Title: I Fall to Pieces
Author: MyHiddenEyes/Dokuhan
Fandom: Total Drama Island
Pairing: Noah/Cody
Theme: #4 – Our distance and that person
Rating: PG-13
Summary: A relationship can be ruined in one night. Love will haunt you wherever you go. One ruined relationship ruins another.
Disclaimer: I own none of the rights to these characters; they're just puppets for my over-active imagination.
Warnings: Slash, mentions of sex
Author's Notes: Somewhat based off the Patsy Cline song, even though I've only heard the Michael Nesmith version. Mentions some CodyxBeth…until I give it a swift kick to the family jewels.
It had been like any normal day at Playa des Losers. Geoff and Bridgette were making out in the hot tub, Katie and Sadie were squealing over Justin, Owen was running around with his huge novelty cardboard check, and Noah and Cody were up in Noah's room playing video games. Since coming to the resort the tech geek had formed a strong bond with the know-it-all, surprisingly finding a best friend in him. When not out at the pool, their days were spent with lengthy video gaming binges and "nerding out" over books they'd read and other games they'd played.
Around eleven at night they had finished a marathon of Kosmic Kaos, exhausted but still incredibly pleased. Cody leaned back on Noah's bed, laughing. "That was intense! How did you find out about those extra levels?"
Noah gave a haughty smirk. "I come from a family of gamers, one of us was bound to crack the game at some point."
An awkward silence passed between the two. Cody continued to lie on the bed, staring up at the ceiling, as Noah sat on the floor and tooled around with the controller in his hands. "So…" Noah started tentatively, "why exactly do you like Gwen?"
Cody blinked at the question. He knew Noah was gay and probably didn't fully understand liking a girl, but surely he had to understand why it was like to have feelings for someone. "What do you mean?"
"I mean, why her? She doesn't seem like your type and you knew from the beginning that she liked Trent. So why do you like her?"
He bit his lip, Noah had worked him into a corner here. Sitting up he tried to answer. "The truth is…" he saw Noah arch an eyebrow at him, making the words harder to form. "The truth is…I-I just picked her."
"You just picked her?"
"Y-yeah. It just…y'know, it just seemed like something I was supposed to do. I mean it's normal for guys to flirt with–" Cody suddenly stopped, realizing he was about to say something stupid.
Noah, of course, knew what he was going to say. He sat down on the bed, next to Cody and rolled his eyes. "Let me guess, 'It's normal for guys to flirt with girls and wrong for two guys to like each other that way.' Did I get it right?"
Cody looked down at the floor, embarrassed and slightly annoyed. "It's not like that."
"Sounded like that to me, honey." Noah's eyebrows rose with a look of realization. "Unless, you're just in denial about being gay yourself." Cody's silence answered his question. "You are, aren't you?"
"No! M-maybe…" Cody let out a shaky breath. "I don't know. It's just so confusing. Everyone expects me to like girls, but I just can't. I've tried to, but…it's hard, I can't even talk to my parents about this. They'd be ashamed. Plus I really like someone, but I don't know what will happen if I tell him."
Noah exhaled harshly "You should just tell him then. So what if your heart gets broken, you'll have learned a lesson then. And your parents will probably accept you, it just takes–"
"It's you." The pale geek said in a small voice, interrupting his friend. "I like you, Noah."
Noah blinked at this, somewhat surprised at the impromptu confession. He lightly smirked before leaning in towards Cody, his hand coming up to lightly stroke the other boy's hair. "Why didn't stop me sooner?" he said before merging their lips.
Cody quickly sank into the kiss, closing his eyes at the feeling. His arm lightly wrapped Noah's neck as he leaned them back on the bed.
That night was life changing. Cody's soft whimpers and moans seemed to melt with Noah's quiet grunts and soothing words. Every taste, every feeling, the perfect way their bodies fit together – all of this imprinted itself into Cody's mind that night.
With that confession they had started a relationship. In the beginning neither one had been fond of broadcasting it to the world, they were perfectly fine with keeping it to themselves. The rest of their time at the Playa had involved quite a few moments that were spend hidden in each others' rooms, changing rooms, bathroom stalls, and dark corners they were sure were camera-free.
It was in the couple of months afterwards that the real trouble started. Cody had still been nervous about coming out to his parents, which meant letting anybody else know they were together would have been too big of a risk. With this being the case, their relationship still had to be hidden to when Cody's parents were out of the house or the rare occasions Noah had his own home to himself. While somewhat exasperated with this set up, Noah could deal with it. Cody, on the other hand, would always feel guilt and fear tugging at the back of his mind.
