A/N: Sorry it's been so long. Mixed POVs (Sirius, Lily, James, Severus)

Drunk

Sirius Black never cried; He didn't cry when he broke his arm, he didn't cry when his parents disowned him, he didn't even cry when Helena died.

This was why it would be completely normal to find him propped up by a fire whiskey bottle on a stool in The Three Broomsticks.

Something so far removed from normal that it was impossible to believe, was to find Sirius Black storming into The Three Broomsticks, to find none other than Lily Evans slumped over the bar in a of drunken stupor. He did a double take, his mouth falling open in shock, and it usually took quite a lot to shock Sirius Black. Shaking the surprise from his body, he dropped onto the stool next to Lily and ordered a Dragon Scotch to go with his usual Fire Whiskey – from Lily's body language and after the day he had had, he would need it.

Sirius scanned the faces in the pub - which was relatively empty with no one in earshot - but just in case, he silently cast a Muffliato spell; he didn't want this conversation to be overheard.

He didn't know where or how to begin, but he knew he would. Maybe after a few more drinks though...

He took a long pull on something he had ordered, and he avoided looking at Lily.

"I don't know about you, but it feels like it's never going to change, never going to get better. It's shitty all the time now, inside my head , outside it, my mind keeps going over all the bad stuff I shouted at her, all those times I made her cry, all the times I didn't make her smile. I think, I think..." He trailed off and finally met her drunken gaze levelly. "What about you?"

"It's like you're reading my mind. I remember all the times we argued over...well, all the pointless arguments we had" Sirius nodded and Lily suspected he knew exactly what, or more specifically who, those pointless arguments had been about. James.

Sirius smiled bitterly, the two of them were more alike than he had first though. Neither of them would admit that they were in...well, he couldn't even think it.

To distract himself from those dangerous thoughts, he settled on the only way he knew how in order to help both him and Lily feel infinitesimally better, drink and happy memories, most of his involving Helena.

Two hours later and the good memories of Helena seemed endless.

"Do you remember the time when Lena stuffed cat food down Malfoy's trousers? Lily grinned.

"Yeah, he stunk of it for a week! Mind you he always stunk, filthy Slytherin" Sirius replied.

"Oh Malfoy and Mrs Morris – what a couple! Bonded over the love of cat food"

Both began to laugh, however the laughter became more hysterical and maniacal before their eyes met and they both burst into tears. Neither knew exactly what had caused their meltdown, but Sirius was glad that he was not alone.

Lily was now so drunk that her wailing was uncontrolled and extremely loud. In some dim recess of Sirius' mind he thanked Merlin for his idea on the earlier Muffliato spell.

He however was different, his cries were much less explosive, his were the ones which emerged as deep, soul wrenching howls, if that were possible, and his chest shuddered every time he drew breath, jaggedly dragging in air.

So this is what caring feels like, he though bitterly and his eyes fuzzed angrily. He thanked Merlin for a second time that Lily was now so drunk that she would not remember this in the morning.

As Lily's cries faded, her sobs were punctuated by hiccups that jerked her weak body. Sirius dropped his head into his hands and blocked out everything. He was so wrapped up in himself that he failed to notice when Lily was silenced mid-sniffle.

There appeared to be an oxygen vacuum in the Three Broomsticks, because Lily had stopped breathing completely, her breath stolen from her lungs, her heart robbed of a beat. As she stared across to the door, her eyes stretched wide, so wide that her whole iris was exposed.

She reached out blindly and grasped onto Sirius' upper arm, her fingers claw like and tight, biting through his cloak.

Sirius turned his head slowly, not meeting her eyes. She jerked him roughly and he slowly lifted his gaze towards the icy blast of air that had invaded the Three Broomsticks through the open door. A pair of black boots dusted with...snow?

A female figure stood in the door to the inn, relatively tall with rich mahogany hair which curled around her shoulders and framed her pale face. Cobalt blue sapphires shone out of her eyes but her beautiful mouth did not curve up into the smile that Sirius knew so very, very well.

He gasped silently.

Helena. Helena Damask. Helena Damask standing in the door jamb to the Three Broomsticks. Lily blinked rapidly, the apparition not disappearing.

The look on Helena's face was one of so many emotions which warred across her features. Love. Bitterness. Sadness. With one last sorrowful blink, she turned and left, the door slamming shut after her.

Sirius was so stunned he could not function whatsoever. Lily on the other hand was suddenly shocked into action, leaping up off her stool after Helena. She burst out into the storm and looked wildly from side to side. There was no sign of Helena having ever been there. Suddenly reality slammed into Lily, her mind having finally caught up with her body and furiously reminding itself that she was not sober enough to walk straight, let alone run. She stumbled over and fell, barely catching herself with her hands which splayed out in a rapidly expanding puddle.

Her breath caught once again as a shadowy reflection fell over the puddle, punctured by raindrops, distorting it.

She was not offered a hand. She did not attempt to stand up.

"What are you doing?" Severus Snape blurted.

"Helena. I saw her. In the Broomsticks we saw her."

