Chapter 14: Nuestro pequeño Milagros (Our Little Miracle)

A/N: Giant thanks to langfieldl for the beta and massively huge thanks to MrsRoy for helping me with this chapter! Love you both!

"Mr. Ryan?"

"Yes, that's me." he said, immediately getting up from the hard, cold, plastic seat in the hallway, Simon and Duncan following suite. "How is she? How's Jen? How's my daughter? Please, tell me!" Matt franticly asked.

The doctor placed a gentle hand on his shoulder, "Calm down, Mr. Ryan. Miss Mapplethorpe has been seen to, I'm afraid that she's going to be in a great deal of pain for a while, but with the baby, there's not much we can do to alleviate the pain without bringing harm to one or both of them. We've managed to stem the blood flow from her wound which is a promising sign. I'm sorry, but we're doing all we can for both mother and child." The doctor finished, his features radiating melancholy.

Matt visibly sagged, his shoulders shuddered, trying with all his strength to keep himself together as both Simon and Duncan stood tall by his sides.

"So what's the damage? My daughter, is she …?" Matt asked, solemnly, afraid to finish the sentence, scared that his worst nightmare may have come true.

"She's alive, barely, but she's hanging on, for now. Her heartbeat is a concern; the blade having penetrated the womb means that she's descending into distress quite rapidly. Now, my first plan of action was," the doctor said, drawing out the 'was', "to get Miss Mapplethorpe into a theatre and open her up, but the shock of the attack has caused her to go into labour, prematurely as you're well aware. She's going to have to birth the child before we can get her into surgery. Given the gestation of the pregnancy, if we opened her up right now, we'd most likely lose them both, the strain on your partner's body, it's far too much." The doctor finished, looking at Matt as he brought a hand up, his fingers resting on his temples.

"God," Matt felt his knees buckle before he felt two sets of hands support his weight as he took it all in. Matt tried to open his mouth, he tried to speak, but he couldn't get past the knot in his throat, his mouth closing again promptly.

"What does that mean, doctor?" Simon had picked up the slack, "What do we do now?"

The doctor spoke again, "the labour is progressing quite rapidly, I'm sure Mr. Ryan would like to be present for his daughter's birth."

Matt nodded his head, the only action he was even remotely capable of.

"Very well," the doctor motioned for Matt to follow, "come this way and we'll get you gowned and ready to go in." The doctor hesitated for a moment, "I'm afraid I have to tell you though, Mr. Ryan, which this is going to be a distressing situation for all concerned. The chances of survival, even at this stage are not optimistic. I'm afraid I wouldn't be doing my job properly if I didn't inform you of this first. We're doing our best, we're pouring all of our resources into this, I promise you."

Simon squeezed his shoulder, "this is where we have to leave you mate, but you're going to be alright. The three of you will be fine." Simon said.

"Jen's a fighter, and so is your daughter," Duncan said, his face serious, not an ounce of mirth on it like normal. "She has both your's and Jen's genes, which makes her a fighter." Duncan finished, a slight smile on Matt's face, his words having the desired effect.

Matt watched as Simon and Duncan left the room, his hand deep in his pocket, his fingers wrapped around the small blue velvet box.

"Simon, here," he extended his arm, placing the box into the other mans hand, "I need you to keep an eye on this for me. I trust my best man."

Simon smiled. "Sure,"

"Go on now; you're going to be a father, that's meant to be the best day of any mans life. You can come and get this off Si when your family is safe and well." Duncan chasted, giving Matt a friendly slap on the back as they both walked out of the room.


Matt entered the delivery suit, his eyes drawn to the woman on the bed, the harsh reality of her lifeblood that covered her shirt and the sheets beneath her. He eyed the wound, now packed and covered the line from her arm, feeding sustenance to her body and helping to numb the worst of the pain. Her brow furrowed as another contraction wracked her weak body and he was by her side in an instant, brushing the locks of limp, blonde hair from her eyes, his own cheeks damp from the deluge that refused to abate.

"Jen, it's me, I'm here." She gripped his hand and closed her eyes, her breathing thick as she tried to focus out the pain that ebbed throughout her body.

