"You can take your love away, but don't you ever leave me alone." August 28th 3:30 a.m.– Automatic Loveletter

Chapter 13

One week. One week I took him to find me. It may seem like a long time to you, but to me it was pretty short; considering I had tried to make it impossible to find me. I told everyone to tell him nothing. I secretly wanted him to find me. If he found me it meant he cared enough to put a lot of effort into making things right.

I felt like it was better for the both of us if he didn't find me, no matter how much I wanted him to. He wouldn't get annoyed at me again, thus turning to alcohol and getting violent. And I wouldn't hurt him again. We were both at fault. It would take a lot to fix.

But find me he did.

He showed up at Nicole's door with a sheepish expression and my favourite flowers. I hadn't told him my favourite flowers, so he must have known me well enough to guess correctly.

Nicole answered the door and told him to 'fuck off back to where he came from'. I then walked up behind her to ask her what the commotion was. I didn't even utter a word to her before I realised who was at the door. I was a mess of conflicted emotions. I was happy to see him, my God had I missed seeing his face virtually every day; I was scared because the last time I had seen him, he hit me; I was confused as to why he was here, I thought he hated me; I was angry that someone had given me up. Nicole told him to leave again and I shook my head at her. 'Are you sure?" She questioned as she understood my silent signal. I nodded and she reluctantly returned into her apartment. Shane looked at me and I simply turned around and walked to Nic's living room, re-taking my place on the couch. My knees clutched to my chest, facing the window. I looked out at the famous Vegas lights, wishing my life was as fabulous as those radiating flashes. Shane was suddenly in front of me, blocking my view. He was the mirror image of me, staring at me intently.

And that was how we were to be found an hour later. Our body positions had hardly changed and no words had been uttered.

"Right," Nicole said, entering the room. She was in the clothes she usually wore to go clubbing. "I'm going out with Laura. I'll have my phone on me the whole time. So, if anything happens, don't hesitate to call me." She said to me. "And at least move for God's sake. You two are like watching paint dry." She scowled at Shane before she left.

Another silent ten minutes.

"How are you?" Shane asked quietly, scared of what I would say.

"I've been better." More quiet.

"How's your cheek?"

"Ask my bruise."

"I'm so sorry."

"Whatever." I said devoid of emotion. Why should I give him the satisfaction of knowing how bad he hurt me?

"Why aren't you yelling at me?" He said, like a tortured child.

"What's the point in that?"

"Because you should be so fucking angry with me that you can't stand the sight of me."

"Oh, I'm angry all right, but what's the use in yelling?"

"I'm sorry."

"Sorry doesn't fucking cut it. I was trying to fix things because I knew they could be, but I don't think you can fix this Shane."

"I know, I'm an idiot."

"Idiot doesn't even cover the half of it."

"I know. I actually hate myself."

"I don't hate you."

"How cant you?"

"Because I don't blame you. Seriously, I'm surprised that you haven't hit me before. I'm a bitch who turns everyone to alcohol. So, I don't blame you. And I don't blame my dad who lashed out at me whenever he was drunk. I'm used to being hit."

"But you shouldn't be. I don't even know why you aren't shoving me out the door because I don't deserve to be in your presence."

"You want me to throw you out?"

"No, I don't. I want you to let me stay so that I can fight for my life to save and relationship we could have."

"I think we're doomed Shane."

"We can't be. You deserve so much more than me, but I'm selfish enough to want to keep you to myself, because I want you mine so badly. You're just perfect. You never judged me, like every other bitch on this planet. You talk to me as just Shane, and not "Shane Gray: Global Phenomenon". You're beautiful. You have the most amazing personality. Your voice is incredible. And after knowing you only three weeks, I can't see myself without you. I haven't told you this, but the night I met you was supposed to be my last night in Vegas. I had to get to know you. And I think I have, and I'm glad I did. Simply because if I hadn't I wouldn't be in love with you." I was speechless. He loved me. Yeah, I had heard him say it before, but this time was meant for me to hear.

"But I just don't know what to do." He started up again. "I feel as if every time you let me get close to you, you push me away again. It's like you're playing tug-a-war with me and every time I'm close to winning it goes back to level ground again. I am this close," he made a gesture with his thumb and index finger to show a very small distance. "This close from giving up. I already broke down. I don't see the point in me putting every emotion on the line for you to just laugh in my face. I really can't take it anymore." He put his head in his hands. I thought he was crying again but all he did was sigh before scraping his hands down his face, pulling at his skin.

