A/N: Yeah...I obviously don't own Shakespeare's quote :)
Sirius POV:
Soulsick
Empty.
Devoid of feeling, of emotion, of anything. That was Sirius Black at this moment in time. It had been about a week since life as he knew it had ended. Ok, that was a lie. It had been exactly six days, fourteen hours, ten minutes and fifty six seconds; Sirius Black had felt each and every single one of them.
Sitting in the Great Hall in silence was a depressing affair at the best of times, but this was just bleak. What they needed was Helena. Hellsabells he used to call her. Lena sometimes. Princess often. The words of some old, famous Muggle came to mind and he almost smiled. Almost.
"What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet"
It was a good thing that Sirius held no stock by name or family or house. Otherwise he and Lena would have been enemies from the off. She was a Damask - a blood-traitor - and he was a Black, from that long and legendary Slytherin line. Thank Merlin he was not conventional or narrow-minded.
The old cliché – "you don't know what you've got until it's gone" – was so true at this point that it hurt. Stabbed him like a knife every time he inhaled. Another breath. Life-giving air filling his lungs. Air that would never fill Lena's body again. He begrudged himself every one he took as if he were stealing it from her. It was an effort to drag air in and breathe.
He had to escape the present. He wanted so desperately to live in the past. Change it, repair it. Avoid the present at all costs.
***
"Somebody knows!" Remus shouted without preamble, bursting into the fifth year boys' dorm. His face held a beige tinge and looked waxy when combined with the perspiration from anxiety and running.
James jerked his head so fast he trapped a nerve and winced. Peter's mouth was agape. Remus swayed ominously. Sirius leaped from his bed and pushed Remus onto his own bed before his legs gave way. He put his hands down heavily on either shoulder and looked him in the eyes. "Who?" he demanded.
"I knew it! It was on the desk and then it was gone. They wouldn't have known. Why would they take it? I can't find them! Any of them-" Remus was almost feverish in his babbling.
"Moony" Sirius commanded shaking his shoulders in an attempt to get through to Remus. Snap some sense into him.
Remus continued as if nothing had interrupted him. "I checked! There were only a few but I couldn't be sure – what if I missed someone? What if they find out? They could tell everyone-" He paused only to draw a huge gulp of air into his lungs. It was then that Peter seized his chance.
"I'm a lesbian!" Peter yelled.
That stopped Remus right in his tracks. James, Remus and Sirius all cocked their heads at the same time in disbelief.
"Now, listen to me. Who knows about you?" Sirius asked, quickly recovering from the revelation of Peter's...gender confused orientation.
"More importantly, how did they find out? We need to make sure it doesn't happen again" James interjected.
"That's the problem, I don't know" Remus fisted his hands in his hair. "I was researching in a potions book to see if there was anything to help with my 'problem'. There wasn't much, but I thought I was onto something so I put some bits of parchment in the pages, and then I went off to get another book, but when I got back it was gone."
James sighed in relief. "Well that's ok because they won't necessarily know it was you...or someone might have just put it back on the shelf"
"Yeah, and even if they did know it was you, you could just be interested in werewolves" Peter added reasonably.
"But I tried to summon it, and I looked on every shelf in that forsaken place. I even asked if it had been checked out" Remus moved his hands down over his face.
"And was it?" Sirius asked, dread building.
"Missing" was the muffled reply from Remus.
"Well, there's nothing to link it back to you is there?" Peter asked hesitantly.
"I wrote down a list of ingredients and the dates of the full moon"
James' eyes widened and his pupils dilated. "The full moon is tomorrow night"
Horror flooded the other three boys as Remus replied "I know"
Sirius tried to think rationally "Who was in the library?"
Remus lifted his head. "Well, Lily was talking to the librarian the entire time and Helen left when I returned to my table. But they were over the other side of the library, and they would have had to pass a group of seventh year Slytherins to get to my table." Peter opened his mouth to state the obvious but Remus continued, "And I know it wasn't them because I could see them from where I was standing. There were some other people on the next table over, but I wasn't concentrating on how many or who was there. Lily said she hadn't seen anyone, but she was a bit preoccupied at the time"
"Right. I'm going to find Lily" James resolved.
James opened the dorm room door to leave and tripped over a book. A heavy potions book. A heavy potions book with ripped parchment marking several pages. There was a letter on the top with no name on the front. He tore it open and ran back into the room. His eyes quickly scanned the page and he visibly relaxed, smiled. "It's ok Moony. It says: 'Your secret's safe with me' and it's from Hells. Here, read it" he passed the letter to Remus.
"Why would Lena have taken it though?" Sirius mused.
"Who knows" Remus sighed. "I didn't see her with the book though."
Sirius was partly relieved to know it was only Remus' cousin who knew the truth, but it was one more person who could let slip and cause a catastrophe. That was the problem with secrets; the more people who knew, the greater the risk. Sirius was all about risk taking, but not when it concerned one of his friends. He was not at all pacified by the fact that the book had been returned and no harm done. Sirius was convinced that there was more to this than Lena had let on. He had to speak to her.
"I'll be back later" Sirius called over his shoulder.
