Chapter 9 – Back to Fifty

Beeping.

Voices.

The smell of antiseptic.

A warm hand covering his.

"He'll wake up soon, I'm sure."

"He must have been out in the freezing rain for hours!"

"What was he doing out at that time of night?"

"We had a fight."

Crying.

"Shhh. It will be okay. It will all be okay."

Christian's eyes cracked open. The light was painful. He squinted, surveying his surroundings.

A hospital room.

Fluorescent lighting.

Standing on his right: Grace.

Seated on his left at his bedside, hands wrapped around his: Ana.

"Hey." He croaked, tentatively.

"Christian!"

She knows me! Oh thank fuck, she knows me!

Ana rose and moved in closer. "You're awake!"

"I'm so sorry baby."

Ana shook her head as tears spilled down her cheeks.

"We were so worried. I didn't know where you went –"

"Shh..." Christian soothed, and Ana moved to his embrace, laying her head on his chest.

"Oh Ana, I love you so much. I'm so sorry."

Grace leaned over the side of the bed.

"Mom!"

"Christian Trevelyan Grey, I thought I told you after the whole helicopter fiasco not to disappear and make us worried sick like that again!"

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry mom. For everything."

Grace looked relieved as she stroked his hair. "Oh my sweet boy. I'm just glad you're okay."

"Elliot? Mia? Dad? Are they okay?"

Puzzled, Grace smiled. "Yes, of course they are. Why wouldn't they be?"

Christian shook his head. "I just wanted to make sure."

Grace kissed his forehead. "I'll leave you and Ana for a little while. I'm going to check with the nurses on when we might get you discharged."

"Thanks mom." Christian called out after her as she left the room.

"Where were you?" Ana asked quietly. "Where did you go?"

"I just walked. And ...walked some more. I... Ana, I'm sorry I reacted the way I did. I panicked. When you told me you're pregnant, I instantly thought it would be the end of my world, and that I would doom the child to a fucked up existence being its father. The thought of a child in our lives, right now, terrifiesme. I tried to go see Flynn, to talk this through with him, but he wasn't at his office. I just kept walking and – " Christian hesitated. I have to tell her. She needs to know. "Somehow I found myself in front of Elena's salon."

Ana stiffened and began to pull her hand away from Christian's.

"No, baby, please hear me out. For years, she was my only confidante. It was habit, I guess. We went for a drink and I let her know I was nervous about starting a family."

"You told her?" Ana hissed, looking wounded.

"No! I was speaking more generally. We talked about my past. She tried to convince me the BDSM was what I needed in my life again, but the more she talked about it, the more I realized that it's you I wanted. That I didn't need any of that anymore." Christian rubbed her knuckles with his thumb, willing her to look at him; to forgive him. "The final straw was when she came onto me." He added quietly.

"She what?"Ana fumed. Christian gripped her hand harder.

"She tried, but the thought disgusted me. I shut her down immediately. I hadn't noticed until today, just how desperate she was. I told her in no uncertain terms that I love you, and that I didn't want to see her again." Christian looked pleadingly at her. "I cut her out for good. When I get back in to the office, I'm selling off my shares in her business. I don't want anything to do with her any longer."

Ana gritted her teeth, avoiding his gaze as she digested his words.

"What changed, Christian?"

"I had the chance to think while I was out. To be honest, I was in a very dark place and considering some pretty awful things. I felt like I wasn't worthy of you. Of any of this."

Ana looked up, searching his eyes for a sign of veracity. Christian held her gaze, earnestly. "Something made me realize, though, the value of all that I have. I don't mean my money or property, but my family. How much you and mom, dad, Elliot, Mia – how much you all mean to me as you are."

"What does that mean?" Ana asked cautiously.

"It means," Christian said as he brought her hand to his lips. "I have never loved you or my family more. It means I need you. I need all of you. And as much as I refused to ever believe it before now, I'm finally realizing that I'm worthy of being loved."

"I'm still terrified." He reached out and placed his hand on Ana's stomach. "But if you'll forgive me, I'm now ready to face this together."