"It's too soon, Matt. She's too little, she won't survive. I can't…" Jennifer cried weakly, her head lolling from side to side as she spoke, tears falling down the sides of her face, hitting the white sheets below.

Matt's thumb brushed over her knuckles and he tried for a shaky, but small smile.

"Don't say that, Jen," Matt said, a few tears falling down his cheeks, "she's a Ryan, remember. She's a fighter, just like her mother, she's just going to be a tiny little girl, but she's ours, Jen. She's ours and I will love her, just as much as I love you." Matt said, forcefully as he brushed a few blonde strands from her cheeks.

As time progressed and the midwife announced that Jennifer was fully effaced, there was barely time to get used to the idea before the baby was crowning, slipping from her mother's body effortlessly.

"Oh, god, Jen. Our little Emily's here." Matt said, looking up into the now pale face of Jennifer, all the fight being drawn from her body as the doctors prepared to move her to theater.


Jennifer was rushed to the OR, her life signs strong, but her body was fading fast. If they had to wait any longer, she really might not make it. She hadn't had the chance to see her daughter, to touch her, to watch as the doctors cut the cord and deliver the after birth. She just closed her eyes and floated away, finally at peace.

Matt watched as the Doctors attended to his daughter – his daughter – the words sounded foreign to him. He was a father now, but this wasn't how he had expected it to happen, he was anything but ecstatic. He watched on as they tried to rouse her infinitesimal undersized body, her skin was paper thin, and her colour was quickly turning a tinge of blue. She was so tiny, so quiet; she looked serene, despite the fact that he knew her face would disturb his dreams often now.

His stood in the same place where he'd watched her meagre frame come into the world, he was worried because she hadn't yet taken a breath. He moved forward, tried to push through the medical staff to get to his child. Why wasn't she crying, could it be that she was too small to make a sound? Why is she so quiet, she shouldn't be this silent?

"Come on sweetheart," he cried, "Cry for daddy," he sank to his knees, "do it for daddy, just give me a sign that you'll be alright." His voice cracked and his heart shattered, the pieces falling to the floor as he saw the doctor shake his head at the midwife, her face a mask, hiding emotion so as not to spook the man down on his knees, surrendering his soul for one tiny miracle. She bent down beside him, watching as the last of the monitors was disconnected and the tiny child was pronounced dead. She placed her arms around him and held him. It was the least that she could do.

"I'll take her, get her cleaned up for you, Mr. Ryan. Your wife," Matt didn't bother to correct her, to distraught to care, "will want to see her, she should be in recovery soon, go up there, she'll need you when she comes out of the OR. Your daughter …"

"Emily," he told her matter of factly, "her name is Emily." Tears were slipping down his cheeks, "her name is Emily," he whispered to no one in particular.

The woman nodded sympathetically. "I'll take good care of her. Now go be with your wife."

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Fix You - Coldplay


Simon and Duncan watched as Matt exited the delivery doors. They had no idea what had happened in there, they'd seen Jennifer being wheeled out quickly and that was more than a little distressing. Matt's expression was one that they had seen many times before, his eyes, dark pools of blackness, no sparkle in them anymore. As soon as they had seen this they both knew. They knew that the little girl that Matt and Jennifer had both desperately wanted, was gone. They were both lost for words.

Simon saw Matt's facial expression change from anguish and slowly progress into rage, his hands clenching into fists by his side before he let out his anger on the wall. Simon was pretty sure that he heard the bones in Matt's hand snap, but he could see the young man was too livid to care.

Simon immediately rushed to his side, trying to calm him as he continued to strike the wall over and over, his knuckles torn to shreds as the blood trickled off them, too the floor.

"Mate! Mate!" Simon yelled as he grabbed a hold of his best mates wrists to stop him from causing himself anymore self harm, but couldn't, not on his own.

"Dunny!" He called, Duncan rushing to his side to help restrain Matt to stop him from causing anymore reparation to himself.

Finally when they had gotten him calmed down enough, was when everything just came out, the pain, the grief, the anger, it just all coursed from him as he sobbed.

