It's me again. Many apologies for the lengthy wait for this chapter – I had internet issues (stupid infernal computer), a funeral to attend (why does it ALWAYS rain? Is it fate, karma or just a massive cosmic joke that nobody's figured out the punch line to yet?), and a migraine that would even have put Hannibal Lecter off his liver and Chianti.
Anyways, I'm back now – and that means it's credits time. So:
Rules 771 to 783 were thanks to Shadows-of-Realm.
Rules 753 to 756 and Rule 760 were courtesy of Jen-NCIS-Lover.
Saphreanna Grea gave me rules 793 and 794, Dautr abr du Sundavar wanted to see rule 761, while rule 758 was from anotamous. And albert12 wanted to see rules 795 and 796.
And last but never least, T-Man626 requested rules 757 and 762 to 765.
So enough prattling from yours truly, more madness, mayhem and mischief awaits. (Hopefully, it'll be without all the really bad alliterations, but I can't promise anything.) And we're off again...
Carson stared at his laptop and shook his head in total disbelief. While he read his various e-mails, the look on his face morphed from bewilderment to amusement to full-blown horror. How the blazes can anyone be so STUPID? he thought to himself. There must be some new disease I haven't heard about yet that makes even sane, rational people act like five year olds with ADHD...
Letting out a sigh, he gazed heavenwards before starting to work on his latest instalment of the Rulebook...
Rule 751: Do not mess with the Hobbies Club.
A. And yes, Rodney, that includes you.
It had all started when Rodney made a derogatory comment about hobbies only being for 'people who lacked direction'. The members of the Hobbies Club hadn't taken said comment too well and now the physicist was in the Infirmary, having been saved by John from the resulting lynch mob. Carson had to get Dr Morrison to treat the scientist as there was a conflict of interests – as it turned out (and much to the surprise of everyone else) the Scotsman was one of the founders of the group...
Rule 752: When negotiating off-world, be careful how you phrase your sentences.
A. You also need to learn when not to verbalise whatever thought happens to be running through your head.
As it turned out, the High Priest on M7G-416 wasn't impressed with SGA-10's particular brand of negotiation. In the man's defence, even Elizabeth would have been hard pressed to keep her temper in check if the team had said to her what they did to him.
Once Carson had stopped them from screaming at anything that moved, he managed to gather that saying 'the only reason you're conscious right now is because I don't want to carry you' had been a massively bad (and incredibly stupid) move.
Rule 753: Do not attempt to swallow your tongue.
Corporal Schneider had tried to do this after Lt Cadman bet him two crates of beer. Luckily, he narrowly avoided choking to death, but Carson was not amused.
Rule 754: Also, the phrase 'bite your tongue' is just a figure of speech.
A. You aren't meant to do it literally.
Some of the crew members were starting to seriously worry the Scotsman.
Rule 755: Do not page yourself over the intercom.
A. It's stupid.
B. And it scares the rest of the crew.
Radek had done this during a mildly perilous city-wide emergency, much to the Command Staff's bewilderment. Even more troubling was the fact that the Czech had threatened himself with the sack if he didn't get his backside down to the Control Room pronto.
Crisis averted, Zelenka was now having a bit of 'down time' in the Isolation ward while Carson and Kate tried to work out if he'd finally snapped or was just having an off day.
Rule 756: Walk properly!
A. I really shouldn't have to tell you this, children.
Despite the city-wide ban, most members were watching pirated copies of Monty Python. As a result, there were now a large number of people in the Infirmary suffering from a whole host of injuries. When Carson discovered that said casualties had managed to maim themselves by attempting to mimic the iconic 'Ministry of Silly Walks' sketch, he went completely nuts.
The rest of his staff locked him in his office until they'd finished patching up their new intake.
Rule 757: The Biologists are on paperwork duties until further notice.
