A/n: Life happened. I'm so so sorry for my speed with this fic I just- struggles- can't seem to manage my anime life with my schoolwork. (Fricking AP classes man... they totally steal all your free time with their essays and their stupid homework and fricking hours of studying) Also... this might be my last ouran fanfic. Maybe. it depends how things go for me. I'll definitely finish this fanfic though. there is NO WAY I'm abandoning counting cracks after all this... It's been like two thirds of a YEAR. that's a long time and I already know how this is ending.
and one more thing: OMG I HIT FIFTY REVIEWS -glows with joy- OMG OMG OMG!!! Thank you to JessieSinnFold for being number fifty and totally making my WEEK (no- month!) with her uber kind words! (Hey JessieSinnFold, if you want I'll write you something. So if you have a request tell me. If not I'm just going to type out one of my many plot bunnies and throw it at you.)
OK! the show must go on! (which by the way is the main influence for one of the upcoming chapters)
In slow motion I saw the gun skid across the floor in a pool of blood. My mother clutched at her hand- which was where the shot had fallen. I felt sheer terror pulse through my veins as I lunged for the gun and held it to her head. I heard the sound of my own breathing, ragged, halting, shaking as I tried to process what had happened. I didn't dare look up to see my savior- What if it wasn't who I thought? What if I'd imagined Tamaki's voice?- I didn't want to think about the weapon in my hand, the blood and seamen on my body, the innocence I'd lost. I was just too much.
Just- just- just... just too much...
I'd been raped. I'd seen a man be murdered. I'd come close to death myself. I would never be normal; never the same. I was alive. I was alive but... what miracle had saved me?
I turned my head slowly to meet eyes with my father, who held a gun in shaking hands. Behind him stood Tamaki, looking frantic, worried, relieved, and horrified in the same moment.
"I heard a gunshot and I thought..." Tamaki's soft voice trailed off, "but you're ok. We got here in time."
"Tamaki..."
I only had eyes for Tamaki. He came. He loved me. He wanted me to be ok. Tamaki, Tamaki, Tamaki... you came for me.
I felt everyone's eyes on me for a moment before shrill laughter shattered the silence.
"Oh good! Flock from one abuser to the other! Genius move Kyouya dear!" the deamon laughed with a touch of insanity in her voice. I felt my blood run cold as I thought back on all my new memories. My father had left me in her care- even given me to her so that she would leave him alone- despite knowing of the abuse. What was I to do? Could I trust someone I knew to be a constant turncoat with a gun in his hands?
"He's no better than I am! Insulting you at every turn and leaving us alone together whenever he wanted us out of the way! You're nothing more than an object- an investment!" she was goading me, trying to get me to turn the gun on my father. I knew that- but the gun turned on it's own to face my the man who'd saved me.
"I came for you, Kyouya. I care for you." he said slowly, softly, as if her were approaching a cornered animal. Investment... the exact word I'd used. I was just an investment that if successful would bring honor and revenue to our family. I was like breathing stock.
But... he came to save me. No, he came because it would look bad for Tamaki to come and him to remain home. He may actually have been hoping that she would simply kill me. How was I to know when he showed no emotion whatsoever?
"He came for appearance sake only!" my mother continued, "He doesn't care!"
Shut up.
I couldn't put my thoughts together. I was safe but I wasn't. I was calm but I wasn't. I was afraid yet I wasn't.
"Kyouya please put the gun down!" Tamaki cried nervously. My gaze flicked between the three of them, unsure where to rest. I met Tamaki's eyes and he mouthed three words to me.
'I love you' he mouthed.
"Kyouya please put the gun down. I won't hurt you." My father said slowly. I stared up at him numbly. I love you. I love you. I love you. .... words from the past ran through my head, overlapping and mixing in a mad chorus. Tamaki, my father, and my mother had all said those words to me. Who meant it?
Tamaki suddenly shook his head violently and darted past my father. He ran to my side, heedless of the gun in my hand, and threw his arms around me. If it had been anyone else they would have been dead-
But it was my Tamaki.
He saved me.
I let Tamaki take the gun from me and remove the bullets. He leaned close in my ear and started whispering as my father called 911.
"Kyouya, I'm so glad you're safe. I was so scared when I realized what had happened. I went to your house when I found you hadn't come to me. There was a note on the floor in the entrance hall- your mother's note. As soon as I found it I went and got your father. We got on the first plane this morning and the second we landed we rented a private jet and flew here. Saved us hours of time... and we got here just in time... Oh gosh," Tamaki stared sobbing as he wrapped his arms tighter around me, "if you had died... I wouldn't have known what to do with myself. You're like the sun in my life- without you there is only darkness. You're everything to me. I know we never formally discussed it b-but you're my boyfriend now and I- I love you."
He continued spewing romantic phrases of increasing cheesiness as he looked around over my shoulder. I felt him shudder when he saw the blood dripping from my ass. I knew is was coated all along the back of my legs and my lower front with both blood and... body fluids. I was a mess.
I was ugly, dirty, and a disgrace. I was almost worried that he wouldn't except me after all that happened.
"Kyouya... je t'aime. I love you."
I felt my eyes close as I passed out from relief in his arms. Why worry? He loves me at least and if he can save me from this he can save me from anything.
