better word? I think the possibility of going on a road trip with the whole family, dad included, no longer exists' I say.

'I think, if you're willing to accept that your vision of being on that trip was a dream, it's not so impossible. Assuming that a dream was all you had, your vision could symbolize your hope to have a happy family once again' Wilson explains.

'Okay. Okay, so say I believe all that. Why now? Why have the vision/dream now? Why not have it two weeks ago tomorrow?' I ask.

'Some experts would say it all boils down to chance. I think in your particular case, it has to do with your surgery. The surgery, which, I think, you're hoping will help set some things in your life right again, could've easily triggered a dream/vision such as the one you described to me' he explains.

We sit there in (almost) total silence for a few moments, just listening to the beep of the heart monitor (or some other machine), thinking about what we just discussed.

'You know, it felt so good, so incredibly great to be there. To be there, with dad alive, and all of us a family again. I knew it was a…I knew it wasn't real, but I still didn't want to wake up. That life, that unreal life, was better than this one' I finally say.

'I'll check back in later. In the meantime, let me know if you need anything' Wilson says, standing up.

'Hey, Wilson, do me a favor. Don't tell mom about any of this. I don't want her to worry about me and/or my mental state' I say.

'Absolutely' Wilson says.

Were those dreams that I had? No. I don't think so. Like I told Wilson, everything was too real. It was all too damn tangible. I mean, I've never peed or drink water in my dreams before. I've never eavesdropped on my brothers in dreams before. (If anything, I dreamt of having no brothers).

That second vision of mine reminds me of a book I have at home. Now if only I could come up with a way to sneak it into here without mom knowing about it. Hmm…a challenge. That's what I need to get my brain back its thinking prowess.


A/N: Well! It only took me, let's see, over seven months to update. Sorry about that. I've been busy and drained of creativity for those past seven months.

I hope everyone who is still reading this will R&R, if there is indeed anyone still out there reading this.

Oh, and I hope the whole vision/dream/out of body experience stuff wasn't too bad, considering I basically BSed my way through it all.

Thanks for reading, reviewing, and sticking with me for forever.

-Yours truly, Randy Taylor