A. And stop sulking.
B. You brought this on yourselves.
After the Were Bears incident, the rest of Atlantis thought that the Biology Department had learnt their lesson. They were wrong. As it turned out, Lts Stackhouse and Cadman bribed them into making a real-life version of 'Stitch'...
The creature managed to seriously injure seventeen people, destroyed four labs and half the mess hall, and nearly caused a city-wide lockdown before the Marines caught it. Cadman and Stackhouse went into hiding while the Biologists were in big trouble with the Command Staff. It was decided that the creature would be sent to M8G-891 – apparently, there was a population of animals that were remarkably similar to 'Stitch'.
Rule 758: 'What could possibly go wrong?', 'It can't get any worse', 'How bad can it be?' or any variations thereof are NEVER to be said.
A. We shouldn't have to tell you this.
B. If we don't get you, Murphy will.
The Atlantis expedition was finding Murphy's Law a bit tricky to grasp. Elizabeth just laughed hysterically, Carson was at his wits end while John and Rodney banged their heads on the nearest wall and decided to go to the mainland for a week.
Rule 759: Dr Beckett is reminded that he is not allowed to insult his patients.
A. Even if they were annoying him.
B. ESPECIALLY if they were annoying him.
Apparently, some of the expedition members didn't like it when Carson declared that they were the sort of people that made him need medication.
Rule 760: Never EVER attempt to scare Ronon.
A. It'll just end in tears.
B. For YOU, that is, once the big man gets hold of you...
Some people were either very stupid or just suicidal. Cadman decided that she wanted to scare Ronon... and ended up under Carson's care for a week while she recovered from a severe concussion and broken collar bone. Apparently, the ex-runner didn't like being snuck up on...
Rule 761: Vampire movies are banned until further notice.
A. They give Colonel Sheppard funny ideas...
For reasons that probably weren't entirely healthy, John decided that it would be a good idea to get very drunk and watch a whole string of vampire movies. While seeing the pilot intoxicated was always entertaining, SGA-1's amusement soon turned into full blown terror when the Air Force man decided that he was, in fact, a vampire – and that he was very hungry. It took both Teyla and Ronon to pry him off of Rodney (he'd been unlucky enough to be sitting right next to John in the Rec Room), who then had to be rushed to the Infirmary for emergency surgery.
Apparently, the jugular vein in a human body was incredibly close to the skin...
Needless to say, when John sobered up, he was beside himself with guilt and went to apologise to his team-mate. Rodney, however, was not one to forgive and forget so easily (or at least, not without a fight) and soon got his own back by persuading Radek to dress up as a clown and then jump out on John. The result was impressive, but somewhat violent – the pilot (being terrified of clowns) shrieked and jumped back... and fell off a balcony. Thankfully he only broke his leg, but he still had to be admitted to the Infirmary.
Now Carson had both Rodney and John as patients and was beginning to wonder if he'd actually died and gone to hell.
Rule 762: Modified calculators are to be used for their intended purpose only.
After the chaos caused by the metal rulers, Carson thought that the Science Department had learnt their lesson. He was soon proved to be very wrong when Drs Simpson, Betts and Malenkov limped into the Infirmary. According to their stories, they'd had an 'accident' in the lab involving some modified calculators. None of them would say any more, and there wasn't even any video footage.
The Scotsman, meanwhile, was more than a little afraid for the safety of the rest of the expedition.
Rule 763: Do not mess with Lt Cadman or Dr Brown.
A. They'll hurt you, lads.
B. Just don't do it.
John and Rodney decided that some payback was in order after their impromptu 'make-over' from the girls. The next morning, Katie and Laura woke up to find they'd been given hair-dos that were verging on buzz cuts, most of their faces were covered in camouflage paint and all their clothes had been replaced with men's equivalents. While Laura found it amusing, Katie did not...
Carson just sighed when John and Rodney were brought in to him, bleeding in various places after a random 'plant attack'.