"I-I need to know that all my effort wasn't in vain Mitchie. I need to know how you feel about me, because I don't see the point in me even trying anymore if you still don't feel anything. Just talk to me. You don't have to tell me right out; tell me what's on your mind beautiful." It was amazing how the atmosphere was constantly changing. It went from anger to shame to affection to desperation and then back to affection.

I was looking at his as he spoke every word, but I couldn't look at him when I was confessing. I looked at Nic's coffee table instead.

"I quit my job." I whispered. He edged closer to me, knowing I was giving in.

"Which one?"

"V's of course. If I quit the diner, I would be murdered three times over... at least."

"Why did you quit?" I had called Lewis before I had decided to fix things with Shane.

"Don't make me say it."

"Well, how am I supposed to know what you're thinking if you won't tell me. I can't guess."

"I quit my job-" I paused. I hadn't told anyone my complete reasoning. And not only that, I was telling my reasoning to the reasoning, if that makes sense. "I quit my job because I wanted to fix things. I know you didn't like me working there and not only that, if we had managed to fix things, I wouldn't have been able to continue working there. I would feel like I was cheating on you. I-I've been meaning to quit, but you just gave me the motivation."

"So, you quit your high paying job for me even though you knew there was a chance of things not fixing themselves?"

"Yeah, it was my way of showing that I might be scared but I don't want to be a coward. I'm ready to stop running. I'm willing to put my heart on the line for you and to trust you with it. I'm an idiot. I shouldn't have run because it hurt you. I didn't want to hurt you. I never wanted to hurt you. You have to believe me when I say that."

"I believe you." He said quietly. It was then that I finally looked up at him. I couldn't read his expression at all. I'm normally good at reading people, but I just couldn't grasp Shane's expression at all at that moment.

"I'm sorry. I should have stayed. It's not that I don't want to be with you. I've just been hurt by too many people in my life; people I loved. I'm just scared to love again."

"I would never hurt you intentionally Mitchie. You mean too much to me. I meant what I said; I love you."

"I know, and," I looked at my hands. I was about to trust someone with something I hadn't trusted anyone with since I ran away. I didn't know if I could do it. But I had to show him that I was read to be his if he'd let me. "And I-I love you too."

"You do?" His voice was filled with excitement and enthusiasm, so much so it cracked at the end.

"Yeah. And I'm trusting you to not take advantage of that."

"I know." He cautiously started to move to my side of the couch.

"I'm not scared of you. If you want to come over here, just do it." He smoothly sat down beside me and grasped my hand. He softly rubbed circles into my knuckles.

"I need you in my life Mitchie."

"Ditto, but I'm not the type of girl who's going to give up her life for you. I'm not going to move to LA or go on tour with you. I'm not leaving just because I love you."

"And I don't expect you to. I would never ask you to do that. If anything, I would move here."

"I wouldn't do that if I were you. You're meant to be in LA. That's where your band is. You moving here would just fuck it all up."

"I'm not really bothered about the band anymore. I love the guys and all, but it's been part of my life for so long that I'm ready to move on and do something else."

"Seriously Shane, think before you do that."

"I've been thinking about it for a long while now. Before, I didn't have a reason for it. But now I do. The guys are feeling it too."

"Don't give up your career for silly old me."

"I'm willing to give my life up for you." He ran his hand through my hair before brushing it behind my ear. He lifted up my chin, forcing me to look him in the eyes. "I'd die for you."

"No you wouldn't."

"I would. I want you and only you." I don't know why I did it, maybe it was just what he said to me, but at that moment I lunged at him. I pressed my lips against his and wrapped my arms around his neck. He exerted force back against my mouth. He wanted control and I would give him that. He softly pushed me back onto the couch.

"Mitchie?" He said, pulling away slightly. He looked into my eyes with a hopeful look.

"Yeah?"

"Can I make love to you?" No one had ever asked me that, let alone done it.

"You don't even have to ask."

Just like that, everything seemed to be good again. I don't know I was lucky enough for it to do that. It hardly ever happened, but maybe fate was on our side. Maybe I was finally getting something I wanted. And it wasn't that I wanted Shane just to fill my carnal needs, I wanted him to just be there. I wanted him to be by my side supporting me, being there for me until the end. I know, it was big expectations but I needed him. It was as simple as that: I needed him. I hadn't realised this until I was lying beside him on the sofa-bed I had been sleeping on whilst staying with Nicole. Just the way he simply rubbed circles into my shoulder gave me such comfort.