"I'm sorry, Christian." Ana whispered and placed her hand on his. "You know I didn't plan on this. I made a mistake and missed my shot. I'm terrified. I didn't want to have a baby this young. I didn't mean to mess things up with us."

"I know that now, Ana. I know. And this won't break us. I'm sorry I flew off the handle, but I love you, and we'll work through this."

Christian cupped her face and pulled her in for a kiss. "I love you so much." He breathed. Tentatively, he brushed her lips with his.

Ana let out a breath and responded, pressing her mouth to his, pouring every ounce of love into her kiss. Christian wove his fingers into the hair at the nape of her neck and returned the kiss with as much passion and reverence as he could muster. Their kiss deepened, an unspoken symbol of their forgiveness to one another.

"That must have been some walk." Ana murmured as their lips parted and she rested her forehead against his. "So we're okay?"Christian nodded."We're okay. I love you, Ana. So much."

"I love you, Christian. Please don't leave me."

"Never."

"Christian! Are you looking for attention or something? You've been making us worry about you way too much lately."

Christian turned to see his brother striding into the room.

"Elliot! I never thought I'd say this, but you're a sight for sore eyes."

He cocked his head, puzzled. "Dude, you're looking at me like a goat eyeing a pile of garbage."

Christian shook his head in response.

"A gay goat. It's giving me the 'no' feeling."

"I'm just glad to see you."

Elliot looked at Ana. "Did he have a head injury?"

Ana just shrugged. "He's been like this since he woke up. I don't really understand it either, but I'm not complaining." She stroked his cheek affectionately.

From down the hall he could hear a frenetic, high pitched stream of chatter, gradually getting louder as the voice neared his door.

"Mia's here." Elliot chuckled as their whirling dervish of a sister bound in ahead of an exasperated Carrick.

"What the hell is going on? Dad called and said you were in the hospital and I was so worried, especially after that craziness with the helicopter. We rushed right over and I missed my Pilates class. But I did find these awesome low carb energy bars at the Whole Foods while I was waiting for him to pick me up, so I was like, 'Score!' because that other kind I tried was super gross. My god, do you remember those? I could totally make better ones than those, they were just so, 'blechh!', but now I don't have to since I found these –"

Elliot rolled his eyes. "Christ, Mia! Take a breath!"

Her exuberance, which Christian ordinarily found irritating, was a welcome familiarity and it made him smile. "It's good to see you too, Mia."

"Son, I'm glad you're okay. What happened?" Carrick asked as Grace entered the room again and slid an arm around his waist.

Christian was pleased to see his parents happy and affectionate with one another. "I was out walking, trying to clear my head, and –"He looked at Ana. "Well, long story short, I ended up staying out way too long and was exposed to the elements after far too much to drink. I'm so sorry to have worried you all."

Grace nodded. "Your chart says you suffered from moderate hypothermia, exacerbated by an elevated alcohol level. You could have been in more serious trouble if you were out there any longer. You must have had an angel looking out for you!"

"I suppose I did." Christian mused.

"The ward nurse said a doctor should be able to clear you for discharge within the next hour."

"Thanks for checking, Mom. And thank you, everyone, for coming to make sure I'm okay. I love you all. I know I don't say it often, but I do." He lowered his gaze, embarrassed.

"Oh, Christian!" Mia launched herself at her brother, throwing her arms around his neck to squeeze him in a hug. His irritation levels with her had begun to return to their normal state. "Okay, Mia, take it down a notch."

Ana gathered his things in preparation for discharge."I didn't think you took an umbrella with you?" She said, puzzling at the folded black umbrella that was sitting atop his pile of clothing.

Christian eyed it with a subtle smile on his lips. "Ah. That's not mine."

Ana shrugged and continued to arrange his things as the rest of his family exchanged friendly banter around him.

It was, indeed, a wonderful life, and he intended to live it in full appreciation of it from that day forward.


A/N - Shout out to the FSOG Fanfic Facebook gals. Thanks for the laughs.