Rule 764: Please note that Dr Finnegan does not tolerate stupidity in Atlantis' library.
Dr Finnegan was Atlantis' librarian. She appeared to be a small, slightly mouse-like young woman, who spoke quietly and was always incredibly polite. Or at least, she was, up until the Marines decided to mess around with her books...
The Command Staff were shocked at the state of the Marines – and even more worried when they discovered who had caused all the damage in the first place.
Rule 765: Do not attempt to recreate the High Holy Hand Grenade scene from Monty Python and the Holy Grail.
A. I thought I'd banned Monty Python?
The Marines were having a very bad month. Not only had they just recovered from Dr Finnegan's attack, but now they were trying to get free, one-way tickets to the next world. Apparently, someone had suggested that they should have reconstructed the famous 'Holy Hand Grenade' scene from 'Monty Python and the Holy Grail'.
So they did.
The fires were all put out, and amazingly, no one lost any limbs. The Command Staff were not pleased, however, as Carson nearly had a complete mental breakdown when he heard about what they'd done.
Rule 766: Do not attempt to 'fire-eat'.
A. I don't CARE if you used to be in the circus.
B. Stop it.
C. You're giving certain people ideas.
The newly formed 'Circus Club' was in trouble already after Dr Henderson and Private Colette decided to show off their fire-eating skills. Thankfully, there were no serious injuries (other than a few singed eyebrows and minor burns), but Carson was now officially on the warpath.
Rule 767: Do not eat gummy bears in front of the Were Bears.
A. They don't like it.
The Were Bears were fond of gummy bears. It wasn't that they didn't like people eating them, it was the way in which some of the crew decided to consume said sweets that they objected to. Apparently, they didn't like it when people bit the heads off in front of them – as Ronon, Stackhouse and Kavanaugh soon found out the hard way.
Rule 768: And while I'm on that subject, stop picking on Gums.
A. It's not his fault he needs dentures.
True to his name, Gums had no teeth. Carson had spent hours working on a pair of teddy-sized dentures, claiming that he didn't like to see the 'poor wee thing' so depressed all the time. While Gums was very proud of his new teeth, some of the Science Department found them to be amusing. Said members of the Science Department were soon admitted to Carson, covered head to toe in fresh bite marks.
Everyone else, meanwhile, just gave them 'We told you so' looks and laughed.
Rule 769: The 'Atlantis Lottery' is hereby banned until further notice.
A. It's not funny, people.
B. You're upsetting SGA-1.
Radek had set up a new betting pool, which he had named 'The Atlantis Lottery'. The basic idea behind the lottery was that crew members could place bets on which member of SGA-1 was going to wind up in the Infirmary next. (Which was a crafty move on the Czech's part, of course, seeing as how betting on SGA-1's injuries had been banned in an earlier rule.) Of course, the team didn't know what it was all about until Rodney happened to catch a glimpse of some papers that the engineer had left on his desk...
The Canadian promptly told the rest of his team and they took their revenge in spectacular fashion.
After being hung upside down off of the West Pier for five hours, subjected to cold showers for a week and having his alarm clock blast out all manner of loud music/alarms/sirens, the Czech was on the verge of cracking. Carson soon intervened and banned the lottery. He then had a quiet chat with SGA-1 about the subject of harassment in the work place...
Rule 770: Do not mess with the Goths.
A. Or the Punks.
B. Or anyone who's different from you.
C. Play nicely, children, or I'll set the zoo on you.
No one was sure who had started it, but several factions of the expedition were lusting after each other's internal organs for no better reason than breathing. After several fights, a small riot and fifteen fires, Carson put his foot down. He then rounded up all those involved and locked them in the Jumper Bay with the zoo.
Rule 771: Tree houses are not to be built on the Central Tower.
Radek decided that he wanted to build a tree house on the Central Tower. While it was a very nice tree-house (and in keeping with Atlantis' architecture), the Command Staff freaked out and made him take it down. After all, they already had enough stupidity to contend with without the Science Department's 2IC breaking his neck.
