A/n: sorry for the uber delays between the chapters... I have two research papers due at the same time and I've been working on them.... plus work keeps getting in the way DX I'm sorry!

chapter five:

I needed to get out of the house.

That much at least was clear to me. However my father's orders still stood in place and I knew that the guards would never let me leave the manor- at least not yet. I knew that should I want to leave it would have to be late at night. So, I defaulted back to my room- as the attic now made my blood run cold with a sticky fear that gripped my veins- to think about what had become of me and my reality.

I walked up to my room with my head down and my feet dragging. I'd always planned on saving myself for marriage- cliche, I know but I wanted to make my own decisions for once in my life- but now that I knew that my virginity had been taken long ago I realized it was impossible. More than anything I wished to take it all back. I wanted to forget it all. I wanted to be pure again. I wanted... I wanted.... I wanted... I wanted my sanity back.

Why did it have to happen like this!

I rested my head against the door when I reached it and sighed. Its cold metal cooled me down like an ice pack to a feverish head. I sat there with my arms dangling at my sides and my head pressed to the door for five minutes as I thought about what had happened. It was later than I had thought and even though I had suffered my first nightmare only hours ago it felt like decades had passed. I knew that I had changed since that morning. When I once wanted nothing more than money and a calm day I now wanted nothing more than to escape back to ignorance. I could've cried had I not inwardly decided to cease my tears.

My watch chirped loudly signifying that it was nearly nine o'clock at night. My body- which was already sleep-deprived due to a series of all nighters I'd been pulling recently- was begging for a chance to rest and recharge. Unfortunately I had too much on my mind to rest for even a second. In my waking hours I was having horrible flashbacks so just imagine my fear at the idea of slipping into unconsciousness where my mind could reign free.

I was ashamed for I was terrified. To think that I, Kyouya Ohtori, could be afraid of something so trivial as the night. I wanted to scream, to run, to fight, and most importantly to forget. However I couldn't do any of those things. I was completely at the hands of fate.

Reluctantly, I opened the door and stepped into my room. I stalked about irritably and threw my jacket to the floor where it landed amongst the papers I'd been working on the previous night. I stripped my clothes off- suddenly too exhausted to change into some suitable sleepwear- and fell onto my bed after removing my glasses. I laid there staring at the ceiling listlessly waiting for sleep to come.

I was exhausted but unable to relax. As my body cried out for sleep I could only worry what would happen if I let it come. I stayed like that for an hour before the terrors came upon me. I felt my mother's ghostly hands upon me in every crevice of my body. Her lips sucked at my collar bone and nibbled at my ear. She tore at my skin and licked at my chest; leaving me feeling dirty and exposed.

"Oh god..." I breathed as I felt her upon me yet again; stroking me, touching me, holding me in my most private area. I twitched away from something that wasn't there and squirmed at a touch I could only feel in my mind.

I simply couldn't stand to stay in bed any longer. I rolled off of my bed and grabbed a few mismatched articles of clothing before looking at my clock. It was eleven thirty at night.

I got dressed quickly and stomped out of the room. As I stalked down the hallway towards the front of the manor I drew my phone from my pocket where I'd placed it.

I finally knew how to solve my problem.

Dialing quickly I called Tamaki.

He answered me sleepily with a tired "Hello..."

"Tamaki," I began but he cut me off as he recognized my voice.

"Kyouya! Is something wrong? Are you ok? Is it your father?" he spluttered as his senses returned to him.

"Tamaki," I growled irritably, not in the mood for shenanigans. I was strangely happy that he was worried about me but a bit confused by the fact that he'd asked- or rather jumped to the conclusion- that my father had done something.

"Are you ok?" he repeated. I sighed as I walked down hall after hall and staircase after staircase throughout the manor.

"I'm fine-" for the most part I added mentally, "but I need you to do something for me."

"Anything," came his prompt reply. I nodded to myself and noted that he sure perked up fast. I couldn't ask him over the phone. He would refuse. But in person.... perhaps I stood a chance.

"Tamaki," I purred, "I need you to meet me at the school as soon as you are able. Come to the back soccer fields and wait for me."

"But Kyouya, it's late and it looks ready to rain," he protested.

"Please. I really need your help."

"Ok."

How long it took me or how I arrived matter not in this story. What was important was the event that happened upon arrival.

The wind had kicked up a great deal and the sky had become dark with cold grey clouds. Cold grey... the color of my life. So sterile, so clean, so oppressive, so synthetic, so heartless, so Ohtori that I could barely stand it. The grey was everywhere; even in the mist that blew towards me in the wind. The grass around my feet waved like choppy ocean waters and swirled about restlessly as if it knew the storm was arriving. Everything seemed tense, as if a turning point in not only my life but in nature itself was about to take place. As I walked across the field towards my first real friend the wind was a my head, pushing me away and blowing my hastily thrown on jacket about me.

"Mon ami!" Tamaki called as way of greeting. I raised my arm to him in a half salute-half wave and stood a few feet away from him.

He looked at me for a few seconds and said sullenly, "Your clothes don't match."

I sighed and looked at what I had put on and too my horror discovered that I had put on half a business suit along with sweat pants and my school tie. However I tried my best to ignore his statement and appear normal. He came closer to me and hugged me, burying his head against my shoulder.

"Something must be wrong for you to call me out here so late. Tell me what you wanted. Please, don't make me worry another moment."

I pulled away slowly and readjusted my glasses- making them flash grimly- before beginning to explain myself, "I need you to do your starlight kick again."

yeah.... a bit unedited. I typed it on the bus. sorry. my most sincere apologies if anything is wrong. Please tell me if something is wrong and I'll fix it and re-update.

Kyouya: How about my life?

Me: Don't get your hopes up senpai. -tightens ropes-

Kyouya: I can have you killed you know.

Me: I can have you raped.... again.

Kyouya: -squirms- Please review!!

and thank you to the people who have reviewed! I love you all XD