It wasn't that he was feeling guilty about keeping his parents in the dark, teenagers kept secrets from their parents all the time after all. No, his guilt still stemmed with his feelings for Noah. Cody still couldn't help feeling help feeling that being with the other boy was wrong. At times he would also worry that somebody knew. That Chris had taped them somehow. Or his parents had seen the hazy pleasure in his eyes whenever he thought of his boyfriend. Or if the kids in school had noticed him fidgeting in his seat or limping a little if the two of them had been too rough the day before. Most of the time he could push back these feelings, having decided that being with Noah was worth it all.
One day though, it had just become too much to bare.
The day hadn't been too out of the ordinary. Cody's parents had been out of town for the weekend so he had invited Noah to spend time with him. In almost no time they had been on Cody's bed, Noah's shirt off with his arms wrapped around the smaller boy's waist and Cody just down to his boxers, his own arms clinging to Noah's neck. He tried to focus on the soft, electrifying kisses Noah placed on his neck – his eyes closed as he moaned in pleasure. Suddenly the guilty feeling was tugging at the back of his mind and no matter how much he tried to push it back, it moved closer to the front of his consciousness.
"Aaah…No-Noah, stop. P-please." He managed to say in between small moans.
Noah looked down at him, his dark brown eyes meeting Cody's blue-green ones.
Cody almost lost his nerve to continue, maybe they could just keep going and he could ignore the feeling as usual. No, that wouldn't work. He wouldn't be able to focus on how good Noah made him feel if he did that. He gave a harsh sigh, "I…I can't do this anymore."
"What?" Noah's eyes widened in disbelief and he quickly got off the other boy, sitting up. "Why?"
"It's…not right. What if someone finds out? My parents would be ashamed!"
"No, Cody, they wouldn't. Just talk to them and–"
"Noah…I'm sorry."
Noah frowned deeply. He got off the bed and grabbed his shirt off the floor, before strolling out of the room and leaving the house for good.
In those few moments, Cody's heart ripped right out of his chest. He brought a hand up to rub his eyes, only to notice the tears streaming from them.
In less than a month, Cody had started dating Beth. Sure she could be insufferable at times, she was the only girl that had shown interest in him that he could at least pretend to like the same way. As hard as he would try, Cody couldn't feel the same way about Beth as he did about Noah. But, as long as he could act completely natural he knew no one would ask questions. He was going to leave Noah in his past, he vowed.
It proved to be easier said then done.
One thing Cody hadn't considered when dating Beth, was that she lived relatively close to Noah. Okay so she wasn't in the same town, sure, but he lived in the next town over and they usually wound up there on dates. Nonetheless, this meant that no matter where they seemed to go, Noah was there too. He knew that was all purely coincidental, but it made him feel horrible. Sure, the nagging feeling in his mind had gone away, but it was only to be replaced by a sharp pain through his heart.
So, Cody once again started to play the "ignore it and it'll go away" game. And, just like last time, it proved absolutely useless. Seeing Noah everywhere and not being able to be with him was one of the most heart breaking experiences he had to go through. His attention couldn't remain focused on Beth – he couldn't even like her much less love her. His body, mind, heart, and soul were tearing apart more and more each day.
In one moment though, the straw finally broke the camel's back.
It had been a surprisingly warm day in early spring, so Cody and Beth had decided on a walk through the park. All had started off well, Cody felt a little more at ease and hadn't seen Noah around, no worries right? That's where your wrong.
Midway through the walk, Cody did spot Noah. Only this time he wasn't reading any book, but talking to another teen – a boy. Just as Cody walked by, Noah's eyes met his. A small smirk spread across the tanner teen's face.
You missed your chance.
That just shattered everything. The world around him seemed meaningless. He stopped walking, causing Beth to stumble a bit. She tugged his arm and gave him a worried look. "Cody…" she started, "what's wrong?"
"Beth…I…" He looked back and Noah and the other boy. They were leaning in closer to each other. Noah wasn't his biggest mistake…leaving him was. The corners of his eyes started to sting. His throat closed up. Cody dropped Beth's hand and looked down. "I…I can't do this anymore."
Beth stared at him in shock. As she saw him walk away, she yelled back with a bitter tone fringing her words. "Why? Answer me, Cody! I don't understand."
There's nothing to understand.
In a low voice, one he could barely hear himself in, Cody answered. "I've fallen to pieces."
Hey guys! Sorry this took a long time, but a lot of shit had gotten caught up in life after the last chapter.
I'd like to thank my buddy and fellow author nikki-kun05 for beta-ing this chapter since I didn't want to bother my over-worked editor.
Next kiss will hopefully be out sooner! THANKS FOR READING!
…by the way, check out gothgrrl13's fic "The Lovely Goddess" which is the sequel to her fic "A Lack of Colour" in contains one of our OC's – one of Noah's older brothers: Brody Dasari and we'd love some feedback on him. Thanks again!