Rule 772: Please be sensible when camping on the mainland.
John decided that he was going to take his team camping on the mainland during their down time. Two days later, they limped back to Atlantis suffering everything from exposure to heat stroke and back again.
Carson was too bewildered to yell at them.
Rule 773: If you are going to take a vacation, do not spend it off-world.
A. Or if you insist on doing so, make sure you check in regularly.
SGA-2 were due a week's vacation and chose to spend it on M8S-000, which was the Pegasus Galaxy's equivalent of a tropical paradise. It would have been fine if they'd actually remembered to tell someone where they were going...
Apparently, Elizabeth and Carson got twitchy when teams didn't check in regularly – and SGA-2 soon found out that having six other off-world teams storming through the Gate armed to the teeth was not the best way to relax.
Rule 774: Wear sensible swimming costumes!
Elizabeth decided to go swimming one afternoon – in a white bikini. While her choice of swim wear wasn't technically a problem, she climbed back up onto the pier just as John was returning Jumper One from the mainland...
Luckily, no one was too badly hurt in the ensuing carnage, but Carson posted this rule as a gentle reminder to the ladies.
Rule 775: Dr Beckett is not allowed to pilot any Jumpers until further notice.
Carson didn't like flying Jumpers. Everyone in Atlantis knew that. Unfortunately, he had to pilot Jumper Twelve on a rescue mission when SGA-5 were caught in a fire-fight off-world – because all the other pilots were otherwise engaged on their own missions. While he managed to perform a very impressive rescue, the effect was ruined when the Scotsman managed to get himself shot... and crashed Jumper Twelve into the Gate Room.
John was in shock at the damage caused to his one of his beloved ships. Rodney was verging on murder when he saw the state of the Gate Room. Elizabeth, meanwhile, was dumbfounded that someone had actually shot Carson.
Luckily, the wound wasn't too bad (said shooter had an extremely poor aim), but John put his foot down and banned Carson from going anywhere near the Jumpers for the foreseeable future – which was fine by the doctor.
Rule 776: I said no more space races!
John got very bored one afternoon and challenged Caldwell to a 'Colonel to Colonel' race... using an F-302 and Jumper One. The good news was that John won hands down. The bad news was that Caldwell really was an incredibly sore loser and the two soon came to blows once they were back on the ground.
Carson and Rodney had to send Milo in to break up the fight, and they both had some rather interesting words to say to the two Colonels while they were being patched up.
Rule 777: Ronon is banned from participating in the Atlantis Olympics until further notice.
John and Rodney were banned from the games for being far too accident prone. And now Ronon had joined them after an incident in the javelin contest. In the Satedan's defence, he hadn't realised that Earth rules were different to Sateda's – apparently, back home, the object of the competition was to see who could impale the most bystanders without causing any serious injuries.
Carson was growling under his breath as he patched up the unfortunate victims, and muttering about trying it out on Ronon to see how he liked it.
Rule 778: Personnel are reminded that there are fraternisation rules in place for a reason.
A. And yes, Elizabeth, they apply to you as well.
B. And you, Dr Brown.
Elizabeth and Katie were feeling a bit mischievous one afternoon and called John and Rodney into the expedition leader's office. No sooner had the boys stepped through the doors than they found themselves pinned to the floor by the girls, who proceeded to try and snog them to death.
As Carson led the two very shell-shocked men away, he yelled at the girls. Two days later, he went and yelled at them again because John and Rodney still weren't talking.
Rule 779: Wraith Queens are NOT to be brought back to Atlantis.
A. Don't you remember what happened last time?
A Wraith Queen managed to seduce John on an off-world mission and persuaded him to take her back to Atlantis. In the Air Force man's defence, said Wraith Queen had been wearing a cloaking device of some sort that made her appear human. Elizabeth was not impressed (and also was scarily jealous) when John announced their new arrival. Thankfully, Atlantis seemed to sense the presence of a Wraith and managed to block the effects of her cloaking device long enough for the expedition to realise the danger.