We were watching one of her Two And A Half Men box sets when Nicole came home. She was shocked. I understood why, considering there were many things she wouldn't have expected to come home to. Firstly, I was still awake, she knew I was normally asleep before one, and it was now half-two. Secondly, Shane was still there, she probably thought that I would have thrown him out shortly after she left. Thirdly, I was smiling like an idiot, and all I had been doing the apast week was crying on her shoulder. And finally, Shane and I were naked and the only thing covering us was the duvet.

"Er, hi." She said when she collected her jaw from the floor.

"Hey," I smiled at her, my expression not changing really.

"This is quite a change. I was gone three and a half hours, you two sure work fast."

Shane shrugged, his arm wrapped around me. "What can I say? I'm irresistible." I smacked him on the shoulder. "Don't deny it. You know it's true."

"Shut up." I said, looking down blushing.

"Aw, don't look down. Let me see that lovely blush of yours."

"Oh-kay, I'm going to bed. I'm not in the mood for a love fest." Nicole said, reminding us of her presence.

"Dylan still giving you the cold shoulder then?" I teased. Dylan was he on/off boyfriend. They were always fighting, but always got back together.

"No Mitchie, I saw him tonight. But I'll tell you all about that tomorrow, right after you tell me how you got into this situation. Now, I'm going to bed, goodnight."

"Night Nic," I called as she left the room. "Love you."

"Yeah, yeah, love you too." She called back. "And if you want to get freaky again, please be quiet."

"I'm sorry, but Mitchie's a screamer." Shane shouted, causing me to glare at him. "Well, you are."

"You don't have to tell people that."

"I did not want to know that." Nicole shouted over us.

"I'm just warning you."

"Either be quiet, or get out."

"Guess I'm going to have to clamp a hand over your mouth, because I don't want to go somewhere else." He teased.

"How about we just sleep? God knows I've gone through a lot of emotions today."

"Okay." He turned the TV off and pulled me down into his arms. I snuggled my head under his chin. My hand fell above his heart. The silent thud soothed me, and soon I was struggling to keep my eyes open.

"Mitchie?" Shane said in a sleep voice.

"Yeah?" I said in my version of that voice.

"Be mine."

"Are you asking me to be your girlfriend?"

"No." He felt me raise my left eyebrow against his throat. "Just boyfriend and girlfriend doesn't describe what we have."

"Of course I'm yours."

"And I'm yours. You own all of me."

"You have me, heart and soul." Just as I was almost asleep, Shane decided that he had something else he wanted to talk about.

"Mitchie?"

"Yes Shane?"

"I'm going on tour in two days." That certainly woke me up.

"What?"

"I know; that's what I thought. That was Nate's real reason for visiting me."

"Well that sucks. Just as I get you properly, you're whisked away from me."

"My thoughts exactly." He sighed slowly.

"What does this mean for us?" I asked as it settled in that I had two days left to spend with him. Better make the most of it.

"Well, I'm going to be waiting for you. I'll only think of you and dream of you. I'm going to try and make this work. And I want you to wait for me. But if you find someone you'd rather be with, then I won't hate you or resent you if you follow your heart." He said sincerely.

"As if there would be anyone I would want to be with instead of you. I love you. I've never felt this way before. There's no way I'm giving this up."

"Will you wear my ring then?"

"Your what?" My eyes bulged out of their sockets. Was he asking me to marry him? I barely knew him, no way was I marrying him yet. Maybe in the future, but not now.

"My ring. It was originally a purity ring, but my beliefs changed. So it's now the ring I wear, saving it for the woman I love. So will you wear it, just to remind me that I have someone to go home to?"

"Of course I will." I could see him smiling in the pitch dark. He grabbed my left hand and slipped the ring of metal on my ring finger. It was warm against my finger from Shane's body heat. It was slightly too big, but I was still going to wear it exactly the same place he put it. He pulled my hand up and placed kisses on and around the ring.

I had completely forgotten that Connect 3 used to be the poster boys for purity. But a few years back they had announced that the rings had changed meaning to them. Shane said his was just waiting on his hand until he met the woman he would marry. He had already lost his virginity by then and said that, though he didn't love his partner in the act, he didn't regret it. It changed his views on life. The ring had caused a lot of controversy, and now it was on my finger. Where it would stay until I married Shane, because I just knew he would be my husband one day. I could just see it. Mitchie Gray. I liked the sound of that

Just as I was almost asleep again, this time with a huge smile on my face, Shane decided, once again, that he had something to say.

"Mitchie?" He whispered urgently.

"What now Shane?"

"I'm sorry; I'll let you go to sleep."

"Just tell me, for God's sake."

"I love you." He whispered. I leaned up and placed a soft kiss on his lips.

"I love you too, Shane." I said before I finally fell asleep, dreaming dreams of my future with Shane.