I didn't wake up for a long time and when I did I was resting in a hospital bed. I looked to my left and saw Tamaki sitting in a chair beside my bed- our fingers were intertwined. Odd, I hadn't noticed that. I continued to survey my surroundings numbly and found that they matched the total numbness and lack of sensation in my body. The walls were painted a sterile color of white to match the white floors, white bed, white sheets and the white hospital gown I was apparently wearing. I could only see colors until I put my glasses on- they were new, complete with a note from my father saying that my old ones had been broken at some point- but when I looked around again I saw that there was scarcely anything to look at. I turned my eyes to Tamaki, who was asleep, and watched the way his chest moved in and out with each breath. He was pale as a ghost and had dark circles beneath his closed eyes. He was wearing all white as well- white pants and a white button up shirt- which made his blond hair stand out even more. He looked so peaceful sitting there. My Tamaki who saved me, who loved me, who would never betray me.
Mine.
The door slid open. I felt my entire body stiffen up and cling tighter to Tamaki as the door opened a few inches.
"Kyouya, you're awake." said a voice- my father's voice. I didn't respond and so he opened the door fully and stepped in. He was dressed in a light grey suit with a red tie- this too was new for I didn't recognize it. I looked him over coldly, not trusting him as far as I throw him. He was like a double edged sword- I couldn't tell how to touch it without getting hurt.
I remembered how he would leave me alone with her as a child for days on end while he went about the world doing business. However, I also remembered a time in which he had been so tender with me- letting me sit in his lap as a young child and watch him work.
"Father?" I asked turning around in his lap to face him.
"Yes, Kyouya?" he responded, not looking away from the ledger in front of him.
"I want to be a businessman when I grow up too. I'll do math and sell people things and everything!" I said determinedly. He smiled a bit to himself and looked down at me steadily.
"You're only three years old. You have a very long way to go."
"But I can do it right? I can be as good as you and my brothers?" I blinked up at him hopefully. In that moment it was as though my future hinged on his words.
"You can be your best and nothing more." he said solemnly after a pause.
"I know I can do it," I said not pausing to consider his words.
"I believe you."
"How are you doing?" he asked me. I didn't answer, instead choosing to stare at the wall in front of me. He picked my medical chart off a hook at the foot of the bed. "You're readings look good. You should make a full recovery, you know. You'll be out of here in a few days and if the embassy allows it we should be back home in a week or two."
I stood hesitantly at the door to my father's office, nervous about bothering him but urged on by a roaring headache and tossing stomach.
"Father, I feel very ill..." I said quietly as I walked in. He looked up at me from his desk which was in an unusually messy state. His suit jacket lay on the back of his chair, his sleeves rolled up to the elbow and his shoes sitting on the floor by his desk. He was almost as messy as I was.
"I noticed during dinner. A doctor is on his way." he responded coldly.
"Oh, thank you very much. I guess I'll wait in my room then and come down when he arrives." I said. My father held up a hand to stop me from going.
"Stay here. I don't want you passing out somewhere without me knowing where you're off at."
"I see you're not much for talking yet." my father said after a long, pregnant pause. I didn't even meet his eyes as he sat down in the room's only other chair. "You do know I won't hurt you like she did, correct? You understand that I want you to get better?"
So now I was the sick one? They were sick with all their syllogy- all rational and no true feelings for the pawns in their plans. Their plans were all cold arguments of dual-drawn inferences based on shady actions. My father was sick, knowing that my mother would keep quiet if she had me and that I would keep quiet if she kept me busy, then throwing us together like some madman puppeteer! Saying and acting like he cared only to go and abandon me... I just...
My face stayed blank and still I said nothing.
"I want to ask you... about a lot of things. She told me... in detail... about what she did but I need- no the embassy- needs your side."
I continued to refrain from responding.
"And I want to know about Tamaki."
I blinked once, tightening my grip on Tamaki's hand yet again. His fingers turned whiter from being clutched at. I allowed myself to glance in my father's direction, giving him a smooth steady look.
"You said his name in your sleep several times." he was trying to goad me into responding. I knew better than that though. I wouldn't give him an inch.
"Kyouya... wake up. We're here." I felt a cold hand on my shoulder shake me awake. I sat up in the limo's seat, looking sleepily at my father. I was seven and it was four am christmas morning. We had been out at a client's party and had only just gotten back to the mansion. Good thing I was too old for santa.
"Ne..." I grumbled incoherently, "I don't want to get up... just five more... minutes..."
I fell into a semi-concious state as my father scooped me into his arms and pulled me from the limo. The servants stared at him with amused expressions as he took me inside.
"I love you..." I said sleepily to my father as he handed me to Tachibana. He only blinked at me before walking away. My mother stepped out from the shadows as Tachibana walked towards my room with me clinging to his chest.
"Oh, Tachibana deary, let me take him."
I was handed over without argument. I must have looked like an angel in her arms.
"There isn't anything you want to tell me about Suoh is there?"
I shook my head numbly.
"Would you be willing to tell me exactly what happened with your mother instead?"
My throat was dry as a desert and I knew I must have sounded hoarse and raspy.
"She raped me."
The words felt like poison.
"Father! I know something is wrong!" my sister's voice rang out from behind the door. I crouched in the shadows outside my father's office, listening to my sister argue with him.
"Fuyumi, everything is fine."
"Don't lie to me! I know she's doing something bad to him and even if I don't know what just yet I know it has to stop!"
"Your mother is only doing the job she was meant to do- raising the family."
"For all you know she could be raping him or something! What if she were giving him drugs or- I don't know- taking pornographic pictures?! How would you know?!"
"I know of all your mother's activities."
"But I know something is wrong!"
"There is nothing wrong with this family."
She raped me twelve times in the course of my life and molested me forty-seven times. I am seventeen.
A/n: Look who is wearing what in this chapter. Here Yoshio-sama is literally the "grey area" between good (the safe sterile hospital room and tamaki) and the evil. Oh and Kyouya is about to go off his head.