Elizabeth frightened the hell out of everyone when she launched herself at the Queen, screaming 'He's MINE, bitch!' at the top her voice. The Marines left her to it, claiming that if anyone could take down a Wraith Queen, it was Dr Weir.
And the result of the cat-fight?
Elizabeth Weir 1, (now very DEAD) Wraith Queen 0.
Rule 780: Off-world personnel are reminded that they are not allowed to bring back any Wraith WHATSOEVER.
A. Stop it right now, Lorne.
B. You're scaring the ladies.
It turned out that Evan had one hell of a kink – he really dug Wraith Queens. Even more worrying was the fact that he wanted his own... When he came back to the city with a Queen in tow, Carson sedated him and sent him for regular psych evals with Kate – after they'd killed said Wraith Queen of course.
Rule 781: For the love of all things holy, do NOT let Kavanaugh dial Earth!
Not content with being an insufferable git, Kavanaugh decided to dial the SGC to inform them of the broken fraternisation rules and the incidents with the Wraith Queens. Unfortunately, Carson managed to sedate him just a few minutes too late...
Rule 782: Please be careful when dignitaries are visiting from Earth.
After Kavanaugh's rather disturbing report, Generals Landry and O'Neill decided to visit Atlantis to see just what the hell was going on. Landry arrived safely, but Jack wasn't so lucky. Kavanaugh (who had escaped the Infirmary and was now tripping out) shot him, convinced that the Wraith were attacking the city again. As if that wasn't bad enough, the Marines on Earth heard the shouts and gunfire and came charging through after their leaders, while at the same time, Atlantis' Marines came belting into the Gate Room, having just been informed by Carson of Kavanaugh's escape...
The Medics now had a lot of patients to deal with, but thankfully, Elizabeth had managed to convince Landry that the long haired Chemist had been delirious when he made the initial report. However, she feared that her Gate Room would never be the same again...
Rule 783: Do not run with needles.
Carson had been one of the unfortunate victims in the 'Gate Room Brawl' (as it had become known). He'd been running down the corridor after Kavanaugh, with a syringe. Said syringe was loaded with enough sedative to knock Angus out. When he stumbled into the Gate Room, he tripped over Jack and managed to inject himself with the drug.
On the bright side, at least the Scotsman was finally getting some undisturbed (and arguably much needed) sleep.
Rule 784: The Kit-Kat supply is for EVERYONE.
A. Honestly, didn't your mothers ever teach you to share?
The Chemists and the Marine Biologists went to war – over who got first dibs on the new supplies of Kit-Kats. The Marines had to be called in to break up the ensuing carnage, which left a lot of people with a variety of injuries. After Carson had finished yelling at them, he passed them on to John and Rodney... and they soon made sure that the culprits understood the meaning of the word 'idiot'.
Rule 785: Dragons are not allowed in the city.
A. I don't care if they're pygmy ones.
B. We already have SGA-13 and we can't cope with any more fire starters.
SGA-8 wanted to adopt the pygmy dragons they'd found on P8X-500. The Command Staff told them very politely that if they even thought about sneaking one into the city then they wouldn't be held responsible for their actions. SGA-8 tried it anyway... and were now in the Infirmary, being patched up by a very smug looking Carson.
Rule 786: Dr Beckett is now not permitted to drink alcohol.
A. He acts really weird when he's drunk.
As it turned out, Carson was very... er... friendly when he'd had a bit too much to drink. While most people thought it was funny, John and Elizabeth did not – especially as the Scotsman kept trying to hit on the expedition leader in front of the Air Force man.
Rule 787: Blackmail is an ugly pastime.
