More than anything in the world I needed a place to think. I needed a space where no one would interrupt me. I was under strict orders from my father- who had seen my previous episode from the door on his way out- to remain within the house. This greatly limited the choices I had concerning where to go and I was left with only three places: my room, the botany room, and the attic. I chose the attic.

The attic at Ohtori manor was not what one typically pictures as an attic, rather it was a long room with grey tiled ceilings and floors that was used primarily for storing tables and chairs that had fallen out of use. All around me were the grey tables that my family often used for parties, all the same with sharp angular cuts and pointed corners of grey marble. A thick coat of dust rested atop these items and I knew no one had been up here for at least a decade. As I walked down the spacious room, laptop in hand, I came upon an old desk and chair that appeared to have come from a child's room. Their cold grey surface was marred by poetry and art by a child. I couldn't say whose desk it was although I had a sinking suspicion that it was mine. I sat down, placed my laptop on my knees and ran my hand across the scribbled writing. I soon noticed a pattern; as the writing grew neater the poems grew darker and the pictures more morbid.

I flew a kite today

Higher and higher

Because that's where I want to be

High up in the sky

Where I can look down on the world

And wonder

Ah youth, I was so innocent back then. I wished I could go back but I knew it was impossible. My hand traced the smooth contours of an image drawn on the desk. It was a picture of a teddy bear.

Without a head.

I pulled my hand away and turned to another poem.

A glass rose sits on the table

A metaphor for innocence

Or are you just mocking me?

The writing still had an element of immaturity but I could see something change. I now realized that this had been my desk at some point. However I had no idea what the writing meant or when I had owned such a desk. I tried to think back to my earliest memories but my mind could conjure no image that would prompt such writing. I thought back through all my birthdays, christmases, summers, winters, springs, through all the painful conversations with my brothers and the tense ones with my father. It didn't take long for me to realize how foggy my early memories were.

Before my eighth birthday I had almost nothing I could remember.

This scared me so much that I decided not to think about it altogether and instead turned my mind to finding out who the woman from my nightmare was. I pulled my computer off my knees and placed it atop the desk. I began to search the data-base of servants for women who had started before I turned eight. This cut the list in half but I knew I would need more.

I forced myself to think back on the horrifying image and to focus on the woman, not my fear.I'd come to the decision that I should find out if any of our servants or former workers had the same appearance of the woman from my nightmare.

In the initial moments of my nightmare I had observed more than I had realized. Looking back, I remembered her long, curly brown hair and chillingly deep blue eyes.

I hesitated unsure of whether or not I really wanted to know what had happened or who she was. My mind seemed at war with itself, each side arguing its own point relentlessly. I wanted to know what that strange nightmare was but I also wanted to forget it. I was terrified by the horrible things my inner consciousness had created, and I wanted nothing more than to take it all back.... or maybe not.

I began my search.

I started by filtering out people with brown hair. There were about 50 people who fit the description which I realized was far too high a number for me to discern which woman was the object of my search. I entered the eye color and waited in agony for my computer to load. Little did I know I was in for the biggest surprise of my life.

There were no names left on the list.

"What?!" I gasped staring dumbfounded at the screen. There had to be someone... unless.... I was going crazy. My face took on an ashen color as I continued to stare at the unchanging screen.

"Dammit," I growled leaning back in the chair and balancing atop two legs. I couldn't believe it. I'd imagined the whole thing, or at least, I hadn't remembered a thing about when it had actually happened. Absently I leaned the chair even further backwards until it toppled with me still in it. I fell backwards and landed sprawled on my back. I let out a short exclamation of fury before my eye caught a glimpse of something that diverged from the traditional colors of Ohtori manor:

A child's bed set.

My mind went blank. I couldn't understand why but for some reason that bed scared the hell out of me. I wanted to run far, far away and hide at the mere side of it. A sudden image of hiding under that bed sent me to my feet. I took three whole steps in the other direction before I realized what I was doing. I knew I needed to go see it.

I could feel how strongly it was connected to the nightmare. I wandered towards the bed as if in a trance and walked to its side. Running my hand across its cold edge I saw my name scrawled in messy script along its side. My face paled as I leaned against the wall and stared at the bed. It scared me for some reason and try as I might I couldn't bear to sit on it. My eyes closed as another memory took my mind.

I was trapped against the wall and the woman was leaning over me with an evil smirk gracing her features. I heard a child's voice protesting as she leaned down and captured my lips with hers. I tried to fight back but she was harsh and aggressive. I felt a cold hand slip down my pants and grab my member. She ran a hand along my shaft as her tongue probed my mouth. I protested as best I could, trying to force her away with puny hands.

"No more." I beseeched her in my childish voice. I held my breath as she unzipped my pants, dropped to her knees, and swallowed me.

A child's voice sobbed loudly a few garbled words and then-

"No Mommy!"

My eyes snapped open.