"This shouldn't have happened," his voice cracking.

Simon had tried to be strong, but now, there was no way he could hold back the lone tear that slipped down his cheek as he rested a reassuring hand on his mate's shoulder. 'To have created a child with the woman that you love, only to have it so cruelly taken from you is one of the lowest lows that anyone could bestow upon another.'

Duncan's face was emotionless, his jaw was set and his eyes were downcast. He crossed the corridor, hands in his pockets, his eyes focused upon his shoes. What did one say in such circumstances as these? What did one do to help a mate who had just lost his child? He did the best he could. He just watched as his best mate broke down, grieving for the loss of his daughter and the threat of loosing the woman he loved and cherished.


Matt sat there for what seemed to be hours after having his hand stitched and plastered. His world had come shattering down around him, the little pieces laying around him like sharp jagged pieces of glass, isolating him, making him unable to move, in fear of cutting himself.

Doctors and nurses bustled up and down the halls outside the private waiting room, doing whatever it is that they do, going unnoticed by the trio in the room until one nurse came into the room, quietly telling Duncan and Simon to leave before kneeling down at Matt's side.

"Mr. Ryan?" the nurse asked softly, gaining Matt's attention.

"I'm afraid I need to have a word with you," she said a slight hope in her voice, something that Matt never picked up.

Matt looked up at her, "Oh god, it's Jen isn't it?" he whispered, his heart sinking rapidly.

The nurse shook her head, "No, it's not your wife, it's your daughter."

Matt's eyes misted over at the mention of his daughter that he had watched die a few hours ago.

The next words came as a shock to him, "she alive."

"Wha- What?" he asked, surprised.

"When one of the midwives was cleaning her up, she was startled when she let out a tiny cry and gasped for breath," she began…

Matt was shocked as he listened on to what the nurse was saying, about how his daughter had been revived. It was no less than a miracle.

"Where is she?" Matt asked, tears of joy rolling down his cheeks.

The nurse smiled grimly at him, before replying.

"She's down in NICU, but she's barely hanging on, I must warn you though, the sight of her with all the machines connected to her may be too distressing." The nurse finished, looking at Matt who had tears rolling down his cheeks. He was overwhelmed with emotions.

Looking up he looked at the nurse. "Can I see her?"

The nurse smiled sadly, replying, "of course love, I'll take you up to where she is."


The nurse opened the glass door to the room, it was dim inside.

Matt stepped into the room, hesitantly, dressed in a gown and mask, the nurse placing a gentle hand on his shoulder.

"Just talk to her," she quietly said, "I'll be just up the hall if you need me." And with that she quietly closed the door as she left.

Tentatively, Matt made his way over to the chair that was seated next to the incubator.

She looked so small, way too small, hooked up to all the machines that were keeping her alive.

The nurse had said it would be touch and go now for a while. Matt was never one to pray, but he prayed now.

Outside the doors, Simon and Duncan stood watching, not quiet believing it themselves.


He talked to his daughter, telling her how her mum and dad met, all the different stories he could think of until he ran out, he never noticed the hours tick by, his sole focus was his daughter and the rhythmic beeping of the heart rate monitor telling him that she was still alive, but only just.

The faint click of the door alerted him to someone entering the room.

"Mr. Ryan?" he recognized it as the same nurse that told him about his daughter.

"It's Matt." He replied, turning slightly in his chair.

"Matt," she started, a slight smile on her face. "Your wife is out of theater and she's being moved up to ICU, I could take you up to see her if you would like."

"Yes, I would like that." Matt said, getting up from his seat, placing one hand on the glass, whispering, "I'm just going to see mummy, Emily, I'll be back soon." Before walking out of the room after the nurse.

Matt sat vigilantly by Jennifer's bedside waiting for her to rouse from her drug induced slumber, his hand intertwined with her smaller hand as he spoke to her, telling her about the events that happened after she had been wheeled out and up to the OR.

"Our little girl's hanging on, Jen, I told you she was a fighter, just as strong as her mother." He smiled sadly, bowing his head, a few tears falling down his cheeks, landing on the crisp white hospital sheets below.

tbc…