A. We know it was you, Carson.
B. And we've got the video footage to prove it.
After he was banned from drinking, Carson decided to get his own back on John by blackmailing the Air Force man. Apparently, he'd managed to get hold of some video footage that showed John's reaction to Radek's clown costume, and was threatening to show it to the rest of the base unless John revoked the alcohol ban.
What the Scotsman hadn't taken into consideration was the fact that John knew how to play dirty too. The pilot had a pirated copy of the now infamous 'I'm a Little Teapot' video...
Eventually, Rodney, Teyla and Ronon intervened before things got ugly.
Rule 788: The male personnel are reminded that they are not allowed to provoke the ladies into cat fights.
A. Nor are they allowed to sell tickets to other people to watch said cat fights.
B. Don't you remember what happened the last time you pissed the girls off?
For a laugh, Lorne and Parrish managed to goad Laura and Elizabeth into the mother of all cat-fights. How they'd achieved it wasn't clear, but apparently, it had something to do with Carson and John...
They'd made a small fortune before John, Carson and Rodney put a stop to it.
Rule 789: 'Let's go do something stupid' is not a valid excuse.
A. It's not the Marines unofficial motto either.
B. Stop encouraging them!
John and Rodney were in BIG trouble, Elizabeth had the mother of all migraines and Carson was going to requisition a P-90 and track the boys down – just as soon as he was done patching up the Marines.
Rule 790: Do not tease Dr Beckett about his 'happy place'.
A. It won't end well.
B. We like him sane, people.
In order to cope with the expedition and their worrying love of things that were dangerous, Carson converted a spare lab into his unofficial 'happy place' – which was basically somewhere he could hide until everything calmed down again. Unfortunately, some of the crew members found out about it and decided to give the Scotsman a ribbing he wouldn't forget.
After the ensuing carnage was finally halted and everything was cleaned up, said culprits decided that they weren't going to do it ever again.
Rule 791: All personnel are reminded that they are meant to be responsible adults.
A. That means you're not supposed to pull childish pranks on each other.
B. Colonel Sheppard and Dr McKay are the only exceptions to this rule.
C. They'd do it anyway, so what the hell.
The phrase 'cleverly disguised as an adult' seemed to have been invented for John and Rodney. Their newest game involved pots of industrial strength glue, feathers and Kavanaugh. Carson was not happy when the Chemist was brought in to him.
And the boys were even less thrilled when the Scotsman got hold of them.
Rule 792: Contrary to current belief, clowns do not eat people.
A. I'm not even going to ask...
John, Rodney and a toy clown that spoke. Carson was still amazed at how loudly a grown man could scream.
Rule 793: Bracelet rulers are now a contraband item.
A. Honestly, if you keep this up I'll have to replace all the cutlery with plastic...
The Command Staff was starting to seriously consider banning the expedition members from trips back to Earth. Lorne and Parrish had been for a quick trip back to the Milky Way and had returned with a massive pile of bracelet rulers – the ones that you could straighten out then slap on your wrist to make them curl around. After numerous fights, Elizabeth was on the warpath, and after Dr Simpson and Cpl Jenkins were admitted to the Infirmary having each nearly lost an eye, Carson went postal.
Rule 794: Do not use toothpicks and/or Popsicle sticks to make bridges and towers.
A. The Cooks don't like it.
B. You lot are too dangerous to be allowed to partake in 'team bonding' activities.
Elizabeth decided that the expedition needed a bit of team bonding, so she organised seminars for everyone to take part in. Her plan would have worked fine – if she'd remembered to split up John and Rodney. The idea had been that said teams would have to build bridges and towers out of toothpicks and Popsicle sticks...
It was a disaster.
The Cooks went on the warpath, claiming that the teams were 'stealing' said equipment. John and Rodney got into a fight with Radek and Ronon and nearly maimed each other, while several other teams thought it would be much more amusing to see if they could stick the Popsicle sticks to Kavanaugh. Eventually, the Marines were called in to break up the riots and the Infirmary was now packed with a fresh supply of patients.