Severus curled his lip in disgust. Lily was evidently delusional and so drunk that she didn't even know that Helena was gone. Sirius Black was a bad influence.

"Don't be stupid. She's dead" Well, sort of, he added silently.

"No! I know what I saw"

"You're hallucinating Lily, she's dead and she's never coming back" Severus spoke coldly, with no emotion. He would not, could not show emotion, weakness.

"Why won't you believe me?" Lily whispered looking up at him for the first time, speaking to him rather than his reflection. Her unfocused eyes shimmered with sadness and a misplaced hope. She looked so pathetic there, in the dirty puddle with her hair plastered to her head and face that his heart squeezed painfully.

He spoke softly then. He could never resist her. "Because everyone knows she's dead. You need to move on. She would have wanted you to move on, repair broken friendships and move on. I can help you. I...I...I love you." He was sincere, he needed to be friends with her and although he hated to see Lily upset, Damask's removal had been a bonus for him. He was sick and twisted, and he had chosen a completely inappropriate moment, but he was grateful. He had finally said it.

His laying himself out to her was dangerous, and he knew it, but he couldn't help it. He knew what her answer would be, or so he thought.

Instead of pity, ire sparked in her now enraged gaze. "You liar! You're trying to do exactly what Cliff did! I knew it! And now there's no chance of finding her because you slowed me down!" She yelled and thumped her fist into the puddle.

Severus recoiled from her anger. "I'm not, I- "

"Get away from me!" Lily screamed and staggered upwards and back towards the doors of the Three Broomsticks.

Severus turned and began to run, fast. Each pounding footstep taking him away from his biggest mistake yet, his biggest hurt. He knew he should have said nothing. Even with Damask out of the picture, he still managed to mess it up, every time. The rain beating down upon his body chastised him and masked the deep thudding of his own heart, the bitter churning of his gut. He didn't stop running for a long time.

***

Sirius came barrelling out of the doors just as Lily came lurching in. "Where is she?" He asked urgently.

Lily just shook her head and burst into fresh tears. She threw her arms around his neck and bear hugged him, Sirius returning it as if they thought that each other were the only thing keeping the other afloat. Sirius was also glad that the rain was heavy enough that his tears were indistinguishable.

***

James entered the Three Broomsticks to find two sopping wet, completely inebriated people who both had red, puffy eyes – and not only from the drink.

Sirius Black was no shocker but Lily? Well now he could believe just about anything. He also quashed the twinge of jealousy he felt at the two of them being together, now was not the time for petty envy.

"Come on, let's get you two dirty stop outs back to the castle" Neither moved very fast, rather they looked dazed and confused. Sirius blinked stupidly and dragged his backside off the stool before standing, no, leaning on the bar.

Lily, unseasoned drinker that she was, dropped off her stool and weaved towards the toilets, knocking a number of stools and an elderly wizard over in the process. After righting both the disgruntled wizard and the stools, James dragged Sirius to the door and waited for Lily. She seemed relatively cognitive until they hit the cold air of Hogsmeade. She tripped and fell, causing a problem for James who had to delicately balance Sirius with one hand whilst dragging Lily to her feet at the same time, which was not easy considering their dead weights. He was beginning to get a headache from their drunken ramblings.

James grimaced. There was no way he was going to get them both back to the castle at this rate before tomorrow lunchtime. With one arm he held up Lily and Sirius and with the other he retrieved his wand from his pocket. "Accio, Nimbus 1700"

He was glad that he had left it in the broom shed rather than in his room; Moony and Wormtail would have had a heart attack if his broom had just burst out of the window. His Nimbus sailed through the dark sky with barely a whisper and he was also glad that it had stopped raining otherwise his job would have been twice as hard as it already was.

Hmm, he considered how to work this. He tried to put Sirius on the back but when James sat on it too, the combined weight was quite a lot due to their heavily muscled bodies and though Lily was not particularly heavy, the broom just couldn't support three adult weights.

"I'll walk back" Sirius croaked and began to lurch away. In the wrong direction. James sighed, turned him round, forced him onto the broom and sent it directly to their dorm. Sirius yelped and James smiled grimly. He had temporarily glued Sirius' behind and his hands to the broomstick to stop him falling off. He had no doubt that Moony would un-stick him once he heard Sirius' drunken cursing outside the window.

"But Prongs..." was all James could hear before Sirius was veiled from his view by the inky sky.

With Lily practically asleep against his bicep, he swung her up into his arms and marched towards the castle. She seemed to have a problem blinking with both eyelids at the same time, like she was so drunk that her eyelid function could not even synchronise itself. He smiled and shook his head; both she and Sirius would have massive hangovers in the morning and James was not going to be the one to play Nurse Jamesie for them. Well, not for Sirius anyway.

A small voice interrupted his thoughts.

"I'm sorry" Lily said, her eyes strangely focused on his face.

"It's ok, I understand" He replied, he completely understood the pain she felt, the anger.

"No, I'm sorry because I couldn't deal with it, not because I shouted" she smiled against his shirt. "I'm glad you said you weren't sorry too" her face became dreamy and her voice faded as she drifted off to sleep.

James thought her must have misheard her sigh of "I love you"