---
He found Lena outside on the Quidditch pitch. She was soaring through the sky on her broom practicing with the Quaffle, throwing it above her head and diving for it after a few seconds. Sirius smiled and pulled out his wand. "Accio Quaffle" he murmured.
The ball fell through the air towards him and Lena followed intent upon the Quaffle. It was only when the ball stopped and hung in mid-air that she noticed someone was holding it. She stopped abruptly in front of the offending body.
Quelle surprise. It was Sirius Black.
"Why are you interrupting my game?" she asked irritated.
"I wanted to say thank you for what you did today" No point in beating about the bush. "I hope you meant what you said, because if you don't, princess, there will be consequences." He lowered his voice, softly menacing, imperious.
"Sirius, are you serious?" she smiled in disbelief. When Sirius did not respond her smile faded. "Of course I meant what I said, Remus is my cousin, how could you think I would betray him? I have dealt with it" she finished angry and hurt.
Sirius' face changed abruptly. "Dealt with what?" he asked warily.
Lena turned her face away from his.
"Dealt with who princess? Tell me please. Lena." Sirius repeated softening his tone.
"It doesn't matter" she replied still not looking at him.
"Please, it's important to me, to Remus" Sirius whispered trying to hide his urgency.
She finally met his eyes and held his gaze for a few seconds as if battling internally. Loyalty to Remus won out. "Severus" she whispered, her eyes darting away from the anger she was sure Sirius would have flashing across his eyes. She was reluctant to cause Sirius to get into trouble again.
He should have known. Cold, icy shock washed over Sirius. It was quickly replaced by building rage. Sirius heard Lena pull in a long nervous breath and looked up at her. The anger partly abated, tendrils of rage receding to the back of his brain. He was scaring her. Guilt poked his conscience.
"Thank you for telling me. Come here" Sirius asked evenly, opening his arms to her. She walked into them without a moment's hesitation after she saw that he wasn't angry and looking for an argument. He pulled her close and closed his eyes. He knew Lena better than most people and saw that behind her confident front, sometimes she was just as scared and weak as everyone else. Although she could be competitive and bold as a Chaser, she was peaceful and hated for him to bully Snivellus.
"I saw him take it so I went after him" She began into his chest. Sirius remained silent waiting for her to continue. "I stopped him and he realised he'd been caught so he gave it back" Sirius' mouth was set in a hard line. He knew he had just been given a highly censored version of events.
"Don't try to protect him. What did he say, exactly?"
"I don't remember word for word" she denied stubbornly.
"I can always resort to Veritaserum" Sirius bluffed.
"Liar. I know you don't have any. You'll just get angry if I tell you" she saw straight through him as if he were a window.
"I won't, I promise, just for you"
"I feel so special now, shall we make an unbreakable vow to make you keep your word?" she asked sarcastically.
Sirius loved how she could look so vulnerable one minute and then be so sassy the next. No one else would disrespect him when he was trying to be serious like this. Apart from her. Always her.
"Just tell me"
"Fine. He said I was protecting 'that monster', insulted me a bit, and then chucked the book on the floor saying how he 'didn't need it anyway' blah, blah, blah" she sighed. "Same as usual really" Judging by the purple tinge under her right eye, Sirius surmised that Snivellus had mistaken Lena's face for the floor. He lightly traced his fingers over the bruise and felt the anger and hatred rising once more.
Sirius had never understood how Snape could be friends with Lily, who was Muggle-born, whilst be so nasty towards Lena who had been nothing but nice to him. He heavily suspected that it must be something to do with Snivelly's pathetic infatuation with Lily. He, Sirius, was not going to be the one to suggest it to James when it was not a solid fact. Lily knew nothing of his bullying.
Sirius had a lot of respect for someone who could keep people's secrets, and when he had found out about Lena it had only endeared her to him more. Not that he hadn't liked her in the beginning, quite the opposite really.
He also knew that Lena had been bullied, but she had never told him explicitly who. He had always assumed it was Snivellus and this all but confirmed it. If he asked she would only deny it. He needed to hear her say the words to someone, if not to him. He dared not image what he had really said to her, it would only fuel his murderous fury.
"He won't try to interfere anymore." Lena tried to pacify Sirius whose muscles she could feel flexing around her.
Silly, silly Lena. She was much more naive that she believed. Snape would not stop. He was like a dog with a bone most of them time and now this book would only fuel his morbid curiosity about Remus and his disappearances. It was time for revenge. If Snivelly wanted to know the truth, Sirius would give it to him. A plan was already formulating in his mind, he would 'accidentally' announce in from of the scum how to freeze the Whomping Willow. He smiled darkly.
***
Sirius would never forget the grim satisfaction of knowing that he had instilled such fear into a human being who had ruined another's life. Not just any other though. Lena. His princess. And now she was dead and he had no one to blame.
Someone had taken the most important person in the world from him and there was nothing that he could do back that would equal the pain he felt. Murder would still not be enough, nothing would ever be enough.
By the time Sirius came back to the present, everyone else had left. The Great Hall was deserted. With only one thought on his mind, he stumbled out of the Entrance Hall in the direction of Hogsmeade.
A/N: Pleaseeeeeee review, you know you want to :)