Even worse was the fact that Carson ranked among the more badly injured – he'd been the one to suggest superglueing the Popsicle sticks to Kavanaugh in the first place.
Rule 795: Stop using the Daedalus to beam Dr Beckett's needles away!
Carson was starting to get more than a bit annoyed when he found someone had been nicking his syringes. Even more troubling was the fact that the majority of the 'thefts' happened as soon as he picked said needle up...
After an intense investigation, he discovered that it was (for once) nothing to do with John and Rodney, but Hermiod. Apparently, the Asgard had created a programme to beam the needles up to the Daedalus. No one was really sure why he'd decided it would be an amusing way to pass the time, but then again, he was an alien who didn't wear any clothes.
Rule 796: Do not fight over who 'owns' the Stargate.
It seemed that nothing was beneath certain expedition members when it came to all-out stupidity. Chuck and Rodney got into a fight over who was the technical 'owner' of the Gate. Half an hour later, John and Radek frog-marched them into the Infirmary to be patched up by Carson, who had a few choice words to say on the matter.
Oddly enough, they quickly decided that the Gate was classed as 'neutral territory'...
Rule 797: When asked why you haven't been into the Infirmary for your booster shots, do not say any of the following (or any variations thereof):
A. 'Because I rejected your reality and substituted my own while you weren't looking'.
B. 'Because I have multiple personalities and none of them like you'.
C. 'Because I happen to be in the Witness Protection Programme.'
D. 'Oh my God! Badgers! Badgers everywhere! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!'
E. 'Because the Ninjas told me not to'.
F. 'Because I get easily distracted by shiny objects... Wow! Look at that!'.
G. 'Because I went to the Dark Side. They have cookies over there, you know...'
Carson had just about reached breaking point when SGA-1 and 3 tried out some of these excuses. Unfortunately for them, the Scotsman wasn't in a good mood and now both teams were not only on housekeeping for three months solid, but also had an impressive array of split lips, black eyes and so on.
Rule 798: All 'Catnip' tee shirts are hereby banned.
A. You're upsetting Angus.
B. Don't upset Angus.
C. It'll piss off John and Rodney.
D. I'm not cleaning up the mess...
The Marines had started this off when a group of them managed to somehow get their hands on tee shirts that read 'If you don't talk to your cat about catnip, who will?'. Apparently, the catnip incident was still fresh in everyone's minds – including Angus.
Amazingly, it turned out that the little white tiger could read English, and didn't like what he read – which in turn lead to a lot of impromptu scratching posts/human-sized playthings/ blood and screaming. When the casualties started streaming in, Carson got very worried. Then he took a closer look at some of the injuries and quickly posted this rule to try and get the patient numbers down to more manageable levels.
Once that was done, he set Fred on John and Rodney.
Rule 799: When Mr Woolsey is visiting, do NOT leave him near any of the pets.
A. Nor the Were Bears.
Mr Woolsey didn't like the pets. The pets didn't like Mr Woolsey. And the Were Bears went into a near homicidal rage whenever the man came within a couple of meters of them. Unfortunately, a couple of people (John and Rodney) thought it would be funny if Mr Woolsey got 'accidentally' locked in a transporter with them...
Eventually, they managed to rescue the now rather shaken and more than a little banged up man. Elizabeth had a few choice words to say to the boys about the suffering inflicted on Woolsey.
Carson had some rather more colourful words (and a large bore needle) about the suffering inflicted on the Bears...
BTW – OMG! *squee-squee-squee-squee-squee...* I got over 200 reviews! I'm so happy I think I'm going to spontaneously combust. THANK YOU! ^_^
*happy dance and mega-watt grin*
Keep 'em coming though – I've been asked by a couple of people if I can get the rule count up to 1000. I don't know if that's even physically possible, but I really want to give it a shot!
